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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage is't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Asian American Male is right. Visit Singapore...you would find most white American women complaining all the time about local women taking most eligible white men. Local women here refers to Chinese women who are relatively light skinned...compared to the dark skinned Indian and Malay women whom these white men would never date or marry. However, the white women would also say dating Chinese men is out of the question, and that unlike some Indian men back in the US, the Indian men (Tamil men mostly) are darker than African Americans...and hence are not eligible dating or marriage partners.
Tamil
Saturday, January 05, 2002 at 08:52:47 (PST)
I dunno but what I see as a WM has been that AA females more and more seem to be aggregating towards White males, especially tall and good looking ones. I noticed this when I lived for 8 years in the Washington, DC area where there are actually a lot of Asian young people. Interestingly, in the early 90's there was at least some dating between AA males and white girls, I noticed this especially at George Mason University where there is a high proportion of Korean American students. Many of the guys work out in the gym, get very buff and act cool. So there was this whole thing of white girls getting with Asian guys and dating them. But that whole trend sort of died off towards the tail end of the 90's, like it was old hat or something. I noticed that lots of Asian Am girls were dating white guys throughout this period, at first they were dating some of the more nerdy and intellectual (but not so good looking) white guys, but then gradually they moved "up" and got much more discriminating, competing directly with the best-looking White chicks for the best looking white guys. So that now in the Washington DC area you have a lot of Asian young women who are just as "snotty" towards the "average" white guy, and they are very discriminating and will only consider dating the coolest or hottest white guys. I hope I didn't sound like a jerk saying all this sh*t but I'm just trying to report the facts as I see 'em!! Peace out!
DC white dude
Saturday, January 05, 2002 at 02:08:46 (PST)
Seems like too many people are placing too much emphasis on these psychological aspects like low self-esteem, feelings of inferiority, self-hate, etc. in explaining why significantly more AF date and marry outside their race than AM.
What about the obvious social Darwinian explanation? The fact is that for the last 300-400 years the white man has made his influence felt across the whole world, first through imperialism and now through capitalism and pop culture. For any non-white woman to marry a white man would always be considered "marrying up." Ever notice how most minorities in America would prefer if their children married someone of their own race but that they would not totally object to them marrying a white person. And it's also not a coincidence that no non-black family would ever want their children to marry an African-American. Blacks have always been on the bottom of the totem pole. They are the lowest socio-economic class and thus they get the shaft in the dating and marrying game also. Sad, but true. Who can deny this?
I think a lot of Asian guys are trying to soothe and massage their egos by saying that any Asian girl who dates and marries outside her race is a sellout. Sure, some are consumed with self-hate but i'd say most are no different than you or I. Their just making a choice. It's really simple Darwinian survival of the fittest logic. A woman, no matter what her race or color, will try to secure the most powerful or financially well-off man that her beauty can attract, that she is capable of getting. In America, the richest people and the most "beautiful" people are whites because they control the wealth, the resources, the media, etc. If an Asian woman from a poor neighborhood has a choice between that cute Asian guy down the street or some fat, ugly white guy from the rich part of town do you actually think she will choose that poor Asian guy just to preserve the purity of her bloodline? Please. 97 times out of 100 she'll do the logical and smart thing and go for the guy who can provide her and her offspring a safe and secure future. If that's selling out then most people in this world are sellouts because they would do the same. Truth is poverty sucks and pride doesn't make your life any better.
Call it racism or unfair all you want. But that's just how it is. I'm not trying to hate or bash on anyone. Just presenting my interpretation of what's going on in the world. Look through your history books and tell me if my interpretation is wrong. The white race only comprises a small proportion of the world's population yet what are the richest countries in the world? US(60% white), Germany, France, UK. Japan's in there too. Yeah, i know. The US, Canada, and Western Europe primarily compose this elite group of modern post-industrialized nations who make up a small percentage of the world population yet control the majority of the wealth and resources.
So i've said all this but what do us Asian-American men do? The answer: do what you want. Your choices by themselves are not going to change the world or alter the fate of your race. The fact is that the Asian race in America will become more disperse anyway as we become more acculturated and more accepted and integrated with mainstream society. That includes mating with whites, latinos, and blacks. You can't fight this inevitable consequence, a choice made when you and your family decided to come here. Just accept it. 4-5 generations from now your family won't even be Asian anymore. There may be some semblance of Asian features (probably mixed with others) but no one will speak the native tongue. All communication with the Old Country will have been severed and your family members won't even care to boot. In fact, they'll probably be offended to be called Asian-American, preferring to drop that ethnic prefix in front.
In your lifetime, the image of god and of The Man, is not and will not be your Asian face. The establishment and the status quo do not look to crumble anytime soon. But maybe in a hundred years or so when the sun sets on the American empire and rises on another perhaps non-white civilization (the People's Republic of China???) will a different color man influence the world and define beauty, power, and stability to be in his image.
Pretty coarse and undirected, i know. This can certainly be said a lot better but not by me and not today.
Valley Chinese Dude
Saturday, January 05, 2002 at 01:24:10 (PST)
RockHardAzn,
Glad you agree! Shows how smart you are...LOL!!!
Twinkie
Friday, January 04, 2002 at 22:55:32 (PST)
Asian American Male,
Personally, I don't know about those percentages you quote. Not that I question your integrity regarding the authentication of those numbers, but let me throw this one at you. No one had ever asked me if I'd date interracially, so you can't include me in those statistics. Besides, I took statistics two times in college before I passed...LOL!! Okay, so I'm not great with numbers, but my point is I know how misleading those numbers can be. I would bet there are a lot of females, given the chance to know an Asian male, who would consider a relationship with one. But without ever being exposed to such a guy, how are we ever supposed to know we would be interested. I don't live in a heavily Asian populated area, so I speak from experience. Fortunatly for me, I got to know a guy who initiated contact with me and we developed a friendship because of it. When I think of him I don't see an Asian, what I see is a really cool guy!
Twinkie
Friday, January 04, 2002 at 22:44:47 (PST)
Naki,
Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate them!
Twinkie
Friday, January 04, 2002 at 22:19:36 (PST)
Asian American Male,
OK, 40% of a majority race gives us Asian males a sizable edge to match up with white women. Besides, 40% is considered a big margin. Think of the number here:
White population in the US is approx. 211 millions. Half of it approx. is the white female population. That's about 105 millions. Let's say half of the white female population falls between age 18 to 40. That's about 52 millions. You said 40% would consider interracial marriage, right? That makes 21 millions available to Asian men. The Asian population in the US is only 11 millions. That means we Asian men are OUTNUMBERED by white females available to us. Isn't that a great news?
FOP
Friday, January 04, 2002 at 17:47:02 (PST)
I understand the frustrations of my fellow AM. I think the problem stems less from rejection by WF than from the fear of rejection and pressures from the family (especially when you're the only child in a first generation Chinese family!). That's right, more AM fear rejection by WF than WM by AF. If a WF is willing to be your friend, then dating her is a distinct possibility. If she's not willing to be your friend, then she's a bigot and you should just ignore her. Don't fret about the disinterest from AF, I'd rather go out with a WF majoring in East Asian Studies than an AF who is ignorant of her own culture. Life is good! Go for it!
Brickmanli
Friday, January 04, 2002 at 16:34:26 (PST)
Something on my mind lately. People who spout asian pride, etc., but "we should still be openminded to dating people of other races", really just want to have the world tour before settling down with their own kind.
just a thought
Friday, January 04, 2002 at 11:40:52 (PST)
I posted some facts here about a month ago and didn't get a lot of replies, but the "Asian Americans" here still don't seem to get it. On the desirability scale, men are valued for success and money. If a guy doesn't have a lot of money but is , say, an Olympic athlete or a poet laureate; he is attractive. Women are valued according to an often clearly arbitrary standard. That standard is reflected in the magazines at the check out counter at the supermarket. Asians are considered to be successful, hard working, highly intelligent, and ambitious. These are traits that make men more attractive but often actually make women less attractive. I don't agree with these values , but that is the way things work in the West. This is why asian women can never quite turn heads the way tall, slender blonde women can when they walk into a room; guys, including a lot of asian guys, don't notice them in the same way.
When one looks at the media and all the interracial realtionships shown, it is clear the white run media has an agenda of integration: there are probably more scenes of IRs in the last 3 years than in the preceding 300. And the studios don't include these IRs for ratings: a show like "Friends" or "Frasier" should put to rest any idea that the studios need them for ratings.
So why the emphasis on WM/AF and BM/WF pairings? The answer is pretty simple and clear: black and hispanic men are far and away the least desirable according to the ways men are valued, and both groups also have a long history of slavery to Westerners going back almost 500 years. While slave status might be a turn on for some men, it is certainly not for heterosexual women seeking a serious relationship. Asian women are less attractive according to the criteria used to judge women. Asian women have smaller breasts and are shorter than other women. That is partly why one sees far more black and hispanic female sex symbols and models than asian ones. The studio and network heads are simply practicing a little affirmative action for balck and hispanic men, on the one hand, and asian women on the other.
As for the actual numbers, I think there are clear reasons to believe the data is intentionally misinterpreted and possibly falsified. Asian men have had high intermarriage rate with white women since at least the 1970's.
Japanese American men married white women in that decade at the rate of about 40%. So when demographers claim that asian men are just starting to outmarry, that is clearly wrong. Also, the demographers clearly misrepresent the data: large numbers of Asian women of marriage age come to US through mail order bride companies and worse. That is, not only is the number of Asian female immigrants far larger than that for males, that group is heavily skewed to females of marriage age. In addition, since a lot of these women come here illegally, they do not show up on govt figures until they marry a citizen, sometimes a white male. It is clear why there is such a "gender divide" among recent asian immigrants.
As far as Asian Americans go, I've known 6 other Japanese American guys. Not some, not most, but all six were married to attractive white women, five of them blondes. If anything, it is easier for Japanese American guys to marry attractive white women than for Japanese American women to marry successful, heterosexual white men.
Finally, the fact that the white run media bashes AA male "sexuality", whatever that means, is clearly flattering. One must be pretty desperate to attack men on that level instead of what really counts for men; money, ability, talent, ambition, and education. If you still don't understand, consider this: why don't whites bash black and hispanic male "sexuality"? the answer is: because there is none left to bash.
In closing, the top stress researcher Robert Sapolsky observed that the difference between high ranking and low ranking monkeys--primates like us--was that the low rankers could win a contest, and their stress levels would not go down. With the high rankers, their stress levels would go down. Sapolsky concluded that the low rankers could not understand that they had , in fact, "won". Asian men have , in fact, won; and clearly some of you Cantonese and Koreans , being low rankers, still haven't figured that out yet.
energytraderus
Friday, January 04, 2002 at 11:37:57 (PST)
As the only girl in the family with six brothers with three of my younger brothers who are 5' 10" to 6'0" and good-looking, intelligent, and hopefully self-aware (they're 18, 19, 20), I 've been very sensitive of how asians males are treated in society and the media, especially as I grew older and have had more experiences. My close relationships with my brothers make me appreciate Asian males, their physical beauty and what they have to offer me in terms of relationships and understanding. It takes alot for a white guy to win me over. He would have to offer me so much more than what I can get with an asian guy - security, identity , and of course that physical attraction (nothing beats that yellow skin with the olive undertone - it's beautiful!).
Asians Rock On
Friday, January 04, 2002 at 11:27:31 (PST)
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