|
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
AA ADVICE NETWORK
BF Facing Hostility from AM's Family
'm a black woman of Caribbean heritage who has been in a loving relationship with a Korean-American man for over three years. We live in New York City, where there are many other interracial couples. We still get stares and the occasional harsh words from other, although we live in a very "open-minded" city. Our particular blend is actually quite rare. When we see other black-Asian couples they usually consist of a black man with an Asian woman, so people often seem amazed to see us together. Also, it seems as though--correct me if I'm mistaken--in most Asian communities Asian-white relationships are more acceptable. My fiance's parents refuse to meet me at all, simply because I am a black woman. My fiance and I are both physicians, so socio-economically his parents can't have any issues with me. They also can't have any specific personality conflicts with me, since they have never actually met me. Fortunately, my parents really like him, so that's one less stressor for us to deal with. Is there anyone else out there in this situation? Please get back to me--any suggestions on what we should do? Will his parents EVER accept me?
Erica
erica_nicola@yahoo.com
Monday, July 15, 2002 at 22:05:56 (PDT)
This page is closed to new input.
Problems and advice posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
CONTACT US
|
ADVERTISING INFO
© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
AA ADVICE NETWORK
YOUR ADVICE
screw em. if your husband really loves you he will cut his ties with them. Asian parents have a problem of living their lives through their children. Too hell with them: your husband's a big boy - let him choose his own life. Asian culture celebrates (or forces) role fulfillment as a virtue for individuals rather than individual happiness and success. It's their problem, not yours so don't feel offended. In the same manner, don't expect them to fulfill the role of "good in-laws" and you'll be a whole lot happier.
coreano con queso
Wednesday, July 31, 2002 at 20:52:11 (PDT)
Erica:
It seems as though your in-laws have accepted the lies they have been told about African Americans. I am an African American women who has been in a relationship with an Asian man for almost three years. After we first met, we started noticing the stares we would get when we were out together, and one evening, after a day of being stared at he shared with me some of the lies he had been told about us after his family immigrated here and they made me sick! I would challenge anyone reading this..... the next time someone comes to you with that garbage you first consider the source, and think about it. Its not all about the color of our skin the world is full of people of color, I have seen some who were twice as dark as the darkest African American and they don't seem to incur the same kind of hatred that we do. Its about SLAVERY and how our society refuses to come to terms with its past. Some of them would rather hate us than admit that what some of their ancestors did was WRONG! And they villify us and try to turn others against us in an attempt to excuse slavery when there was no excuse for it....it was MADNESS! I compare it to a rapist blaming his victim! Your inlaws may never accept you, but you have to live your life and do what makes you happy. I wish you much LOVE, PEACE and most of all HAPPINESS.
p1tey1
p1tey1@yahoo.com
Sunday, July 28, 2002 at 19:12:29 (PDT)
Erica, in another world it would be nice if they were a reasonable example of good parents. Meaning: they would just deal and be open to learning more about you. Reality is that they are not. You shouldn't worry yourself about how they feel and be concerned about how you and your guy truly feel about each other.
Hey I say, "Love him, and leave them."
Third Eye
Tuesday, July 23, 2002 at 02:32:02 (PDT)
Erica:
I had an initial thought. Perhaps they resist meeting you out of fear that they’ll end up liking you after all?
Nonetheless, we must always keep it in perspective, this hypocrisy the society convinces even immigrants to adopt about Black women. Black women are to be devalued while White women are to be praised as the standard of beauty. If this were really valid, then why are the White women literally killing themselves to look like us? Food for thought while I assume a more compassionate position.
No matter how successful and confident one is, being rejected because of your race is extremely painful. Seems that your AM is holding fast to his relationship with you. I’d build upon that. Yes, I was in a somewhat similar situation with my AM. Don’t put any pressure on him. Even though you’re hurt, don’t lower myself by trying to "MAKE" them like you. Just be yourself. If they agree to give you the respect you deserve, great! If they don't, be thankful you're not like them.
amenyes
Tuesday, July 23, 2002 at 01:52:05 (PDT)
NEWEST COMMENTS |
EARLIER COMMENTS
|