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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
" Sure, there are sellouts, but us AAs on the West Coast really let dumb f***s like that have it good. They are beneath contempt. Dare I say, that you could be looked upon with suspicion where I come from, judging from your virulent anti-AF stance. "
I hear AAs on the West Coast have a bit more pride on the average. Although from my own experiences and through those I know on the W. Coast, I'd still say you're a bit optimistic. I'm on the East Coast, and I must say the majority of AFs are pretty much just White-wannabes. Although almost all the AMs I'd known do show this prides and all seem to find it natural to date AFs; not some kind of strange aquired taste - such as some AFs open to dating AM.
Do you really think I'm so bad because I address this issue as it? Does it really do our community good by covering it up and saying how great everything is? I am no pessimist, my friend. I simply wish to raise the self-esteem of the Asian community, and moreover the AM, as I am one myself. Please do not condemn me because I choose to utilize a very straight-forward, albeit perhaps a bit caustic approach.
The fact of the matter is that AM simply need to wake up and smell the coffee. As someone else wrote, "AFs find it unnatural to date AM." I'm not trying to condemn the AF, and certainly not the ones who are not sellouts. I hope the sellouts can find happiness too. Although I can't fathom how one can be happy when one is not happy with her own genetic makup. It's quite sad!
But for the AM, he cannot control the behavior of AFs. He can only control his own behavior. To live life to its fullest the AM must grow and adapt; move beyond the AF. It's very simple. The AF will never change to naturally appreciate the AM. There has been no precedent regarding any other race/ethnicity that even compares to this. Even if the AM image improves drastically, the non-AF will likely be the ones to gain more admiration for the AM, rather than the AF. Although many AFs have expressed their physical attraction towards me, I have found that non-AF have almost always made better lovers than the AFs I'd known. Why? I gather it's likely the non-AF show more natural affection towards me, an AM. The AM should seek new and greener pasteurs.
NYC AM
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 10:07:49 (PDT)
Justagirl,
I'm actually all for interracial relationships. What I was trying to point out is that AF are disproportionately with guys who seem to be socially inept. I don't know about you but when I'm hitting on an attractive lady I ususally don't get into subjects such as splitting atoms or the intracate details of conflict resolution and stuff. It's best to discuss vacation spots, music, art, dance clubs and other personal stuff.
I just think it's too bad that many attractive AF are not very selective in their relationships. It's definitely OK for AF to date asian men or men of another race. There are quite a few open minded guys out there who would be interested in dating AF.
Political Observer
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 10:04:52 (PDT)
Justagirl, NotConfusedAsianDude
I feel that you should understand I am a frustrated AM, and I don't like AM/WF couples at all. I still feel the scarriness that AA gender divide will happen or is happening. Besides, I have so much love and respect for AF's than WF's.
dsfbcbsijbdax
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 09:16:27 (PDT)
AC Dropout wrote:
“I just disagree. For every white washed AF there is a white washed AM. So it balances out, despite what the statics say.”
Why would you ignore statistics? It’s an overall picture of reality.
“Anyway what if an AM doesn't want to get married. I see that trend among my friends as well.”
Are you saying AMs are more likely to not want to get married vs men of other races? What is your explanation for this trend?
“I don't know many individual AM that think of this as a dilema.”
That’s the whole point of my last post. You talk almost exclusively on anecdotal individual cases and then implicitly extrapolate to the overall AM population while at the same time ignoring statistical data, which IS a rather accurate account of the overall AM population.
Deng Ai
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 09:13:32 (PDT)
Huu76 wrote:
“I noticed you said "AF's who are open to dating AM". That sounds kind of strange, shouldn't AF's naturally be open to dating AM (one woudl think anyway)? What do you say?”
One would think so, but that’s not the reality of the situation. I’d actually be more surprised to see an educated, professional AAF to be with an AM than WM. I suppose what is natural is what you see in nature.
Deng Ai
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 09:05:29 (PDT)
“Funny that you should always bag on sell-out AF's when that group AND YOU share one thing:”
I don’t have a problem with AFs dating WMs. I don’t think it’s good or bad, it’s just the way it is. It is obviously not wrong, since it’s their personal business. The only problem I have is there are still lots of AMs who cry about AF/WM relationships but see only the WMs as cause for stealing AFs and refuse to see the fact that it is the AFs’ who are consciously making the choice to avoid AMs. I am all for interracial relationships, I am not bagging on AFs, just pointing out the reality of things.
Deng Ai
Monday, August 26, 2002 at 09:01:30 (PDT)
just wondering,
Any good college should have a high number of Asians. College is a good place to start. You mentioned that 70% of AFs you met were snotty and materialistic. I think that's an unfair assessment of all AFs, because all women have standards for men, just as men have standards for women. I sometimes wonder if you, or other AMs, are simply falling into a trap of nitpicking the negatives (i.e. pointing out the speck of dust in someone else's eye and neglecting the plank in your own eye). If choosing between two men of equal appearance and personality, I think any woman would prefer rich (not necessarily filthy rich, but enough to make a good living) over poor. And surely there are WFs who are snotty and materialistic. You just have to keep in mind that Asian women are women like any other race.
Anyway, just find a good AF to make friends with, even if she is already dating. Most likely she'll have other AF friends with a good personality, and you can meet them as well.
Another good place is an Asian church with an English-speaking group. But if you do go, make sure you agree with the church's principles, and plan to be a team member and contribute. Because surely AF and AM members will sniff out those scopers who only come to church to scope around for girls and see what they can get out of it without contributing.
B. Lee
Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 21:03:13 (PDT)
Deng,
The "black stud" approach will never work for us Asian guys. It is just reality.
But, we have our other assets too. You should be smart enough to know what it is.
calm down
Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 19:34:32 (PDT)
huu76,
"Chinese marrying Vietnamese isn't really outmarrying. Are you saying my English/German friend's parents were in an IR marriage?"
Sure it is. Different culture, etc. You realy have a white view of this IR.
So if I'm in Vietnam, Chinese marry Vietnamese isn't IR. Or if I'm in England, German marry English isn't IR. What is?
So IR is only defined by the racial checkboxes on our immigration forms. Damn is that just not conforming to a white defined identity of yourself.
So why are you posting on behalf of your brother? He like AF and got one. Okay, my point has been made.
I'll read your reply when I get back.
AC Dropout
Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 19:22:25 (PDT)
It seems as though there are two am viewpoints in this discussion. Those who relate to Deng Ai¡¯s or huu76¡¯s viewpoint, which I think tries to paint a picture on how race relation really is even though it may insult many. On the other hand there are those who seem to support Ac Dropout view points which in my opinion puts an emphasis making the best of the situation we are in. In my opinion both viewpoints for the most part are correct.
It¡¯s just like in the black community. You have those, like Malcolm X, who have very extreme opinions about white/black relations. You also have those, like Martin Luther King Jr., who emphasize the importance of facing racism with peace. I believe history have shown that these two viewpoints helped greatly in improving race relations and the status of the black people in america. I¡¯m not saying that Deng Ai¡¯s and huu76¡¯s viewpoints are like Malcolm X¡¯s nor am I saying the Ac Dropout is talking like MLK. I¡¯m just saying there just two view points although different share one very important characteristic. The 2 viewpoints are pushing the asian american agenda. I believe it¡¯s so important that we aa put the aa agenda first. Just like you can¡¯t expect men to put the women's agenda first and vice versa, you can¡¯t expect ppl of other races to put the aa agenda first.
I¡¯m hoping that this post will tone down some of the time wasting insults being posted here.
aa first
Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 18:15:31 (PDT)
AC,
Maybe all the AM who don't feel like getting married are just waiting for sell-out mummys daughter to grow up. Then he can undo her life's work. Just a sneaky view at things.
Hey, if WM can buy girls younger than their daughters from overseas, then older AM can do the same to women over here (if they've got an axe to grind and lots of spare time).
NotConfused,
If an AF has decided to sellout, she'll cook up any excuse as to why she won't date an AM. They'll probably stoop as low as saying "An AM looked at me funny once, and he reminds me of my alcoholic, wife-beating casino patronizing permiscuous dad to boot".
huu76
Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 14:03:18 (PDT)
I personally feel that AF's are either eccentric or they are nit picky. I just feel that way. Of course, I truly love AF's. I hope there will never be an AA gender divide.
dsfbcbsijbdax
Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 12:30:29 (PDT)
Korean boy
I agree with you that Asian men image is better in Europe from my experience of meeting several German ladies.
but I think in UK -it is not.but i am not sure.
My cousin married to a German lady(she was his class mate in Muenster university in Germany-and now both of them are professors in Korea) and I found some good point from German women -I talked many of German women whist I was staying in Germany for travel or to the relatives of my cousin's wife)
The more educated German women,the less prejudicement they showed.(Gymnasium or Gesamptshule graduated German women)
That's different point from asia and america.
The education in Germany is different from that of in Asia or America. I think that helped they have less prejuidicement or more open minded to every individual regardless of the ethnity or background.
well in some way -You might think they(German women) are quite naive and callow compared to Asian women or American,but that means they are very pure, abundant emotional and wholesome thinking ladies.
That's very true in terms of German women.
Germany is white social relations
without the background of a Black or Asian community.
but differently from the expectation,Germans are less racials towards Blacks or Asians.
in someway they will show more kindness to the different ethnity,especially to asians.
Well the Asians,Blacks and Muslims who are living in Germany(very small ratio except turkish or other muslims though)tend to show much more racists than native Germans-that's quite funny,huh??
korean man.
Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 10:59:39 (PDT)
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