|
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
AA ADVICE NETWORK
Dispute with Parents Over Student Loan
hey, what's up guys?
this is my first time coming to this webpage, so sorry if i am changing topics here, but i do have a question that maybe you guys can help me out with
FIRST, some quick background:
I was born in South Korea, put up for adoption at 18 months, and adopted into an American family in Maryland when I was around four (nobody knows my real birthday :( My parents are middle-class and tried to raise me the best they could after they had their seven year old daughter killed on a highway accident (before i was adopted). It was hard adjusting, as can be imagined and i never became very close with my parents. I had a hard time listening to them and eventually they sent me to a boarding school to "straighten me out" when i was 14. Now i know that it was more or less my fault for being sent there through my actions. However, they knew that they could not afford it and withdrew student loans ($45,000) At first, they received money from the state. When i first got a job, my parents asked for money to help pay. when i was working part time (in high school) i was giving them $200 a month. During the summer and part of the first year that i graduated i was working full time and at one point had two jobs. I now pay them $500 a month plus my own car insurance $170 a month. Now that i am eighteen, i am about to enter the military and go off on my own. My parents have tried to get the rest of the loan ($20,000) in my name, but could not do so. Now they want to draw up a legal document with a witness saying that i will be responsible for the rest of the loan. What should I do? legally, i have no responsibility for the money. However, am i MORALLY responsible since they are my parents and withdrew the loan because they were trying to do the best for me? Everyone else i have talked to tells me not to sign it, but not signing it would put me on very bad terms with my parents. Please help me!
S Korean6
Wednesday, November 06, 2002 at 11:49:44 (PST)
[64.26.84.168]
This page is closed to new input.
Problems and advice posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
CONTACT US
|
ADVERTISING INFO
© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.
|
|
|
|
YOUR ADVICE
well sounds like bad parents to me.
But hey, you can choose your own decision although you cannot control them you can do the right thing.
Which is to pay off your debts. Since you incurred them. I personally think it is wrong they push it on to you, but since they did, take it and deal with it with honor.
SOG
Saturday, November 09, 2002 at 14:39:10 (PST)
[128.193.169.86]
To SKorean6,
Did your parents make you stay in boarding school even after your behavior improved? If so, you are not responsible for the fees after your behavior improved.
Also, they are the ones that forced you to go to boarding school. Was it their last resort? Did they try therapy? If it was their last resort, you are responsible for a portion of the fees. (Total school expenses) - (what parents are required to give you)= what you need to pay. How much would your parents pay if you stayed in public school? Use that to determine how much they need to pay. If it was not their last resort, then they need to take responsibility. You need to a pay a small portion, but not as much as your parents.
Determine how much you owe your parents and then work out an agreement on how to pay them. Don't sign the loan because your parents need to pay a part of it. After all, they are the ones that took it out, even if it was for your sake.
"not signing it would put me on very bad terms with my parents."
If so, they are acting out of their own selfishness. Do not take responsibility for something that is not yours. If they can't accept a payment agreement, then that's their problem.
js
Friday, November 08, 2002 at 08:34:09 (PST)
[63.199.242.164]
I feel great sympathy for you. I can sense their is some gap between you, at least on your parents side since they are afraid you will run away and leave them hanging with the bill. Hopefully they still harbor some love for you. I would suggest that if you can afford it take on the loan, though you should look into refinancing at a lower interest rate(try the banks or Sallie Mae interest rates should be around 3% or less). Also remember if you take on a loan your cash flow is going to be impacted for the next few years. Debt is like having a chain and ball around you neck. BUT!!! Don't merely just sign it out of obligation! Sign it out of love. When you sign it make sure they know you're doing it out of love not because they're trying to force you. You could say somthing to similar to this "Mom & Dad, Im sorry we never were as close as we should have been. I wish you could feel my love so that you didn't feel the need to make me sign this. But because I love you and want to be closer to you, I'll sign". And also try to get closer to your parents instead of running aways. But of course the reality is, that there's a possiblity your love won't be returned, and you will have to live without their love and with the burden of debt. But if you make the gesture of love and sacrifice on your part, and survive without becoming bitter. You set the model of what you want YOUR own future family to be like. The decisions you make mold your personality and oftentimes children will adopt the same traits that you exihibit. So you have to ask yourself do you want your wife and children to have the relationship you have now with your parents or do you want something else. Remeber the final decision is yours even doing the right thing is not pain free but the consequneces either way will affect your family.
machvadertie
Friday, November 08, 2002 at 07:40:06 (PST)
[63.125.218.2]
|