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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
veryone has an opinion on how Asian women are perceived by men. Reflecting those stereotypes across the gender line, we might assume that non-Asian women would see Asian women either as sexual threats (the exotic temptresses/sexual predators stereotype) or objects of pity and condescension (the passive victims of sexist cultures stereotype). Or, inside the halls of academe and of corporate America, perhaps as superhuman competitors for grades and promotions (the grinds-with-no-lives stereotype).
Friend or foe?
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In actual social encounters such preconceptions translate into a plethora of mostly subtle but detectible responses -- hostility, wariness or exaggerated solicitude. In extended dealings these attitudes might subject Asian women to excessive amounts of malicious gossip, campaigns of isolation, or an effort at taking under the wing or even outright domination.
These types of negative interactions are common enough that, in an effort to neutralize them, Asian American women seem to have evolved distinctive personal styles. Many AAF make a point of being unusually aggressive and outspoken in social interactions. Others flaunt their educational or economic status. Still others take a take-no-prisoners tack and play the ultra-feminine siren capable of punishing rival females by turning their mates into yo-yos. Some manage to adopt all these tactics and become alpha females against whom resistance is futile.
But of course not all interactions between Asian American women and non-Asian women are of the arms-length variety. At times these women also do relate to one another as best friends, sisters-, daughters- and mothers-in-law, collaborators, teachers, doctors, students, attorneys, fellow soccer moms. Each such relationship introduces aspects of Asian women that defy easy stereotypes but may nevertheless reveal the peculiar role they seem forced to accept in American society.
Not that all non-Asian women start with a negative impression of Asian women. We kick off the reader comments with a post from a woman with good reason to want to see warm relatioins between AF and non-Asian females.
We invite women of all perspectives to air their perceptions, concerns and observations on relations between Asian and non-Asian women.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Thats Cool,
Why thankyou. I take that as a compliment :)
Philly Girl,
Why am I not surprised in the very least by your comment? There are many White women are very quick to rudely say,"These Asians are friendlier than these Asians" or "These Asiana have more intelligence" "These Asians are more this way and that way blah blah blah" Separating us as though some of us are better than others. The crazy thing is some of us even start to believe such crap. Its insane. We are all Asians. I find that my LF and BF do not distinguish in those ignorant complex ways. They are like,"Shes cool. She also happens to be an AF" Intead of,"Yes, she is cool only because she is Chinese. Only the Chinese are the coolest ones to be friends with. The Japanese are this or that" I have AF friends who are Chinese,Vietnamese and Koreans. I don't feel one is better than the other. They are my friends. You say that AF and WF have insecurities and jealousies with each other? I disagree. Some may. Not all of us do. I am quite secure with myself. I was raised in a good environment. When I came to this country, I did not have a brainwash view of life through media imagery and propoganda. I have always been a woman who choose her own paths in my life. I don't feel that I am insecure because I choose to be around whom I am more compfortable with.
Curious girl,
I guess the reasons have to really do with who I am most compfortable around. I feel more compfortable around AF. We have so many things we can relate to, like childhood and growing up in our households with our culture. My Latina,BF friends and I also share some things in common. They know what it is also like to be different from a majority and made to feel like an outsider. I have experienced many racist things that I couldn't quite explain. Some of the things my friends have endured we talked about it before. When they have gone through things and we sat down and discussed it. I then realized the experiences were so similar to what I have been through. People gravitate to who they feel compfortable with. Some people don't and instead they seek who they are expected to be around. Some people don't have their own minds and do what people always expect them to do. I have never been that sort of person.
AF(21)
Wednesday, September 11, 2002 at 05:07:38 (PDT)
[205.188.208.106]
AF(21):
I am a mixed female and I think you may relate to them better because you all have racism from whites in common. Just a thought. I don't see anything wrong with it and if anyone tells you that you need to change your views, I'm sure it will only be whites and that's because they (generally) are used to people bending over backwards to be friends with them or be nice to them. I think it just shocks them when they see someone who could care less about them. I wouldn't worry about it. There are plenty of friendly BFs and LFs to be friends with!
CaliGirl
Tuesday, September 10, 2002 at 23:40:30 (PDT)
[63.233.28.31]
I'm a 26 year-old AAF married to a Caucasion guy who grew up with friends of all races. I have experienced extreme jealousy in and out of the work place by Caucasion women. They are absolutely threatened because of the way I look.
It has been my experience that this specific race of women are intimidated by our intelligence, beauty and beautiful, diminutive frames.
I'm disgusted and fed up with their elementary demeanor -- GROW UP.
Victoria in Missouri
Vick777@aol.com
Tuesday, September 10, 2002 at 12:37:51 (PDT)
[198.209.22.253]
To AF (21):
You are probably the first AF who does not mind hanging with groups other than White people.
From my limited experience AF and AM for that matter, will only talk to Whites and they usually hold a lot of misconceptions about colored people.
Maybe I'll meet more people like you someday...
That's cool
Tuesday, September 10, 2002 at 08:03:20 (PDT)
[65.114.179.225]
Hmmmm, AF(21), your post was very interesting to me because it was almost just like me !
I have no problem making friends with BF or LF, in fact I have always had many friends of these races.
However, with AF it's been more difficult.
I find that Asian-American, Japanese born and some Chinese born are not as bad as the other Asian countries (for making friends). I did have a good friend from Thailand, but that friend was male.
Perhaps we WF/AF both lack self confidence or are jealous of each other??
This is a very interesting topic and one I would like to figure out as I enjoy being friends with anyone who will have me !!
Philly Girl
Monday, September 09, 2002 at 09:58:47 (PDT)
[152.163.189.205]
AF 21, why do you feel that you can't relate to white women at all? Have you never had a white female friend, in childhood or high school or college? I'm not saying you should be friends with WFs, if you choose not to that's fine. I'm just wondering why you choose not to.
curious girl
Monday, September 09, 2002 at 09:57:43 (PDT)
[206.34.216.7]
I cannot relate to White Women at all. When an AF says she cannot relate to White Women, then we are accused of being prejudiced. I personally feel I can relate more to other AFs, and to Latinas and BFs. It is hard to really explain my feelings, but that is how it is. Some may feel that I am wrong and need to make adjustments in my views. I do not see it in that way. Noone will ever change the way I feel about it. I think it is nice that some AFs feel they can relate to WFs and have them as friends. I do not have them as friends, and never ever will. I do however have good friends who are AF, LF and BF. We hang out places together and share similar experiences.
AF(21)
Monday, September 09, 2002 at 00:24:22 (PDT)
[152.163.189.205]
Hi, I just came up on this forum for the first time. I just wanted to share my experience. I am a female. A few years ago I met an Asian girl through a close friend of mine due to business, she and my friend became close (my friend is white). The Asian girl was about the same age as us 22-23. I have friends that are Black, White and Latin but I realized I never had an Asian female friend (much or less a Asian male friends). Anyway, we got along fine for a while then she became very distant. Then I met another Asian girl of another friend who too happened to be White. This other Asian girl too became distant or "pretendish". One day I was out with my boyfriend, I saw the Asian girl and said Hi! She was very cold, and when I turned my back to leave, my boyfriend noticed her “scorning” expression. I always wondered if it was me with the problem, my other friends of other ethnicities never seem to gave me this impression. My close friend who is White feels uncomfortable about the situation because she wants to hang out with me and her new Asian friend at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t try to force any type of friendship on these Asian women, but I just can’t help but to feel strange among them. I must admit my feelings at some point got pinched. I am trying not to form a negative opinion due to these coincident experiences, but it sure made me wonder a couple of things. But life is too short, I got over it.
Lani
Saturday, September 07, 2002 at 18:39:18 (PDT)
[65.113.108.167]
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