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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage is't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
I think the disparities are true in this column in general. I do see a lot of AF/WM particular for crowds over 35 and also in the Philipino population. But for younger generations, I don't see this as much. I think most AF are sticking to their AM because times have changed. AM are more educated than WM on population as a whole, and are getting high-paying professional jobs. And recently AM are more portrayed as positive or main roles in movies and some TV shows. I think the perception that AM are inferior than WM is changing in the landscape. I think we should give our AF sister more credit the fact that they do not date WM just because they are white or want to be white. I have no problem with couples who are in love with each other because of the person. There is nothing wrong with interacial dating, but it is wrong to date because the person is of a particular race.
Concerned AM
Wednesday, January 02, 2002 at 06:34:00 (PST)
I don't understand why there are so many Asian men who fawn over White women. They're people, just like everyone else. They bleed red, have bad hair days and are cranky in the mornings, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. One of the reasons why there aren't more Asian men dating White women is because we, Asian men, tend to put White women on a pedestal. We need to realize that their white skin doesn't automatically make them goddessess. Treat them with respect, as you would any women, but don't fear them. Once again, they're people. The sooner we realize this, the better. They have insecurities, flaws and problems, just like you and I. As I've said before, women like confident and strong men.
As far as these studies that are being cited, I don't put much stock in them. Who cares what they say. You can't let a study dictate who and how you date. Do what you want. If you like a women, make a move.
RockHardAzn
Tuesday, January 01, 2002 at 18:26:38 (PST)
Well this opens up a whole new thought too. I have several friends who are Asian Americans. I can say with all certainty that NONE of these FEMALE Asian friends would be interested in dating an Asian male. The only way they would ever consider it, is if the Asian man had a build like a white or black man, and that he was very successful and "American" in culture. This is a huge problem and the only response that I have heard is that they simply are not attracted to Asian men. But there is more to this.......My closest friend is so distanced from her Asian heritage that I believe she is suffering from serious self-hatred which actually caused her to attempt suicide about three weeks ago.
This is a huge problem among Asians in America. She is not the first I know of who attempted to end their life....
Which causes me to ask the question: What can I do to help? I have volunteered to attend Asian specific events, eat at Asian restuarants, frequent Asian hotspots etc. She sees a therapist, a white woman in her 40's, who I feel PROBABLY knows NOTHING about what she is really going through and I want to be of assistance.
Tabitha
Monday, December 31, 2001 at 17:45:21 (PST)
I am an Asian American guy. You might expect me to be winer or cry baby on this issue.
But, I am also a sociologist. I study people's behavior without any feelings.
I have been to a lot of African American and a couple of Latino forums. When I brought up the issue of interracial dating, the people there were very understanding of where I, as an Asian American male's issues were coming from.
One African American lady, who is a mental health counselor frequently sees Asian female clients. Often, they have contemplated suicide, because they couldn't come to real terms that they are still Asian despite living in the fantasy that they are white.
What can we really do to stop this?
Some of you might laugh and sarcastically see this as a never ending and doomed situation.
Or, some of you don't care?
Some of you might label me racist Asian male.
Oh well...
Maybe I should find myself a beautiful non-Asian female as others are increasingly doing... I know many black and Latina women would love to have us AM.
Asian men,
It is time to not feel any affinities with whites. They only see us as eunuchs and servants and befriend us to get some AW fine ass.
Asian Rambo
Monday, December 31, 2001 at 13:29:47 (PST)
We got to be kidding ourselves to say there is no inner hostility felt towards each other among a sizeable portion of the young Asian males and females.
There is no cohesive factor to heal this painful reality.
For the Asian brothers, all I can say is not be too picky in terms of choosing dates. There probably ain't enough Asian girls to be around for us.
I really fear Asian girls of the Connie Chung types. There doesn't go a day when I can not only but see them as enemies not to be trusted or respected.
This is so PATHETIC. I don't like to keep this anger within me forever. I know God is on my Asian brothers side. The more we suffer, the more precious we are in the eyes of God.
I have always been more comfortable among non-Asian and non-white women.
Asian men have their own "jihads" to go through too
Friday, December 28, 2001 at 03:05:52 (PST)
"I don’t think there are many white women who would exclusively date a man because he is Asian." - There aren't many. Of all the white women I dated. 3 of them had asian fetishes. So from all the white women I have date that would make 50% of all white women have asian fetishes. Of course my population selection could be skewd. From a guys point of view it is very good to date women who have fetish for just who you are, sort of eliminates the whole foreplay thing.
"I don’t really believe we’re at a handicap in the dating arena" - the report was made during Pres. Ford time. In the early 70's. Based on data from the late 60's. If you grew up in HK during the 80's and 90's we can assume you were pretty familar with western culture already.
In college I dated some "Soul-Searching" Asian women. Asian that grew up in mostly white nieghborhoods, looking for their identity. I've date Vietnamese, Laos, and a Chinese Malaysian. Granted they also initiated the relationship. But I don't think they were self-hating. Maybe they just wanted to see what it was like to be with an Asian male. One even made the comment to me "I thought you would be too Chinese." These types of relationships ended because I just thought it was too much to deal with what "Asian" means. I decided at that point that I needed relationship with women that were not all hung up about their identity.
I even had asian gf who view herselves as white. I really did not bother me too much, because she wasn't all confused about her identity. If she saw herself as white, and still wanted to have to relationship with me that was cool too. There was a funny incident when me and her went on a trip to Canada and were coming back the USA by car. The custom office ask her 'Country of birth?' when she handed over our US passport. She was about to go off like a cat with her NJ accent 'What do you mean? Country of Birth?'. The custom officer quickly replied 'Forget it, Miss'
It took me 30 min of explaining to tell her we don't look American, that why the custom officers asked her Country of Birth. She just did not get it, because she saw herself as white.
AC dropout
Wednesday, December 26, 2001 at 09:00:24 (PST)
I think there needs to be another poll dealing with interracial/transethnic dating and attitudes of Asian American Men & Woman towards dating a fellow AA who has dated interractially/transethenically.
For example, here's a few questions to ponder:
If you're an AA male: (same for females w/opp gender)
Would you ever date an AA female if you knew beforehand that she'd dated and/or had sex with a white/black/latin male? Why or Why not?
Would you break up with an AA female if you found out after the fact that she'd dated and/or had sex with a white/black/latin male? Why or Why not?
Would you feel insecure dating/marrying an AA female if you knew that she'd dated and/or had sex with a white/black/latin male? Why or Why not?
How would you feel if your AA girlfriend cheated on you with a white/black/latin male? Would you feel more or less betrayed than if she'd cheated on you with an AA male? Would you be more or less likely to forgive her if her partner in cheating had been non-Asian? Why or Why not?
I think such responses would be interesting--it might help us get down to the bottom of things.
Glenn Wang
Wednesday, December 26, 2001 at 07:13:27 (PST)
Who cares about fake ass AF's? I have lived in NoCA, SoCA and San Diego and don't care anymore. Hell, even my sisters are married to white dudes.
I see plenty of beautiful AF's and they are all with white dorks! Even the ugly AF's are with white dorks. I don't even have to see them to together to know.
See the AF and then a couple of minutes later...dadumdadum, yuck, yuck, yuck...the white dude comes striding up and they both look at me like I'm a loser.
Besides, like someone else said, a long time ago...if I want a blonde, I'll get the real thing (WF). Which I did last week...three different HOT WF's. No pwobwem hele. Ah so, white massah. F- that!
It's all in the attitude my bruddahs. There are WF females who want AM. You just have to step up. But, if you meet a nice AF and she's good to you...nothing wrong with that, either.
Tman
Tuesday, December 25, 2001 at 10:03:53 (PST)
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