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Masatora Takemitsu: Should I Date My Friend's Ex GF?
t is a question which I have brooded over for a long time now, how I reconcile my love for a girl with my friendship for another? In high school, I was friends with a girl who eventually dated my best buddy. I was happy for them because I care for both of them very much, but now we have moved on to college and they have parted ways because their educations have taken them on different paths.
When I see her now, I feel awkward because of the situation. She has expressed interest and I like her a lot in the sense that she is beautiful, caring and inspiring, but I feel that if I were to pursue this relationship, it would compromise my personal integrity and in particular, my rapport with my best friend. I cannot shrug off the feeling that if I were to reciprocate, it would be inappropriate. Please give me some advice on what to do. She is not currently in a romantic relationship, but should I try to just forget about her? I have known my best friend since childhood, please tell me if I am jeopardizing my friendship with him if I choose to engage in this relationship. She is such a pure and lovely soul, and I cannot shake the matter from my mind and I fear that it may become an obsession. I would greatly appreciate advice from anyone. Thank-you.
Thursday, October 11, 2001 at 13:23:43 (PDT)
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Wow sounds like you really got a good thing going now! I was writing a response then I noticed that you have written another post, saying that you are now seeing each other and your friend is happy for you two.
best of luck!!!
19yr old abc chick
Sunday, October 06, 2002 at 03:24:47 (PDT)
[65.184.91.9]
You have got to see that movie, "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon", by Ang Lee. Same situation as yours. The "friend", held off on the relationship with his "best friend's", "ex", despite the best friend being dead, and the ex, and the friend being in love. Not until the friend lays dying in the arms of the ex, does he tell the ex, in his last words, that he had wasted his life for not pursuing her. Now go get her, you fool.
And Lee
Sunday, July 07, 2002 at 22:21:01 (PDT)
If you value your friendship, ask for your friends consent. If he does not give it, he is not your friend. If he does give his consent, then you have won the girl and kept a friend.
If it doesn't work out with the girl. Find the whitest man you can find and pawn her off on him.
Remember, Albi (yes) can be of any race.
Read Albert Camus (spelling?)
"the Stranger"
Albi knows best
Thursday, November 08, 2001 at 10:09:39 (PST)
Sounds like you are in a conflict. You seem to have two choices:
1. Date the girl and, in your words, “it would compromise my personal integrity”.
2. Lose the girl and remain friends, and, shall I rephrase the contrary: “uphold your personal integrity.”
Which is going to allow you to look yourself in the mirror? That’s the choice you need to make. It’s all about integrity.
Repost
Thursday, November 08, 2001 at 01:41:00 (PST)
I am so glad that I have finally gone out with the girl I love. After weeks of agonizing, I finally decided to be more open with her and we talked earnestly. The sense of mutual attraction grew even stronger as we become more familiar with each other.
Eventually, she was the one who made the first move. I could barely contain my joy when she asked me out to dinner. I have never cared for someone so much, and in turn, never have I known someone so beautiful, compassionate or loving. I have spoken with my friend, and fortunately, he is truly happy for us and supportive, having also moved on in his own relationships.
In retrospect, I should realize that I should have expressed my feelings a lot sooner; one does not have to compromise their integrity to demonstrate affection.
If everything works out, indeed, I shall be the happiest man in the world. To all those AM's out there, don't be afraid to show your inner qualities, AF's do appreciate a guy who is sincere. AF's are the most wonderful women, they have the greatest capacity for love and understanding, and their beauty is inspirational. Kindle your inner strength, for it is your greatest asset.
M. Takemitsu
Wednesday, November 07, 2001 at 21:56:26 (PST)
Dude, nobody can decide this question except yourself. I would take into consideration if she love you as much as you love her and if your friendship has any benefit to you in the long run. What's more important? Friendship or Love, remember this love is not guarantee nor is this friendship.
As for the first writer - Thomas you jerk, if it doesn't work out he will lose BOTH friends. And don't sign your comments with Thomas use a call name.
Another Thomas
Wednesday, November 07, 2001 at 18:21:01 (PST)
I was in your shoes and I chose to date the girl.....this was 2 years ago........
now....we have broken up; and my best friend (former) and I do not talk anymore. Dont do it!
Please take my advice
DONT DO IT
Wednesday, November 07, 2001 at 11:11:22 (PST)
By all means, DATE THE GIRL! Yes, absolutely. No one should come between you and a woman that you love. And your best friend should be happy for you if that makes you happy. Approach it this way: if it doesn't work out you lose nothing, but if you don't pursue the babe then you'll regret it. I guess I'll have to repeat myself: by all means, date the girl.
Thomas
Sunday, October 28, 2001 at 17:19:32 (PST)
No, not worth it. Stay friends. If you both want to have sex, that's fine (assuming you two are mature and do it safely and no regrets down the road.) After high school, I found out about 2 months into my relationship that my gf was a recent ex of my good friend and reliable teammate of mine from Varsity Track. Even with just a moderately good friendship, I had to choose either/or. I picked my gf and never saw my teammate again. We broke up after college, so now neither of them are my friends. It's a crude phrase but it speaks the truth: "Bro's before Ho's" esp if he's your BEST friend. He'll last longer than her. So my conclusion- stay friends or have sex and get it out of your system and move on, bro.
Confident ABC
mcse2020@yahoo.com
Tuesday, October 23, 2001 at 22:43:17 (PDT)
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