|
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:05:08 PM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage is't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
CONTACT US
|
ADVERTISING INFO
© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.
|
|
|
|
WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Here's the thing which frustrates me a lot about Asian American guys:
Many (not all) of them seem to have this... complex or neurosis about some phantom White guy which creeps into their relationships with women.
For example, I went out with several Asian guys and somewhere around the third date, I was asked "So, ever dated any White guys?" I answered honestly, "Yes, a few." nonchalantly. Then there'd be this awkward silence, followed by stilted conversations, an "I'll call you" and no fourth date. Later on, I got wise to this and would ask "You ever dated any Latin girls?" in response, which would usually make the guy drop the subject.
However, later on into the relationship when things became intimate and serious, they'd get into these deals where there'd be questions asking for comparisons "Am I better in bed than those White guys? Am I more romantic than those White guys? Do I have a bigger dick than those White guys?" and so forth on down the line. My response is "Who am I with now? You! Who's my boyfriend? You! HELLOOOOOO!!!???"
Then there'd be this subtle or unsubtle jealousy some of these guys would exhibit if I were nice or friendly (NOT FLIRTY) to a White guy waiting on us in a restaurant, waiting in line at the post office, at the gym, etc. Some of it was very juvenile. Occasionally, out of the blue there'd be these questions "Are you wondering what it would be like to be with a White guy instead of an Asian guy? Are you fantasizing about that?" and things to that effect--like I was with them but with a wandering mind.
I know Asian girls who had NEVER dated White or any other non-Asian men who've had the same freaking experiences. It's like some of these Asian guys have a Woody Allen mentality about themselves and are insecure in THEIR OWN MINDS! ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
I ended up dating a White guy and marrying him because at least then the main neuroses I ran into were "Would you like me better if I looked like ______ ???" (fill it in with whomever People Magazine has declared as the Sexiest Man Alive)
Michelle Ang
Wednesday, January 09, 2002 at 08:59:00 (PST)
Ok I'm not sure if I'm ready for flames I may get, but honesty is the best policy...
I don't know why, but I'm not attracted to Asian men anymore. I am assuming that it's all those the "American-made" romance novels I used to read and American television. I came to the US when I was 16 years old. When I was 15 I do know that I had crushes on Filipino guys. When I came to the US, I was surrounded only by white guys so I guess that’s the reason I went out with a white guy first. But I didn't think much yet about white guys or Asian guys. I was attracted to either equally.
But if I try to rationalize my “unfair” attraction I have for white guys now, I just feel as though white guys are really masculine and their facial features are really cute. I feel as though they can “protect” a woman.
I have gone out with other races, (indian, iranian) but majority where white guys, and never with an Asian guy, although Indians could be Asian, right? But anyway, I finally did go out with a Filipino for the first time, but there just wasn’t any spark for me. We went out to a club, and it seemed he was always talking to the white people he knew (sort of showing of me that he had white friends ???) So anyway, he was the first and last Asian guy I went out with. And then I guess my views of Asian guys got clouded because whenever I see certain Asian guys, it seems they are trying to imitate either whites or blacks or celebrities. I see an Asian guy with streaked blonde hair, and it totally does not look good on them, I’m like what the heck??? Or they try to make their hair all spiky, low pants, doing certain hand gestures, etc. And when I see an Asian guy with a white girl, it’s like they’re showing off. I remember being in a movie theater near the video game section last week, and I was looking around for my boyfriend. As I was looking around, by chance, I happened to glance on a Asian guy and white girl couple. The Asian guy saw me glance at them and SUDDENLY he started acting all lovey-dovey to the white girl, putting his hands all around her. I tell you it was NOT by coincidence that he started doing that. I just think Asian guys are trying too hard. That’s why I sort of like white guys. They are not into that and they have nothing to prove.
Filipina Girl79
Wednesday, January 09, 2002 at 07:32:15 (PST)
TO DC WHITE DUDE, how many handsome White men do you see with Asian women? 10? 50? 100? Also, are the Asian woemn you see with handsome White men, are they equally beautiful? What are their etnicities?
P.S. How old are you? What particular Asian ehnicity do you prefer?
questions
Wednesday, January 09, 2002 at 03:36:56 (PST)
Dc white dude:
;(though I haven't dated any Asian women myself - my current girlfriend is Greek and I'm NOT here to pick up Asian women!), said DC White dude.
Seems like you really adore Asian women and hate White women. Since it's the case with you, why can't you get an Asian grilfriend since Asian chicks are your ideal girls? (maybe you are too ugly for an Asian chick since Asian gals only go for 'the hottest, best-looking' White men?) Seems to me that you are pretty 'miserable' in your relationship with your Greek gf and you are desperate to have an Asian chick. If you despise White women why don't you go dump your Greek gf and your White 'mommy' for good? As far as I know Greeks are part of the White race, dude.
Smiley
Wednesday, January 09, 2002 at 03:25:36 (PST)
Okay that 8% statistic of White men involved in interracial relationships I only read from other site and to be frank I'm not that sure if that is accurate. My apologies if I sounded authoritative on this matter of interracial relationships.
To DC White dude,
WOW! That's a really great news that many White men (espacially the 'hunky' types) are no longer obsessed with the 'dumb-blonde' types of girlies. If you will ask me, MOST blondies are NOT really beautiful only a small fraction of them are. And some of the hottest blondes that you see on T.V. are naturally 'brunette' they only dyed their hair blonde ei. is Pamela Anderson( yes, Pam is naturally brunete). I think blonde is gradually going out of style and dark hair is becoming 'in'. Well, honestly, I like it much much better that dark features is becoming desirable and ideal for a woman than the blonde bombshell American standard of beauty. I personally think dark hair and dark features is exotic, sexy, and sophisticated. Makes the woman look more smart. Yes, you can guess I have a dark brown hair and black-brown eyes that is why I despise the blue-eyed blonde phenomenon. I always think that men who only go for the blonde types are stupid and shallow themselves.
About the Asian chicks taking some of the handsome White men, well, I think that is now fine with me. It is MUCH better than the blondies taking ALL the hottest White men around. Since the majority number of White men still prefer White women (and now thye are no longer disillusional about the blue-eyed blonde standard of beauty) I guess non-blonde White girl like me now have a MUCH better chance of being perceived as the ideal by just being a brunette and NOT blonde! I guess being brunette is just fine. Actually, people say I'm attractive, I kinda look like Andrea Corr (the lead singer of the band the Corrs).
Anywayz, I have a question. What Asian ethnicity who mostly date outside their race? And what Asian ethnicity White men mostly date? Just curious...
I have 3 good-looking blonde 'boy friends' and each of them has a gorgeous Filipina girlfriend. Some of the most beautiful Asian I have seen are Filipinas. I have notice that Most White men who go for Asian women are 'blondes'. Well, since I'm not into blonde types of guys Asian gals can take all the blondes. Dark-haired tanned men are the sexiest! (but, of course, each to its own, right?)
Dark brunette gal (a.k.a. 'tell it like it is')
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 23:59:19 (PST)
A very Disgusted Asian American,
In my parents homeland (China), there already are 70 million bachelors who cannot find a wife as a result of the one child policy (families aborting daughters). Many Chinese men are having a hard time finding a bride and many are purchasing North Korean or Vietnamese women for wives.
I don't want to compete against my brethren. If the white man can take our women, why can't we take theirs? Ala, the Russian and other East European mail order brides!!!
just another view
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 20:19:20 (PST)
I'm not going to go into any statistics or theories about why there is such a large incidence of white male/asian female couples. As a Asian American female dating a Caucasian male, all I can write about is my experience. I grew up in a mostly minority city so it wasn't until college that I devleoped personal relationships with white people. Before then, all of my friends were Asian and the only white people that I talked to frequently were my teachers. My ex is Asian. He was the greatest boyfriend and was very sweet to me, but while in college I realized that I didn't love him anymore. The next guy that I dated just happened to be white. The fact that I am dating a white guy is suprising to everyone and even more so to myself. Considering that I've never had any real contact with white america , I never thought that I would actually be dating a white guy. Since then, my Asian friends and the Asians at my college think that I am white washed, don't like Asian men, or am secretly trying to be white. Asians that don't know me automatically assume that I grew up in a white suburb, don't know anything or take pride in my culture, and don't know how to speak Chinese, all of which is further from the truth, simply because they see me dating a white guy. I can't speak for all of the other Asian girls that are with white guys, but as for myself, the person that makes me happy and makes me laugh just happens to be white.
baybee510
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 19:01:35 (PST)
Roger,
"Where do you folks meet these "fetishists," if you really do?"
I don't know about asian sisters. But as an Asian male I dated 3 WF that had asian male fetishes in college.
After breaking up with me they date other asian males on campus. 2 of WF with fetish were actually good friends, and recommended me to her friend after breaking up.
The fetish was mostly pyshical attraction. They like the asian male for lack of excessive body hair, the almond eyes, unblemished skin, and black hair. Being in a men's locker room, these women could have liked any white guy that fit the description. But it was a "fetish" so it was irrational.
For AM that think WF won't give you the time of day. I just don't really believe it.
AC dropout
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 16:11:59 (PST)
"My father really did not want me to date or marry a White man. He wanted me to specifically marry someone who was ethnic Vietnamese. My dad grew up in Vietnam and there was a lot of hatred among the older people in his family towards the Chinese (they invaded us many times and there are communities of Ethnic Chinese in Vietnam) and the Japanese (World War II and atrocities committed on the Asian Continent by them.)"
Germans committed atrocities on the French in World War II and committed even worse crimes against the East Europeans...however, descendants of the German refugees and the East European refugees married to become white Americans. Going further back, the Scots and the English hated each other, but their descendants here in America put aside their differences in their desire to become white Americans. Irish did not like the English, but they intermarried to become white. If you want me to go to a micro level, Campbells massacred MacDonalds at the Battle of Glencoe in 1691, but their descendants intermarried and became whites. Finally even the Hatfields and Mackoys gave up their identity to become whites. It is time for all the prejudiced Asians to put aside their historical differences and hatreds and simply become Asian American. I would like to see a day when I meet an Asian who says that he or she has Thai, Japanese and Vietnamese blood on mother's side and Korean, Filipino, Chinese and Hmong on Father's side...then the Asian Americans would have come of age. Otherwise Asian Americans would never challenge the whites.
Proud Asian American
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 15:43:29 (PST)
"Did the concept of race even exist before 1600, i don't know?"
No. Skin color issues existed in India from Manu's shastra. But, race is a fraud invented by white Americans along with the Selection Committee for the US Foreign Service Exams and the BCS Rankings.
Asian American Male
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 15:21:19 (PST)
"There are lots of social barriers to WM going out with AFs. I wouldn't make too much of your 8% statistic, even if it is accurate. Besides, the vast majority of WM don't have much of an opportunity to go out with AFs."
Social barriers: white family opposition and/or Asian family opposition? What about the children? Vast majority have no opportunity: no Asian women in the neighborhood?
Asian American Male
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 15:19:17 (PST)
A very Disgusted Asian American,
You are going way overboard with this statistics of yours. What's up with this 8% dating 50%....? Are you trying to predict the asian or white population here? First of all, there will always be more asians in the world than any other race because of the 10 billion+ in China. Secondly, I don't know where you live but I find women of all colors are attracted to asian male. And the majority of AF prefer to date AM, because most AF simply feels more comfortable and can laugh and relate with fellow AM, but there is nothing wrong if she finds a better soulmate in a man of any other race. I must say most AF I know who outmarries had a hard time finding a suitable AM, or AM basically do not find them attractive. Now, is that wrong to keep your options open and look elsewhere. I would encourage AM to be more open to dating outside AF in the US. It's always nice having a bigger population to choose from. But if you really want an AF but can't find one suitable in US, it's perfectly fine to go back to asia where odds are in your favor.
concerned AM
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 12:32:33 (PST)
"But i haven't seen a change in the glass ceiling. Who are still over 95% of your CEOs?"
True for companies with HQ in America such as Pfiezer and Merck.
"More importantly, this argument transcends race and delves into the very ideas of capitalism, wealth, Western philosophical thought and how it has influenced the way we think and approach life."
Not true..with globalization it is the Asian and to some extent the European that is employing more and more white American than the other way around. More white Americans now work for Japanese and Korean auto corporations than for lily white American ones such as Ford and GM...the same is true of film corporations...more whites work for Fuji in South Carolina than for Kodak.
"Put simply, if i'm a wealthy Asian-American and i hob nob at the country club with all my "old money" white friends and could care less about my roots or helping my Asian brothers and sisters then what good am i to The Cause."
Japanese auto bosses in Indiana have a superiority complex over whites.
"Many wealthy minority men marry light skin women or white women. It's almost like a sign that you've made it. (insert theme to the Mary Tyler Moore Show)"
True of blacks and Hispanics but not true for Asian Americans...actually the complaint is that even if you are wealthy, very few white American woman wants to have anything to do with you.
"Lastly, America may be the most powerful nation in the world and might still be in a hundred years but nothing lasts forever."
You mean white America. I think many Asian American men could contribute to the decline of white America (make whites a minority), if instead of whining and crying about Asian American women dating and marrying whites, they find an Asian bride in some Asian country and help their family get into this country. This is the best way to get back at the white man.
Proud Asian American
Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 12:27:20 (PST)
NEWEST COMMENTS |
EARLIER COMMENTS
|