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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
veryone has an opinion on how Asian women are perceived by men. Reflecting those stereotypes across the gender line, we might assume that non-Asian women would see Asian women either as sexual threats (the exotic tempresses/sexual predators stereotype) or objects of pity and condescension (the passive victims of sexist cultures stereotype). Or, inside the halls of academe and of corporate America, perhaps as superhuman competitors for grades and promotions (the grinds with no lives stereotype).
Friend or foe?
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In actual social encounters such preconceptions translate into a plethora of mostly subtle but detectible responses -- hostility, wariness or exaggerated solicitude. In extended dealings these attitudes might subject Asian women to excessive amounts of malicious gossip, campaigns of isolation, or an effort at taking under the wing or even outright domination.
These types of negative interactions are common enough that, in an effort to neutralize them, Asian American women seem to have evolved distinctive personal styles. Many AAF make a point of being unusually aggressive and outspoken in social interactions. Others flaunt their educational or economic status. Still others take a take-no-prisoners tack and play the ultra-feminine siren capable of punishing rival females by turning their mates into yo-yos. Some manage to adopt all these tactics and become alpha females against whom resistance is futile.
But of course not all interactions between Asian American women and non-Asian women are of the arms-length variety. At times these women also do relate to one another as best friends, sisters-, daughters- and mothers-in-law, collaborators, teachers, doctors, students, attorneys, fellow soccer moms. Each such relationship introduces aspects of Asian women that defy easy stereotypes but may nevertheless reveal the peculiar role they seem forced to accept in American society.
Not that all non-Asian women start with a negative impression of Asian women. We kick off the reader comments with a post from a woman with good reason to want to see warm relatioins between AF and non-Asian females.
We invite women of all perspectives to air their perceptions, concerns and observations on relations between Asian and non-Asian women.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
justagirltoo
I did said that I too have made cultural assumptions about non Asian women except I don't know what they are. That's why they are assumptions. I didn't say all non Asian women have misconceptions of Asian women but quite a lot of them do, like I have a lot of misconceptions of Muslim women initially until I met some of them in college and found that they were the most liberated, intelligent women I have ever met. All the stuff I have read in the news about oppression of women in Muslim countries and the sight of their headwear kinda made me biased towards them unconsciously. It was a revelation and shock to me to find that I have such prejudices. I am sure that is the case with a lot of my non Asian female friends because some of the assumptions and misconceptions they have made about me because of my race (Chinese) is extraordinary in this day and age, but they do have them, believe me. To this day they still cannot believe that I have never learned how to cook. It will seemed to them that somehow Chinese women are taught how to cook from an early age from a cultural point of view, and the idea that a young, spirited, educated Chinese woman has more things to do than learn how to cook never occurred to them. This is as stupid as it gets. It may sound trivial, but this is just the tip of the iceberg where misconceptions of Asian woman are concerned.
Justagirl
Sunday, August 25, 2002 at 03:09:55 (PDT)
wondering wf,
A few WFs (I won't mention names)have been consistantly bitchy about AFs all over Goldsea without provocation so please stop acting as if the cattyness is all one-sided when you know full well it isn't!
Unbiased BF
Saturday, August 24, 2002 at 15:55:12 (PDT)
It's difficult to be friends with someone of different cultural background, or someone with little knowledge of your culture (males or females, asian or not). That's all I have to say about this topic.
Northwest Girl and Southeast Girl:
Most of your bickerings have little to do with this topic, and more to do with insulting each other. Why dont you just email your insults to each other so that you dont take valuable goldsea space.
be
Saturday, August 24, 2002 at 05:50:20 (PDT)
Initially, I tend to feel intimidated by AFs because I think that guys prefer them. But I try to be friendly and not let my insecurities get in the way.
On the other hand, some of my (AF) friends have commented that they feel intimidated by WFs for the same reason. So I guess it goes both ways.
Berkeley WF
Friday, August 23, 2002 at 22:36:37 (PDT)
Southeast Girl,
Of course race often, if not always, colors interpersonal relationships. But it's not the only factor, and I believe that in order to understand how much of a factor race really is, and work to improve interracial relationships among Asian women and other women (if that's the goal), we have to understand the other factors, whether they are socioeconomic or something else altogether.
Frankly, I don't think that's sidetracking the discussion. The editors said that wanted to hear views on "relations between Asian and non-Asian women." I just happen to think that there are factors other than race that affect those relations, and that the effect of those factors is something worth considering.
TexAsian
Friday, August 23, 2002 at 19:24:00 (PDT)
[Socioeconomics plays a role in relationships? Interesting. Next. --Ed]
Southeast Girl, I think everyone on this site has their own reasons for visiting and I don't appreciate the fact that you seem to think your reasons are the only valid ones. Why are you trying to tell people what they should and shouldn't post? If you want that so badly, go start your own Web site. You can call it www.I'mSoAngryI'llOnlyHearWhatIWantToHear.com.
Aside from the fact that you seem to misunderstand my postings and want to label me, I also don't understand why you are spending so much time putting others down for expressing their views -- Why don't you spend more time sharing your experiences and offering any solutions that have worked for you? I'm sure you have a lot to contribute, but so far, everything I've heard from you has been negative feedback about the other posters. Why are you so afraid of open dialogue?
As for TexAsian's point about socioeconomic factors, I don't think it's "nonsense" to consider that. Many of society's problems don't live in their own vacuum.
I believe the subject of this bulletin board is "Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women," so let's get back on topic and stop using this site for personal attacks.
Northwest Girl
Friday, August 23, 2002 at 18:51:56 (PDT)
[Just to short-circuit what might turn into a long argument -- it seems that you and a few other posters believe that there is no point in discussing how racial stereotypes color female relationships. We'd suggest you move on to other topics and let the discussions on this page proceeded apace. --Ed]
I think one of the bigger misconceptions Asian women (and men) have about nonAsians is that we have a tendency to think Asians act a certain way. There are nonAsians that do of course, but so many of us don't.
justagirltoo
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 19:09:48 (PDT)
Northwest Girl,
And I'm sorry for people like you and others who are so afraid of confronting identity issues that they choose to deny them altogether and try to put on a "what racial stereotyping?" face.
The only way we can all be more comfortable is to ventilate the issue so we can all get over it. Denial only leads to repression and repression leads to anger and self-hatred.
Just ask youself this: why are you on this site if you feel like you are seen like everyone else? My advice to you: Learn to be honest with yourself. Otherwise you're part of the problem.
TexAsian,
Of course there are socioeconomic issues, but that goes for every race. We Asian women face additional overlays of racial stereotypes that we are forced either to accede to or confront head on. I choose to confront them, not deny them and hope no one will notice I'm Asian. Let's not try to sidetrack the discussion here with this socioeconomic nonsense. That's only for the feeble-minded and/or cowardly. I didn't come to this site to talk about socioeconomics.
Southeast Girl
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 10:29:16 (PDT)
TexAsian, I think you probably have a good point to consider. I notice that when people don't group themselves by race, they tend to group themselves by economic status, education or interests.
I myself tend to hang out with people whose interests are similar to mine and don't really care what race they are or how much money they make. As a college graduate working in a professional job, I don't have trouble relating with Asain women who make less money or who have jobs that are considered "blue collar," as long as we share some things in common.
I think it's just a matter of what you find important in your friends.
Northwest Girl
Thursday, August 22, 2002 at 18:42:39 (PDT)
Southeast Girl, I really don't understand what you're trying to say in attacking me. I don't recall "bitching" too much about how I've been treated. In fact, I have been debated on other Goldsea bulletin boards for advocating a "no whining (more action)" stance. I don't recall posting anything about mistreated Asian wives. You must have confused me with someone else or misread my postings.
I feel badly for you that you have to behave in a way that isn't really you and avoid wearing feminine and sexy clothes when you know you'll be in contact with non-Asians. What kind of way is that to live? I hope you will one day find the strength to be a person who doesn't have to live on the defensive. And I hope you can channel your anger into working to support other Asian women, even those whose views may be different from yours.
Northwest Girl
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 17:29:05 (PDT)
wondering wf:
No, it's what do you have against US?
Look at the originations of such posts.
You will find that they are *replies* to derogatory and rude posts from WFs.
We're only defending ourselves...
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 12:39:45 (PDT)
I wonder if class has a greater impact on relationships than race. I've seen upper-middle-class Asian, white, black, and Latina women get along very well, but upper-middle-class Asian women have trouble relating to working class Asian women, and vice versa. Is this an unusual phenomenon?
TexAsian
Wednesday, August 21, 2002 at 09:04:05 (PDT)
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