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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage is't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
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3 things that bother me when I'm in Toronto.
Ugly AF/Ugly WM. I hate it when the girl smiles and thinks she's better than me because she's got something to cling on to.
Hot AF/Ugly WM. It shows me that AF think cream of Asian crop is crap!
Ugly AF/Handsome WM. I'll never figure this one out. A family friend is in this situtation. I feel kind of bad for him since I think he's lacking in self-confidence, either that or something's missing upstairs. Heck, most AM wouldn't date his girlfriend.
Anyone who says the first two have to do with personality, it's what's inside etc. Please, AF's only care about self image and status. IN Toronto, most AM have dope cars because they know that's the only way AF will even consider them. My bro bought a new car when he started dating Queen Corea (what I call my bro's other half), he makes good money and treats her well. Before that, she was dating some low ambition, no education white punk. My point is, if you're AM, unless you have lots of coin and stuff, AF will still choose non-AM loser.
I'm trying to convince him she's a waste of time and to go Indian, White or Hispanic. I did (2/3) and I think all AM should. He's too committed to AF though.
One of the perks about dating non-AF is seeing AF faces, after all, they think only their half is good enough to get out of this so called hell we call being Asian.
huu76
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 22:43:02 (PST)
WM Married to AF:
you are absolutely right...it is very possible for two people of different ethnicity to bond in the 'deepest, most profound' level. however, it takes an enormous amount of effort to overcome the obstacles entailed within these types of relationships. it also take the same amount of effort to embrace both heritage. nevertheless, it is achievable...and your attempts are commendable.
my statement about WM not being able to understand AF as a AM was a generalization. i apolgize..i understand the effects of stereotypes are more hazardous than not. my intention in making such statement was to simply point out that AM do have advantages over a WM….and embracing this can get them much further.
this is mainly for the AM:
once a white guy told me, “AF dates WM for fun, but prefers to settle down with an AM.” i believe there is truth to this statement. from my personal experience...'study hard and no play’ was the motto in my family. we were also incapable of expressing emotions and affections (hugs, kisses, & touching were unthinkable, while ‘thank you’, ‘I love you’, ‘great job’ were unspoken). for this reason, we displayed our love through materialistic items. as I grew...i possessed more desire to get in touch with the ‘fun-loving & affectionate’ me. i also wanted to free myself from all the pressures i had endured growing up in my family. as a result, it was easy to date a nonasian (besides the fact that they were typically more aggressive in asking us out)...who were free spirited in comparison to the asians i knew. years later, i noticed a pattern with all the relationships i had with nonasians...the lack of cultural understanding. i am still open with who i date..but i must say, there is a bond i get with AM that is effortless. Personally, this type of connection is more desirable to me in a relationship.
my point in this story is...AM, you still have a lot of potentials. there's always an exception to the rule..there is one 'idoit' in the village, i mean forum, who will remain hopeless if he continues to blame everyone/everything else for his unattractiveness.
be
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 22:03:29 (PST)
Hey Be,
are you criticizing AF for being "tight"?! should we be ashamed b/c we do not make ourself sexually available to any guys who are interested?
ok here's the thing....alright, think, seriously now it might be hard but think. THIS IS A STEREOTYPE. And just like my previous posts, this isn't bashing asian women cause of this and that because whatever this and that is...it's a stereotype. There be alotta asian hoe's out there that make themselves sexually available to whoeva. Don't u get that it's a warped perception that some white man have of u? Well, i already answered the last question u posted me from the remainder of my previous post that got cut off *btw, thanks alot ed.* Me and my avid porn viewings?? OK, now i have to go into this mode which I call, listen up you retard. So be, I guess this is a positive stereotype isn't it? Why do you think men like foreign women? And isn't it funny how supposedly, us "exotic" people which u call foreign, well, i'm not foreign. I was born and raised in the US and as much american as anyone else. Or maybe people don't think asian men are exotic but certainly asian women right? If I lived in k-town, I guess i'd wanna hook up with some exotic white girl right? So what's the attraction about someone who's "foreign"? You turn everything I've said into something where it's like i'm bashing asian women when I'm not doing that at all. I'm TELLING u what the general perception of this society thinks about u. so Be, u can say you ain't an AM hater..alright i'll give u that. But it's like all u do is backing up white boys. Guess u just a tool like every other asian female thats in the media. I suppose Connie Chung was your role model right? Asian men are bad, white men are good..blah blah blah blah...I've heard this before and so has everybody else. Anyways, Black women ask where are all the good black men? Well I gotta ask, where are all the good asian women? Cause there seem to be less and less of them.
Chinese Exclusion Act
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 21:09:46 (PST)
[When you beat a topic to death, we omit all or part of your posts. We're letting this one in just to tell you to move on! The point of this forum isn't to bore others to death. And if you keep double- and triple-posting the same post, we'll omit ALL your posts. Don't waste our time! --Ed]
"nevertheless, the media false portrayals of asians are still unacceptable. although, i do not believe this is the cause for the disproportionate dating ratio between AM/AF. i know of many AF who prefers to be with AM...but the WM tends to be more aggressive."
I totally agree with Be. when are people going to realize this?
TLC
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 15:14:06 (PST)
A-man said:
"I am sorry but stats don't tell the whole picture ..sure u may see more AF/WM..than WF/AM..but that doesn't mean WF are not giving AM a chance it may be simply most asian guys prefer asian women and vice versus "
Come on, if this is the case, you are telling me asian guys rather stay single and dateless. Obviously, they are turning down or not going after WFs, but AFs are with WMs. So, what, AMs just sit at home?
"plus if this was not true then how come american born asians are on the increase i mean if AM and AF aren't getting it on then how come the asian-americans population is increasing?"
Without new immigration, the number of american born asians would not increase as fast. (stats shown US born AFs are more like to marry white). Without new immigration, I doubt Asian Ameridan community would grow in size at all. Look at Japanese American community in California, it almost about to disapper. We would end up like Native American indians, being absorbed into the white community, mainly through WM/AF marriages, and far fewer AM/WWs. So our language, culture, custome, surname would be gone.
"u say many AMs are not getting girls but so are many white and black guys i don't understand why u single out the asian guys?"
the % of AMs not getting girls must be a lot higher than men of other races. It is simple statistics.
"I am 25 year old average height -looks..etc hardly a studtype yet i don't have a problem getting dates my current girlfriend is white ..we met in a record shop i didn't use any cheesy chat-up lines either all i did was say hello ..how are u etc....that's all u need to get the ball rolling.."
Good for you. I have been telling everyone on the board that AMs should be more aggressive. It is great that you are naturally like that.
"you don't need all that crap advice like from dating columns all u need is to be yourself ..trust me it works!"
I agree. I know it works. Just be yourself and chat the girl up. But the problem is a large % of AMs are shy, they are scared to chat up girls. You are preaching to the choir, I am trying to get AMs to be more open toward girls, instead of blaming the media, WM fetish or AF selling out.
AA
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 15:06:01 (PST)
"look in the mirror. smile big!"
thanks, i will. and get a clue little girl. you know there are times when people who just don't even care enough about you to even heed your psuedo-intellectual rants about nothing. because all along you've been ranting about nothing. like i said, i'm not interested enough in your posts or you as a person to warrant you a reply so just drop it already. it is "AF" like you who have made me realize there is little hope for the asian-american community. that is why i've stated way back i grieve at the current state of affairs in the community.
and now for a valley girl comment: "speak to the hand, girlfriend."
lovingly,
villageidiot
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 12:48:48 (PST)
be,
In modelling a complex situation. One will quickly realise the properties of the smallest unit do not translate to the behavior of the larger unit. For example: Cells and human body, Atoms and molecules, etc. Hence, an individual white person can be the nicest person in the world, but the society he created is something altogether a different story. There will be smarter people than myself that will try to tackle this problem. But it is the problem I see. Individual need to identify with a societial norms, societial norms doesn't really care about the individual.
The psycological template of searching for a mate starts before puberty. We all have them. Whether or not you are consciously aware of them is another issue. Hence, mass media also influences these mating templates.
So you have realised that English in not my first language and the little web box doesn't have a spell check function. Or I pay very little attention to details, hence, prepositions, verb tensing, and overall grammer and spelling just goes out the window. Doesn't discredit concepts I'm trying to bring across. That's some twisted bannana/twinkie/sell-out/hollow bamboo/dog-walking view of the world, only a properly educated English speaking asian can have a creditable stance.
AC Dropout
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 12:22:51 (PST)
33 year old father of two,
By the time I watched them, they were already in synication like Gilligan island. I did not arrive in the USA till 1980 and was watching the show in the mid 80's, like in grade school. Cable wasn't that big yet. So my area only had 7 channels and 4 PBS channels. I was a tv addict as a kid. So I dream of Jeannie, My favorite Martian, M.A.S.H, Munsters, Adams Family were all part of my after school assimilation project. USA TV culture was pretty stagnant from the 60's - 80's.
A good guess at my age, but I'm a just a tad younger than 29.
AC Dropout
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 09:53:30 (PST)
T.H. Lien
"but will American-born Asians actually be able to participate and contribute to it?"
American-born Asians are already participating and contributing to it. Granted those who don't speak an asian language will have a harder time communicating. Howvever, most american-born asians do speak the language.
"based on conversations with my male friends (mostly biligual, both US and overseas-education) they're not looking at such people for the purpose of a long-term relationship."
Your male friends are free to limit themselves to other asian bilinguals. It's safe to say that bilingual asian males in this country aren't necessarily going to do the same. They will be open to dating and marrying WFs, non-asian speaking AFs etc.
You wish to convince non-asian speaking "asians" to at least learn the language. We get the message. However, there's no reason to look at the picture in a worst case scenario every time and wipe out all asians with rudimentary or no asian language skils. Maybe you have snobby criteria for acceptance, but there are others don't feel the same way.
Last thing. Since the girl/guy ratio in those classes are 15:1, you should be taking advantage of it if you haven't already.
more and more arrogant by the minute
Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 08:17:13 (PST)
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