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Adoptee Confused after Learning Asian Identity
am a 19yo girl writing in despair for some advice. Let me start from the beginning. Not long ago I found out I was adopted. I have just been told by my mother and father that I am originally Korean. My adoptive mother is Japanese and my adoptive father is Caucasian (from Germany but US born). I always grew up thinking and being told that these people were my biological parents. I hence I always considered myself Eurasian, or Hapa if you wish, and I never eally asociated with asians unless they were other Hapas. Now my world has come crumbling down and I don’t know who I am any more.
The problem I have is that I don’t know why it is I hate myself. What shames me most is that I don’t know what frightenes me the most, wether it finding put I was adopted and I don’t know my real parents or wether it was because I have found out that I am not half Caucasian.
Never in my life have I regarded myself as superior to anyone and I believe I have always treated everyone equally (even though I have always preferred Caucasian men as boyfriends). But now I am starting to question this and wether I ever really did consider everyone equal, or did I really actually consider myself better than pure Asian. I always rationalised my preference of Caucasians on the fact that I myself was half Caucasian, but now that I know this isn’t the case I have come to hate the fact that I was adopted I think more because tit means I asian than because it mean I was lied to about y origins.
I am ashamed I must one day admit to myself that I may be more upset of having found out I am not half Caucasian than I am upset at finding out I was adopted and don’t know who my biological parents are. I don’t know what to think any more. Am I racist? Have I always been “racist”? Have I ever felt superior against pure Asians? Was my belief that I considered everyone equal all a scam to hide the fact that I would have preferred to be Caucasian than Eurasian (when I was under the false belief that I was Eurasian).
I never felt anger towards pure Asians but now that I have come to know that I am also pure Asian why have these feeling come to me? Shouldn’t I be happier that that now I know the truth, and because now I don’t have the dilemma of choosing a race because I didn’t know which race to identify with because I thought I was Eurasian. Now I know that this “dilemma” never existed for me, and I am Asian, period. So why am I so upset and angry. Please help me :( If I always thought that everyone was equal, why then is it that now I believe myself to be inferior?
Not Eurasian... But also not Asian?
Sunday, May 05, 2002 at 22:34:27 (PDT)
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YOUR ADVICE
I would like to start out and say that you should talk to your parents.. I'm sure your hurt and feel betrayed but I'm sure they had a reason for not telling you which I'm sure they are regreting from seeing how your so upset. But be happy that you have a family for some don't have family who loves them and care enought to hide a secret which they could make you there own. Be sure to know that nothing changes that they are you parents even though not biologialy. But who loved and cared for you through your childhood to soon to be adult hood. understand that the society we live in today concider any biracial to multiracial even if part caucaian you still are seen as the other race becasue thats how the media is steriotyping asians and other race. Except that you are asian and always where even when you thought you where euroasian. So please take this quote in consideration,
"if you don't know where your from your don't know where your destination is." Even thought it maybe hard at first try and talk to asian or koreans and ask questions. I'm a korean-american and I've been involved in asian studies. and have a few friends who are adopted from korea by japanese and caucasians. Know that your not alone and you can pass through this and live life that your were born into and that you have a reason and purpose in life.
Lee, Sena
senalee2@hotmail.com
Saturday, November 09, 2002 at 13:48:47 (PST)
[128.193.249.172]
I believe you are upset, because (1) you wanted to believe that you are Caucasian, not Asian, and (2) you attributed all of the positive characteristics in yourself as Caucasian. The irony is that All of your positive characteristics are actually asian, not caucasian.
Asian Machiavelli
Thursday, May 23, 2002 at 15:12:43 (PDT)
asian, eurasian...both still asian. realise that first off, and even if your parents were your biological parents, you'd still be classified as asian to society.
Myself, i'm a Korean Adoptee, but was adopted by two caucasian parents, so i didn't have to go through what you do now on just finding out that you're adopted. I think part of what you may be feeling as well is that you see your parents hiding that fact from you as them hurting you, betraying you and your belief and understanding of who you are. I think though, at 19, everyone still goes through finding out their identity from the transition from teenage to adult years, this is just a block in the road.
as far as being racist to yourself, and feeling inferior, i do believe that you have prejudices and biased opinions, usually because we are afraid of that which we don't understand (or because we see the victimization/steriotypes that we don't want to be a part of) but so does everyone...no one is free from those social stigmas, for good or bad. what may help you cope and understand is to first, admit this to yourself. denying it would greatly hamper your ability to deal and understand this. second, i would say do research on K(C)orea, as its a beautiful culture, you're a part of a beautiful people from a beautiful place. its something to be proud of, and maybe, through the understanding of the struggles of koreans through history, you'll obtain a greater appreciation of who you are, and why your life ended up as it did. I think a big part of your bias may come from the fact you have little to no exposure to the people/history/culture you were born to...and doing some research on the people and culture would help build pride not only in where you came from, but who (a part) of you are.
As far as the adoption itself...if you're parents love you, and have been there for you since you were young, don't think any of that will change. Talk to your parents about how it makes you feel, as this journey in your life, you will need love and support to get through this, as by no means its an easy thing to handle, especially by yourself (I didn't have very loving adopted parents, but i had good friends, though briefly)...but also know its definitely not an impossible thing either, you will only grow as a person and be stronger as a result.
keechul
keechul@hotmail.com
Saturday, May 11, 2002 at 14:07:38 (PDT)
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