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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
AA ATTITUDES TOWARD EXTRAMARITAL FLINGS
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:03:54 PM)
bought 50% of American marriages end in divorce. An Asian American couple is only half as likely to suffer that fate. Theories abound to explain this marked difference. Asians are simply more committed to keeping the family together at all cost, goes the prevailing theory.
Others point to the fact that cheating plays a key role in the majority of American divorces and attribute the durability of AA unions to differing attitudes toward extramarital liaisons. Asian men may be less likely to cheat, say some. Asian women are less likely to see their mate's sexual fidelity as the litmus test for staying together, others argue, because they don't consider the sexual bond to be at the center of the relationship and aren't as threatened by a fling. After all, in traditional Asian societies affluent men sometimes had multiple wives and/or concubines. Even in modern Asian societies male executives are often expected to cavort with paid hostesses as part of routine business entertaining.
Younger Asian Americans would probably deny they harbor such sexist notions. The only difference between themselves and other American couples, they might argue, is that they typically marry later, avoiding the tribulations of impulsive youthful marriages. Otherwise, they harbor all the same gender-neutral expectations of romantic love and fidelity.
What attitudes do Asian Americans have toward extramarital flings? What role do they play in the durability of Asian marriages?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
AC Dropout,
You are correct. He has not given me much financial assistance. Only when it seems he wants me to keep my mouth shut, then he opens his wallet. I am taking yours and MLK's advice. I don't think I want to continue to degrade myself like this. I feel degraded when I let him take what he wants and then treats me like crap later. I heard that some older white lady in her 40s' has been going out to dinner with him. Hes probably having sex with her too. The woman has a very ugly face with marks and lines in it, and she has saggy skin too. Hes a fool.
behind closed doors
Monday, August 19, 2002 at 12:22:04 (PDT)
cantonese flower:
What, prey tell, are the ethincities of your boyfriend and his roommate? I have a feeling that we already know the answer to it, but I want to hear it from you.
PO'd AM
Monday, August 19, 2002 at 06:52:18 (PDT)
cantonese flower,
If you knew that your boyfriend's roomate wanted to pump your pussy, just what the HELL were you doing taking a shower in his house?!? You spaz... I bet you are physically attracted to him.
Girls always do this, and it makes me sick to my stomach. They are attracted to someone else, so they play 'innocent' and merely set up an oppurtunity for the outside male to approach and take her (i.e. your taking a shower and prancing around the roomate's apartment with only a towel around you). That way, she is absolved of any responsibility, at least in her head. Man, if I were your bf, I would just chop your head off or something. Someone call the police before I commit a murder. I've had something similar happen to me before.
Just fFURIOUS!!!
Sunday, August 18, 2002 at 18:54:21 (PDT)
cantonese flower,
I think it is very deceitful that you have touched your boyfriend's roomate. Even though it was only touching, it can obviously lead to more. Your boyfriend trusted to leave you alone, probably thinking that you would not misuse his trust. And you have abused that. You should feel ashamed. I have been cheated on before, and it is really a shame. I have always been a man who will give a woman the benefit of the doubt. You cheapened yourself.
Mr. Heartless
Sunday, August 18, 2002 at 17:02:27 (PDT)
cantonese flower,
It appears, ahem, that you've now officially been 'deflowered'. Congratualtions. OF COURSE you should be feeling guilty, ya dumb ho'!
But of course, being a chick you will find some far-fetched, DERANGED way to rationalize your infidelity as an 'accident' or an 'innocent little mistake' and not come clean to your bf. Personally, I would rather have a girl come clean so I can (rightfully) kick her ass out for good, rather than share her used, old cootchie with some hobo. I'll be willing to wager 20 bucks that you'll be polishing his cock in the shower next week... "by mistake".
Sorry if I sound bitter. j/k =P
Women are just as dishonest and cruel
Saturday, August 17, 2002 at 02:00:34 (PDT)
Hi-
Its sometimes good to read other people have problems in their life and not only me.
I think we got married way too young. I was 19 and she was 16. Our parents forced us because I got her pregnant back in highschool. I think about cheating on her almost all the time. I can't help it. I wasn't ready to get married. Now I regret it. If I could do this all over again, I would have never told my parents about it. I would have just run away from the whole thing and left her. Its hardto feel one way, because she gave me such a beautiful daughter. If it weren't for my daughter I would leave now.
Charles
Friday, August 16, 2002 at 19:17:57 (PDT)
MLK,
Has nothing to do with being in the past. It's all relative to a particular individual. Some women would prefer to be a mistress to a rich tycoon, than be a wife to some working 9-to-5. There will always be people like that in society.
However, in behind close door case. I doubt she is getting that much finacial assistance. I could be wrong, compared to her current bf, the grand master could be an extremely wealthy individual.
Oh, well C'est la vie.
AC Dropout
Friday, August 16, 2002 at 15:17:46 (PDT)
cantonese flower,
I don't know what to say. The bf is probably going to spend his salary on you. And you go fooling around with his roommate.
You should probably leave the place when you bf leaves. And not let the roommate have these kind of opportunities.
But then again you say "we touched" which mean you were a willing participant.
AC Dropout
Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 15:15:28 (PDT)
behind closed doors
There is an old school of thought in the Asian Male psychie that generally absolves the male of any wrong-doing if he obtains a mistress even after he's married. It has to do with the fact that in the early days, men were allowed more than one wife if they could afford to keep their subsequent wives in the same manner and style of living. There was no dishonor for the second or subsequent wive(s) to not be the first. They were called concubines (if the guy was a king) and 'minor wife' (as opposed to 'main wife'). This happened because back then, it's actually better to be a minor wife to a powerful land baron or rich merchant or mandarin rather than be a main wife to a poor fisherman or farmer.
Having said that, I honestly feel that the position of a minor wife really sucks and I would hate to be in that position. I wouldn't even want to be in the relatively more palatable main wife position! I want to be an ONLY wife, and I think you do too.
We no longer live in the far past, and you are a valuable human being who deserves to be treated with respect. Get rid of the old nasty dirty man.
MLK
Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 00:30:23 (PDT)
My bfs' roomate has been propositioning me alot lately. I have been respectful and kindly told him no. When my bf went to work this morning, the roomate tried to get in the shower with me. I let him and, we touched. We didn't have sex, we only touched each other. Now I feel very guilty.
cantonese flower
Wednesday, August 14, 2002 at 08:51:16 (PDT)
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