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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
IS THE AA GENDER DIVIDE REAL?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:05:38 PM)
sian American women are abandoning AA men by the millions. Young AA women seek out any race of men but their own. Women like Amy Tan write books and make movies that dump on AA men and glorify Asian women in relationships with white men.
That's the perception of many AA men.
On what do they blame this state of affairs? Brainwashing by media that play up white men while cutting Asian men off at the knees. Desire for payback by AA women who feel slighted by their families and Asian society. Large numbers of non-Asian men with blind fetishes for Asian women. Some even acknowledge that Asian men are often too fixed in their ideas of how a woman should look and behave, causing many AF to feel devalued.
Other Asian Americans see AF outmarriage rates as merely a natural state of affairs for a 4% minority population that includes many recent immigrants. The outmarriage gender gap will narrow as growing Asian population centers provide ready access to bigger pools of singles. Besides outmarriage isn't the same as rejecting one's racial identity, they argue. Many AF who outmarry retain strong identification with their Asian identity.
Is there really an Asian American gender divide? Is so, what's behind it? If not, what's behind the perception?
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
huu76
Selective reading? Please! Am I the only person here who finds your consistant AF (and Black) bashing just a tad peturbing? Anyway if Geoff IS reading this forum now then yes, I'll ask him what he thinks. No problem.
And what are you talking about 'were my comments geared towards all blacks or just black men?' it doesn't really matter which to me huu, the fact is, you are making broad and negative generalisations about people which isn't healthy OR productive.
And why not answer the question: are ALL your experiences with AFs you meet so bad? Are they ALL sell-outs and bitchy?
And FYI non-AFs does NOT equal WFs to me but it does to alot of AMs. Why should I not include you? You seem perfectly happy to make sweeping statements about others!.
Dase
Monday, November 25, 2002 at 06:48:29 (PST)
[194.72.136.10]
"TK Chang :
It seems like the hottest asian women are those who are loyal to men of their own kind?? ANy thought? I think the same may go for AM.
AF"
I disagree. So what are you saying, that only the ugly loser asians date outside their race? This is hardly the case. People date outside of their race for many different reasons, not just because they can't get anyone in their race to date them. Oh, and dating someone non-asian doesn't mean you're being "disloyal" as an asian.
whatever
Monday, November 25, 2002 at 06:37:19 (PST)
[207.183.118.60]
AF,
Good point! Many of my Asian friends have noticed that too: That a lot of "not-so-good-looking" (being polite) Asians tend to date outside of their race.
We often wonder about it, shrug, and ask each other, "Well, if he or she were single, would YOU ask her out?!"
The answer, sadly, is a resounding "no."
So, in conclusion, I guess that we all need someone to love us...even if our own race doesn't find us to be attractive.
No name
Sunday, November 24, 2002 at 19:56:54 (PST)
[209.244.100.24]
It's a sticky issue because those who date or marry outside of their race does so b/c of in their view they have limited options. When you are a minority here with less of your kind available or around and that your age and child bearing clock are ticking away, you may have no choice. Some may feel they are unattractive and may need to be more open to other races. Others may had gotten dumped by their kind and their revenge is to go after other races afterward. Some AFs may find that American born AMs and WMs are similar, they wear the same boring (and some are nerdy) clothes from same unfashionable retailers (unless the AMs are into designer clothes.) Anyway my older sister (she married a China guy) and I seem to agreed that alot of these WM/AF couples look like unattractive people hooking up together. And by living in the SF bay area, the only AFs I know who are having marriage problems or divorced, are to non-AMs. Besides some WMs have lost confidence and feel threatened by BMs dating and marrying WFs, so WMs feel comfortable with the traditional submissive AFs. It's a known fact around America that AFs are 'easy pickups', it's like taking candies away from a baby. If a WM can't pickup an AF then he is a real loser.
I immigrated from China 10 years ago to San Francisco. The American born AMs and WMs look the same to me. In my 2nd year here, I was attracted to a Hong Kong born AM who immigrated to SF when he was 6 years old but he has the cool urban HK-Asian attractiveness I believe many AFs are looking for. I married him 5 years ago. I considered myself very attractive and many men would feel intimidated approaching me. Matter of fact, my husband was the only guy who has actually made a 100% effort in courting me and he deservingly deserves to be married to me. His Chinese-Hong Kong and Americanized cultures, traditions, and openness seem to be the best of both world a guy could offer to an AF. Even now many of my single AF friends, co-workers, and former classmates from SF State Univesity are always asking me if my husband could introduce any of his friends like him. So far only able to hook them up with 3 of his friends successfully. Yeah, there may be some 'sellouts' for whatever reasons but don't chastise them because many might have no choice. I think some of the American born AMs' problem is that they are so similar to their WM counterparts. Some suggestion may be is to look at some of your AM brothers in Asia. It's no surprise that most of AFs I know are seeking out urban Asian-HK types. And it's not b/c they know martial arts, brainy, or rich but they seem much more of the 'in' guys than what they see here.
immigrant girl from China
Sunday, November 24, 2002 at 17:41:59 (PST)
[67.119.12.68]
AF,AF(18),Niva,AznAngel are the same person using different aliases. Grow up. No matter how you feel it doesn't matter. THere are always gonna be Asian Men who stick to Asian Women. And there are always gonna be Asian Men who only want Non-Afs. There is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. Interracial relationships are HERE TO STAY whether YOU like it or not. SO GET USED TO IT. Suck it up and realize it. Interracial relationships are NOT going anywhere so DEAL WITH IT and FACE IT.
interacially marriedlady
Sunday, November 24, 2002 at 13:15:35 (PST)
[64.12.96.41]
Azn Angel, AF(18), and Niva are the same AF who dislike non-afs being with AM. Haha! sounds like muy Inseguro y Cellosa... AY! Que va!
Some AM are gonna stick to their own. And SOME AM are gonna date outside their race too regardless of what anyone thinks or feels about it and there isn't a damn thing any of you people that don't like it can do about it. Interracial relationships and Interracial sex have been on this earth for centuries and they will be here until the very end of time. So GET USED TO IT those of you who DONT like IT need to SUCK IT UP.
mexican lady
Sunday, November 24, 2002 at 10:51:01 (PST)
[205.188.208.74]
For whatever reason, I've never had white or black men cut into my conversations with non-AFs. It is usually Hispanic guys who do that. Maybe it is because the girls I talk to are for most part, Hispanic and Middle East. But, often, those guys always lose out because the girls never like those types of psychos and desperate guys. If I lost my anger and got violent or confrontational, that would look bad too.
But, if the women were my wife or girlfriend, I would definitely do something about it.
fighting back
Friday, November 22, 2002 at 21:55:53 (PST)
[64.130.235.33]
TK Chang :
It seems like the hottest asian women are those who are loyal to men of their own kind?? ANy thought? I think the same may go for AM.
AF
Friday, November 22, 2002 at 20:43:23 (PST)
[203.162.133.66]
Cali girl:
Hi there!:)
I know your black/white...but i thought you've always been identifying yourself as black? AT least i remember you defend black against white in old posts.YOu must be equally offended to hear what Huu comment about black.anyway most blacks in AMerica are mixed.
Youu're an oldie here so you sure know how hUu always come up w/ bad things to talk about AF time and again,
Still remeber me?:) WE had a pretty heated debate last month about AF ' selling out'.:)
TK CHang, ck, proud to be AM, Al , AA born guy:
More power to you!!:) I didn't expect the board to be positive like this. One reason why i didn't come back to this site cos it gave me a headache reading all the negative stuff about AF. It's great to know there are so many asian guys like you guys who don't see AF in bad light. I hold your opinions in high regard cos I think asian guys are the ones who understand women of their own kind the most. It makes anyone w/ intention to generalize AF as sellout disappointed haha.... that's what put a smile on my face.:)
Last week I saw an asian couple who look very nice togessther in a restaurant...Man rarely did i see a couple that are both gorgeous...and they're both asian, well-dressed and classy, and really beautiful. I thought they were japanese or chinese. AM look so good w/ an AF and vice versa. AM and AF would make a deadly combination.
AF(18)
Friday, November 22, 2002 at 20:07:59 (PST)
[203.162.133.66]
huu76,
I don't preach ignoring nor beating. I encourage my students to talk to each other about their problems, instead of them spewing their problems but never working them out.
Kind of funny you chose that.
teacher
Friday, November 22, 2002 at 15:41:08 (PST)
[208.48.177.5]
And as far as being insecure, I HARDLY think so. Not being vain but I have a lot going for me and get hit on all the time from men of every race as most mixed females do. Believe me!! The only men that don't approach daily are Asian men but they do approach from time to time
Hey it's that true i think it's really cool.then talk about the relationship btw you and you AM. Now that's what I 'd find interesting to hear about.And leave this topic about AF 'selling out' aside. WHy didn't you talk more about this interesting fact rather than harping upon the AF selling out? Actually what make me think what i thought is the fact that you admit to your limited acquaintance w/ AF yet you talk alot about them 'selling out' (I never said you bashed them).Anyway, wether al ot of them 'sell out' or not it has anything to do w/ you and your love life, right? :)
Furthermore, my man and I don't go around bashing other women together. That's silly. Yes, the subject has come up but we certainly don't dwell on it.
Sure no one talks abt your man here. Mind you, I've been hanging aorund here for a long time..and i know what went on in this board. WHich could explain why i know you are BF(btw,could a black/white mixed be attributed as a BF?*I regeard you as BF because its' you who had said that IL'm very sure you had said you are a BF) You could fool anyone but not me. And now you' re a mixed...it's all good. I think it comes down to a mtter of words. Not much of a deal. OKay...
I may be wrong...From your posts in the past...it gave me the impression that you kinda seem bogged down w/ the fact that A lot of AF sellout and AF should outdate. WEll i am endowed w/ a pretty sharp memery . I could remember your old talks w/ MYC asian guy, AF(18) which alll revolves arounf 'sellout AF', even the post where you said all that makes u think a lot of afs sellout are from posts on goldsea and your pals' comment which reflect your limited understanding of AF.
Cali girl, another thing is i see you have the tendency to make people's opinions or criticse into bashing, attack. Unless you suffer from hypertension you take things too seriously. I'm sorry for being a bit oversensitive about it but plz don't twist other ppl's opinions into an attack. I think what was going around was more of a tension than fight /attack.
Hope the tension ends here.
Hey huu 76,
it's been only 2 days that you got bashed...take it easy. What you want to say has been said. now saying the same thing over and over again would waste a lot of time.
TK Chang:
I totally agree w/ you. The gender divide can be bridged. Good to see AM like you hanging around here. Anyone notice the good looking AF usually pair w/ good looking AM? seen quite a few gorgeous AM/AF couple. They look sooooo nice together!!!:)
Niva
Friday, November 22, 2002 at 10:24:33 (PST)
[203.162.15.111]
Cali girl:
I've been an oldie here...You can't fool me hey..So you're not black????if u want i can find back the posts where you admit you were a BF and a ton of posts where you comment on AF...You're giving too much attention to AF that's what i was thinking.
So you're mixed and not black??? Face it, even if you are white/black mixed you are still black.
Azn angel
Friday, November 22, 2002 at 09:54:08 (PST)
[61.11.245.8]
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