|
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage is't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
CONTACT US
|
ADVERTISING INFO
© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.
|
|
|
|
WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
To: Weary of AFs.
Regarding regarding relationships between Jewish Males and Asians:
I think that relatively high proportion of romances between Asians and Jews results more from similarities in the cultures (as opposed to the AF desire for wealth). The Jews and the Asians (the Chinese in particular) have much in common. The Chinese are sometimes called the Jews of the far East due to cultural stereotypes regarding business acumen (both races have been punished for this as well). Both races share a love for learning and a willingness to work hard. Universities such as MIT and UCB have Jewish and Chinese student populations out of proportion to the nation wide population (until recently UCB had a quota on the percent Chinese it could admit, the percent of Chinese students at UCB ncreased by 15% the year the quota was lifted). The book, "The Bell Curve" (a Harvard based study correlating race and IQ), reports that the Chinese have the second highest IQ among all races (higher than the Caucasians and also higher than Japanese).
Regarding Physical Attraction:
Is it fair to characterize a race as ugly? I think it is very difficult to do this because attractiveness seems to be a matter of personal preference. Is is like trying to determine the best tasting food. It is impossible because everyone has different tastes (even one's tastes change over time).
I think that looks are subjective, especially between different races. For example, in some Asian countries, dark skinned women are considered ugly. But, a Westerner might consider a dark skinned Asian woman to be exotic and beautiful. It is a matter of preference. In fact, there are evolutionary forces which drive a certain fraction of the population to have a genetic preference for a mate outside their own race. Some amount of cross-fertilization increases the chances of species survival. Those races without any people seeking foreign mates are less likely to survive. Cross-fertilization strengthens the gene pool.
I think that relationships between Jews and Chinese are more common than expected due to common values, and due to the desire for some percent of the population to be attracted to other races.
Peace
Craig
Quadricorrelator
craig_aronson@hotmail.com
Sunday, February 24, 2002 at 05:42:32 (PST)
The fact is that the Asian Americans make up about 4% of the US population. All things being equal, AF are 25 times as likely to meet WM as AM. These relationships can not be avoided. It is a statistical certainty.
There is no reason for anger or bitterness. AM are not specifically searching for AF in general. AF are not specifically searching for AF in general. Random human interactions are the reason that these relationships develop.
Remember, that by the third generation,immigrants can no longer speak the language of their grandparents.
quadricorrelator
craig_aronson@hotmail.com
Sunday, February 24, 2002 at 04:56:08 (PST)
Hey Asian Stud,
You can't be any more correct.
Asian men are more picky when it comes to choosing their girlfriend or wife. In fact, i mean they are very picky. This is I believe a major reason why many asian females feel that instead of waiting for an asian male to come along, they rather go out with a white male instead.
But make no mistake, most asian females who go out with non-asian males are ugly by asian standard.
junkie
Sunday, February 24, 2002 at 00:29:06 (PST)
Hey anyone seen the ones where the WM is a closet homesexual? Many of you are describing them as awkward, nerdy...yes yes, but look closer...
I'm throwing all sorts of stereotypes out there obviously, but there's a vibe with gay guys and way too many of the WM in the AFWM pairs are sending it.
My theory is that these guys are not into white girls at all, maybe too much tits and attitude, and find a compromise in the AF. The demographics match - well educated, upper middle class, urban/suburban background. Some of these WM may never come out but some do. There's nothing necessarily unhealthy about this sort of pairing - we're all entitled to our choices and entitled to figure out who we are, no? Besides, sexuality is not a black and white thing!
Want some examples of gay (or bi) guys with AF history? George Michael (remember the I Want Your Sex video? She was his GF.), David Bowie (go listen to China Girl) and Perry Farrell (ok, obscure example, but married a Chinese girl). Besides, look around!
Hello Kitty
Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 21:42:32 (PST)
Hey did someone say af/wm relationships , the af is always fob?
no way!
I know many chinese friends and they still dont consider caucasians as part of the human race!lol
I think it is mostly those fat fat woman who are very american oriented.
haol
Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 15:41:58 (PST)
Wow.
A dozen posts by who knows how many AMs all of which agree that WM/AF couples are made up of unattractive, pathetic losers. It's difficult to reconcile this assessment with the extraordinary degree of bitterness displayed here over WM/AF couples.
If WMs involved with AFs merely take off your hands all of the unattractive AFs, why is there any concern at all about the "AA Gender Divide?"
It doesn't add up.
Roger
Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 15:15:35 (PST)
I'm a half Asian woman, and I have to say that WM with Asian fetishes are my biggest pet peeve, so I agree that those kind of AF/WM relationships occur. However, I myself have a WM for a boyfriend, who had no idea that I was half Asian when I met him (I tend to confuse people, being half. By the way, my father is Asian and my mother is white--it does happen the other way around!!) I also have never been asked out by an AM, ever...my AM friends tell me it is because I'm "not Asian enough" and "too tall"...I'm not kidding. Plus, I grew up in a predominantly white area of the country. It's not like I had a lot of AMs to date in the first place, so I can't really speak for AFs who choose to date only WMs. Besides, you can't help who you fall in love with, plain and simple.
Half n' Half
Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 14:52:55 (PST)
in response to this post - And what if some afwm relationship don't fit the pattern? would you come up with more lame excuses as to why they're together? Or would you finally concede that they are just two attractive human beings happy with one another. What would you do if you saw a pretty asian girl with an equally handsome white guy?
- i'm not the original poster of this, but i'd like to answer this. jeez? who cares? damn it is a free country do what you like. as long as the asian girl doesn't have some kinda warped hatred for am's and has respect for us and her culture, am's like me don't care. we all go about our business ok? lol. actually it is better to see that the good looking asian girl got an equally handsome white guy. cuz usually it ain't the case! girl way better looking than the guy is the usual case and it can be an eyesore. well that's superficial granted, but it is a natural reaction to size up a rival and if the other guy doesn't measure up you kinda wonder what the girl saw? maybe a great personality? =) hey girls are less superficial and maybe we guys gotta start thinking likewise. as in lowering standards from impossible. heheheh
young american born taiwanese guy
Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 13:58:53 (PST)
Weary of AFs,
I actually know a Chinese chick from NYC who dates a dorky Jewish guy. but then again, she isn't exactly a 10 on the looks scale either, so I think it makes sense. But yeah, a lot of the WASP-y WMs in NYC that are very elligible (handsome/famous/rich/etc.) are quickly snapped up by equally elligible WFs from the same social class, the other alternative are the Jewish men. Oh well. I don't mind dating non-asians, so it's a less important issue to me. Just my 2 cents.
Werd.
Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 12:20:16 (PST)
"telling it like it is" is probably over 40. I think for the under 25 crowd, this is less true. For those who have been schooled together in this day and age, there is likely more chance that the couple can be just familiar with each other, and there are less "loser" factors involved. But I think he (I am assuming that "tilis" is male, because he sure sounds like one!) is pretty much right for a lot of the late 30's over 40's crowd.
aa girl
Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 08:01:41 (PST)
the gender divide real or not here is my take as a young college am. well we do see more af/wm couples. why? first off and importantly most am's i know including me have no desire to date outside the race. although i've begun personally to change that in being open now to the possibility of inter-racial dating. well i'm not exactly super-confident about my looks but have been told i'm hot, etc. had interest from girls of all races. now i only look back and wonder how it would've been if i went after the caucasian hotties, and dayam they were very hot. well fellaz i say it is time to go the other way. we worship our own women for far too long. these girls have it too ez. time to spread out ourselves and play the whole field - the whole 9 yards all races. go for it. go after the sisters of these white guys. some of them are worth the effort i'm sure and might as well kill those stupid stereotypes while we're at it.
american born taiwanese
Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 02:16:52 (PST)
I think it's hilarious that all these Asian girls are shitting their pants over the post by "telling it like it is". Although the tone of his voice is clearly satirical, I definately think that there is a grain of truth in his words. Don't get your panties in a knot, ladies. I've dated interracially, and it's sad, but most of the time there are ulterior motives or attractions based on sterotypes. I've been guilty of it, and so have the white/latino/mixed women that I have dated in the past. I think the women here need to stop playing 'holier than thou' -- your relationships, like most others, are not pure by any means.
This is pretty hilarious.
Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 01:43:36 (PST)
Ahahah! Why should I care? I'm one of the fortunate enough Asian men to have a preference for white women. And believe me, it doesn't hurt me a bit to see it the other way around. My other friends are also While the Self Hating Interracial Asian Woman does it for revenge and escape from her own self and her society, the Self Loving Asian Man does it to broaden his horizons. No doubt, there is more evil than good in this country.
San Diego AM
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 19:27:23 (PST)
How about Asian men and nonAsian women? I'm a white female, and I know a lot of round-eye women, black and white, myself included, who would happily get involved with Asian men, if we had the chance to meet an AM with whom we had something in common. I used to have this hot Japanese boyfriend and I used to see white, black, and Spanish women eyeing him all the time. Strangely, he never saw it...thought of himself as skinny and geeky-looking. We're not together now. Different goals. If I could just meet a guy who looked like him, but had more of the same goals and interests as I do...sigh.
Jane
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 19:26:01 (PST)
Telling it like it is
way to go, finally somebody with intelligence
Asian Sting
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 18:29:54 (PST)
One Hot AF with one Hot WM :
Does Telling it like it is, hit a raw point you sellout Bananna? Truth hurts does it not, I hope your kids respect the asian heritage more then u.
Truth hurts
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 18:28:51 (PST)
Asian Stud said:
"We often rid ourselves of the uglys and retain the pretty.That is the reason why so many asian women marry outside their race because most of them would not be able to marry within their race due to unsighthly looks."
pupu said:
"In hongkong, we call those woman pork chops *ju pah* cause they are sooo nerdy looking, pig face, short, unattractive and so on. It's not like the beauties of china leave for caucasian ppl. It's more of.. cant find a asian man to marry cause asian men have higher standands."
These statements are false. The more educated, better looking AFs are more likely to be with WMs. Maggie Cheung, Miss HK was married to a French director. Bai Ling, is dating Chris Issak. Almost all famous AFs are with WMs, the latest, Michelle Kwan. And don't try to rationalize by telling me Michelle Kwan is ugly. Sure, she is not gorgeous, but she is very cute, and a world champion in skating, I am sure plenty of AMs want her. People on this board blame interracial on the media, or white men fetish or AFs selling out, we are ignoring one important factor, AMs are not very aggressive on average. We come from a conservative culture, AFs are more likely to accept an offer of dating, AMs are less likely to ask a female for dating. This is the primary cause of interacial imbalance. Until AMs become more aggressive, nothing is going to change
AA
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 13:49:20 (PST)
Telling it like it is,
I think you are pathetic.
A White Female
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 13:09:33 (PST)
the same can be said for AMs. i see tons of good looking asian guys with fat, ugly white girls merely because they are white. sure they may have bigger breasts than us, but they also have bigger thighs, bigger guts, etc, etc....
told
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 11:44:47 (PST)
To "Booyah":
In type #1, the AF is often Asian American. In type #2, the AF is often FOB. I describe type #2 AFs as needing to learn English (so they can say "me love you long time" to White men). That doesn't mean type #1 AFs have to be FOB too.
Did I confuse you just now? You may need to work on your reading comprehension.
To "???":
When I see pretty Asian girl with a handsome White guy, I froth at the mouth, throw furnitures around, scream in bloody rage, run in circles tearing my hair out, and then suffer a massive heart attack.
No. Actually what I do is change the channel with the TV remote.
To "Weary of AFs" and "AC Dropout":
No doubt there are other types of AFWM couples beyond the two I pointed out. I didn't write about the other types only because I haven't encountered many in my life.
I have seen some AFJM couples - they tend to fit #1 pretty well.
Look at all the moronic hyphenated names in the bylines of New York Times. There's probably enough of them to form a club where they can get together and discuss the joys of kosher food, Yiddish expressions, and circumcised penis.
To "One Hot AF with one Hot WM":
There are two possibilities:
1. If you and your man are secure in your attractiveness, you'd probably see yourselves as exceptions to the rule and laugh it off without a second thought.
2. If, on the other hand, there's some truth in what I'm saying, then boy is it gonna sting like a mofo. You'd probably get all bent out of shape.
I'll leave it to the readership of Goldsea to figure out which category you belong to.
Telling it like it is
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 11:35:24 (PST)
Unfortunately those stereotypes are true. I have seen ugly or/and young Asian women and ugly/ and/or old white men. One can say that sometimes, these men look like “white trash” or the Asian women look “used” and abused/look low-class/uneducated/hooker type/FOB. But there are exceptions. *I* am the exception, mwahahahahaaa..!!! I definitely cute, as proven by all the guys (of different nationalities, mind you) whom I dated. But now, I am with my cute and loving boyfriend, who, oh my goodness, is a doctor and no he does is not “uncute.” In fact he has a great and charming personality. That is the *most* important factor. Him being a doctor is just a perk/plus.
I think all you Asian guys should stop complaining when Asian gals go out with white guys. Stop whining! Sheesh!!! I think deep down you Asian guys probably want to go out with a white girl but can't so you get mad at Asian gals who do.
22 year old Catholic girl
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 11:15:50 (PST)
In The Joy Luck Club, Rosalind Chao plays Rose, an attractive Asian American female who hooks up with an attractive White male. This is the fantasy that quite a few AFs entertain about the ideal AFWM couple. This fantasy is a delicate bubble maintained by unrealistic delusions.
Unfortunately, real life tends resemble Keiko more than Rose. Keiko is Chao's character in Star Trek. Her husband is Chief O'Brien - perhaps the least physically attractive Starfleet officer *ever* in all the TV shows and all the movies. It makes a kind of perverse sense that in the mind of writers and the audience, it is rather "fitting" that he should end up with an Asian woman.
"The Single Guy" provides another example of this, in the pairing of Ming-Na's character with El Dorko himself. The bubble of AF fantasy is ready to burst.
In the above scenarios, at least the AF is attractive, but now we take it down another notch to be even closer to reality, and we see that many AFs in actual AFWM pairings are nothing to write home about either. About all you can say is that they are more attractive than their desperately unattractive WM mates, which, in the final analysis, ain't saying much.
Poof! The bubble is gone.
Telling it like it is
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 11:04:52 (PST)
To "not a sellout":
The AM perspective on the gender divide is often one of annoyance at the double standard that some AFs have. If a WM is strong-willed, then he is masculine, a real man, and so much more manly than the weak-wristed AMs. An AM with the exact same personality will often be described as domineering, controlling, insensitive, etc.
If a WM tends to be passive, he gets all kinds of credit for being sensitive, not pushy, nice, etc. An AM with the exact same personality is a weakling who doesn't have a backbone or his own opinions.
If a WM is close to his family, this is a positive attribute - he is "family oriented" and a good catch. If he treats his mother well than the AF might wax poetic about how this is a sign that he is sensitive and will treat his mate equally well. If an AM behaves the same way though, it's negative - he is a "momma's boy", he's tied to the apron string, he lacks independence, etc.
Telling it like it is
Friday, February 22, 2002 at 10:45:47 (PST)
NEWEST COMMENTS |
EARLIER COMMENTS
|