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Cultural Compatibility in Asian/Black Relations
ust out of curiosity. I have never seen such a vast number of Asian females with caucasian males. Seems to be a popular trend. Do parents object both Asian and caucasian? I wonder about Asian/black relationships. I do not see those groups coming together yet. Are the cultures able to blend nicely in these relatinships?
Patricia Cohen
Tuesday, January 22, 2002 at 15:41:12 (PST)
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I know it may sound corny, but many asian families (including my own) like to meet the person who wishes to ask out thier daughter/son. By asking for permission to go out with thier child, you show that you respect them as well as will respet thier child. also, many asian families have some sort of "respect ritual" so you might want to find out what that is in her culture before you ask her parents. (for example: in my family, the younger person takes that hand of the elder and places it on their forehead or cheek, as a sign of respect.)
Lom Vo
Monday, April 29, 2002 at 15:44:11 (PDT)
Great Post Invisable Man!
I have many thoughts on this topic.
I do get a little, well, slighted when I see so many asian women with "white" men.
Also, I've been told on many occasions, by asian women, that they feel like dating a white man "lifts them up" in society. In a way, "removes the minority sterotype" and provides a "social-status refuge".
Now...my beautiful secure asian women, please don't be offended. These have just been my experiences. I know not all Asian women are like this.
Being a mult-ethnic man (AM,LM and Irish American), society views me as "black". So, I'm excluded from many ethnic cultures automatically and don't even show up on many "radar screens".
It can be a bit frustrating given my adoration of asian cultures.
Anyway, I'm secure,happy, healthy, succesful and gorgeous so, it's not like I'm suffereing socially.
Joel
Kellster
jkelly5654@aol.com
Monday, April 29, 2002 at 12:16:41 (PDT)
Patricia,
as far as Asian/Caucasian, my family was fine with the blending of races. My brother is married to a Spanish girl also, so different cultures or races are no big thing on my side.
My husbands Chinese family has "degrees" of acceptance. They said they would accept Chinese the most of all. I think they still were hoping a Chinese girl would magically appear and marry my husband right until our engagement day. Now they are more accepting, but still try to 'mold' me into being 'more Chinese'. I guess they just don't get it that wearing Chinese clothes and talking the language still will not change my race.
However, there is a huge prejudice amongst alot of Asians in our area about African Americans dating. Even my husband said that his family would never have accepted it if he had fallen in love with an African American girl.
Two Vietnamese guys I know even went as far as saying they would not date one very nice and pretty Asian girl who is single, because she has dated black men before. It seems like there is some sort of huge stigma about it with alot of AA here. I am not sure where it comes from or the reasons behind it.
Hannybunbun
Friday, April 26, 2002 at 11:14:50 (PDT)
I've seen some from time to time. I think I may see it more than most because I look for it. The reason being that I am in a relationship with a Japanese female right now.We're getting married in less than a year. Her dad has yet to find out because I have not asked him. It has not been officially announced yet. I want to do it the right way and ask him first. Or I should say. let him know. I am going to Japan next month with the intention of doing that. Her mom already knows and is very happy for us. I consider myself lucky .We don't really get much from strangers. Maybe some looks but I was never one to care about it. I'm used to getting stares when I am alone anyway.(BTW Yes I have a degree, good job, ambitions, never been in trouble or do drugs etc).
There's an obvious disparity here in the bay area when it comes to the dating habits between AA and whites vs. african americans but, that's to be expected. If I was an immigrant in this country I could see how I might feel pressure to identify more with whites and avoid black people. America is still very divided along those lines. Whites are a priveleged people from birth for the most part. So I'd have to be pretty insightful as a person to see past that if I don't know the history in this country. It's designed to work that way. After all, they (whites)are the majority right now, so they hold the power.
It's easy to buy into racism/prejudice because it doesn't require work or thought. People don't like to think for themselves. It's easier to read the cliffnotes and make your choices from that, than to actually read the book and see the truth for yourself. So why try to understand or get to know a black person if you can just assume he's a dangerous gun-toting gangster bent on robbing you and has no education, job or aspirations in life right?? "Why should I get to know that asian person?S/He probably doesn't like me anyway. He probably only talks to white people, or he doesn't speak a word of English!".
I'm not anti-social or apathetic, But, I do think most people are stupid. Stupid in the sense that a stupid person would will not do what makes sense or what's right but rather what "feels" easy. It's easy to make judgements without enough data or any data at all for that matter. But what is it really? It's an assumption. I try VERY hard not to make assumptions about anyone.I'm not perfect of course. I also don't have the time to hate anyone or fret about who doesn't like me.I'm come to the realization that in life that when it comes to making a decision on a path to take, whatever is easy is usually selfish or wrong and whatever is difficult is what is right or has more beneifit.I choose to try to understand people even if it seems difficult.
The idea of talking about people as "blacks" or "asians" or whatever is really unsettling but I have no choice as this forum forces people to lump inidviduals into large faceless groups to make things easier to discuss. I think more than anything I just want to say that my being black is not my identity.It should not be at least. It describes, loosely, what I look like and that's it. It's very simple. I don't have feelings about asian people or any other group including african americans. Maybe I am weird? No.. I know I am. I have always had this viewpoint and I rarely meet anyone who understans or feels the same. All groups are made of individuals. Individuals are what I work with. Some people suck, some don't. (Most do though).
I'd also like to note that most black people do not fit the stereotypes that are discussed in this forum. If you do your research more than half of BA's are middle class income earning.Most black men do not go to jail or commit crimes. Don't mistaken "black" for "ghetto". It's not the same thing. Again people see what they want. It really irks me that people put that on me as soon as they look at me.
If you are dealing with uneducted, low income, underpriveleged people then expect them to act the part. It is true regardless of what "race" a person is.
I grew up in the Bronx,NY. Many of the people there were "ghetto". No suprise there.It is a ghetto! A place where people don't have much to look forward to in life, life is a bit more difficult than it is for the average person except and people strive for instant gratification and hopefully, a painless death. My parents are immigrants of Costa Rica and Panama. They are black latin caribe people who came here with the intention of making a better life for themselves.They chose the Bronx because it was cheap. Alot of immigrants do this. Chinese and Coreans for example often move into ghettos and deal with "difficult" people in their businesses and so forth. Unfortuntaley I think, they assume all black people are like the ones they deal with and they pass that on.
I thank my mom for what she taught me and my dad for teaching me to be myself no matter who gave me crap for it. ANYWAY, my point is when I got older we moved to a middle class black neighborhood. A world of diffrerence! Educated, hard working, middle class to upper class Americans. Yet they were just as "black" as the people I knew in the Bronx. I learned from that. It's all learned behavior based on what you have access to in life and how you are raised.Some groups have more access than others and it shows.
I love my girlfriend and I am willing to give up my single life and freedom to be commited to her. I do want a family and all that good stuff now. I'm ready for it. We have issues from time to time that stem from differences in culture. So far we have come to agree on a way of dealing with those. The cultures are different, no doubt, Not so different that people cannot find love in spite of them.I think that anyone with an open mind who is adaptable can be reasonable and learn to get it together. I also think that being that we are both minorities we understand each other in a unique way also.
I don't think there's a lack of attraction between the two groups. Especially the younger generation. I have had eyes made at me by asian females from time to time at clubs or on the street. I dated an asian girl in HS. One of my coworkers (chinese) asked me out 2 years ago. I had no idea she felt that way about me though. There is a stronger hesitancy than with say white women.I know for a fact that there are black men who find asian girls just attractive as black, latina, or white women. I do think there is a barrier, namely, fear. I can't speak for asian people and I would never try. What I have been told though is that there is the social stigma to contend with, family pressure and the general fear of blacks that many asians hold. I see it all the time. It makes me feel bad because I would never hurt anyone unless provoked/threatend thoroughly. Yet I get that look, like I am dangerous if I am within 5 feet of some people. My personal opinion is that there is no interest in african american people on the part of most asians as well.It's too bad. Try to look at individuals more and less at what you think you know about someone. LOOK at people. It's not much but it works for me.
That's my 2 cents... more like my quarter.
Later
Invisible Man
stric9@redshift.com
Monday, April 22, 2002 at 03:57:42 (PDT)
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