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AA ADVICE NETWORK
Isolated and Hypersensitive at Work
am a hypersensitive person. I get hurt easily by other people. I don't take criticism or hostility well. I read too much into other people's words and actions, and then dwell on them too much.
I hate my job and the people there. I feel alienated, so I perform poorly, especially when working with people I don't like. I'm extremely avoidant of a lot of things. I'm leaving soon, anyway.
I'm tired of feeling victimized (even when I'm not actually being a victim of anything). Sometimes, I feel like it's really me against the world...that there's no one on my side.
I've been trying to think of ways to change and to feel stronger. When I feel hurt about something, I just say "F*** them!" in my mind and other stuff... I try to be angry, but sometimes it's really hard. I'd rather be angry at the world then to feel stomped on. I work out a lot, also, and take my anger out on the weights.
I don't feel like talking in detail about why I feel the way I do. I've just had some really bad experiences and these things have a way of snowballing out of one's control. It's been especially hard because I don't have any close friends due to my experiences.
I know it's asking a lot and I have no idea what advice to get except the obvious kind... Do you have any ideas on how I can feel less hurt, victimized, and super-sensitive? I know this all sounds pathetic...
Me Against the World
Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 15:30:53 (PDT)
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YOUR ADVICE
I had worked in a small town out of Tacoma ("seattle area" if ya don't know). The town-folk seemed nice, or at least indifferent. And most of my co-workers were cool, again indifferent to my race, I think. Hell, That's the best one could hope for :-)
But the company I worked for was a different story. I did have one coworker, a vietnam vet, that was about as "openly" bigoted as one could get away with. I mean this bag of human garbage just did not know when to quit. "Eat dog" this and "eat dog" that, practically every freaking day, not spoken to me, but announced to the room just so I could hear it. He attacked my work, my character, my asian-ness, everything about me, and almost constantly, every opportunity that came up. It was sickening. I thought if I just focused on my work, he would get tired of it. But no. If I told you ppl the extent of crap I put up from this human sh*t, you would not believe me. He even made death threats, in a "joking" manner. Ha Ha Ha. My car blowing up? Shooting me? Oh yeah, funny. Considering I had done absolutely nothing to this bigot. But nobody said a word, no objections, no support, nothing, not even from my supervisor. If these things happened to a white woman or a black person, this company would have been sued out of existence. Apparently I don't matter.
I had, through a stroke of luck, in addition to pressure from one of my instructors at college, moved into management. No extra income or anything, but did put some distance between me and that sicko. It was different, but this time it was coming from the management, my supervisors (plural). This is a long story, which I won't go into too much details. I did endure some overt racism there, but it was mostly "covert" or in a manner in which they could get away with it. They didn't hide the fact that I was unwelcome. "Ching chang wing wang" sh*t, talking loudly to each other in matters that were OBVIOUSLY derogatory. Making it clear they weren't going to do business with companies/countries that just "happened" to be asian (within their means, of course). Selectively attacking things that "happened" to be asian. Usual crap, and not too hard to figure out. But, I've given these people the benefit of the doubt each and every time, pretty much to the point of exhaustion... nothing. What a waste. Anyways. I ended up leaving the company, and found out I held bogus job-position, they had been lying to me for a very long time about this one. Held the same job position as some high school grad, despite having to several more years of education. And yes, low wages. I ALWAYS had the worst tools, during the entire time I worked there. And newly hired workers regularly got more training within a month, than I ever did in the three years I worked there.
Just the tip of the iceberg folks, I could actually write a book on these BIGOTS, stealth-BIGOTs, or whatever. Scum. I could give them all the benefits of the doubts in the world, but how much more obvious does it need to be? And I am distinguishing between crap an employee is expected to put up with, the stuff that is waaaay out of line, and what I got singled-out for.
Oh yeah, I must've been a lousy employee, that's why my boss took credit for everything, and I mean EVERYTHING I did. Things I've never even seen him do, like write a single line of code, or designing a circuit board. However, that's expected from a worker to a large extent (and grad students too :-), no big whoop... Just staving the PREDICTIBLE comments, in case "generic white guy" decides to write something cute like, "it's all in your head" or whatever, uh huh. Don't need to hear it.
I've paid my dues, and paid, and paid. But these ppl are on some other planet. And to think they did all that with impunity.
I'm nowhere near satified with what I've written about on this matter, there's soooo much more to it, it isn't even funny. And plenty of other sorts of wrong-doings, that aren't applicable to this forum and website.
Well, there's my two cents. I don't live in that particular area, where I had worked. It seems better where I live, thank god. I'm not sure experiences like that made me stronger. More like... debilitating.
Yeah, I guess you could say I faced "some" isolation in the work place. And then some. It was horrible. I'll remember all of this, in case I need to return the favor someday. One less person waving the red, white n' blue. Get a clue.
disgusted
Saturday, June 08, 2002 at 12:35:55 (PDT)
To Me against the World:
What part of the country are you from (i.e. South, West Coast, etc.)? I am curious whether these negative, exclusionary white attitudes are localized from areas with very low asian populations or pretty much the same across the country.
To everyone:
Please volunteer your city,state and how you feel in the workplace. rating 1-10. 1 being very isolated and excluded to 10 very accepted and friendly environment.
Chun
Wednesday, June 05, 2002 at 06:43:14 (PDT)
Masayo:
"When do you plan to move back to Asia? I'm sure you will be happier there, and you won't have to be worried about fitting in."
Are you kidding me? The native asians despise asian americans (unless you look and speak like a native of the country). They probaly treat caucasians better then us.
Me Against the World:
It sounds like you are the problem, not this world. The good thing is you seem to have recognized this already. You must have had some tough experiences to be that sensitive. To solve any problem, you must understand the root. Your case seem somewhat serious, and I believe a professional can help you peel away the layers of your hypersensitivity. Only until that is accomplished can you rebuild yourself. There's no miracle pill for this...you must understand it going to take time, maybe even years. The other important thing is to have a strong support system...which is probaly what you'll get with professional counseling.
be
Tuesday, May 28, 2002 at 19:34:31 (PDT)
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