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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage is't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
To: Modern AA Male Perspective
"I know that NOT all AA females are like this, but most are sellouts!!! I had been with many.."
You have experienced that as well? Did you know that about them before you dated them? I've experienced one and that's enough for me. Why did you stay with your subsequent ones? Didn't you already learn your lesson from the first one? I wouldn't touch one like that with a ten-foot pole ever again.
Repost
Sunday, December 23, 2001 at 08:24:25 (PST)
To: Sympatico
"I don't know when men of all races are going to understand that: insulting and degrading women does *not* make them want you. "
But having no backbone and saying "yes" to everything Asian women dish out, right or wrong, will?
Repost
Sunday, December 23, 2001 at 08:19:31 (PST)
To: Chinese-Canadian
So perhaps it is actually that Asian women are the ones who don’t give Asian men the chance but are claiming the opposite. Have their cake and eat it, too.
In retrospect, don't you think this all turned out well for you? If it weren't for that attitude they have, you may very well not be with the love of your life. Perhaps it's something to be thankful for.
Repost
Sunday, December 23, 2001 at 08:16:33 (PST)
To: Makadu
I was only pointing out the hypocrisy in this society, not with anything you wrote. I agree with what you’ve written.
Repost
Sunday, December 23, 2001 at 08:16:18 (PST)
To: AC Dropout
I don’t disagree with you on your findings – I’m sure in some cases the fact that Asian men being less aggressive tend to lead to Asian men not getting the dates they want. I was only continuing on your point earlier about searching for happiness in the generic sense.
But now that you brought up that point, I’d like to point out some observations from Asian men who write in this site. I may be wrong, but it seems to me that most of the Asian men who write here were born and raised here, growing up alongside with people of other races. How, then would they be hindered by “traditional” ingressiveness of the old country? As generations progress here in the US, shouldn’t descendants assimilate to this culture? I was born and raised in Hong Kong until I was 16, and today, people think I’m another white guy if they’re just talking to me on the phone.
I don’t really believe we’re at a handicap in the dating arena; for those of us who were brought up in the Asian culture, we’re also bestowed the virtues that, if are not unique to, are representative of us. I think these virtues such as being educated, family-oriented, gentlemanly, and so forth make us partners worth serious consideration by women of any race. Now maybe some of the younger guys here will disagree and say that whatever the media calls “cool” will be what women are looking for. I’m sure for some women, that is the case. But would you want to be with that kind of woman anyway?
The case with me is a little opposite from yours. Up until my late twenties, I’ve been rather color-blind in who I dated. Granted, I’ve only dated Chinese and white women – just never happened to have dated anyone of other races. The last Asian woman I dated was a real eye-opener. I’ve never known of hating one’s ethnicity until this person. Now the funny thing is that she “chased” me, which I can only explain by her desire to rid herself from hating her ethnicity by proving to herself and those around her that she can be with someone Asian. I don’t know how else to explain it, and I really don’t care anymore.
So from this experience, I can honestly say that there are Asian women who hate their own identities. However, I don’t think I can be able to say this if I hadn’t had such a close encounter with one. Therefore, I’m really surprised reading all these posts from men that reiterate what I’ve learned from what I experienced. Have these men actually experienced something like what I did? Can there really be so many Asian women like that? I really hope not.
What I’m about to write is not an attack on MD even though it may sound like one. The lady I dated once said to me the exact same thing MD said: Asian men don’t ask her out. Shortly after I started dating her, I met a couple of Asian guys in her clique who were interested in her and tried to date her, but she refused. From what I can tell, they were very eligible bachelors. So the whole “Asian men don’t ask me out” reason started to pop up all over the place, perhaps because I’m so much more aware of that now. To me, it’s beginning to sound like those who say “trust me” – those are the ones you can’t trust.
Unlike penelope slamming Asian guys here who are discouraged in the dating scene, I believe they should think about who they are and the attributes that make them unique and valued in this society as partners in relationships. These are the hidden treasures that they need to project.
There’s one further point on dating someone non-Asian. I don’t want to date anyone who thinks she “ought to be” with an Asian guy. The “ought to be” hinders her ability to see me for who I am. While there may be many Asian women who exclusively date white men, I don’t think there are many white women who would exclusively date a man because he is Asian. That’s the nice thing about Asian men dating non-Asian women – there’s no presumption and the racial pairing actually turns out to be a litmus test for the truer reasons of being in a relationship.
Repost
Sunday, December 23, 2001 at 08:16:04 (PST)
Let's just put it in a more simple way .The fact of the matter is asian women are obsessed with caucasian men because they are led to believe that caucasian men are more attractive.The media played a big part in influencing the wayasian women think.If you put asian women in a colony where they are bombarded with asian media instead of white then maybe we wouldn't have this problem.This problem will continue until the U.S. is totally miscegenated.
asianboy
Saturday, December 22, 2001 at 22:03:38 (PST)
The Asian American gender divide seems to have always been stronger in some places in the US (such as New York City) but almost nonexistent elsewhere (e.g. the Washington DC suburbs). If there ever was a divide between AMs and AFs, I believe it is also slowly going away. I have seen an increasing number of AM/WF couples as well as a good number of AM/AF couples. There are a number of reasons for this. The Asian American population is increasing in certain areas in the US. An increasing number of AMs have attained positions of prominence in government and industry, thus doing away to some degree with negative stereotypes.
The Reality
Saturday, December 22, 2001 at 14:02:20 (PST)
Ahhh, white guys, white guys, white guys. What's so great about them anyway? I mean, some of them are good-looking, but not in the way that Asian guys are.
I guess we all have our own preferences, but I seriously do not understand why Asian girls go for white guys when they are surrounded by asian guys. Asian guys are HOT! That black hair, smooth tanned skin, dark eyebrows, and asian eyes...can you say SEXY?
About the only thing I like about the idea of asian women and white men pairings is the outcome of hapa children, which seem to be on average, good-looking. However, I'd rather have cute asian babies with the hair sticking up.
Asian guys all the way!
Chinese Honey
Friday, December 21, 2001 at 23:49:20 (PST)
I have read all of the comments. Almost all of them have a contribution towards this particular subject, and most of them are spot on about the way the world is. Anyway. My two cents.
I've been with my wife and best friend for twenty six years now.
I could tell you some storey's, sure. But in the end the story's are just that. Made up from other peoples reaction to us. More their tale then mine, when you get right down to it.
All I have to say is this, I don't see my wife as anyone but the person who loves me, and I love her all the way back.
Jim new york
night@bestweb.net
Friday, December 21, 2001 at 23:39:09 (PST)
Keep It Real,
Why don't you spend more time on your grammar and less time complaining on how "disgusting" AFs are? The rest of what you wrote makes no sense to me at all. By the way, I'm delighted to report to you that my marriage is approaching it's 8th year.
md
md
insdoc3@aol.com
Friday, December 21, 2001 at 18:40:12 (PST)
Kevin Yang,
"It seems that the 'sellout' AFs in the world really give those who aren't (like yourself) a bad name"
I couldn't agree more.
I also appreciate the fact that you are familiar enough with the geography and demographics of CA (south Orange County in particular) to understand where I'm coming from. "eh.." who so arrogantly referred to me as "little lolita" should read your post.
Thanks for your support Kevin.
md
md
insdoc3@aol.com
Friday, December 21, 2001 at 18:11:07 (PST)
AMs, if u can get WFs, by all means GET THEM.
if not, then go back to asia and get a wife there and bring her over here. don't worry, once our population go over 10% of the US total population, and have a large number of hapas... we will begin to have power.
dan
Friday, December 21, 2001 at 16:33:01 (PST)
Miscegenation is great:
yea, perhaps over suicide !
dipshit buster
Friday, December 21, 2001 at 11:13:39 (PST)
we all know that the damn shit exists.. no need to prove that.
does anybody have any solutions ?
like if you have a male child what will you do to improve his chances of leading a successful and happy life in the Western world (as a AM) ?
SOLTUIONS anyone ?
we guys are supposed to be the brainest of all races ... but this means we must be able to solve our own problems
the thinker
Friday, December 21, 2001 at 11:13:00 (PST)
Curious Observation,
hy does it seem that ALL AA females who post here assume that the AA males who post here DESPERATELY WANT them and other AA females?? hmmmm.. think about that for a second...and you will understand this divide.
I honestly have NO PROBLEM getting a date with a AA females..even those we label sellouts. I don't necessary prefer AA females even...well certainly not all the time.
Maybe some of us post here because we wish to educate and promote our kind..not necessary insult others. Maybe we posess some sense of pride in our being. The best way to educate is to first point out the blunt truth and id the problem.
So you AA females who come here and just think we're all bitching, please think again. And think about why you tend to think that way. Obviously you have a slight sense of identity or otherwise you would not visit this site at all. Maybe you can work from there.
Modern AA Male Perspective
Friday, December 21, 2001 at 10:44:47 (PST)
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