|
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:05:44 PM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
CONTACT US
|
ADVERTISING INFO
© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.
|
|
|
|
WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
To: Brother Man
” I'd be curious to know if the rate at which AFs outmarry, around 50% last time we all checked. Don't tell me that WFs are out-marrying at more than that?!”
It’s kind of difficult for a race of the majority to achieve 50% out marriage rates, isn’t it?
Just to ballpark it: if men to women ratio is 50/50, and here we assume 70% of the population is white, then 35% of the women – 50% of white women – will marry 35% of the men – those who are not white. But if the population is only 30% non-white, then how can 50% out-marriage rate for white women be possible?
For the same reason, you won’t find 50% out-marriage rates for white men, either. Mathematically, it’s just not feasible.
Repost
Thursday, September 19, 2002 at 01:44:21 (PDT)
[66.92.1.200]
To: Ronbo (Bay Area/SF)
I don’t know where in the Bay Area you are, but I’m in the Bay Area as well and I see things differently. Where do you get this idea that Asian women who are dating non-Asian men far out-number the other way around? I’m looking and looking, and as far as I can see, there are just as many, if not more, Asian men dating non-Asian women. Maybe not two years ago, but definitely so today.
If the majority of population relies on television to cast an image of us that is negative to us, then doesn’t it say something about the majority of the population? Maybe weak-minded, easily influenced? Would you want to be with someone who is like that? Do you want to have friends like that? Maybe the mass media is indeed doing us a favor – weeding out the weak-minded people on our behalf.
With your example of playing basketball where everyone else expects you to suck, didn’t it feel that much better to prove them wrong?
And when you meet Asian women who look down on Asian men, repeat this in your head three times: I’m glad I’m not stuck with her. Heck, just say it out loud right in front of her.
Repost
Thursday, September 19, 2002 at 01:44:12 (PDT)
[66.92.1.200]
Geoff thinks before he speaks, which is more than I can say for some people (including myself at times).
Geoff and myself don't agree on a lot of things, but at least he reasons.
24.90.169.63, if you don't like to hear what he has to say, maybe you should go away.
huu76
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 22:30:05 (PDT)
[207.164.88.163]
Repost:
I'm unable to paint a kind picture of Asian male attitude, because I haven't observed too much of it.
"If anything, the example you pointed out least resembles the 'assumptions' behind Asian men regarding Asian women."
When Asian women tell me that they don't date Asian guys I listen to their reasons.
Now, if you could prove that Asian guys, generally, tend to treat open-minded black guys with the same friendliness and hospitality that you extend to open-minded white guys, then I would concede that my generalization is a poor one. I think hell would freeze over before you could present that proof. Mind you, I'm not even asking for proof beyond a reasonable doubt. I'd be satisfied with a slight probability. Do you see where I'm going? Would you treat me the same way you would treat a cool white guy? How can I as an African-American man - who has made numerous attempts to be cool with Asian guys and has been slighted by Asian guys right in front of black and white guys who snicker - sit here and honestly state that Asian guys are, generally, cool, fair and open minded, and friendly towards decent African-American men? It's not likely. Asians practice making blanket statements about "black people". You rarely distinguish between good and bad blacks. I hear it all the time, especially on this site.
"Aren’t Asian men historically chastised for being timid regarding dating? So where’s this “light touching and coziness” boldness coming from in your example?"
Keep in mind, my example takes place in a club. Club scenes are different than a bar or restaurant. OK, I'll concede perhaps a few inches, but still you have to admit when you believe that a women of your race should be interested in you there is a tendency to move a little closer, etc.
"...all Asian men have in common is that we’re Asian, and that some Asian women who dislike us do so for the sole reason that we are Asian?"
I don't like to hear ANYONE say they don't like Asians. That's different than an Asian women saying she prefers to outdate because of attitude problems with some or most Asian guys towards Asian women.
"I must admit I’m a little surprised that you, a self-proclaimed educated man, are buying into the 'Asian men have a bad attitude' propaganda. No, you 'maintain' it."
Repost, I DO NOT dislike Asian guys. I get angry and frustrated because most Asian guys won't let me be cool with them. Not all black guys can say this, because there are exceptions. But it's really too freakin' bad when you try to understand and talk to someone and they pretty much give you the finger and give you the impression that you're not the type of person (black) who they need to reach out to. They want to reach out to white people.
Geoff DB
GeoffDB02@aol.com
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 22:27:12 (PDT)
[172.195.97.11]
TO the guy who told me to get lost (no name though):
"Why do you hate Black women so much? You're a bigot against your own race, my man! It's quite obvious."
How is it so obvious that I don't date black women? I never said that. I've dated all races of women. You don't sound very bright. Plus, you can't even identify yourself with a decent handle. There's nothing new here. Two-thirds of your post was a repeat of what I wrote.
Do I date Asian women? Yes. Would I want to marry an Asian woman and get a loser like you for a brother-in-law? Hell no!
Geoff DB
GeoffDB02@aol.com
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 21:55:55 (PDT)
[172.195.97.11]
Hank Lewis:
"I've met trashy African American guys who think they're the shiznit becuase they have a "White" woman, but she's ugly and fat and somebody whom most men in general don't find desirable."
Since they can't afford a BMW, they settle for a BBW. =P
Politically Incorrect
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 16:08:59 (PDT)
[139.95.250.2]
Ronbo:
If you would carefully read my post again, I didn't say "the AA gender divide does not exist." What I said was arguing that the AA gender divide is strictly the result of AFs outdating is a cop out and that there are other, deeper issues at work here than just that one singular issue.
Do I think that AFs who exclusively date WMs and don't give an AM the time of day to be contributors to the gender divide? Absolutely they do.
Do I not believe AMs who say that there are AFs who parade their WM partners in front of them like they're feces don't stink? Of course I believe those AMs who say this. I have seen some AFs in action when I was living in Seattle and when I was on vacation in San Diego last year. I have seen it in Houston, but it seems to be less common here for some odd reason. I've seen some WFs with BMs who will do the same thing in front of WMs, including me, but I honestly don't care about it one way or the other.
Did I say there weren't WM who exclusively date Asian women, many for less than honorable reasons? No, I did not. I have met a few of them--some of them are losers, some have a strong preference, some are just plain odd. My wife has been hit on by some of them when I've not been with her and she's even kneed a couple in the t'chakas after she said "I'm married--see my wedding ring" and they said "That's okay--it doesn't bother me! How about a date?"
I guess because most of my male friends are married Asian, White and Black men I don't encounter as many of those kind of White men. The single White guys in my work place don't shoot their mouths off around me becuase one of them got fired after making a lurid remark about Asian upon seeing my wife's picture.
I am not denying or arguing with an AMs right to vent his frustration over the action of some Asian women in this forum or in general. What I am arguing is that there is more to the AA gender divide than just out-dating by AFs and those issues need to be addressed as well. The out-dating of AFs has been discussed A LOT more in this forum than any other contributing factor and that's why I'm saying let's hear about other contribution factors, please.
Hank Lewis
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 11:48:03 (PDT)
[161.159.4.21]
Ronbo,
you wrote to Hank Lewis
"If you’re not an AM and haven’t experienced what AM’s are telling you they’ve experienced, can you say that the AA gender divide does not exist?"
Fact is no one truly understands what racism is like against asian guys except for asian men. I don't, Hank Lewis doesn't and Geoff DB doesn't. Racism has different ways of manifesting itself. There are white guys and women who are open to blacks but would never want to be seen around asians at all. There are white people who love asians with a passion but would never stay in the same room with a black person.
Asian women and guys need to be listened to and not simply explained away.
Political Observer
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 11:09:04 (PDT)
[167.230.38.7]
Geoff DB wrote:
"Well, I'm not going to go that far for now. Keep in mind, my generalization focuses on "professional white women"."
I have lived in Louisiana, one of the poorest states with one of the lowest education levels in the nation. And contrary to popular stereotypes, the white girls there are not at all racist... at least from my point of view.
Deng Ai
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 11:05:01 (PDT)
[198.6.73.7]
Brother man wrote:
"Really? I didn't know that. Offhand do you know the outmarriage rate with WFs? Or the rate at which they outdate?(although those figures are more elusive for just dating). I'd be curious to know if the rate at which AFs outmarry, around 50% last time we all checked. Don't tell me that WFs are outmarrying at more than that?! Please give me a break, brother Deng."
Perhaps a little misunderstanding here. I am not saying WFs outdate more, I am saying white folks are often less racist than many who complain about racism. Besides, WFs and AFs outdate or marry for different reasons. WFs date outside their race because they give people of other races a chance, while AFs do it because they don't give their own race a chance.
Deng Ai
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 10:53:11 (PDT)
[198.6.73.7]
Geoff DB,
I believe I know what comment you made that's got the asian guys here in such an uproar. Several days ago you said the following:
"Perhaps, in this respect, Asian guys and black women have something in common."
You compared the feelings of an asian man to those of a black woman. There has long been a stereotype that asian guys are not "real men". Also to have this statement come from a black man probably makes it even more hurtful and bitter to hear.
That's the reason some of the guys have begun comparing you to sellout AF. They're reversing your comparison to ridicule and hurt you the same way you offended them.
Political Observer
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 09:47:07 (PDT)
[167.230.38.7]
NEWEST COMMENTS |
EARLIER COMMENTS
|