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ASIAMS.NET |
AA ADVICE NETWORK
Isolated and Hypersensitive at Work
am a hypersensitive person. I get hurt easily by other people. I don't take criticism or hostility well. I read too much into other people's words and actions, and then dwell on them too much.
I hate my job and the people there. I feel alienated, so I perform poorly, especially when working with people I don't like. I'm extremely avoidant of a lot of things. I'm leaving soon, anyway.
I'm tired of feeling victimized (even when I'm not actually being a victim of anything). Sometimes, I feel like it's really me against the world...that there's no one on my side.
I've been trying to think of ways to change and to feel stronger. When I feel hurt about something, I just say "F*** them!" in my mind and other stuff... I try to be angry, but sometimes it's really hard. I'd rather be angry at the world then to feel stomped on. I work out a lot, also, and take my anger out on the weights.
I don't feel like talking in detail about why I feel the way I do. I've just had some really bad experiences and these things have a way of snowballing out of one's control. It's been especially hard because I don't have any close friends due to my experiences.
I know it's asking a lot and I have no idea what advice to get except the obvious kind... Do you have any ideas on how I can feel less hurt, victimized, and super-sensitive? I know this all sounds pathetic...
Me Against the World
Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 15:30:53 (PDT)
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YOUR ADVICE
I think it would be good to talk in detail about your experiences, it would help you feel relief, and maybe others can share similar experiences. Why do you feel so alienated from the world?
curious girl
Monday, May 20, 2002 at 07:56:28 (PDT)
oh yeah - you can try your local
library.
sleepless
Monday, May 20, 2002 at 07:41:22 (PDT)
try seeking therapy or some kind
of professional counseling.
you might be able to find free or
low-cost counseling/therapy from
a non-profit in your area if cost
is a concern for you.
one place to start might be to talk to your current doctor or someone at a hospital who might be able to give you
suggestions on where to go. also try
the yellow pages and employment
office.
there are also many books available
on dealing with stress at work. do a
search on amazon.com.
good luck.
sleepless in seattle
Monday, May 20, 2002 at 07:39:07 (PDT)
Me Against the World,
You have to find a way to chanel your negative energy into something constructive.
A personal example, is that I grew up around a lot of different ethnic youth gangs in the city. From 6th grade all the way through highschool I would be in fights in the streets.
However, when I got to college I met someone who was a competitive fighter. He taught me there were evironments where I could channel the feeling of victimization, of injustice, of racism, of revenge, etc. in a positive manner.
I know it will not be easy to figure out a way to take your negative feeling and make them into constructive motivation factors to produce good work. But that is something you will need to do.
AC Dropout
Monday, May 20, 2002 at 06:08:14 (PDT)
Don't know what to really say here. All I can say is learn to accept criticism. Try to make positive out of it, make it "constructive criticism". If someone says something to you then learn from it and improve upon it, especially in the professional world. Life, especially work, will not always be a walk through a garden or be picture perfect. It's life, so you gotta learn how to deal with it. Learn to keep your professionalism at all times. You might wanna look into therapy. Hope this helps.
Viet guy in Houston
Sunday, May 19, 2002 at 23:03:25 (PDT)
Dear "Me against the world",
It must be difficult being in such a situation.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Some people are more sensitive than others, and that's natural. People who know you're sensitive should respect that. On the other hand, if you feel victimized by innocuous statements, you may have a few issues to work through.
You will, eventually, figure out how to manage and accomodate your emotions (and other people) so that life becomes easier. Unfortunately, there's no quick solution. It's a step-by-step process.
You seem to have good self-knowledge insight, and that's a significant and vital step in overcoming any kind of personal problem.
It's good that you're leaving your job, because doing something you hate can be a real emotional and physical drain. Whatever you do next, try and make sure it's something that inspires you and keeps you happily busy, but not stressed.
If you don't get any useful ideas on this page, perhaps find some self-help books (there should be at least one in every fifty that doesn't suck!). My favourite one is "Growing Yourself Back Up: Understanding Emotional Regression" by John Lee. It has some interesting and helpful theories, and is not patronizing or cliche.
Or explore spirituality, e.g. read a book by the Dalai Lama. Read some Dostoevsky, for his insights into the beauty, spirituality and humanness of emotional extremities.
You know, there are heaps of people who would be on your side if they knew you existed (and if you treat them as friends, of course). Most people are really quite benign in their normal, non-stressed states of mind. Its the things that happen to people in life that make them hostile and critical. Its a human weakness that affects everybody except perhaps the Dalai Lama.
You don't have to take hostility well. Criticism doesn't have to be taken well either, unless it's someone who is formally in a position to criticise (e.g. boss or teaching instructor), and then only if the criticism has a positive purpose.
Have you tried meditation? It's great for mental tranquility, and may help you to face daily life with more inner calmness.
Feelings are really hard to control, and most people suggest the rational approach. From personal experience, rationalism is a double-edged sword.. Sometimes it makes you feel better, and other times it just represses the negative emotions, making you bitter and cynical.
Gradually you'll find the right balance. It varies so much from person to person, that you really have to custom-make your own way of facing problems.
Things will get better with time, if you continue to be as intelligent and insightful as you seem to be, and as eager to make life better for yourself.
I'm certain you have an enhanced ability to empathise with others. You just need time to sort your stuff out first. Then your sensitivity will become a strength and a valuable asset.
I wish you lots of positive thoughts.
krasavitsa
Sunday, May 19, 2002 at 22:36:36 (PDT)
i have some advice my friend. an ancient Japanese secret for being victimized or hurt. go out and buy a video game, make sure it is a "violent" video game where your sole purpose is to kill people. do this whenever your feeling hurt or victimized.
Otaku ne
Nihon35@hotmail.com
Sunday, May 19, 2002 at 20:09:58 (PDT)
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