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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
AA ATTITUDES TOWARD EXTRAMARITAL FLINGS
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:03:53 PM)
bought 50% of American marriages end in divorce. An Asian American couple is only half as likely to suffer that fate. Theories abound to explain this marked difference. Asians are simply more committed to keeping the family together at all cost, goes the prevailing theory.
Others point to the fact that cheating plays a key role in the majority of American divorces and attribute the durability of AA unions to differing attitudes toward extramarital liaisons. Asian men may be less likely to cheat, say some. Asian women are less likely to see their mate's sexual fidelity as the litmus test for staying together, others argue, because they don't consider the sexual bond to be at the center of the relationship and aren't as threatened by a fling. After all, in traditional Asian societies affluent men sometimes had multiple wives and/or concubines. Even in modern Asian societies male executives are often expected to cavort with paid hostesses as part of routine business entertaining.
Younger Asian Americans would probably deny they harbor such sexist notions. The only difference between themselves and other American couples, they might argue, is that they typically marry later, avoiding the tribulations of impulsive youthful marriages. Otherwise, they harbor all the same gender-neutral expectations of romantic love and fidelity.
What attitudes do Asian Americans have toward extramarital flings? What role do they play in the durability of Asian marriages?
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Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
How can I be a "CHEATING whoreman"? I am s-i-n-g-l-e. You hear me? SINGLE. I have been single for months. I am dating around. There is nothing immoral about what I am doing, at least on my part. I am simply looking out for my own interests. Selfish, maybe... but not immoral. What the woman is doing is immoral. I would consider myself immoral is I was a cheating spouse too, esp. if I initiated it. But I didn't, she did. The co-worker's wife came onto me, and I am not close nor even friends with my co-worker. She slipped me her number at a company party. She can always come to me on her own accord, and she does it... every time. Calls me and tells me to come over. The sex is sweet and satisfying. It's also a thrill to have a beautiful WF's body and mind. She is exotic to me also as I have only had Asian women before.
AM, 32
Monday, September 02, 2002 at 09:27:06 (PDT)
[128.253.186.46]
AM 32 is a typical cheating WHOREMAN. That is what he is. He is the man on the side. He is not worth anyones time or energy. He does not know the word loyalty or decency.
AM 32 has no dignity
Sunday, September 01, 2002 at 10:37:37 (PDT)
i have been around asians for twenty some years and lived in their countries and worked with them. i also married one. asians avoid the truth of them selves and like to paint a rosey picture but the real story is a double standard. in asia infidelity is rampant but kept under cultural control and is discreat and acceptable. however when asian women come to america they do poorly at controling themselves and have a great deal of trouble with the opportunities provided by so many desperate american males. i have heard that they brag to each other about how many boyfriends they have on the side and encourage each other to follow suit. i would say they fall apart morally and culturally in the states especially if married to an american. i see american liberalism as a black hole that people fall into and do not see the united states lasting very long the way it is going. it should be a punishable law adultery that is and especially if it is repetative and blatant. the men participating should also be penalized. the marriage partner who is conducting themselves correctly should be given and edge in divorce. america is not wise nor just in its marriage culture. i fear for my son as i see no way that it can get better
disgusted
Sunday, September 01, 2002 at 00:02:21 (PDT)
AM, 32:
You are a slut...
Larriii Kong
Thursday, August 29, 2002 at 22:36:37 (PDT)
Every Thursday during my lunch break, I go to a WM co-worker's house and have sex with his WF wife. She is 31, and in absolutely stunning shape. She's 5'9", about 125 with nice breasts. Beautiful face, blonde hair. Her husband neglects her and she feels lonely. I know this won't amount to anything, but the sex is hotter than I-don't-know-what. She probably thinks I'm some exotic diversion from her personal problems, but I don't care. I'm using her as much as she is using me. I will keep seeing her for as long as I can.
AM, 32
Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 09:24:37 (PDT)
"I think its okay to want something in your heart. Going after it, say for example its another man..
and your already in a solid relationship with someone else..
then it is wrong to act on those feelings."
IMHO, lusting in one's mind is just as abhorrent as perpetrating the act itself. Sitting there, pining away with your emotions and wishing upon a star.... the grass is always greener syndrome has initiated the dissolvement of many relationships. The only thing that separates humans from animals is the fact that we have morals and animals do not.
On a sidenote, this is a letter written to Ann Landers some nine years ago. This comes from the Columbus Dispatch:
Topic: Divorce
Subtopic:
Index: 1666
Date: 1/1992.12
Title:
Dear Ann Landers: Eleven years ago, I walked out on a 12-year marriage. My wife was a good person, but for a long time she was under a lot of stress. Instead of helping her, I began an affair with her best friend.
This is what I gave up:
1. Seeing my daughter grow up.
2. The respect of many long-time friends.
3. The enjoyment of living as a family.
4. A wife who was loyal, appreciative and who tried very hard to make me happy.
This is what I got:
1. Two step-children who treated me like dirt.
2. A wife who didn't know how to make anything for dinner but reservations.
3. A wife whose only interest in me was how much money she could get.
4. A wife who disparaged my family and ruined all my existing friendships.
5. Finally, the best thing I got was a bitter, expensive divorce.
Ann, tell your readers that anyone who is married and has his or her next mate all lined up is looking for trouble. People don't know what they are giving up until they no longer have it. Then it's too late.
Signed: Otis of Wisconsin
NotConfusedAsianDude
Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 15:54:42 (PDT)
I think its okay to want something in your heart. Going after it, say for example its another man..
and your already in a solid relationship with someone else..
then it is wrong to act on those feelings
rational
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 14:30:43 (PDT)
If cantonese flower didn't want this guy to touch her, she could have gone into the bathroom while still dressed, brought in her change of clothes, LOCKED THE BATHROOM DOOR, and taken a shower without this guy getting in with her. Methinks the lass doth protest too much when she says she "kindly told him no" or that she "feels guilty." Methinks the lass hath gotten a bit of a swelled head from the roomate's attentions and wanted to see what might happen if she left the door open, so to speak...
Shakespeare
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 05:58:39 (PDT)
PO'd AM,
My bf and his roomate are both Chinese. I am not proud of what I did. I should have never let the roomate in the shower. We didn't have sex. We only touched. I still feel guilty about it alot. Its not like we had sex or something. It was completely innocent. It really was. I didn't really want for it to happen but it did.
cantonese flower
Tuesday, August 20, 2002 at 02:25:22 (PDT)
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