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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
veryone has an opinion on how Asian women are perceived by men. Reflecting those stereotypes across the gender line, we might assume that non-Asian women would see Asian women either as sexual threats (the exotic temptresses/sexual predators stereotype) or objects of pity and condescension (the passive victims of sexist cultures stereotype). Or, inside the halls of academe and of corporate America, perhaps as superhuman competitors for grades and promotions (the grinds-with-no-lives stereotype).
Friend or foe?
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In actual social encounters such preconceptions translate into a plethora of mostly subtle but detectible responses -- hostility, wariness or exaggerated solicitude. In extended dealings these attitudes might subject Asian women to excessive amounts of malicious gossip, campaigns of isolation, or an effort at taking under the wing or even outright domination.
These types of negative interactions are common enough that, in an effort to neutralize them, Asian American women seem to have evolved distinctive personal styles. Many AAF make a point of being unusually aggressive and outspoken in social interactions. Others flaunt their educational or economic status. Still others take a take-no-prisoners tack and play the ultra-feminine siren capable of punishing rival females by turning their mates into yo-yos. Some manage to adopt all these tactics and become alpha females against whom resistance is futile.
But of course not all interactions between Asian American women and non-Asian women are of the arms-length variety. At times these women also do relate to one another as best friends, sisters-, daughters- and mothers-in-law, collaborators, teachers, doctors, students, attorneys, fellow soccer moms. Each such relationship introduces aspects of Asian women that defy easy stereotypes but may nevertheless reveal the peculiar role they seem forced to accept in American society.
Not that all non-Asian women start with a negative impression of Asian women. We kick off the reader comments with a post from a woman with good reason to want to see warm relatioins between AF and non-Asian females.
We invite women of all perspectives to air their perceptions, concerns and observations on relations between Asian and non-Asian women.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Hey Hannybunbun;
This is a place for NonAzn and Azn females. Everything doesn't necessarily always have to be about White females 24/7.
White females sometimes tend to think its alwayz about them. This is not alwayz true. Some of us prefer friendz who are NonWhite. That doesn't make it wrong or right. Its preference. I like to hang with NonWhite females. I've known them since grade school and we have alot of fun times.
AznGurl_Pho
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 07:52:53 (PDT)
[204.31.17.214]
sigh... it's just so sad that their will always be some divisiveness btw people for racial reasons. because not all people are insightful, open minded enough to get past the shallow stereotypes and generalizations like, AF seem to be stuck up, not outgoing, shy, whitewashed', ' BF are slutty,dumb,insensitive, agreesive'.
It is those narrow view and generaliztion that prevent people from getting along. What i find contemttible are people who try to cover that view by saying all or almost of the af/wf/bf...i know are like that.and then wondering why. that is actually very easy to recognize the intention even thoug one tries to say it indiretly. cheap shots.sad...
a passerby (female)
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 01:18:57 (PDT)
[203.162.132.187]
I think that AF(21) is way too paranoid. I also think that she acts a lot in accordance with the saying "According to myself I judge you", that's a really well known Slavic saying that we use back home for self-righteouss people like her who think that they are more better and good and just than everyone else whom they make the target of their critisim. No offence, but if someone wrote the exact transcript of AF's first post to this particular topic, only replacing every "AF" with "WF" and vice versa, I think they would be considered racist and intolerant of other poeple and everyone would condemn them as being discriminatory and of labelling people of other races as subservient. But since she is a "minority" (ignoring the fact that China itself has a population of over 1 billion people and if you count the entire population of just the Chinese people living in all the other countries of the world as well as China you would probably reach a number equal to or higher than the entire population of Europe with all its various nationalities, some of whom don't really have a serious representation outside of their country) it's all right... So I guess the new dictionary definition is
*"Non-Whites bash whites"= protecting non-whites' cultural and ethnic identity
*"Whites bash Non-Whites" = racism and intolerance
Sorry if all this sounds a bit sarcastic but that's basically the idea I get from this lady's comments. And I should say one more thing as a conclusion to this sound discussion. That goes to AF(21), Candy Lips, and people of similar opinions. Not all "whites" are interested in bashing AF, BF, LT, etc. Neither are people extremely interested in wondering and deathly worrying whether women of colour are busy planning to hijack "white women's status", whatever that is. Some people can imagine way better things to spend their time and energy on. Much more good, nice, comfortable and productive things. Like painting, skating, goint to a mall, gardening, sewing, embroidering and knitting, raising kids, reading Plato's ancient doctrines, learning foreign alphabets... you name it. Also making friends of other races and learning about cultures and countries foreign to us. And some people are just plain busy providing for their families and themselves, which may mean such mundane things as earning enough to pay for rent, telephone, hydro, food, etc. Maybe a surprise to you, but such things happen too. So let's say if a family is worried about earning enough to pay for all the provisions, plus taking care of their kids AND spending time with them also, plus possibly providing for their elder parents, plus saving something for the future, plus also trying to better their lot in life by getting a better education and/or job, plus if they are an immigrant possibly worrying about the conditions in their country (i.e. Afghanistan, Ethiopia, Yugoslavia, etc.), etc. etc., they are hardly going to bother spending any time trying to figure out how to best get at AF by bashing them. They just simply have more important things to do. It may come as a shock and hard for you guys to take, but You are just simply not the center of the universe of (most) people's thought processes.
And please don't tell me that I've lived all my life in comfort and don't know what it is to be bashed and suffer adversity. I have had more than my average share of harsh circumstances. True, I have not lived through a war and haven't seen my house bombed out or my family injured (knock-knock on wood I hope it will never happen), but what I've lived through was at times more hard than what some average kids (in well developed countries anyway) experience during their entire childhood and youth together. And I've been bashed and made fun of by white kids and non-white kids alike, but I also met white kids and non-white kids (and grown-up people) who were very nice and considerate to me. Sometimes I still meet the odd jerk who wants to give me a bad time and it can get me mad, more mad than in the past I guess. But maybe I'm just not so much interested in self-pity like AF and others of her kind.
And with that, I will finish. I wanna say good luck to all the people who have sincere good intentions and an open mind.
P.S. Correct me on the population theory numbers if I am wrong!
eastern-european canadienne girl who's also 21
eastern-european etc.girl
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 21:35:53 (PDT)
[64.228.35.172]
Well made point, AF.
You and I both know that those WF's are gloating.
It's unfortunate that we see such AM's, but keep your head up high and know that there are 100X more AM's who will defend us Asian women to the death.
Another AF
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 16:52:36 (PDT)
[208.48.177.3]
"Actually, *almost all* of the negativity towards AFs on this site come from Asian men. That is a fact"
WF
Not true. As far as far as i can see in this board, most of the af bashers are AM and non Af who are in relatinships with AM. It doesn’t come exclusively from ams. I visited the gender divide board and can see the same people who bash af over and over again like dengai, huu… that nim ber of ams are smaller than you expect . since they're always the same group of people who rehash over the af selling out issues.stilll qhite a lot of AM in that forums respect and defend AF. in a forum deserved for genderdivide and AF going out w/ white, it is normal that you see am criticizing AF. Just embark on any af/am relationship board, do you see any bashing like that? I know your response was probably a retort to the previous comment by an AF, but still it saddens me that besides some open-minded white women here, some non asian female just take any opportunity they have to bash /are nit picking on AF, in both a direct/ indirect approach. There may be a couple of insensitive posts from Afs, but it is disapppointing there are people who are not inteeligent enough to see for themselves waht rally happens in ' AF bashing' forums around here and have a deep insight into the matter.. Shallowness and bigotry wore me out.
khgfaksl
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 15:10:42 (PDT)
[61.11.245.6]
AF (21)
Regarding white females, you state that you "don't really care to concern yourself" with the issue, however, you devote a rather verbose post to the subject. Obviously, you "care" enough to respond. You also put others down simply because they are white. In every one of your posts, you put down white females, with no supporting arguments to back up your opinions. You state that you've had a hard time dealing with white women in the past; your attitude suggests that the problem lies within you, and not them. You state that skin color is not the issue, however, you only associate with women of color. Any rational person can plainly see the baselessness of your points. You seem like a very immature, young person. And I realize that you "don't care" and that you don't give a "rat's ass."
grow up little girl
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 14:24:48 (PDT)
[216.17.76.225]
i don't really like WF/BF ....who date /marry AM and like to take cheap shot at AF directly or indirectly/discreetly. It displays an INSECURITIES issue. They would go out of their way to generalize AF in a negeative way while trying to cover their intention by saying 'i'd definitely want to have more asian female friends'.That's so cheap.
I think a lot of confliclts come from shallowness, misunderstanding and generaliztion.
kfahgfkgh
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 13:49:59 (PDT)
[61.11.245.6]
AF,
So I think you should understand how AM in this country feel when your sisters Connie Chung & Amy Tan bash AMs on TV and in the movie. It does not feel good, does it?
FOP
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 12:47:56 (PDT)
[139.95.250.2]
AF (21)
What is your definition of WF? Are you lumping all WF all over the world as of one mindset or are you just talking about white American females?
Singapore Girl
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 11:45:24 (PDT)
[138.220.110.174]
Cali girl:
I had similar experience with white females. When I first came to this country I attended UT and thought that the white females kept to themselves and segregated themselves in their sororities. However, when I moved to Seattle, the situation was different. Hell! They even elected a governor of Chinese origin!
Singapore Girl
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 11:39:33 (PDT)
[138.220.110.174]
"My AF friends and I share something that a White woman could not bring in a friendship. Trust and true loyalty of the heart."
AF-21
It is wrong that you were mistreated by SOME WF's when you were younger and that is why you hate them all today. You can be friends with or not be friends with whoever you want, I don't think anyone really cares. But why are you so defensive about it, like "Noone can change my mind! I'll never be friends with a WF!" Okay then- don't be friends with a WF.
You can't generalize about White Women and say that we couldn't bring trust and loyalty to a friendship, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW since you've never been friends with a WF?? I have WF friends that I would trust with my life.
And thanks to Hannybunbun for putting an end to the childish bickering over which race of women is thinner and prettier.
WF
Tuesday, September 17, 2002 at 11:09:57 (PDT)
[206.34.216.7]
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