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QUESTIONS ON PERSONAL & FAMILY ISSUES
Last year I met a Chinese woman, here to establish an import network based on medicinal herbs--which she is now doing in
Vancouver. She needed to improve her
English, so took ESL classes where I was a volunteer.
One day I met her -by chance-at the Y, where she was with her 3-year-old daughter.
She asked me to teach her swimming. I remember thinking what a skinny thing she was.
Being Italian, I had a hard time resisting her,since she looked so exquisite in a one-piece white sandex type bathing suit. it really filled her out, so to speak.
While teaching her the breast stroke, I accidentally pinched her.
Her daughter giggled, and could tell she was embarrassed, but I thought it was not going to lead to a problem. Turned out her aunt, her sort-of-guardian, thought her behavior highly immoral and bawled her out and slapped her in a ritual scoding in front of her daughter. Her daughter had blabbed about it to her aunt. Now, Xiaolin blames me for the fact her daughter is disobedient!!!
I felt bad when I found out, so I tried to tell her aunt it was not really all Xiaolin's fault, but her aunt found out Xiaolin had asked me to teach her to swim, which apparently made it worse (Xiaolin had not told her aunt that). BEsides, her aunt demanded to see her swimming suit because i had described it in detail (quite modest by Western standards), and that apparently lead to a shoving match and poor Xiaolin got it on her hands with a ruler (six time, she said) for fighting with her aunt. At age 29 she is grounded like a teenager and pretty humiliated. She doesn't see any humor in the situation. She hasn't threatened to shoot me lately, just slap me 'many time'
I fell really bad about all this, and would like to do something to make it up, but ????
Simondi
princ19@webtv.net
Thursday, August 16, 2001 at 16:01:56 (PDT)
im a Asian girl whos doing the school thing just b4 universities. The thing is i didnt exactly work hard and now i dont think i can get into a good...or any uni's. No really I'm not exaggerating on this. So my only option is to work my butt off next year and apply to uni's a year later. I suppose this will be like a gap year and not only can i retake exmas but also do a bit of soul searching.
The problem is the gossip from the rest of the Chinese ppl in my town. I get the feeling most of them label me as a 'bad influence' already as i go out occasionally with friends ( who are not Chinese) and wear make up etc. I can cope with the malicious gossip but i dont think my parents can. It really will make their life hell esp when other ppl start bragging about how well their offspring is doing at school and my parents have never really felt they can. I dont I'm thick...but i feel like im being judged already from my somewhat naive early teen years and also made a scapegoat to help weld the rest of the Chinese ppl together. i may be slightly paranoid on this but that doenst take away the fact my family will be subjected to degrading rumours. how can i get my family to ..um..well cope really. i know i may seem to underestimate my parents strength. i want to make clear that they are strong ppl who i admire greatly but deep down i see the hurt when ppl come to our house and start showing off and they know my parent scant really answer back.
AF in UK
Saturday, June 23, 2001 at 13:41:19 (PDT)
I am a WF married to a JAM and we are adopting from China later this year. I would like advice from AA Adoptees. What must we do? What must we not do? What do we need to know?
Thank you.
Adoptive Mom
Being a mother to a toddler girl, I'm already stressed about how I would teach her to defend herself against prejudice. You see, I was teased alot when I was a youngster(and am sure that many can relate). My question is, what are some things and reactions that I could teach her to say/use when she does get taunted?? It happened again the other day when we were at the playground. A white kid had to use the usual "ching-chong,..," line to taunt her. My heart just aches so much so see my little girl hurt.
Thanks in advance!
YoungAMmom
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