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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage is't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
I can't fathom this contention that "the media" are to blame for AFs' perceptions of AMs. To you people who keep harping on "the media," do you really believe that AFs who grow up surrounded by AMs are more affected by the portrayals of AMs she sees in "the media" than by the contact she has with AMs in real life, especially when, as you constantly complain, there is such a dearth of Asians in "the media?"
Could someone explain how it is that images of AMs in "the media" could possibly be a greater influence on AFs' perceptions of AMs than contact with real life AMs?
Roger
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 09:59:14 (PST)
In response to DC white dude, you obviously do not know any Latinos! You are basing your statements on sterotypes. We do not consider all our latin brothers & sisters "homies". We do not refer to each as that on the streets! Also, as a proud Latina we come in different shades & sizes. We can be white as Cameron Diaz(Cuban decent) or as dark as Sammy Sosa(Dominican decent). Dont sterotype all latinas has having one dimentional look. You claim we date bm simply because of "classim". We date whomever we want. Why is latinos who date bm consider "classism". What about af who dates wm? do you have a name for that as well. Get your head out of the sand & educate yourself about Latino culture! According to the last census we are the biggest minority & we are here to stay!
Latinprincess
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 09:28:52 (PST)
This whole issue is sad and everytime I read this it depresses the hell out of me. I'm in Asia right now so the last thing I have to worry about are AF's going out of there way to avoid AM's leaving an AM like me with the possibility of a hurt ego and an AM complex. But when I read the stuff here about how AF's don't like AM's for such and such reason and AM's saying AF's are a lost cause for so and so and now we should just date WF's since that's the only alternative and also to sort of get back at AF's, it's pretty depressing and an overall sad state of affairs. Whatever is going on in the Asian dating scene in the US, I'm not familiar with since I haven't been back in a few years. But sure sounds like the racial issue in America has sure got the worst of all of you. BTW, yes I would be totally pissed off and frustrated if Asian females thought of me as worthless dating material just because of my race. WHICH IS A TOTALLY SCREWED UP IRONY SINCE I'M THE SAME RACE AS THEM! (What's up with that?)What the hell is going on in the US? According to Goldsea posters, I think living in America is not healthy for Asians. After reading some stuff here about dating and even your obsessions with Asian height and body figures, I don't know if I ever wanna go back to America! Either that or you're all very young and very immature. Anyways, much luck to to you all.
Stuck in the middle
kang_sam@hotmail.com
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 09:12:53 (PST)
I really think it is the media that has perpetuated this whole mess. But slowly, things are changing, thankfully. Now, white guys are being paired with other women besides asian, and asian guys are getting on Tv more often. All we ask for is a little equality!!!
Times are changin' slowly
thienc_tran@yahoo.com
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 01:59:20 (PST)
American male who appreciates the Asian women,
again, u brought the most racist act on to the table.
American male = whites?!?
are asians not americans!?!
dan
Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 20:38:22 (PST)
dc white dude,
whites and mexicans on average, are much
shorter than asians in my high school(60% asians). i live in arcadia by the way.
my younger bro's(14~15) friends average 6 (no kidding), a few of them are 6"3, 6"5, 6"6. by the way, i dunno why WHITES and BLACKS like to bullshit about their height all the time! a lot of my non-asian friends all list themselves 2 inches higher than what they really are! i met so many nba players in hawaii on a trip, and they are two inches shorter than their listed heights! i swear!
still, all those rich, preppy asian girls in arcadia flirt with shorty, poor, stupid mexicans! why?
dan
Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 20:33:53 (PST)
I met with an AA Male GoldSea Poster who will rename anonymous. All I can say is that his favorite number is 69! (RIGHT KY-dude?)
HG-Dudette
Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 20:07:18 (PST)
Dark Brunette Gal,
I have been enjoying your posts. As a long-time fan of the Corrs, I think Andrea is just beautiful-lucky you!
asian gal
Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 16:37:03 (PST)
I think the fundamental issue people have with IR relationships between AF and WM (or AM, WF for that matter) is what the relationship is based upon. I honestly believe that if a relationship were found upon mutual respect for each other's cultures and values that this would be less of a problem to most of the "concerned parties". However, all too often (some people), those involved in IR relations seem to have a pre-concieved notion that their own culture is somewhat inferior, and their opposite sex mates are somewhat "lesser" than the majority population's. This is PURE racism as in my mind, generalizations about ANY race really mean little and are virtually absent from justification. If one feels a connection with someone of another race that is NOT based upon the race of that individual, I'm all for it. However, if one chooses someone of another race because he/she hates, or dislikes members of his/her own race, I choose to look at that relationships with pure disgust. As long as race is a qualifying criteron in one's judging pattern, that person is racist, pure and simple. "Why am I less of a person or less of a suitable mate because I'm asian?", that's the fundamental question that many Asian Americans ask.
Kevin Yang
Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 14:04:31 (PST)
Michelle, I hope you realize that there are just as many WM, BM, or any other males, who have the "Woody Allen" complex as AM. It is hard if not impossible to generalize upon one group as having more "this" or "that". However, to your credit you DID point out that NOT all AM are like that. Keep in mind, that NOT all WM are "not like that as well". The point here is to keep a level head and to take note that personality traits are usually NOT associated with race in any form. I have to agree with you on the standpoint that it may be annoying to answer such questions from an intimate lover, but keep in mind that there are JUST as many of those types of people as there aren't in any culture or ethnic identity. Just as it maybe frustrating for you to deal with some AM who have that sort of complex, it's equally frustrating for many of us AM to deal with AF who believe that personality is inherently related to race a very racist ideology. Remember that the door swings both ways. As long as you don't associate any trait with race, people should have little problem with you.
Thanks,
Kevin Yang
Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 13:49:33 (PST)
To FOP,
In my case, cultural difference have never been an obstacle in my relationships. I think it depends on both people to accept these so-called differences. I remember when I *finally* had the nerve to let my caucasian boyfriend meet my family members, he took it pretty well. When my Dad finally saw for himself that I *actually* dating, and a white guy at that, he began imposing curfews, and my bf still took it well. In fact, he always brings me home on time or earlier. And then when I told my bf that we probably won't be able to take a trip a.k.a. having to stay the night in a hotel etc., bf still took it well. He sai: "Not to worry, one day, we can take a trip together for however long it takes, and your parents will be totally fine with it. Be patient." ^_^
As for my meeting his family members, they were all really loving and welcoming. I think it has to do with the fact that my caucasian bf is very understanding about all these kinds of things and he also had female siblings, but in my humble opinion, the fact that we have the same views and we're both Catholics is definitely an important factor.
Filipina Girl79
Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 13:46:56 (PST)
THIS IS TO WISE GUY:
"I see a lot more Filipino women with white guys than any other asian race. Is this some kind of general phenomenon in your circle? Are Filipino guys just not desirable? Does it have to do with catalogue brides or US Navy type association?"
In my honest opinion, there are also a lot of Chinese women with white guys. ^_^ But yes, you could say the same for Filipinas.
Honestly speaking there are a lot of reasons, some even petty, as to why Filipinas are with white guys. I think that in some ways, the American culture (as well as Spanish and maybe Chinese culture) have been integrated into the Philippines. I think that is why Filipinos can adapt easily. But focusing only on media, we have a lot of American TV shows, so naturally, media plays a role in that. Filipino girls do have crushes on white guys and they also have perceptions of their looks, that they are attractive, etc. We also have those American-made romance novels. Other “petty” and “bad” reasons could be that some Filipino women want to come to the U.S. and have a better life (those pen-pal/mail order brides) ~_~ and the pettiest of them all could be that some Filipinas want to have “beautiful offsprings”. But in other reasons, I truly, truly believe that some Filipino women like white guys because they really make Filipino girls feel protected, just by their height and demeanor. I don’t think that its because Filipino guys are not desirable. But some of what I mentioned above may be the reason these Filipinas aren’t with Filipino guys.
In my case I’m with my white guy, NOT because I’m escaping poverty, or to get a green card, (I’m already a citizen) but because he is the coolest, sweetest and funniest guy in the whole galaxy and I am totally attracted to him. He respects my old fashioned views. I believe in saving “it” for marriage and amazingly, he respects that. Though there have been occasions where he could have abused my trust, he did not. Plus he is old-fashioned too and he has introduced me to his family members and vice-versa. So that is why I am with my cool white boyfriend. And hey, having beautiful kids would be totally cool too. ~_~
Filipina Girl 79
Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 11:32:50 (PST)
I think for those AF who post justifying comments here on why they ended up with WM is becaue they need a forum to vent their feelings. It's true that IR couples is slowly increasing, but they still get a lot of stares and stereotypes when they go out confronting the society and their friends. A lot of us pass judgement on to them, without knowing who they really are. Also, I feel for those AF who have mixed children, 'cause a lot of times they really don't look anything like them. It must be strange sometimes trying to have to constantly justify to everyone that he or she is indeed your child.
Wise Guy
Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 11:14:07 (PST)
Modern AA Male Perspective and Just telling it like I see it:
You guys need to quit obsessing on that stuff and be happy that your g/f is with you. That kind of complex is unattractive in ANY MAN.
AC Dropout: Your points about subtle comparisions would make sense for MOST MEN. However, the ones I dated prior to my husband were OBSESSED with this notion--I could be sitting silently, reading the Bee and they'd ask those questions intensely, angrily and with much paranoia. I WASN'T EVEN THINKING ABOUT A WHITE GUY WHEN I WAS WITH THEM! If I had made comments that I was, it would be another matter. I did not do anything of the sort and that got frustrating to me.
Miscegenation is great: I do not know who this "Janet Chang" is. My name is pronounced AHng--rhyms with WONG, not GANG. I was always happy with the Asian guys I was with until they began obsessing about me thinking about White guys WHEN I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING OF THE SORT! If your g/f was going nuts over thoughts of you getting with a White woman when you weren't even thinking of such a thing, it would get old after a while too.
Ann Pham: I was not referring to Woody Allen chasing after and bedding his stepdaughter Soon-Yi. I was referring to his annoying behavior in all of his movies where he's constantly neurotic, feeling sorry for himself and blaming his problems on anti-semetism. this junk going on about the phantom white guy is what some (not all) asian guys seem to obsess on. i went through that with over 10 asian guys before i even dated a white guy. i never intended to date a white guy, and the fact that i ended up doing so and married one doesn't require any justification. the point of my post was for asian guys who do obsess about the phantom white guy in the back of their minds to stop doing this crap because they're are ruinging their own relationships, it is not the white guys who are doing this!!!
enough already!!!
Michelle Ang
Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 10:40:15 (PST)
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