|
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:05:46 PM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
CONTACT US
|
ADVERTISING INFO
© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.
|
|
|
|
WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
"Women are VERY perceptive. I'm just thinking about the guy Handsome Playboy who I had a discussion with the other day. He seems to think that his sense of superiority and overwhelming good looks does not come across in his attitude. That's simply dreaming."
Look Geoff. I'm not dreaming. Why won't you take my word that I am good at hiding my thoughts in front of people? What I think never translates into facial expressions or body language or tone of voice, unless you make me angry. Then watch out. Otherwise, my thoughts are safe in my head. It's a useful trait to have in the business world, something that I've perfected over the years.
Beside, I never meant to imply that I was superior to everyone in ABSOLUTE terms. If that rubbed your ego the wrong way, I apologize. If I were a Nobel Laureate, had a Masters from Harvard and a PhD from Cambridge University, was a former star on the U.S. World Cup-winning Team, and was the Secretary of the United Nations, then I think I could possibly qualify.
My main strengths are my looks and professional prestige. I went to an Ivy League school, though I won't mention which one. I make in the mid-6 figures, and I am 29. I'm 6'1". I don't weigh 230 pounds, but I am a solid (Btw, I don't understand this black/white obsession with being 6'5" and weighing 250+ pounds. That won't do diddly squat for anyone, unless they play professional sports. Most of them are fat anyway... I'd say about 2 or 3 out of white and black men who claim to weigh as much as trucks are cut.) 175 pounds with low bodyfat. Think of me as a model-type body, though not necessarily as skinny as most male models. I actually used to do catalogue modelling in college and minor runway shows in Asia/Europe for money while I interned at financial companies. I hated it though, there was nothing glamorous about modelling. But it did give me the much needed extra income for those lean years. I won't get into my facial looks.
So, in the most basic sense of aesthetics, sex appeal and financial status, I am in the top 5%. But of course, there are more wealthy men than I, men who have more power or are better educated. I don't claim to be the best in all fields, but I am up there. I do not understand your need to question or attack what I have. I was born good-looking and am naturally intelligent and ambitious. Is it a crime to flaunt my good traits? All I'm saying is that I'm being very honest about my physical appeal. Is that such a dispicable thing? Some people have money, some have power, and that makes them appealing. I have looks and money, and an out-going personality. Maybe it's just a temporary case of hater-itis that you're having.
Handsome Playboy
Saturday, September 14, 2002 at 20:08:45 (PDT)
[128.253.186.46]
When Asian men go out with non-AF, the AF do not get on the AM's case like a black man would to a black woman. Even though BM date women from all other races, they do not want BF doing the same. But, from all the AFs I know, they not only don't have a problem with AM being with others but that they want to see more of it. They want to get away from the "sellout" stigma.
Many AM like me are past our teen years and close to our primes. We just want to find that significant other and it no longer matters what race they are. If I have an attraction for non-AF, no one is going to stop me, not even my parents. We, the AMs should look past the hate and division and look for love in greener pastures. When you get older, you get more rational and accept the realities.
I know that I don't hate AFs nor do I think I can really be with one. I always thought it was because of this gender division, but it is not. I lived in a neighborhood that is majority Armenian and Hispanic all my life and it is not surprising that I find the women of these races to be most attractive. I still do. And, I connect better with them too, conversation-wise.
At my age, you just cannot worry about pride and "getting back", you just move on and find the "best one" whoever that maybe.
We can really spend more time paying attention to and loving those non-AF, especially the non-WF ones, who are really open to giving a chance with the AM than to just get mad and talk about those AF who have "sold out." Life is too short for that and it is not good for the mental mind and health.
I realize long ago that we do not "own" Asian women. Never did and never will. Other more beautiful women wants to "own" us.
Yesterday, I was at a McDonalds just chatting to a young Mexican-American girl from my old high school. She was just 17 and I was 26. I told her things about our old high school lifestyles, about dating and just about life in general. All the Asian girls whom I talked to with the same approach never worked out. For them, I did not sound like a man from the soap operas or dating games. Their tuning ears resemble that of white women now. But, when I am back in my ghetto area where I grew up, I can connect more better with someone who is not my age nor my race.
That is just how it is.
Let's move on
Saturday, September 14, 2002 at 18:41:57 (PDT)
[64.130.235.33]
To Deng Ai and everyone else
I have a question. Would an asian man be more successful in approaching a non-asian women compare to asian women? Since, some of us believe that there is a gender divide and asian women will not give us a time a day . Would not asian men just be better off with non-asian women? Not to get too personal but, Deng Ai do you date non-asian women mostly?
For myself as I am geting older I am starting to look at women of other races. To be honest I never had an non-asian girl friend . So, it is kind of scary for me to venture into the unknown. But, yes I do see the gender divide and I used to be the one that said it was all in our heads but, I feel now that if I want to get married or something I have little choice but to look outside my race.
Korean boy
Saturday, September 14, 2002 at 11:08:56 (PDT)
[128.122.138.58]
Michelle Malkin is your prototypical sell-out: Ugly, plain, and "manly-looking."
Enough said.
NYC Guy
Saturday, September 14, 2002 at 08:09:26 (PDT)
[209.246.102.32]
Political Observer:
"...you're not the kind of guy who would do this but that type of prejudice is so uncalled for"
Right, it's not called for.
My oldest sister has four young sons. How much do you want to bet at least two of them grow up and marry white women. Now that would be so freakin' ironic.
Geoff DB
GeoffDB02@aol.com
Friday, September 13, 2002 at 22:27:15 (PDT)
[172.192.124.14]
Deng Ai:
"Would you say your sisters are racists?"
My definition of racism is a policy or system that creates socio-economic and socio-politicial differences based on skin color or ethnicity. Race superiority vs. race inferiority.
I'd say my sisters are bigots.
My sisters date black men, exclusively. No white, Asian or Hispanic guys meet their interest. My sisters are typic black women who hold that black men belong with black women.
Sounds familiar?
Asian guys believe that Asian women should date and marry them, exclusively.
Perhaps, in this respect, Asian guys and black women have something in common.
Geoff DB
GeoffDB02@aol.com
Friday, September 13, 2002 at 22:23:27 (PDT)
[172.192.124.14]
Questioner:
Think of it this way.
The difference between white guys going after various races of women and men of color going after, let's say, Asian females, is American white men are desired. To be honest, American white men are daring, athletic, intelligent, romantic characters by media standards. This programming takes place during early stages of our lives. It's nothing for a white guy to walk into a club and have to fend off women of various races. It's embedded in our psyche. We must have them. It becomes natural. That's why you have so many women and men from Asian countries dreaming of being with white men and women.
This passion causes people to try to attach to white guys very quickly and claim them.
I'll have to agree with Political Observer in that Asians try so hard to assimmilate that it becomes second nature for them.
White guys who are into control techniques and who love being admired tend to capitalize on this as much as possible.
Hence, your statement:
"Many WM act like they own AF and that AF should be compelled to love them, but not only do these WM not get rebuffed, but they get preferential treatment."
Consequently, they do own those Asian ladies and guys. The Asians become their property. They become their property, not grudgingly, but willingly.
Now, non-racist, reasonable white people abhor this behavior and frown on it. I've had them tell me. In fact, they probably get a kick out of watching it. Problem is, the average white guy or lady who is fair-minded has no way to change the image that was created without his/her input.
At least, that's how I see it.
Geoff DB
GeoffDB02@aol.com
Friday, September 13, 2002 at 22:12:16 (PDT)
[172.192.124.14]
huu76,
When I was in academics, I was friends with an asian assistant professor in math. Typical MIT guy, well rounded, yada yada. Drove a beat up hatch back or something that resembled a hatch back.
One weekend met his beautiful AF fiance. A law student out in SF. They seem happy together and commited to there temporary long distance relationship.
Asian people like that do exist out there. As for this elite to bargain basement analogy, I don't know who started it but is full of it.
AC Dropout
Friday, September 13, 2002 at 14:11:22 (PDT)
[24.90.98.143]
GeoffDB,
"If Asian guys approach Asian women like you are entitled to them or that they should be compelled to love you, then doesn't it make sense that many Asian women would be turned off by this attitude and seek comfort elsewhere?"
But white men feel that they are entitled to white women. Generally (yeah the key word "generally") White women are compelled to choose white men first as their potential mates.
FOP
Friday, September 13, 2002 at 13:10:24 (PDT)
[139.95.250.2]
NEWEST COMMENTS |
EARLIER COMMENTS
|