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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:56 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
I'm curious as to what folks mean when they say that most of the WMs that date AFs are uncool losers. Do you mean physically unattractive, socially awkward, professionally unsuccessful? In my experience, I've seen a lot of AFs date young Bill Gates types -- kind of geeky looking, but highly professionally successful, such that I wouldn't categorize them as losers overall. It seems to me that I've seen fewer extremely physically attractive WMs dating AFs, but maybe it's just the sample I've seen.
Thoughts?
TexAsian
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 08:35:15 (PDT)
B.Lee,
Hey guy, I never meant to insult you in any way. I'm just an Asian brother like yourself, and I'm trying to be helpful and not harmful.
The fact of the matter is, other AM need to open their eyes and recognize the situation of AF and intracism as it is. It's stupid to deny it and say, "let's work harder to please the
AF, or it's our fault as AM that the AF consider us and all Asians inferior." The fact of the matter is that we, as
Asians and AM have plenty going for us. There are many that recognize us for who we are rather than what some facet of society has painted us to be. We need to be strong, confident and live our lives to its fullest. Often that mean moving beyond the AF.
My gf is a White girl and she treats me great, with the utmost respect and love. Even if this relationship fails, I know I will no longer seek out only AF, often finding myself across the table from a sell-out AF. Anyway you dice it, Sellout AFs are the norm rather than the exception! Unfortunately we simply must recognize and learn to move on to greener pasteurs.
As Asian men, we have so much going for us. Why settle for ANYONE treating us as second-class, much less your woman. Yes, let's leave the sellout AFs be!
NYC AM
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 08:18:24 (PDT)
Madagascar,
I think Mr. Lewis's last post had a lot of truth in it. Personally I think it's great that we can get the perspective of a WM on this forum. Censorship has never been an option for anyone who wants to truly and fully understand serious issues.
Proud 2 b Azn (AM)
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 21:26:28 (PDT)
I agree with you, Jake.
Deng Ai needs to work on his self-esteem, instead of bitching.
I agree with you too that AFs and AMs that date non-Asians do not conform to Asian standards of beauty.
I am happy though that they have found someone who does care for them.
That's all that matters...
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 18:32:05 (PDT)
AC,
I never said all the AF's in my school. My school is downtown, and in case you've ever missed it, getting onto a University campus doesn't take all that much skill, especially one located at Canada's busiest intersection.
100% seems a little high, maybe about 99% :o) Seriuosly though, it's more like a 1:1 ratio. Tell me how natural that is.
huu76
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 18:09:44 (PDT)
Hank Lewis, thank you for representing an opposing opinion to the majority of postings on this bulletin board. As an AF married to a WM, I can vouch that I am smart, nice-looking and not obsessed with white men. My husband is my age; he's handsome, successful and, best of all, sees me as a strong woman and treats me as such. He doesn't have a "thing" for Asian women. He DOES have a very weird sense of humor, and I was the first woman he dated who shared that.
I thought the intent of these bulletin boards were to share diversity of opinions, debate and learn from each other. It's apparent that some posters don't agree with that -- They just want to see THEIR opinions represented. How are you going to learn from that?
Northwest Girl
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 17:44:37 (PDT)
Madagascar:
Keep on preaching truth, brother. We support you.
Hank Lewis:
Knowing a whole bunch of Asians doesn't mean anything. We don't care about your personal life. We don't care to hear their personal names. For all we know, you could be partying with the world's greatest Asian sellouts (of course, you'll deny their existence...but we Asian people know better).
Curious girl may defend you, but I don't understand why you come on this board. Are you some kind of bully or something? Do you have some kind of inferiority complex that forces you to justify yourself? Do you doubt that your wife married you for your uniqueness and not because you're white?
Angry Hapa
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 16:56:16 (PDT)
AC Dropout wrote:
"So what are all the asian girls doing at your school? Chasing the white guys. 100% of all the asian females in your school are chasing white guys. Why do I find that hard to believe?"
Nah, just 98%. But hey, 2% is still 2%!!
Deng Ai
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 16:16:30 (PDT)
AC Dropout wrote:
"Who knows celebrities usually hook up for career reasons more than personal ones anyways."
Oh, so when you said she's seen the light by dumping her French director husband, you meant she should have married a Hollywood director instead?
Deng Ai
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 16:13:47 (PDT)
Jake wrote:
"Deng Ai, I hope you don't think I am preaching. I don't consider myself worthy to do that. I am just an AM, a human. But I offer this as advice from an AM who may have more life experience that you do. It's your choice to read it carefully and take it to heart. Good luck in your endeavors."
Thanks for the advice, your concern for another AM is well appreciated. I am sure you meant well, but I can't help but feel like I read your unsolicited dating advice at least dozens of times over by numerous other hip, life of the party posters in this forum, addressed either to myself or to other AMs. They are good advice nonetheless. The next time I use the Black Playa technique to pick up a white girl, I'll credit it to you! :)
Deng Ai
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 16:11:21 (PDT)
"I've seen too many of my AA male friends get their hearts broken by non-Asian women."
I just love this overexagerated statement.... Truth of the matter is, ANY woman can hand you your heart on a silver platter and vice versa. She doesn't require a qualifier such as being asian, white, black, hispanic, etc.
I've met and dated AF who have stated that they date mostly WM. Their reasons, for the most part, are annecdotal at best. It's always: AM are cheaters, habitual gamblers, mysogninist or unemotional. My retort has always been, "Honey, what cesspool have you been swimming in?" It's funny (maybe not so funny) that some AF complain about AM and generalize about their qualities or lack thereof. At the same token, they'll scorn me for using AF generalization such as being materialistic, possesive or the like.
NotConfusedAsianDude
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 15:58:40 (PDT)
Concerned AF,
I'm surprised that you say you've seen many of your AA male friends get their hearts broken by non-Asian women. I think it's pretty awful to date someone of a different race "just to see what it felt like", without any real intentions of having a relationship, which is pretty much just using them. You also said that the reasons for the heartbreak were cultural and language difference, can you go into more detail about your friends' experiences?
I guess I'm surprised because my relationship with my AA boyfriend was never just to see "what it felt like" to date an AA man, we have always had a sincere and loving relationship. And I think most of the non-Asian women that are dating Asian man and post here are the same.
curious girl
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 15:51:32 (PDT)
huu76,
keep those hamsters running in the wheel. Something is bound to turn up.
As for hapa children. From my family experience, it is 50/50 on the boy/girl ratio.
AC Dropout
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 15:41:19 (PDT)
Hank Lewis,
My point was how cum an AF would let a WM do this to her if she did not worship him. My sister never did date any AM. When I asked her about this she said that there were not many AM that fit her type (she said there are not many guys that are like me). I know this is not true because I have been to California and I see plenty of strong, confident, good looking AM.
I guess, somethings come more easily for some people that fall into a certain category (WM). And the world is not fair, which I have come to accept (but I will continue to do my thing). I do reiterate that SOME AF worship WMs.
I appreciate your courteous response and explanation of your vested interest in the Asian community. I come onto this board sporadically so I have not read all your posts and do not plan to. Initially, I just wondered why a WM would hang around the Goldsea boards and post on the GenderDivide Board. Maybe it is true what Curious Girl said about me projecting my disgust for my sister's husband onto you.
But my opinions on AFs worshipping WMs have not changed. It all comes down to values and AF do not value being asian as much as AM do.
Madagascar
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 14:48:16 (PDT)
Deng Ai,
"What the heck is a large Asian community? Chinatown? I'd say they are pretty typical of how AAs are brought up. Middle class, good education, etc.."
With view like that you are definitely growing up in a wonderbread community.
Goto NYC or LA and you will see there are plenty of westernized asian, like myself, who speak perfect unaccented English and function as effective adults. Yet speak perfectly fluent Chinese when needed.
And yes there are female version of this type of asian as well in the US. They prefer AM to boot also.
They could be born here or abroad. I was born abroad. Does it make a difference. All those local chinese schools are full of ABC, they have female students too.
If you want to find an adult AAF, who prefer AM. Just make sure her Highschool had more than 40% asian in it. The sexual template is formed around that time.
AC Dropout
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 14:28:45 (PDT)
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