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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
To: MLK
I believe I haven’t had the opportunity to have any intellectual exchanges with you in the past, unless you wrote under a different pseudonym. And no need to thank me for the kind words – I’m sure many readers here feel the same.
However, with all due respect, I have to disagree on this one point of yours.
“Now, in my very humble opinion, the only way to fight this head-on is to spread the Asian Pride around and nurture it so that folks can develop some self-confidence and some self-pride.”
I think ultimately we need to be more observant of people around us and their motives. Before we react, I believe we need to know why a certain person is saying or doing what he or she is saying or doing. Armed with this information, we can make decisions more logically and help avoid being a pawn in someone else’s game.
I’m probably going to get knocked writing what I’m about to write, but I’m just going to call it as I see it. If you look at the writers in this forum, you can tell most of the people here are genuinely interested in this subject. If you look at the dynamics of the threads, you’ll see a small population of writers who were instigators. Whatever their disguise, their intent – the motive – is clear: to sling mud at the other side. These are the people who play the offense in the disguise of some “just” cause.
Unfortunately, the majority of the responding writers, those who were on the receiving of the mud slinging, react and sling mud back before even thinking about what the motive of the original offender was. And into the trap they walk. As we’ve seen this many times, this escalates to he said, she said, and ultimately Asian women vs. Asian men. What do we have here? A bunch of Asian men and Asian women who feel the other side jilted them, further validating the Asian Gender Divide. How did it begin? Instigators who wanted to see a war. And guess what? The instigators got their way.
We’re always going to have instigators, no matter what. We’ll never be able to change them. They’re the ones who live life with such heavy emotional baggage that instead of asking for help, they just want to dump it off onto other people. They live in bitterness and misery. And we all know misery loves company. It’s not just in this forum; it’s life in general.
So when someone instigates something in the future, don’t just react. You’re merely walking into his or her trap. Ask yourself – what is the reason this person is saying this or doing that? Then you make your move (or just ignore and laugh at them) based on your informed decision (where you’re in control of yourself), not based on your reaction to the other person’s actions (and thereby be controlled by the other person).
Once you stop and realize that the reason the other person is being rude or mean is that they live a pathetic life filled with bitterness and hatred, instead of reacting in kind, wouldn’t you look at that person differently and pity them? And at the same time appreciate who you are and that you don’t shoulder the same burden?
I hate coming across like I’m beating a dead horse, but let me illustrate with “concerned AF married to an AM.” The content of this person’s writings was immaterial. Do we really know if this is an Asian woman? If so, is she really married to an Asian man? Is there really a 6’4” white man? Were there really any 5’4” runts? See, this is all a making of a trap. Those who reacted walked right in. Who are these people to dispute the “facts”?
Instead, take a step back. Whether the facts are true or not is irrelevant. The key is motive. This person has a mission, and the mission statement is not “the Asian Gender Divide is overblown” as the writer claimed in the initial post (notice how the writer never mentions this again in subsequent posts). As we all know, for every action, there’s the good sounding reason (the one they tell you about) and then there’s the real reason (the one they don’t tell you about). The key is to identify the real reason – the motive.
Reading “concerned AF married to an AM” like a page in a book, don’t you feel pity instead of anger? And isn’t it a lot more effective and fun to have this perspective than to keep a 64oz bottle of Asian-Pride to apply whenever we get burned by these people?
Repost
Thursday, April 04, 2002 at 03:37:53 (PST)
Matt Richardson,
hey buddy why don't u just take your "Whiteness" and shove it huh? because i am so sick of u banging on about asian women wanting to be white
GET OVER yourself!!!! in case u didn't notice the Friggin world doesn't evolve around u white folks anymore
proud to be an asian girl
Wednesday, April 03, 2002 at 22:12:26 (PST)
to AA Male Perspective
Who...me? a hot babe? That'll be the day! If I could only get so lucky. I wasn't born with the body and face of a Barbie you know, not even an Asian-looking one. I just have a little secret. It's not a secret, really, because I've been trying to spread to people for so long, but few understand it enough to apply it to their daily lives. It's simply the cultivation of self-confidence. Self-confidence has a really cool way of making average people look really good, I don't know why, but hey, if it works, I'm not gonna knock it.
Actually...I'm just your average chick who's had her fill of reading dull contemplations by folks with such a high degree of self-contempt and then having to stick up for them because there are those out there who will shred them (and me, because I belong to the said-demographics) to pieces if given the chance. Seems to me these folks've been given too many chances. Now, in my very humble opinion, the only way to fight this head-on is to spread the Asian Pride around and nurture it so that folks can develop some self-confidence and some self-pride. Hey, where're all the cool folks?
BTW...thanks for the heads-up on the new characters in here...I'm almost caught up on all the reading. I think I can reply with a modicum of intelligence now. :>
MLK
Tuesday, April 02, 2002 at 22:26:44 (PST)
to Repost
Thank you for the kind words. You sound familiar. Have we discussed various subjects in the past?
MLK
Tuesday, April 02, 2002 at 22:06:32 (PST)
Be: nice one!!!
AF
Tuesday, April 02, 2002 at 11:37:26 (PST)
Whatever:
since I am accused of being too concerned with senseless statistics - whatever that means - I will keep it short.
I did not mean to imply that the ratio of WM/AF to AM/WF was 4:1. My writing is sometimes inelegant. All I meant to say was that the stat that was produced (25% IR) is likely not evenly split between men and women. So, it is POSSIBLE that 40% of AF marry out. Logically, if this is true, then 10% or fewer of AM would do so, as AM comprise roughly half of all A's. Of course, if fewer AM marry at all, these figures need adjustment.
As an aside, thinking about the comment that I am too concerned with senseless stats, didn't this whole thread start because the Scaramouche Matt Richardson quoted stats of 40%, in a poorly-attribured fashion?
Ai Ya
Tuesday, April 02, 2002 at 11:16:12 (PST)
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