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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
AA ADVICE NETWORK
Isolated and Hypersensitive at Work
am a hypersensitive person. I get hurt easily by other people. I don't take criticism or hostility well. I read too much into other people's words and actions, and then dwell on them too much.
I hate my job and the people there. I feel alienated, so I perform poorly, especially when working with people I don't like. I'm extremely avoidant of a lot of things. I'm leaving soon, anyway.
I'm tired of feeling victimized (even when I'm not actually being a victim of anything). Sometimes, I feel like it's really me against the world...that there's no one on my side.
I've been trying to think of ways to change and to feel stronger. When I feel hurt about something, I just say "F*** them!" in my mind and other stuff... I try to be angry, but sometimes it's really hard. I'd rather be angry at the world then to feel stomped on. I work out a lot, also, and take my anger out on the weights.
I don't feel like talking in detail about why I feel the way I do. I've just had some really bad experiences and these things have a way of snowballing out of one's control. It's been especially hard because I don't have any close friends due to my experiences.
I know it's asking a lot and I have no idea what advice to get except the obvious kind... Do you have any ideas on how I can feel less hurt, victimized, and super-sensitive? I know this all sounds pathetic...
Me Against the World
Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 15:30:53 (PDT)
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YOUR ADVICE
To: "Me Against the World"
WTF!?!?!?!?!?! What is this a bad Neil Diamond song???
Man, get some **BALLS** and stand up to tha M*THA F***AS!!!
I get NO such shit. If I dont like the people at work or if they don't like me even when I'm "nice". Guess what??? Now, I am an three times the a$$hole towards them, PERIOD
Good luck and kick some ass, no more wussing out and making us cool AM's look bad and shit..
BLACKTWINTURBO
Tuesday, May 21, 2002 at 21:58:07 (PDT)
Don't worry, you are not alone...I feel like I'm paranoid sometimes, how I always dwell on my mistakes, and always feel like people are taking advantage of me. People say I'm emotionless, but it's because I feel so much pain that I have to put up a blank face or else I can't even deal with it. I've found that retreating even farther into the dismal world of loners is the only way, though I don't recommend it because it's socially and psychologically unhealthy.
Paranoid Loner
Tuesday, May 21, 2002 at 18:25:12 (PDT)
Hey, America's a big joke. When do you plan to move back to Asia? I'm sure you will be happier there, and you won't have to be worried about fitting in.
Masayo
Tuesday, May 21, 2002 at 13:04:07 (PDT)
Me Against the World,
You're not alone. I, too, share your sensibility.
You and I are both products of our environment. The Eurocentric environment in the U.S. is not conducive to developing a healthy, balanced sense of positive self-identity for certain ethnic categories such as what you you and I belong to. Hyper-negativity flows without cessation into our lives from the dominant media, Caucasian society, etc.
The key term here is "flow," because it implies two basic types of flow: (1) negative flow and (2) positive flow. I have learned the importance of (a) cutting off the negative flow (e.g., be selective and cut off your viewing of programs on t.v. that represent negative character attacks against Asians) and (b) expanding the positive flow of energy/images related to Asians, such as films from Asia with English subtitles (most films applying dubbing neutralize the positive power of the Asian films). In summary, cut off the negative messages (i.e., character attacks) from the dominant media, etc. and expand the positive, realistic, and empowered messages of self as an Asian. I've come to realize that when I have moments that I have a positive sense of self, the negativity or character attacks from the Caucasian public is neutralized by my positive sense of self.
Finally, learn to fight back. If the other person communicates to you that he or she is not going to be positive and cooperative with you (I can tell how positive or negative the person is going to be virtually from the moment I see the person off at a distance--I wouldn't surprised if you have an equally effective intuitive sense as to the "character" or orientation of the other person), then maintain control over the situation: e.g., if I am a fast food place and the person says "hi," but doesn't mean it (no smiling, etc.), I ignore the person's greeting (I don't say hi back), and I tell the person my order. There are tricks like this that I am learning that makes me feel in control of situations, but it's not easy: I have to work hard at training myself to handle negativity via taking control of things and negative people. But, it's not an option for me any longer, it's actually a matter of life and death.
A Dysfunctional AAM
Tuesday, May 21, 2002 at 10:31:57 (PDT)
One thing that rings true in the workplace.
Many Asians especially Asian Men are excluded in the afterwork happy hour social gatherings formed by non-Asians. This occurs in companies where Asians are like 5% or less. I've experienced this myself but it doesn't bother me AT ALL. Minorities such as Blacks and Hispanics are always treated with inclusion while Asians are perceived as "too foreign, not comfortable with them". Believe me, it's not only White people who regard Asians as outsiders, other minorities especially Hispanics have the same view as well. Some say that Asians are clannish, only want to hang out with their own kind, but this is found in all groups. I call this an excuse to not to invite us.
Me against the World...
Leave the damn place, this is what I did in my previous 2 jobs and go seek some advice from friends and/or professional help.
There is a darker side to any workplace..sometimes people just feel one person shouldn't be part of a company, so they screw the person, eventually forcing the individual to quit the job.
Does your workplace have fellow Asians? I guess the Asians in your workplace are those types with the "catering White people" mentality, since you feel alienated from them. Believe me, I've encounter these individuals of the same race, but have a cold heart of a scum.
Are u bicultural? Because it helps immensely being bicultural, u see the world in a different way as oppose to someone instilled with one culture.
America's a big joke
Tuesday, May 21, 2002 at 07:14:10 (PDT)
My favorite self-help book is "Know How You Are, Be What You Want", you can find it on amazon.com. It is such an incredible tool for examining oneself.
curious girl
Monday, May 20, 2002 at 11:00:44 (PDT)
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