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Naki's Brotherly Advice to Asian American Women
have been asked to write a column of advice to Asian American women regarding their interactions with Asian American men. I'm not certain of my qualifications to do so, but will try nevertheless.
First, let me state that we love you AA women. You may not have that impression because of some of the vitriolic comments that some of us spew forth at times, berating your personalities, disparaging your physical attributes, and criticizing your actions. You must realize that there is a certain amount of venting going on that is a natural reaction to the perception (and reality) that, not only are many non-Asian women rejecting us out of hand, with no chance allowed to demonstrate the content of our character, but many Asian American women are doing so as well. And that, frankly, hurts, and hurt people tend to hurt back. But, the truth of the matter is that if we did not love you, we would not care that you reject us. Why do we love you? Because you are our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, daughters. Perhaps you will be our wives and lovers. What do we find attractive about you? For our mothers, it is their strength of character and their dedication to their families, their intelligence and perseverance, their unswerving love of all family members, their conviction that right must be done, their brutal honesty. For our sisters and daughters, it is their intelligence, compassion, their enormous potential to make a difference in this world, their ability and dedication to apply themselves to their, and their family's betterment, their kindness and courage. In the case of our lovers or wives, besides all of the traits previously listed, we are also men and the physical matters to us. We love your smell, it's fragrance and subtleness. We love the way you seem more to float above the ground than walk upon it. We love your eyes, perhaps most of all. Do not try to change them for they are your greatest physical distinction. We love your hair, the glossiest and richest in the world. We love the roundness of your face and the high cheekbones and the ample head indicative of a large brain. We love your sleek neckline and prominent collar bones. We love the firmness of your breasts and your dark, Hershey's kiss-like nipples. Your firm, cellulite-free buttocks, slender bodies and legs, and delicate feet are a turn-on. We admire the suppleness and smoothness of your nearly hairless skin and the way you age so gracefully. We love the way the hot massage oil collects in that low spot in the small of your back as you lay nude on your stomach while my fingers...er...uh....excuse me while I go take a cold shower or something.....probably something.
There, I'm back. Where was I? Oh yeah. You are the epitome of femininity, yet you are strong and principled. What is not to love? We do not ask that you love us back. We only expect that you are not ashamed of, or repulsed, by us. How could a race of women so attractive not produce men who are also attractive? Could it be that those of you who would not even consider a relationship with an Asian American man have been sold a bill of goods by the American media? We do not feel that we own you or that you must date only your own race. We do believe that to rule out your own race entirely from the dating pool says something deeply troubling about yourself and your attitude towards your race. It also says that you are a racist and a race traitor, for racists actively discriminate against others based on race and race traitors commit racism against their own race. But you needn't stay that way. And of course, I am not saying that all Asian American women who date interracially are such. I think I have clearly explained who qualifies.
Here follows the advice that I would offer Asian American women regarding Asian American men:
1. Remember that we are not cowards as the media implies. Think about how Asian men have shown themselves to be men of valor in wars against enemies with huge technological advantages. Think about whether or not it takes courage to be a law-abiding, responsible citizen, or to strive to become educated, when the media tells us that the cool thing to be is a thug or gangsta.
2. Many women say they want a man to be kind, compassionate, honest, responsible, intelligent, dependable, have an ability to provide for his family, be educated, and so on. Yet so many women seem to opt for the bad boys and assholes who care only for themselves and treat them as lessers. What is up with that? They say, actions speak louder than words. Do you want what you say you want or not? If you want what you say, think about how Asian American men stack up with those traits.
3. We expect some solidarity. All Asian Americans, men and women alike, share a common experience of prejudice, stereotyping, and racism in America. The last thing we need, and something that is more likely to bring about your disgrace than any other action I can think of, is to act ashamed of, or embarrased by, Asian American males, when they appear within your group consisting of you, the AA female, surrounded by your white friends or with your white boyfriend. If you are in a room full of non-Asians, feeling good about yourself by forgetting that you are Asian, and an AA male enters the room and you feel embarassed or uneasy, that should tell you something loud and clear. I have seen this phenomenom. On the other hand, I have seen African Americans make their way across a room to meet another African American when they enter the room, or at least make an effort to acknowledge them when they do encounter each other in the room. I can assure you that if you are an AA female in a room full of non-Asians and an AA male enters the room, there will be some in that room who will be watching your reaction. If you act embarassed or ashamed, it will confirm in their minds what the media has already told them - that AA males are inferior. After all, who should know better than AA females? If however, you make an effort to show some friendliness or at least respect for us, then those watching will have to question the validity of their prejudices. We should all take a page from our African American countymen and show each other some solidarity, some acknowledgement that we recognize that we are in this together. I'm not talking about romantic overtures. I'm talking about showing us some respect and appreciation. We are every bit as honorable as you. We deserve better than we are getting currently.
4. Stop blaming us. This problem of us not being perceived as attractive, worthwhile mates, is not our doing. Supposedly, to make oneself attractive to women, you should: get an education, be intelligent, be clean, be brave, be employable, make a good living, not smell bad, have a good work ethic, have strong family values, not be in jail or prison, not be physically or verbally abusive, not be molesting children, not be gay, not be infected with sexually-transmitted diseases, not be obese, not be drug addicted or an alcoholic, be less likely to divorce, not be chasing everything in a skirt, not be a regular attendee at WWF events, not be making frequent appearances on Jerry Springer, not be living in a trailer, etc. Last time I checked, AA males score pretty well in those qualifications. Is that all nullified by not being six feet tall? Or having slant eyes? Or not weighing 200+ pounds? Do all of those qualifications pale in comparison to how big a turd we can leave behind? What the hell do you really want? Either all of those traits I just listed don't amount to moose shit or the American public has been brainwashed to see us as unattractive mates when in fact, we should be seen as arguably the most eligible swinging dicks available. You tell me.
5. Remember this. Your Asian genes are dominant. If you marry a non-Asian and you have children, there is a strong likelihood that your sons will be identifiably Asian American looking. Do you want to bring them into a country where you have actively contributed to increased prejudice against Asian males? Of course not. Then you should demonstrate that you are proud of AA men, like your father, grandfather, uncles, brothers, husbands. You should start this behavior now, even if you do not yet have children. You should make an effort to speak in positive ways about Asian males to your circle of friends of all colors. You should challenge people who make disparaging remarks or jokes about AA males in your presence. You know what remarks I'm talking about. The ones that they try to slip into conversations that seem harmless at first. But they are testing your reaction. No negative reaction is equal to acceptance and the jokes and remarks will get more venomous and then if you do protest, you will be made to seem over-reactionary. After all, they'll say, "she never had a problem with those remarks before. What a bitch. Probably PMS."
6. Approach us if you are interested. Or give us more clear signs. We tend to be reluctant to make the first move because we have been rejected so often. Anyone who touches a hot stove learns not to get burned repeatedly and as I have already delineated, AA women are hot.
7. Miscellaneous: Touch us more in public and in private. It demonstrates caring and affection. It tells us that we are loved and tells others that we are worthy. More oral sex please. There is no such thing as too much of that. Initiate sex more often. There is nothing as sexy as a woman who initiates sex. And there is nothing less sexy than a woman who nags and whines. And keep your hair long, at least to your shoulders. The only guys that think short hair on women is a good idea are gay guys and that's probably because it makes you look more like boys. A lot of middle-aged American women seem to think it's ok to get fat, cut their hair short, and stop fucking. A lot of middle-aged men are depressed. There's a correlation there. Hey, and lose the long skirts down to your ankles. That's about as sexy as burlap underwear. Ok, it's late and I am officially rambling now. Just a few more. Don't pierce your beautiful bodies. We have no desire to make love to a pin cushion. No woman ever enhanced her looks with a tatoo either. Tatoos are for felons and dykes on bikes. And bring us beer, lots of beer and salted peanuts. And did I mention more oral sex?... that's it....now work it... work it.....yeah baaaaby...........................good night.
Naki
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