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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage is't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Michelle Ang,
But still sounds like it was just that individual which behaved in that manner, not asians in general. Asians are prone to be imperfect like any other race.
If I look at all the asian women I dated before getting married I could list some commonality.
A. 2 AF propositioned me for sex prior to me acknowledging that they were my girlfriend.
B. 3 AF offer to make me dinner as a date.
C. 5 AF decided on their own accord to do my laudry once I acknowledged they were my gf and in a relationship.
If I look at all the white women I date I can look similarities also.
A. 3 of them were blond
B. 2 of them had hazel eyes
c. 3 of them had asian fetishes
d. 2 of them had bad hygene
e. 2 of them were jewish
So can I accurate summarize.
Most asian women are great housewives with huge sexual appetite.
and
Most white women are dirty sexual deviants with blond hair and hazel eyes. You can throw the word "Jew" in there where ever you want.
Judge the person, not the race. This is especially true in relationships.
AC dropout
Saturday, January 12, 2002 at 21:07:25 (PST)
response to michelle ang,
i was afraid of that. now you understand personally how powerful media influences are on people's minds. those asian boys that you were otherwise fine with had that inferiority complex simply because of too much images of white male dominance. if we begin to see leading asian men in hollywood, you will see those bad associations begin to leave. if anyone here disputes this, then dispute the power of advertising and the power of IMAGE. i'm a perfectly sane, confident, and rational young AM who understands this. even though i grew up here, somehow the stuff on tv and kids teasing makes you feel like the perpetual outsider although i became fast friends with a few white boys later on. no, i ain't no second class human being. but from the media it would seem that all asian men are either super kungfu masters, evil gangster, or super dorky nerd motherf***ers. damn. the truth is, we AM's can also be damn studs, great looking, possess outstanding character, drive, ambition and everything it takes to succeed in this modern world with style and still have the emotional depth, spirituality, and sensitivity to satisfy the finest women with the highest standards in men... ;)
AM
Saturday, January 12, 2002 at 18:18:21 (PST)
Roger,
actually you make a good point. but the point is that there exists a population of asian women who grow up in non metro areas in the US that get affected by the negative portrayals of AM. Being an ABC here in San Francisco although there are interracial couples, the norm here is that most asian guys and gals get along just fine since we dominate this city. Heard enough of Asian femmes who grew up with mostly white friends and are self-hating to the point of shaming our people. These girls should reincarnate as white girls the next time around seeing how they suffer being Asian. that is very Sad, and has to do with the lack of positive asian images in the American media. got it roger? usually the asian girls who grow up with us boys like us and 'god forbid' actually choose us over white boys. at least in my experience... =) self-hating asian chicks like connie chung will end up marrying ugly dork-ass white boys and get on tv harping on how 'american' they really are. (they mean white) f*** that.... =)
american born taiwanese
Saturday, January 12, 2002 at 17:56:32 (PST)
Michelle Ang,
I guess your solution to AM's inferiority complex is to marry a white man. Thanks alot for doing us AMs a service. The white men killed plenty of Asian men in wars, so why not join them if you can't beat them, right? Asian women are worst than traitors. If I had a sister who married a white guy, I would ask her to kill me than for me to call her sister. If you ever have a son, I hope you won't abandon him if he looked more Asian than white. Have a nice life, and I hope your wish of becoming a white girl will come true!
Keep It Real
Saturday, January 12, 2002 at 17:35:36 (PST)
Latinprincess,
Where in my message did I say that Latinos consider ALL their fellow Latinos "homies"?! I never said Latinos consider ALL their fellow Latinos "homies". I was just using that word as a generalization, which is perfectly valid and legitimate because Latin people use that word very often in my experience. Also, whites and blacks use that word a lot too. By "homies" I just meant neighbors, or people from the same geographic vicinity. It's true (sadly) that in this country we still have a lot of geographic segregation of the races and of ethnic groups. Also, why is it okay to classify "ALL" other Latin people as your "brothers and sisters" - when some of them are obviously narcotraficantes, drug dealers, thieves, etc. - just like there are millions and millions of honest, intelligent and conscientious Latin people too, who are doctors, lawyers, business people, teachers, and simply good citizens. Why do you jump the gun and ASSUME that I'm trying to negatively classify your "brothers and sisters" - i.e., your fellow Latins? Are they ALL your "brothers and sisters" - even the drug dealers? Are the drug dealers any MORE your "brothers and sisters" than some white guy like myself, just because they happen to be Latin? Aren't YOU the one who's stereotyping now? Do you have a chip on your shoulder because you happen to be Latin and you jump the gun all the time because you think all people of other races (whites, etc.) are out to get you or out to stereotype you? Why don't you try to understand people as individuals rather than jumping the gun against members of a particular group? Porque no podemos vivir juntos en paz? Todo el mundo son SERES HUMANOS primeramente! I know a lot of Latin people, I have dated Cuban and Puerto Rican girls in the past, I have spent a significant amount of time in Puerto Rico, have many close friends there, have gone to parties and fiestas and Christmas parrandas there, I enjoy "chicharrones de Bayamon" and salsa music, I know and love Latin people!!!
DC White Dude
Saturday, January 12, 2002 at 12:52:07 (PST)
As I read through many of the articles and comments on this site, it's obvious that much of the content would have to be filed under "fiction." One such example is the article "Coming Home to an Asian Woman."
True story or not, however, I was struck by the author's confession that he "believed that race didn't matter. Or better yet, that she preferred me because of my race. What could be better? My fantasy blonde with a special thing for Asian men."
Well, if you flip the script, why are Asian females excoriated by Asian males on the mere suspicion that some Asian females might prefer White men because of their race? Or, if some Asian males would think it "better yet" that their fantasied blonde preferred them because of their race, how can Asian males excoriate any White man who prefers Asian women because of their race?
I'm just wondering what explains the double standard.
Roger
Saturday, January 12, 2002 at 07:27:57 (PST)
Roger:
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/special_reports/ eating_disorder/ano_bulimia.htm
"The ever increasing number of teenage girls suffering from eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia, is inextricably linked to the media portrayal of ultra-thin models as the ideal form, according to the British Medical Association."
But, but... how can "the media" possibly be a greater influence on girls' perceptions of *THEMSELVES* than contact with real life females?
not bothering to connect the dots
Saturday, January 12, 2002 at 02:52:45 (PST)
Filipina Girl79,
You are right. I matters little if the guy is not a fellow Asian as long as they have mutual respect, love and affection. It seems you got a good man in your hands, so he's cool in my book.
As for Filipinas going out with white men, the reasons what you've stated are true, some are just into these marriages because they want to fullfil their colonial-minded fantasy of bearing so called "beautiful-white" children. Thankfully, that is more of an exception rather than the rule.
To answer the question why do Filipino date less Caucasian women compared to Filipinas with Caucasian men. Based on my experience, despite opportunities of dating and having relationships outside my race (I've been with caucasian and latina women)I still love Filipinas and I haven't written them off as potential mates. That goes the same way to other Asian women. Despite statistics on out marriages and out dating, we never lost hope of meeting that wonderful Filipina or any Asian woman that will knock our socks off. But then again, if I do get romantically involved with someone that is not of my race, as long as I love her and she loves me, nothing else matters. I think that's the mindset that other Filipino-American men have about relationships, at least the ones I got to talk to.
Opportunities arises when you are in an environment where you are a minority and are given dating choices apart from your own race. I just hope that these men and women who are involved in these relationships are in for the right reasons, rather than to fullfill a sick stereotype.
P-NOY
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 20:49:27 (PST)
and dan...
What about your comment:
"preppy asian girls in arcadia flirt with shorty, poor, stupid mexicans!"
Isn't that racist? and aren't at least some of those shorty poor mexicans born in america and thus americans?
So being racist against white males is ok but somehow its ok to make fun of mexicans?
I think a lot of asians really have get rid of their internal prejudice (putting white fols on pedestals and stepping on darker skinned folk).
an asian male reader
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 20:02:13 (PST)
I hope this does not come across as being racist, but.......
I find it a highly annoying that Whites, Latinos (especially Latin Princess!), etc are airing off their 2 cents on our forum. As far as I'm concerned, these issues do not belong to them.
asian girl
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 19:41:52 (PST)
Roger,
Unless an asian is growing up in an established asian community with asian churches, schools, infrastructure, etc. They are basically growing up white and get their concept of asian from the media.
Growing up in NYC most of the asian were assertive and self aware of what it means to be asian. When I attended college and met my suburban counterparts. They were always amazed on how I would tell them how whitey kids in NYC were not only not our acedemic equals but were also targets for bullying extra milk money when they pissed us off in highschool.
They were shocked to here that there were distinct asian hangout in the City and culture. Whitey in HS did parking lot drinking parties. Asian did the Billard Club thing.
AC dropout
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 15:44:58 (PST)
Michelle Ang,
I know exactly what you were referring to sunshine. Your talking about a victim complex based in a sense of insecurity in identity when placed against the backdrop of the dominating culture. And I still say I have met more white Woody Allens then Asian ones. Most Asian men I know possess a calm demure bordering on stoicism, spiritual contentment, a broader sense of personal responsibility. All of which are traits I rarely find among white males. I have known too many white males who obsess about other males and how they are percieved by thier romantic interests. Generally most are self serving with little regard for family life and those who do date Asain women usually possess a deep seated attraction based in exoticism or the objectification of the "other". Chow....
Ann Pham
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 15:43:00 (PST)
That's KY as in "KY Jelly" and my initials are HG as in the atomic symbol for Mercury.
HG-Dudette
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 11:35:19 (PST)
To Roger:
I think one of the reasons on why media could play a part in an Asian Female’s perception of an Asian Male is that they are portrayed in a certain way, doing kung-fu stuff, or sometimes (in t.v. for example) they are not portrayed at all. They are not always visible in t.v. shows. All the public/Asian females see are white males or other races, some black, latinos, etc in the media.
In my case, I honestly admit that it has to do with both, both the media and my contact with other Asian males in different towns in my community. I don’t know why, but I just got irritated when I see all these Asian guys with streaked blonde or spiky hair full of gel, etc. But I have two Asian older brothers, so I am not trying to “diss” Asian guys. All I’m saying is, if you look too “Asian” maybe you shouldn’t really try blonde hair.
Filipina Girl79
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 11:08:22 (PST)
Filipina Girl 79,
Thanks for your insight. I am happy you found happiness for who you are with. However, I disagree with you that a lot of chinese women are with WM or have the same affinity for WM as most Philipina or Japanese women that I know and met. In fact, two of the most well known personalities, Lisa Ling and Ming Na both have chinese or korean b/f or husband, and they are very proud of their heritage and their men. They both sponsored and promote AM and asian culture with their fame. And I know from my own circle and my sister's friend, seems like only Japanese or Philipina girls, like you mentioned grown up having an image in your mind of WM being better than your own kind. I must say you should find that there is something wrong there. In addition, my best friend is WM and he recently ended a long time relationship with a Philipina girl becuase he feels she was completely lack of confidence when he is not around at the Clubs or Restaurants, which sounds totally strange to me. It was funny that he also mentioned he didn't like Fish Head soup either when he used to visit her mom.
Best of Luck!
Wise Guy
Friday, January 11, 2002 at 10:05:46 (PST)
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