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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
veryone has an opinion on how Asian women are perceived by men. Reflecting those stereotypes across the gender line, we might assume that non-Asian women would see Asian women either as sexual threats (the exotic tempresses/sexual predators stereotype) or objects of pity and condescension (the passive victims of sexist cultures stereotype). Or, inside the halls of academe and of corporate America, perhaps as superhuman competitors for grades and promotions (the grinds with no lives stereotype).
Friend or foe?
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In actual social encounters such preconceptions translate into a plethora of mostly subtle but detectible responses -- hostility, wariness or exaggerated solicitude. In extended dealings these attitudes might subject Asian women to excessive amounts of malicious gossip, campaigns of isolation, or an effort at taking under the wing or even outright domination.
These types of negative interactions are common enough that, in an effort to neutralize them, Asian American women seem to have evolved distinctive personal styles. Many AAF make a point of being unusually aggressive and outspoken in social interactions. Others flaunt their educational or economic status. Still others take a take-no-prisoners tack and play the ultra-feminine siren capable of punishing rival females by turning their mates into yo-yos. Some manage to adopt all these tactics and become alpha females against whom resistance is futile.
But of course not all interactions between Asian American women and non-Asian women are of the arms-length variety. At times these women also do relate to one another as best friends, sisters-, daughters- and mothers-in-law, collaborators, teachers, doctors, students, attorneys, fellow soccer moms. Each such relationship introduces aspects of Asian women that defy easy stereotypes but may nevertheless reveal the peculiar role they seem forced to accept in American society.
Not that all non-Asian women start with a negative impression of Asian women. We kick off the reader comments with a post from a woman with good reason to want to see warm relatioins between AF and non-Asian females.
We invite women of all perspectives to air their perceptions, concerns and observations on relations between Asian and non-Asian women.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
co-ed
That is so true. Thats exactly how I felt when I went to university.
During my years at high school race was never an issue. Interacial relationships and friendship was seen as nothing but relationships and friendships. I never had any instances of racial slurs or discrimination even in primary schools but university was a whole new experience. White students would form one group and asians would form another. Koreans ,Chinese , Vietnamese..etc would all form their own group.
Whites would have their spot and asian would have their spot at the campus.
Sometimes it feels like there is a boundary between all the ethic group.
Anyway uni really make you be aware of who you really are.
AznG
Friday, September 06, 2002 at 04:09:33 (PDT)
[211.28.96.40]
To Justagirl:
Thank you very much for your kind words and encouragement. I have to say I really appreciate it; it is always supportive to hear positive feedback on one's thoughts and opinions... :)
I guess the issue about jealous girls is just as you said, there will always be some, no matter where in the world one is... the best thing to do however is to just ignore it, it is no use getting mad or being confrontational or even spending one's time worrying about it.
Thank you once again for wishing me well, and I wish you a very happy life also... I am happy that my ideas brought you more info on this topic. It is kind of from a different angle I guess, not the same as if I grew up in a multicultural and (I have to say) societally to a small degree different country, like United States... I think it is more business and profit-oriented than my native country was when I was a kid growing up there, although now I notice my self becoming more like that too... (I am crazy for shopping and things like that. Ohhh!) Well, good luck and take care. I wish you best for the future.
eastern-european canadienne girl
Wednesday, September 04, 2002 at 16:57:01 (PDT)
[64.228.100.90]
Coed
I think its only natural for people of same race or ethnicity to gravitate toward one another especially when you are put in a new uncertain environment.
Maybe even more so if you are a minority in this country.
passing thru
Tuesday, September 03, 2002 at 18:37:09 (PDT)
[64.12.97.14]
Most of my friends all through highschool were Afs. They are such deep thinking women, with so much class and wonderful creativity. When I see Af bashing on some of the message boards I do not understand it at all. I really hate seeing that stuff. I think alot of the people who are doing it must be afraid. Ever heard of being afraid of what you don't know about? I think alot of that happens with some non-Afs, many times. I agree that there will always be a cultural divide between Afs' and non-Afs'. But I think we can learn from each other so much. I have learned so much from just being very close friends with some wonderful and bright Afs. I have to say that it really does help narrow the gap alot.
Mia
Tuesday, September 03, 2002 at 14:06:02 (PDT)
[205.188.209.82]
I am wondering if any other posters or readers out there have encountered similar situations. . . here's my story. I attend a large (huge!) public univerisity in the midwest, and grew up in the Northwest suburbs of Chicago in an affluent but racially diverse and accepting community (at least that was the way I saw it). My best friend since childhood is Chinese, and I'm white. As we went off to the university, we agreed to make seperate groups of friends, just so we didn't have to see each other every day and get sick of each other, lol. Race was never an issue in our friendship, we shared a diverse group of friends from all places, but it seems as if on this campus different racial groups seem to stick together and friendships and relationships are only formed within the contexts of these groups. It is only the first week, but I have yet to see an interracial relationship of any kind and interracial friendships are not all that less rare. My best friend has connected with a bunch of people that are all asian, and my new group of friends is all white. What I guess I'm asking is, was I just naive to assume that every place I go is going to be just like my high school, where people really honestly didn't care about race/ethnicity/etc? Has anyone else had any experiences that are similar? I'm also curious to see if anyone can guess which university I attend just from this description of racial relations. . . please respond
co-ed
Tuesday, September 03, 2002 at 11:20:50 (PDT)
[63.252.68.157]
It's the way the world is, and ABC,
Thanks for your comments. Have either of you ever felt excluded by white or other non-Asian groups of females? How can we narrow this cultural gap? How do you think that Asians are brought up differently than non-Asians?
curious girl
Friday, August 30, 2002 at 10:36:17 (PDT)
[206.34.216.7]
eastern-european canadienne girl
Thank you for your long but interesting post. I really enjoy reading it :D
I agreed with everything you said, and don't worry about AF giving you cold looks just because you are with AM. There's always one or two of that kind floating around, you just go out whomever you please. I hope you have a good life.
Justagirl
Thursday, August 29, 2002 at 17:26:47 (PDT)
Curious Girl:
"I don't think it's part of any conscious plan to exclude me, it just seems that they are much more comfortable talking to each other than with me, which I can understand."
Don't feel bad I get that also and I'm full Chinese except ABC. My Chinese consists of being able to understand a few key words here and there so I'm not good enough to engage in conversation.
Your husband's friends don't mean anything and you're correct in assuming that they're just more comfy in speaking their native tongue.
ABC
Thursday, August 29, 2002 at 12:49:10 (PDT)
We do have our own ideas, curious girl.
It's just that those very ideas and ways of living are shaped by the culture in which we are raised.
There will always be a cultural divide, no matter how big or small between ethnicities.
We simply need to find a way to narrow the gap a bit.
It's the way the world is
Thursday, August 29, 2002 at 10:44:35 (PDT)
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