|
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
veryone has an opinion on how Asian women are perceived by men. Reflecting those stereotypes across the gender line, we might assume that non-Asian women would see Asian women either as sexual threats (the exotic temptresses/sexual predators stereotype) or objects of pity and condescension (the passive victims of sexist cultures stereotype). Or, inside the halls of academe and of corporate America, perhaps as superhuman competitors for grades and promotions (the grinds-with-no-lives stereotype).
Friend or foe?
|
In actual social encounters such preconceptions translate into a plethora of mostly subtle but detectible responses -- hostility, wariness or exaggerated solicitude. In extended dealings these attitudes might subject Asian women to excessive amounts of malicious gossip, campaigns of isolation, or an effort at taking under the wing or even outright domination.
These types of negative interactions are common enough that, in an effort to neutralize them, Asian American women seem to have evolved distinctive personal styles. Many AAF make a point of being unusually aggressive and outspoken in social interactions. Others flaunt their educational or economic status. Still others take a take-no-prisoners tack and play the ultra-feminine siren capable of punishing rival females by turning their mates into yo-yos. Some manage to adopt all these tactics and become alpha females against whom resistance is futile.
But of course not all interactions between Asian American women and non-Asian women are of the arms-length variety. At times these women also do relate to one another as best friends, sisters-, daughters- and mothers-in-law, collaborators, teachers, doctors, students, attorneys, fellow soccer moms. Each such relationship introduces aspects of Asian women that defy easy stereotypes but may nevertheless reveal the peculiar role they seem forced to accept in American society.
Not that all non-Asian women start with a negative impression of Asian women. We kick off the reader comments with a post from a woman with good reason to want to see warm relatioins between AF and non-Asian females.
We invite women of all perspectives to air their perceptions, concerns and observations on relations between Asian and non-Asian women.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
CONTACT US
|
ADVERTISING INFO
© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.
|
|
|
|
WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
WF
Very interesting. Why do you think that is? I never really noticed that until you pointed it out. Are they blaming the wrong group of people??
CaliGirl
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 21:54:19 (PDT)
[63.233.24.115]
Hannybunbun...
You are so funny. I've always enjoyed your posts. You have some good points there! It's sad to say but I never really realized until I began dating my current boyfriend who is Chinese that I didn't even have any AF friends. Isn't that sad? It's not that I dislike them, I just never really even gave it a thought and it wasn't intentional. I have always thought that Asians (in general) tend to keep to themselves more and isolate themselves and hang w/ their own as far as friendships go. I always see WF, BF, and LF out together partying, shopping or just hanging out but I hardly ever see AFs out w/anyone but other AFs and the rare times I do see it, they're almost always w/WFs. Perhaps it's b/c those are the ones that are wanting to date WM? I'm curious from an AF's point of view, why is that? I know you're not Asian but I'm hoping another AF will read this and answer. I'm sure you're curious too. To be honest, the only AFs I've met are a couple thru WF friends and they are the ones that just flat out told me they only dated WM and when I told them my boyfriend was Asian, they questioned me as to "why?" That's kind of odd. But, I did meet 1 girl that is my boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend. She is really cool and I like her a lot. She's very friendly w/me but I don't think we would have ever met or became friends if it wasn't for our boyfriends. I wouldn't mind having more AF friends but they just don't seem as outgoing as other females. Again, wondering why...
CaliGirl
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 21:53:20 (PDT)
[63.233.24.115]
WF,
So what is YOUR point? By bringing it to our attention that AM are bashing AFs'? What is your point of going out of your way to say that? How do you feel about the AM doing this? Does it make you feel somehow impowered? You are correct to some extent. ALot of AF bashing goes on. And also, many WFs go right along with the AM when they do it almost 99% of the time too. For every nasty bashing comment by an AM about us, check further and you will see WFs with nasty bitchy comments about us. Therefore, we have to defend ourselves. I don't like WFs.
AF
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 11:42:52 (PDT)
[152.163.188.71]
to the truth:
I'm a wf, and I'd like to think that I'm too mature to be threatened by anyone, of either sex, of any race. I've been through too much in my lifetime to be worried about such things. Besides, I'm too busy trying to "make it big" for myself, which is not easy. Anyway, my eye doctor is a Corean woman. I picked her out of a long list of male doctors, and didn't think for a second that "She makes more money than I and has a better job than I, so I feel inadequate and I don't like her." I like when females make it big, because I figure I have a chance at it, too.
But I do know a wf who makes crass remarks about Asians and other races. She'll talk in a mocking accent, which is really mean in itself, but it also bugs me because she knows I have Asian friends. I don't know why she's trying to get a rise out of me. She's never had friends of different races. Her dad didn't like other races, either. I guess that's where she got it from, but that's no excuse. I feel uncomfortable when she says these things, and I tell her it's not nice, and that she shouldn't, but she does it anyway. Some people never grow up and change their perspective.
no cheap shots
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 10:56:03 (PDT)
[216.17.76.225]
"Do your BF and Latina friends know how lucky they are that they have the proper skin to be your friend?"
What a really stupid statement. My BF friends range in skin color from very light to dark skin. Some of them are have mix background. The same is with my Latina friends. So your statement really means nothing. Its not skin color being the issue. It is the mentality of White females that I choose not to associate with. Granted, there may be some White womens that might be cool. I don't know and dont really care to concern myself with it. I have been through enough crap from them, and I would rather not be around it. I feel lucky to have the friends that I have because we have nothing but genuine respect for each other. We have shared parallel experiences in our lives. Being women of color, if we have an argument I don't have to worry about them saying something stupid like,"You Asians are blah blah blah" or "so this is how you Asians are!" or "chink blah" Whenever we have had disagreement it has never been that way. Why? Because its true friendship. We share a common bond. Not some fake friendship based on weak means to prove a point, or to fit in with a clique. My AF friends also are a variety of skin color. My AF friends and I share something that a White woman could not bring in a friendship. Trust and true loyalty of the heart. You see, just because someone is an ethnicity means nothing. There are different shades of skin. Did you even know that? Or is this new information for you?
Another WF around here,
Who really cares? So you look different and they thought you look Asian. Big deal. So what was your point in bringing that up? Senseless. I know plenty of other nationalities of women that appear to have Asian blood. Its not such a big deal really. I don't think anyone really gives a rats ass. I know I don't.
AF(21)
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 10:18:38 (PDT)
[152.163.188.71]
I for one am relieved that the tall, blonde look is going by the wayside.
Since I am neither.
However, I feel that most men, with a few exceptions, will always find their own race of women the most attractive.
I have no problems with IR. In fact it gives me hope for a racist free world.
And from this page you can see bigots come in every color.
So, if you have it in you. Give love and understanding to your fellow man....and woman!!
Philly Girl
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 09:37:08 (PDT)
[152.163.189.205]
I am neither threatened nor have any ill will toward Asian females. As a large portion of my friends are Asian females..not to mention my in-law family.
I do think that it can more comforting at times to be around people of the same culture or race. I think it is a familiarity thing. Especially if it is a language issue. But friendships can be a motivating factor in breaking out of that mold..as love also can.
I think it is immature for women to be so petty to say things like "WF's hate us because we are pretty and thin" or AF's hate us because they are shallow etc etc.
I know that talking about these things and getting true feelings and stereotypes out in the open so we can either support them with our experiences or negate them and prove them wrong. But it begins to sound like a bunch of preschoolers after awhile, pulling each others hair because "one girl has prettier braids". Who gives a shit? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder..and if people are easily led or given to media influence..then they use that as their standards. Depends on the person.
Some Asian women are physically beautiful as some Caucasian, or other ethnic is beautiful.
Why are we not discussing the cultural differences that may keep our friendships between Asian and other race women from being closer? How about some stories of Asian and caucasian women that are close?
Hannybunbun
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 08:49:13 (PDT)
[207.172.11.148]
"interesting how most of the negativity on AFs on goldsea and other places have come almost exclusively from white women, not blacks, not hispanics, or native americans. wonder why."
Actually, *almost all* of the negativity towards AFs on this site come from Asian men. That is a fact. Look at the Gender Divide board, Best and Worst of AA women, Do AA women suffer more? etc. AA men bash AF women MUCH more than WFs on this site. Realize who is really putting you down.
WF
Monday, September 16, 2002 at 05:50:46 (PDT)
[206.34.216.7]
But MO you did mention "specific race" in your post did you not? Anyway I am a diminutive AF who sometimes goes out with WM, and I don't get any kind of hostility from WF. In fact WF are more friendly when I am with WM than AM so go figure. I am sorry you have such bad experiences with WF, but you may want to examine your own attitudes towards WF in general.
To See it all the time:
I don't wear very high heels because they are bad for my legs, and I will never bleach my black hair. Also I am tired of defending AF from WF and WM who can be very nasty when they criticise AF who turned blonde. It's hard to tell them that it's a fashion thing not a "wannabe white" thing. The world is racist enough, why give them more reason to be so? :O
Justagirl
Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 03:50:16 (PDT)
[203.103.157.72]
I firmly believe that White women are threatened by :
1) the increasing upward mobility of women of color
and
2) the media's gradually changing standard of beauty (it's not the White bread ideal anymore)
As a result, many of them resort to taking cheap shots at us.
the truth
Friday, September 13, 2002 at 13:22:39 (PDT)
[208.48.177.3]
interesting how most of the negativity on AFs on goldsea and other places have come almost exclusively from white women, not blacks, not hispanics, or native americans. wonder why.
af21, keep it up sister!
wondering
Friday, September 13, 2002 at 13:05:26 (PDT)
[165.124.202.76]
I'm a WF, and yesterday, someone told me that I dress like an AF. They meant it as a compliment, and that's how I took it. My style is to wear black, nice shoes, attractive tops, and nothing sloppy, manly, or gaudy. Apparently, some people consider this "Asian" style? It's a flattering style, I think. People have even asked me if I'm part Asian, yet I have blonde hair and blue eyes. I would take that as a compliment, too, even though I don't look Asian at all. I have uniquely-shaped eyes, so maybe that's what they mean.
When I went to Haiti, some of the Haitians (black) had never seen an Asian person, and at the time I had dyed black hair, so they called me "Chin-Chin," which is a slang (bad, I think?) term in Creole French for Chinese. Weird.
another wf around here
Friday, September 13, 2002 at 11:31:30 (PDT)
[216.17.76.225]
Af(21) If you were a white woman saying that you hated Asian women, and would never have one for a a friend, you would be branded a racist. But, since you are a minority, then you have the right to hate people based on skin color.
Do your BF and Latina friends know how lucky they are that they have the proper skin color to be your friend??
Peace to you...hope you understand what I am trying to say.
Philly Girl
Friday, September 13, 2002 at 08:48:27 (PDT)
[152.163.189.205]
NEWEST COMMENTS |
EARLIER COMMENTS
|