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Jane: Only Child Seeking Independence from Family
am the only child of a first generation chinese family. Growing up, my parents have always been protective. Now that I am in my mid twenties, and have a stable source of income, I would like to move out and live on my own. There is no talking to my parents since they refuse to acknowledge that I can take good care myself. How can I get away from their control without straining my relationship with them?
Monday, September 17, 2001 at 08:42:00 (PDT)
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YOUR ADVICE
For years my relatives and mom refused to believe that i could be an independent 24-y-o female living on my own, paying bills and work my way up in corporates. I used an opportunity to study overseas for few years and hardly call home (unintended - i hate statics with long-distance calls). it's been 5 years since i left them. i'm visiting next years :)
The only way to prove that you CAN manage on your own is to take risk (both in life and whatever your parents' reaction is) and leave. let them know how you're doing on a regular basis and they'll see your effort.
JJ AF
Friday, November 30, 2001 at 12:25:54 (PST)
From my experience it this moving out thing is different for Asian American Males and Females. Definitely a double standard.
Guys are usually allowed to "Americanize" and move out before their married. As long as they can afford to.
Girls on the other hand have that whole sexist mentaliality of "Old Asia" to from their AA parents. Foot binding please...
But for the most part parents start accepting the fact the kids are going to live away, when you go away to college.
If you think you can handle it on your own economically, emotionally, etc...then you should fine some tactful excuse and move out. Get a better job in another city, state, or country if that what it takes. Then your parent will have to weigh "keeping you close vs. carerr opportunity."
Or you can use the whole grandparent leverage. You tell your parents it just to difficult to find another quality AA partner in life while living at home. Hence, they will never have grandchildren. ^_^
Strained relationships can always be mended. As long as you turn out okay and your parent don't need to worry about you. They always accept your decisions.
AC dropout
Friday, November 09, 2001 at 10:18:46 (PST)
I am in the same situation as you are. The way I see it: you can't have it both way. If you want to be independent then you are choosing to hurt their feelings. But in the long run, it will benefit both sides because independence is part of growing up and we all have to accept that. Take small steps to show them that you are capable of venturing into the world and eventually tell them that you have to move out on your own. It's not an easy process but it's a necessary process. Good luck :o)
only child
Friday, October 12, 2001 at 23:32:40 (PDT)
Hmm, the only way that I can think of is to just leave. What can you do? They are simply making things hard for both you and themselves, and when you live, they will just have to come accept that. And if you do leave, strive to become successful so you can show that you can make it. Good luck, be brave.
Friday, October 05, 2001 at 22:06:02 (PDT)
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