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BF Facing Hostility from AM's Family
'm a black woman of Caribbean heritage who has been in a loving relationship with a Korean-American man for over three years. We live in New York City, where there are many other interracial couples. We still get stares and the occasional harsh words from other, although we live in a very "open-minded" city. Our particular blend is actually quite rare. When we see other black-Asian couples they usually consist of a black man with an Asian woman, so people often seem amazed to see us together. Also, it seems as though--correct me if I'm mistaken--in most Asian communities Asian-white relationships are more acceptable. My fiance's parents refuse to meet me at all, simply because I am a black woman. My fiance and I are both physicians, so socio-economically his parents can't have any issues with me. They also can't have any specific personality conflicts with me, since they have never actually met me. Fortunately, my parents really like him, so that's one less stressor for us to deal with. Is there anyone else out there in this situation? Please get back to me--any suggestions on what we should do? Will his parents EVER accept me?
Erica
erica_nicola@yahoo.com
Monday, July 15, 2002 at 22:05:56 (PDT)
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Erica,
I am sorry to hear that. That is a really difficult situation especially since they refuse to meet you. Have you or can you meet someone else in his family..sister, aunt or cousin. That way someone else in his family can get to know you and then they can talk to his parents about how they should accept you or at least meet you. At what point did they know you were together, maybe they need more time to adjust. My suggestion if you do get to meet them is to bring something for them and always ask to help out.
almond
Monday, July 22, 2002 at 12:51:23 (PDT)
I feel that...as your relationship with your boyfriend progresses...they will eventually have to accept you...
I really think that the hostility will lessen itself when the chance comes that you guys meet...
Their uneasiness right now...might not necessarily be racial...I can see a pair of Korean parents having hostility toward their son's girlfriend even if she was Asian...but maybe of say Chinese/Vietnamese/Japanese ancestry...
Good luck...
Larrii Kong.....
Sunday, July 21, 2002 at 13:48:47 (PDT)
Erica,
You need now to learn how to adopt a "Love 'Em or Leave 'Em" attitude." There is NOTHING in the way of bending over backwards to appear pleasing to them that will melt the icycles from their shoulders. His family is probably hurdling the crippling Historical overview of Black America and Every nasty/negative incident that further promotes thus. How ever long it takes, this is an issue that HIS FAMILY has to decide to come to terms with.
In the meantime, don't spend sleepless nights wondering how to become their favorite daughter-in-law, but instead steady yourself for the realities of a Blended family. Plan your life ahead and don't keep looking back for his family to catch up. Trust me, you may not have that many lifetimes to wait for that to happen ;)
I can't tell you how many times my hand fell asleep as it hung in the air waiting for theirs to also be extended in friendship. These "Snubbings" used to burn so much, I was afraid that one day the tears I shed inside were going to finally show. When I realized how low I was placing my own personal happiness just to get these people to acknowledge me, I began to return the favor.
SeoulSearcher1&Only
group.yahoo.com/groups/drgnzlairII
Thursday, July 18, 2002 at 20:26:02 (PDT)
Erica,
Give it some time. But, don't give up. Love is hard to find and keep as it already is.
I think the problem with your in-laws is that they still haven't come to terms of how their future grandchildren will look like.
I think you will be accepted sooner or later with more time passed.
little problems
Wednesday, July 17, 2002 at 23:22:40 (PDT)
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