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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Deng,
Not sure what you meant by your reply, your sentence structuring was confusing, esp. the part about the "hip lives of the posters".
Btw, my approach to women isn't 'black'. I've met some black guys who are retards with women. They make my shake my head. I think many (at least half?) of black men just grab their balls and wing it -- when they approach a girl they just fluff their feathers and try to reel a girl in through pure aggressiveness and bombastic displays. They go out "in a blaze of glory", as some would say... It's a foolhardy method, but you'd be surprised how well it works sometimes(not all women are intelligent or sophisticated you know... there are lot so dumb, horny, wild girls, who don't care about sophistication... they just want excitement, if thats your thing).
But I digress. Can you tell me what you were trying to say in your reply?
Jake
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 23:59:21 (PDT)
"Anyway you dice it, Sellout AFs are the norm rather than the exception!"
Well, I hate to beat a dead horse, but again, this is all relative. Sorry, it is. If you are from the 2nd generation (or past) AA or otherwise very westernized, yes, the chances are higher that you'll meet more bananas (please note that bananas are AA that have naturally been assilimated due to increased or exclusive exposure to whites), or sellouts (who regardless of how acculturated they are -- I've met FOB sellouts too -- just dismiss their own heritage). But for many AAs who are barely 2nd generation (I call myself the "1.5 generation", meaning I have one foot firmly in my ancestral culture, more so than typical 2nd-Gen AAs, but also a firm grasp on what it takes to socialize and succeed in white american culture), this isn't the case. I am Korean, and I can almost freely drift from one group to another. Some ppl I hang with are entirely Korean, some are mixed Asian, some are mixed Asian/white, some are entirely white. I do, however, feel most comfortable with mixed Asian or mixed Asian/white groups. But anyway, my point is that AAs who are in these categories are more likely to meet others like them who know how to suvive in 'whitey's' world, but at the same time also appreciate and are attracted to each other.
So perhaps you live in a very 'western' city? Are you on the East Coast? I don't care how "diverse" NYC is, it just doesn't have the Asian feel of California. In LA, I can go days without even interacting with a white person. Yet I do because I choose to, b/c I feel it's important to undrstand both worlds. In NYC, you can't do that. There aren't enough AAs. Thus AAs there and other parts of the country tend to turn out more whitewashed to varying degrees than the ones on the West Coast. That's just my take on it; I have no problem meeting cool supportive AAs. Sure, there are sellouts, but us AAs on the West Coast really let dumb f***s like that have it good. They are beneath contempt. Dare I say, that you could be looked upon with suspicion where I come from, judging from your virulent anti-AF stance.
PS -- I'm not from Koreatown, so don't think to pin that on me. I've lived in the states for 10 years, in a white suburb near LA with a large Asian population.
Korean/American Pride
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 23:47:30 (PDT)
NYC AM,
I never said that AMs should not date outside his race. I even encourage AMs to be more involved in outer-racial relationships, just like how AFs have been doing. The thing that irritates me is that some bitter AMs here claim that there are no AFs worthy (or just 1 percent), and go off on a tirade bashing all AFs to the whole world.
I am a full blooded AM, and I don't have any problems attracting AFs. My AF friends don't demand that (Asian) guy friends drive a luxury car (besides, I don't), or put higher standards on us. And I know so many AFs (all in their 20s and 30s and Americanized) married to an AM.
I also worry about some of these bitter AMs. They bash all AFs without remorse, then they wonder why no AF wants to date them. And if not even one out of millions AF finds them attractive, how can they can find that "White trophy" woman. Actually, I'm not too concerned about them, but it's how they end up portraying all AMs that worries me.
B. Lee
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 21:02:24 (PDT)
I've been logging onto Goldsea for
research purposes, and the postings on relationships have helped me greatly
Can't resist a few points from an
AfAm female perspective:
*the meaning/message of whiteness
& wht. partners in relationships I'm reading is, so far, identical, or very close, to dialogue in the AfAm community.
Rejection, selling out, compulsion to
have a wht. partner, pride, standard of beauty, sustaining identity, naive or well-adjusted white partners, defensive or well-adjusted non-white partners, all of it. Same issues. What could that mean?
* Images of power. White/pale/light skin & European features have controlled many a head (& body, mind & spirit) in American culture for centuries.
This is not new news.
Or accidental. People of color are spending/wasting valuable time wondering if they are worthy and beautiful, if their culture is worth preserving. Many people of color think whiteness is the only beauty standard there is. Very interesting issues for AA culture, bcz many have straight hair and pale skin, but like many other groups, they also cover a wide skin color range.
Hopefully some dialogue on the power question will pop, as
it does in other issue coverage on this site.
ankh
mkeita@ursinus.edu
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 18:07:49 (PDT)
Ac,
Also, the 1:1 ratio is representative of those AF's in relationships. So every 2nd AF (who's taken) I see is hanging off of some white guy, afraid I might snatch her away or something.
huu76
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 16:07:22 (PDT)
Deng Ai and to all other asians brothers that have a hard time.
I believe that asians men have a better image appeal overseas. I met asian men that gone to Europe and south america and said that the women there are more open to asian men and in some cases are very curious about asian men sexual. I think the problem is just american women and the prejurdice behind it. I think asian american women are also brain wash by the enviroment that they grew up in. Asian american women give themselves freely to white guys because they think by doing this they are becoming american. In other words join the masses.
Asian men has to fight this by letting america know that asian people are also part of america. A lot of this has to deal with self-esteem in being an asian american and image. There is nothing wrong with asian men but, the stupid stereotypes and the false images about asian men is what is causing the problem. For asian men image to improve two things has to happen 1. higher population of asian people 2. Very talented asian men step up to the plate and represent.
With higher population this will force the media to market toward asian people and will use asian men because half of the population will be asian men. If not than aisan men has to create thier own market and media. This is more or less what the latin community has done in Queens with telemundo.
For now I think asian men has to realize that we do have choices. I still believe that there are asian women that go for asian men. If you can't find an asian girlfriend than go back to your native country and come back with one. There are also some white girls who are not prejurdice and are open to dating asian men. Also as I mentioned before I believe asian men in other countries have a better image and will have an easier time meeting girls .
Korean boy
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 16:03:06 (PDT)
AC Dropout,
I am not interested in knowing where to find AFs who are open to dating AMs. We are talking on different levels here. You are focused on the micro-social level. You are talking about individual AMs, that if he works hard enough at pursuing AFs he will get an AF. This is absolutely true and I have no disagreements, but on a macro-social level, even if every single AM works his butt off, there will still be lots of AMs without AFs. The fact of the matter is there are more AMs looking for AFs than AFs willing to date AMs, plain and simple.
Deng Ai
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 14:33:46 (PDT)
TexAsian,
There are really only two types of WMs young AFs typically date. The fairly educated nerdy WM as you have descibed, and the skinny liberal activist Marxist type. Many times, AMs exaggerate these WM’s lack to desirability to emphasize a point. But, you are right, they are not loser, they are pretty average guys most of the time. The only times I have seen really loser WMs are when older AFs are involved.
Deng Ai
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 14:05:27 (PDT)
Deng Ai,
Man you are just too down on the whole asian dating scene. Maybe your handle is right. Just keep "waiting for love."
Who know what Maggie going to do with her life. It's her life, who are we to judge.
AC Dropout
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 11:21:47 (PDT)
huu76,
Is it unnatural. What is the outmarriage rate of ethnic Chinese in Vietnam or any other place the migrated to in Southeast Asia?
Look when I was at college. A lot of AF I knew grew up in whitebread neighborhoods. I hung around and dated a few. But they were too white for my taste. That's just me. I became selective of the type of asian females who would qualify for a long term relationship with.
Anyways my point is your not going to be able to date the entire student body. Just find out what you like and pursue it. If you like AF that only prefer WM, that's a problem in and of itself.
I just look at my cousins in Eastern Canada. I go would this guy been happy if he married an asian girl. Of course not, the guy barely speaks chinese or acts chinese. He would have to have married an whitewashed asian or an white person. Since there aren't that many asian around, he married white.
So just let them be. Whitewash asian deserve happiness too.
AC Dropout
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 11:19:03 (PDT)
NotConfusedAsianDude,
It's not "overexagerated".
I'm merely speaking from *personal* experience.
It wasn't meant to be all encompassing.
I know indeed that women *and* men of that nature come in all colors of the rainbow.
Concerned AF
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 10:52:23 (PDT)
Northwest girl wrote:
"I thought the intent of these bulletin boards were to share diversity of opinions, debate and learn from each other. It's apparent that some posters don't agree with that -- They just want to see THEIR opinions represented. How are you going to learn from that?"
To disagree is to have a diversity of opinions.. no? How can you have diversity if everyone agrees? I am at a loss as how some posters only want to have their opinions represented.
Deng Ai
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 10:44:16 (PDT)
"As Asian men, we have so much going for us. Why settle for ANYONE treating us as second-class, much less your woman."
NYC AM, I agree with you, and I am happy that you have a girlfriend that treats you well and appreciates you. Asian men are wonderful. Noone should ever let themselves be treated as second-class, no matter what race they are or what the relationship is.
curious girl
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 10:35:37 (PDT)
Curious Girl wrote:
"I think it's pretty awful to date someone of a different race "just to see what it felt like", without any real intentions of having a relationship, which is pretty much just using them."
Isn't the point of dating to test the waters, so to say? To see how things will work out? I'd agree with you if someone married another person just to see what it felt like.
Deng Ai
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 10:35:06 (PDT)
TexAsian,
you wrote
"In my experience, I've seen a lot of AFs date young Bill Gates types -- kind of geeky looking, but highly professionally successful, such that I wouldn't categorize them as losers"
Be glad you live in texas then because here in san francisco it's quite different. I do see some attractive AF/WM couples but they are by no means in the majority.
It's first come, first served. The secret is out (if it ever was a secret), as long as you're white you get first pick of AF. It's disappointing because I have a lot to offer any woman regardless of race, but looks are very important to me. I don't want anyone's leftovers and it seems that is what it would boil down to if I ever dated an AF.
I'm also not going to be some AF's meal ticket and road to citizenship. If I date an AF it's going to be because she's intellectually bright, physically attractive and have means of her own so she doesn't bring all her relatives into my house.
Political Observer
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 10:26:16 (PDT)
NonConfusedAsianDude
What is your point? Are you saying that all AM's are cheaters, gamblers, mysonginists, and unemotional toward AF's? I would like to know.
dsfbcbsijbdax
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 09:31:29 (PDT)
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