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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage is't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
I am an AF married to a WM. I grew up in Southern CA- Laguna Niguel. I never went through life feeling as though my goal was to "search out" the WM for a husband. Now I know many AMs (and some AFs also) are saying, yeah right. If that's you, then I suggest you move on right now--I know there are those of you who will never change your views. My view on this? For starters, perhaps the most logical reason of all- There are simply more WMs than AMs! We live in the U.S. for heaven sakes- logically speaking what are my chances for NOT ending up with a WM? Going through elementary, high school and college I probably could have counted the AMs in my classes with all the fingers on my hands! What kind of social life would that have led me to had I restricted myself to only those few AMs that have crossed paths with me? It defies all logic! My next reason may be a bit more personal- I can't speak for other AFs but for me I must say AMs never gave me the time of day! There were definately a few exceptions (with whom I had great friendships with) but generally speaking they would avoid me like the plague. I can even remember situations growing up when I wanted to invite my cousin along on outings with my friends. Judging from his enthusiasm I think he would have rather had his gums scraped. I'm 32 yrs old now and happily married. However, I still ponder on this complex AA gender issue.
md
insdoc3@aol.com
Wednesday, December 19, 2001 at 21:20:00 (PST)
Unatural Selection:
Interesting little piece. Heres my take:
Asian women pairing with White men result from the following:
1. Low self-esteem of the White men, many of whom are readily rejected by White women their entire lives. Driven by the need to fulfill their masculinity they seek EASIER prey.
2. Low self-esteem of Asian women, who desperately wish to be White. Pairing with (1) above enable them to redeem some Whiteness in their sad pathetic lives.
3. Asian women are easy game for White men and White men knows it.
Enuf said.
Wednesday, December 19, 2001 at 21:05:22 (PST)
Makadu, you made some interesting points. One of the main problems that we Asian males have is that we're too timid when it comes to women. I hate to be blunt, but we Asian males need to grow a set, stop bitching and step up. If you like a particular lady (whatever her race), just initiate a conversation and ask her out. The worst thing she can do is say no. One of the main reasons why there are so many white boys going out with Asian women is because they make the effort and take the first step. Of course there are many other factors (media stereotypes, self hate, wanting to fit in, etc), but I'm sure taking the initiative is one of them. I know for a fact that women like confidence and ambition. These qualities are not the exclusive properties of any particular race. Come on guys (I mean all the Asian guys reading this), time to TAKE what we want.
RockHardAzn
Wednesday, December 19, 2001 at 17:43:22 (PST)
To: AC Dropout
My mistake – I apologize.
You raised an interesting point:
“Stick an Asian in a Non-Aisan population while growing up and they will desire to have a Non-Asian mate. Stick a Non-Asian in an Asian population population and they will desire an Asian mate.”
I’ve always believed that when one is in search of happiness, it’s based on the perception of what will bring that person happiness, whether it eventually does or not. I think most people are drawn to a certain person without analyzing “gee, what about this person am I drawn to” and instead let their feelings be their navigator. Therefore, I think it’s a combination of different “learnings” that we’re brought up with that helps determine who we consider as a good potential mate and who we don’t, not withstanding the individual.
I think what you said is a part of an explanation of interracial relationships. However, I think there are other reasons – for those of us who are brought up to be drawn to beauty, we react much more to how the society portrays what is beautiful. For those of us who were brought up to be drawn to power, we react much more to how the society portrays what is power. Unfortunately, these are attributes of people that are not necessarily correct in ascertaining whether they are good candidates for partners for us. Some people who are beautiful by society’s standards might be very kind people, while some who are just as beautiful are unkind in every respect.
To Unnatural Selection
“Most of them who go after Asian women go after SKINNY-MINNIES!”
No. Quite a few of them end up with the ones that men would describe as “having a great personality.”
Repost
Wednesday, December 19, 2001 at 17:38:04 (PST)
To: Jade
“Theres nothing worse than FOBs Asians who stick with each other and speak Canto real loud and dont socialise. Real annoying.”
Are Hispanics who speak exclusively Spanish really annoying? Were your ancestors who first step foot in this country annoying as well? That’s not a really nice thing to say about FOB’s – many of them are nice people.
To Unnatural Selection
“Most of them who go after Asian women go after SKINNY-MINNIES!”
No. Quite a few of them end up with the ones that men would describe as “having a great personality.”
Repost
Wednesday, December 19, 2001 at 17:37:47 (PST)
To: Makadu
It sounds from your writing that, in this society, men must dominate to feel manly, while women must be dominated to be women. Therefore, the fact that white women in this country are now educated, strong, and ambitious is causing them to be less feminine.
It’s an interesting point – while the men you wrote about hypocritically condemn the treatment of women in Afghanistan, it sounds like the same men are probably wishing the very same power over white women here as well.
Repost
Wednesday, December 19, 2001 at 17:37:36 (PST)
To: Rumula
I worked with a colleague whose father is Chinese and mother is white. He speaks Mandarin that would easily put mine to shame. I’m not sure if the difference is that the coupling was between an Asian man and a white woman versus the other way around.
Repost
Wednesday, December 19, 2001 at 17:37:27 (PST)
Makadu:
White men are the most sought after in the whole world by women of all races...in the US, over 50% of all white females would only date or even sit near white males. 57% would never date or sit near Asian males. So, it is not a one way street, whatever the feminists might think. The only exception may be the African American women. White women are also the most sought after, but unlike their male counterparts, they stick with white males. Call it racism, bigotry, ignorance or anything else..that is life.
Male
Wednesday, December 19, 2001 at 14:10:41 (PST)
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