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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
AA ATTITUDES TOWARD EXTRAMARITAL FLINGS
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 06:03:52 PM)
bought 50% of American marriages end in divorce. An Asian American couple is only half as likely to suffer that fate. Theories abound to explain this marked difference. Asians are simply more committed to keeping the family together at all cost, goes the prevailing theory.
Others point to the fact that cheating plays a key role in the majority of American divorces and attribute the durability of AA unions to differing attitudes toward extramarital liaisons. Asian men may be less likely to cheat, say some. Asian women are less likely to see their mate's sexual fidelity as the litmus test for staying together, others argue, because they don't consider the sexual bond to be at the center of the relationship and aren't as threatened by a fling. After all, in traditional Asian societies affluent men sometimes had multiple wives and/or concubines. Even in modern Asian societies male executives are often expected to cavort with paid hostesses as part of routine business entertaining.
Younger Asian Americans would probably deny they harbor such sexist notions. The only difference between themselves and other American couples, they might argue, is that they typically marry later, avoiding the tribulations of impulsive youthful marriages. Otherwise, they harbor all the same gender-neutral expectations of romantic love and fidelity.
What attitudes do Asian Americans have toward extramarital flings? What role do they play in the durability of Asian marriages?
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
This is what I think. It does not always have to be Asians. It happens in all races and interracials. Both males and females can be dishonest with each other.
dsfbcbsijbdax
Monday, October 28, 2002 at 13:43:06 (PST)
[148.4.22.222]
I don't know if it is good or bad.
But, some people say it actually helps the partner who is lacking the intimacy and passion that maybe missing in his or her love life.
I know lots of Asian women who are married to much older men or men they do not have that romantic attachment to.
Yes it is cheating, but it does and will happen. Often, the other partner does not know.
I observe the behavior of some women at the Chinese supermarket I go to. You can tell that some are "lonely" by giving her eyes to any younger man she set sights on.
Even the "eye contact" is like sex if it is done in an obvious way. It is sex in the mind and eyes.
try to play it less harm
Sunday, October 27, 2002 at 22:23:10 (PST)
[64.130.235.33]
Whew Cantonese Flower - that is quite a statement. But I do think you should speak only for yourself.
I have been married 7 years, and in that time both my spouse and I have been faithful to each other.
If you find a partner of integrity, who respects and loves you - and if you are the same towards them - these " urges" you speak of morph into the desire to have a working relationship and channel those energies into that relationship.
If this has not been your experience, I am saddened and hope someday it happens for you.
But please don't mislead Jen into believing your view on cheating to be anything other than your opinion.
Happy Clam
Sunday, October 27, 2002 at 15:07:38 (PST)
[12.217.192.139]
Leave behind closed doors alone! It is evident that this old man took advantage of her vulnerable state and once he hit it he wanted more so he is stalking her, offering to be her sugar daddy in return for more. I been through a similiar situation. Here's my advice: Take his money but don't sleep with him! Once he realizes he has been taken for a fool, he will stop.
MoneyOverMen
Monday, October 14, 2002 at 21:22:47 (PDT)
[205.188.209.138]
Jen,
No.It is impossible for men to control their urges. It is in the human nature to not have control. Men take what they want and we have to give it to them. We cannot stop what is imbreed in us Jen. Your boyfriend will never be yours because everyone cheats on each other. Noone is ever faithful and trust. Do you see what I am telling to you? It doesn't matter what age the persons are. Noone can control the urge to sleep with others.
cantonese flower
Friday, October 11, 2002 at 13:27:35 (PDT)
[152.163.189.237]
how do you know if your boyfriend has someone else? my boyfriend told me that he wants to just be friends. i did dump him 2 years ago because he was being really mean and selfish with me, and so was his friends. i went to hong kong to stay with family. a year later i came back to the US and we got back together over the telephone because of a dream i had about us. he visited me back in july. then we didn't see each other in august because of his job and he lives out of town. then he calls me up and says he just wants to be friends because i yelled at him on the phone. my friends told me that hes probably seeing some other girl, because that is what men do when they just want to be friends. is that true? is he maybe cheating on me and using an excuse of just wanting to be friends? he is 38 years old and i am 25. do older men cheat and are afraid to admit it? i am more mature than him because he acts so dumb for his age like a little selfish baby. i would never cheat on him unless he gave me the reason and he could always count on me. i don't know if men his age are capable of controlling his urges. is it possible?
Jen
Tuesday, October 08, 2002 at 17:35:09 (PDT)
[64.12.96.75]
Behind Closed Doors,
Your obviously his girlfriend if hes buying you all that stuff! And you insist on seeing him when you know that old man is stalking you! At least thats what you said in your story,"Hes parking his car across the street" "He left a bunch of messages on my machine" How are you just going to give in and meet him at 1olcock? And have dinner with him? Come on! What is THAT about? And why do you need a man to make you feel beautiful and wanted? Why is THAT the most important thing in the whole world?
AF(21)
Tuesday, October 01, 2002 at 07:28:09 (PDT)
[205.188.209.138]
"Spreading love",
you're sort of typical misogynist. Marriage was once invented to protect the woman and her child(ren). The "frustrated men in the US" aren't frustrated because of their "lack" of experiences. They are frustrated because other men blame them to be "impotent". Some kinds of US citizens are reknown for their intolerance regarding people who "lack" sexual activity.
rare stuff
Monday, September 30, 2002 at 14:30:14 (PDT)
[62.227.110.2]
I want to bring up a topic that may be contriversal, but I think it relates to this forum. I sincerely believe there is nothing wrong with prostitution. The reason why it is illegal in the U.S. because women always want the power. If they ban prostitution, then they can manipulate men into marriage. In many parts of the world, it is legal. Prostitution can be good if it is done in a clean fashion. There are a lot frustrated men in the U.S. who cannot find the woman of their dreams, so why not enjoy sex in the meantime? Most men cheat on their wives anyways. How can the U.S. prohibit prostitution, yet condone child/teen sex? Maybe Americans don't understand common sense.
Spreading love
Sunday, September 29, 2002 at 13:07:45 (PDT)
[66.19.193.97]
Wondering,
I did not ask him to buy me these things. I never asked him for anything. He offers them to me all the time. I am not sure if theres alot of men like this or if he is just unique. Also I want to clarify to you that I am not his girlfriend.
behind closed doors
Sunday, September 29, 2002 at 07:27:13 (PDT)
[64.12.96.75]
What kind of guy buys a girl a new car and a new wardrobe?? Are asian guys supposed to spoil their girlfriends like this??
wondering
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 09:59:46 (PDT)
[207.183.117.60]
Okay,I just really screwed up. I fell for it again. My sabunim kept calling and calling me on the telephone until finally I picked up the phone. He asked me to meet him at 1oclock. I did. I was feeling soo lonely and needed someone. We ended up being intimate again. Then he took me out to a Korean resteraunt down the road. The entire time at the table he was talking about how he wants to give me a new car, because the other one burns too much gas, and how he needs to buy me new clothes since I am starting a new semester in college. I told him that it is over. But it doesn't feel like its over. The main reason why I even showed up is that I was feeling a strong need to be caressed, and told how beautiful I am. So I gave in. Unfortunately. I do take responsibility for my own actions, unlike CantoneseFLower.
behind closed doors
Wednesday, September 25, 2002 at 13:24:09 (PDT)
[205.188.209.134]
Cantonese Flower:
I think the best thing to do would be to put the shoe on the other foot.
How would you like it if you had a female roommate, and one day after you went to work or class, your boyfriend got in the shower with her, "touched" her, and eventually started having hot sex with her? And this was happening all the while you were being totally faithful to him and thought he was totally faithful to you. How would that make you feel?
If you can say "It wouldn't bother me" or "It's only fair after what I've done" then maybe you should consider ending the relationship with your boyfriend because it is doomed. If the thought of your boyfriend with one of your female friends makes your blood boil, you feel jealous and angry, then that means you're a bit of a hypocrite, but you do care about your boyfriend on some level or other.
Just give that some thought.
Hank Lewis
Wednesday, September 25, 2002 at 06:18:54 (PDT)
[161.159.4.35]
I have been through some rough times. I was sleeping with my girlfriends sister for over 2 years, until she went off to college. Its hard to choose between to exceptionally beautiful women. To a point I can understand where Cantonese FLower is coming from. It is difficult to choose sometimes. Especially if you get the same wonderful vibe from both people. I did decide to end my affair, out of respect for my family, and her family. I have thought about what I was doing, and I feel angry at myself. Cantonese Flower, how can you continue to live a lie? Don't you feel disgusted with yourself? The guilt is hard for me to swallow, but I know that I have to be honest. What good is a relationship built on dishonesty? Think about it.
bad Andy
Monday, September 23, 2002 at 18:28:14 (PDT)
[205.188.209.138]
"Women cannot control the strength of a man. If a man wants a woman there is no way to stop him."
This is precisely the reason why lame, socially inept, dorky white guys can get with attractive Asian woman. I don't know if Cantonese flower girl is attractive or not, but this passive mentality is not common amongst non-Asian woman. This is so sad.
Disgusted AM
Monday, September 23, 2002 at 00:08:42 (PDT)
[128.253.186.46]
cantonese flower,
I don't know to feel sorry for you because of how emotionally weak you are.
Or too laugh because you are probably going to do stuff like this for the rest of your life and blame it on "something I could not control."
You sound very young and inexperience. Sounds more like you were curious of how sex would be like with another. Or more sinister you wanted to be a "bad girl" since you were always a "good girl" in life.
You should start planning how you will explain this to your boyfriend. I don't think he is going to accept the explaination you are giving me.
AC Dropout
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 12:10:16 (PDT)
[24.90.98.143]
Cantonese Flower:
In other words YOUR desire was TOO STRONG.
Shakes
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 05:59:54 (PDT)
[161.159.4.21]
cantonese flower,
you're wasting your energy. Sex is for pro-creation, not re-creation.
"If a man wants woman...The human body is impossible to control":
Does he rape you??!! -Are you too lazy to call the police?! Breath some fresh air and escape from that guy.
rare stuff
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 15:58:54 (PDT)
[62.158.90.58]
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