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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
AA ATTITUDES TOWARD EXTRAMARITAL FLINGS
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:03:54 PM)
bought 50% of American marriages end in divorce. An Asian American couple is only half as likely to suffer that fate. Theories abound to explain this marked difference. Asians are simply more committed to keeping the family together at all cost, goes the prevailing theory.
Others point to the fact that cheating plays a key role in the majority of American divorces and attribute the durability of AA unions to differing attitudes toward extramarital liaisons. Asian men may be less likely to cheat, say some. Asian women are less likely to see their mate's sexual fidelity as the litmus test for staying together, others argue, because they don't consider the sexual bond to be at the center of the relationship and aren't as threatened by a fling. After all, in traditional Asian societies affluent men sometimes had multiple wives and/or concubines. Even in modern Asian societies male executives are often expected to cavort with paid hostesses as part of routine business entertaining.
Younger Asian Americans would probably deny they harbor such sexist notions. The only difference between themselves and other American couples, they might argue, is that they typically marry later, avoiding the tribulations of impulsive youthful marriages. Otherwise, they harbor all the same gender-neutral expectations of romantic love and fidelity.
What attitudes do Asian Americans have toward extramarital flings? What role do they play in the durability of Asian marriages?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
I guess its a little hard to leave the dojang because I have become attached. I did cheat with my sabunim because my boyfriend does not live in the same city. We are in a long distant relationship, and it gets lonely.
I do think I am going to have to leave. No matter how attached.
MLK,
You are right. I made my bed and now I must lie in it. I have to make the best out of this situation and just move on. I can't believe I ever let him ruin my life. This is truly all his fault. I had no part in this whole thing.
behind closed doors
Tuesday, August 13, 2002 at 13:06:31 (PDT)
I left my Chinese American wife for a Danish woman. She's younger, thinner, and kinder than my (ex) wife and is attractive (she happens to model). I still feel like a heel sometimes, but the heart wants what the heart wants.
Dan Tong.. trying to forget.
Tuesday, August 13, 2002 at 02:49:17 (PDT)
behind closed doors,
your "grandmaster" isn't a master of simple tastes...? Explain, why you are attracted to such a strange guy at all. Maybe it's your own guilt that such strange things happen to you at all.
I seem to be a slow in the brain regarding such topics, but maybe I can find a solution for that one, though.
rare stuff
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 16:06:44 (PDT)
behind closed doors,
What's stopping you from leaving the dojang and never seeing your TKD master again?
AC Dropout
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 08:47:17 (PDT)
behind closed doors,
It is probably better that you quit the dojang. I know that you are probably very attached to it. It is like a family. You have to ponder over these things, and then realize what is best for you. He should not be making any sexual demands from you. That is utterly inapropriate! I slept with a married person before. It was wrong what I did. I will never do something like that again.
Yuko
Monday, August 12, 2002 at 03:02:41 (PDT)
Behind close doors,
You say that "he hates the taekwondo, and he doesn't like my grandmaster."
NO WAY! You don't say....? You are s***ing his d*** and l***ing his a** every evening. Duh. Of course he doesn't like your grandmaster.
Btw, why did you cheat on your bf? Is the sex bad? Does he refuse to go down? Is he fat? Your behavior is baffling...
You have issues... get yourself out of this and go to therapy
Sunday, August 11, 2002 at 22:29:11 (PDT)
behind closed doors :(
Get a life! Go out and have some fun, and stop hanging around that old nasty dirty man. And it takes two to tango, so don't give us the crap about it being all his fault. You have to take some responsibilities in this (unless you're less than 18), because if you are over 18, you're an adult, honey.
Welcome to the adult world, where what you do, you have to think first before you jump.
MLK
Sunday, August 11, 2002 at 12:30:52 (PDT)
I feel so completely horrible and depressed! I went to class yesterday. My grandmaster called me to his office and wanted me to be oral with him (I think you know what I mean) I did what he asked me to. But then we began to have sex as usual, in his smaller office in the very back...and someone started knocking on the door. Some female student kept knocking and knocking. He stopped right in the middle of my climax to get dressed and answer the door. I was soooo ANGRY! I wanted to KILL HIM DEAD!!!! He left me there naked and unsatisfied just to anwer the DOOR! And when he anwered her questions he came back to me and ordered me to get dressed quickly. Then today in class he asked me to come in his office, and he told me "We have to stop this NOW. It was too much of close call yesterday. This is too dangerous" ...I told him "Well, I have BEEN wanting to end it and you kept telling me NO!" I was trying not to yell, but I was so angry at him. He told me to behave myself and get ready for class. I was so mad! I called my boyfriend later at home. He was asking me why did I sounded so pissed off. I told him I had class today. He started yelling at me for keep taking Taekwondo. He told me,"I told you to do KUNG FU INSTEAD! What is your PROBLEM!" He hates the taekwondo, and he doesn't like my grandmaster. He came to my tournament a long time ago and said he hated taekwondo so much with a passion. I feel so sad. What should I do? I know this is a long post, but I feel so frustrated about it. I hated the way he made it seem as though "HE" were ending it. When I wanted it to end all along. And what if he starts again? He says he cannot help himself? I don't know if I could ever trust his judgement anymore now.
behind closed doors :(
Thursday, August 08, 2002 at 16:07:49 (PDT)
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