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GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
veryone has an opinion on how Asian women are perceived by men. Reflecting those stereotypes across the gender line, we might assume that non-Asian women would see Asian women either as sexual threats (the exotic temptresses/sexual predators stereotype) or objects of pity and condescension (the passive victims of sexist cultures stereotype). Or, inside the halls of academe and of corporate America, perhaps as superhuman competitors for grades and promotions (the grinds-with-no-lives stereotype).
Friend or foe?
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In actual social encounters such preconceptions translate into a plethora of mostly subtle but detectible responses -- hostility, wariness or exaggerated solicitude. In extended dealings these attitudes might subject Asian women to excessive amounts of malicious gossip, campaigns of isolation, or an effort at taking under the wing or even outright domination.
These types of negative interactions are common enough that, in an effort to neutralize them, Asian American women seem to have evolved distinctive personal styles. Many AAF make a point of being unusually aggressive and outspoken in social interactions. Others flaunt their educational or economic status. Still others take a take-no-prisoners tack and play the ultra-feminine siren capable of punishing rival females by turning their mates into yo-yos. Some manage to adopt all these tactics and become alpha females against whom resistance is futile.
But of course not all interactions between Asian American women and non-Asian women are of the arms-length variety. At times these women also do relate to one another as best friends, sisters-, daughters- and mothers-in-law, collaborators, teachers, doctors, students, attorneys, fellow soccer moms. Each such relationship introduces aspects of Asian women that defy easy stereotypes but may nevertheless reveal the peculiar role they seem forced to accept in American society.
Not that all non-Asian women start with a negative impression of Asian women. We kick off the reader comments with a post from a woman with good reason to want to see warm relatioins between AF and non-Asian females.
We invite women of all perspectives to air their perceptions, concerns and observations on relations between Asian and non-Asian women.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
WORD UP HAYLEY!!!
wf-tx
Monday, September 23, 2002 at 08:05:54 (PDT)
[66.90.196.219]
Most of my friends are Asian. I have a few that aren't, but they mostly are. I try not to be discrmminate with other people. I am open to being friends with people as long as they are nice.
YoonMi
Monday, September 23, 2002 at 05:11:04 (PDT)
[152.163.188.71]
I have lived in this country for nearly 25 years. I was born in India. I basically do not trust white American women, due to bad experiences at work. They are so scared of Asian women dating or marrying their "men" that they always try to introduce you to an Indian, Pakistani or a Sri Lankan. They are not very aware of cultural differences between India and Pakistan and I have explained to them several times and they still do not get it. "You all look the same," they say.
However, I am best friends with white women in other countries with whom I attended a university. I have white female friends in Italy, Austria and Norway. I also have black female friends from African countries such as Ghana and South Africa. My Asian friends are from India, Hong Kong, China, Malaysia and Singapore. My American female friends are mostly of Asian or Hispanic origin with one black American friend.
Indo-American
Sunday, September 22, 2002 at 15:07:33 (PDT)
[138.220.21.180]
I am chinese. If I am going to be friends with a woman there has to be trust established. I do not feel basic trust with caucasian women. I am more open to making friends with hispanic+black women. My younger sister has a best friend who is a caucasian woman.
made in Hong Kong
Sunday, September 22, 2002 at 13:00:39 (PDT)
[152.163.189.205]
kfahgfkgh
"i don't really like WF/BF ....who date /marry AM and like to take cheap shot at AF directly or indirectly/discreetly. It displays an INSECURITIES issue. They would go out of their way to generalize AF in a negeative way while trying to cover their intention by saying 'i'd definitely want to have more asian female friends'.That's so cheap."
What kind of cheap shots are you referring to? I'm not sure I have seen any. I've seen people giving their opinions, both Asian and non-Asian. Can you give me an example of a "cheap shot" that was made at an AF by a non-AF?
Curious 1
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 23:22:09 (PDT)
[63.233.26.179]
FOP
You said, "So I think you should understand how AM in this country feel when your sisters Connie Chung & Amy Tan bash AMs on TV and in the movie." I've heard this before from other AMs on GoldSea but I haven't heard anything from these people. I've really heard a lot of negativity from AMs towards Amy Tan but I had never heard of her until I saw her name on GoldSea. I'm really curious...what has she said about AMs? What did Connie Chung say? Did they say anything at all or is it that they both married WMs? I'd like to know what was said.
Curious 1
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 23:13:40 (PDT)
[63.233.26.179]
Okay.....seriously though......
I've read a lot of these comments and I will say this: ALL women face issues with insecurities, loving themselves, growing up, etc. That is part of being HUMAN. It is no less important or difficult for an Asian, White, Hispanic, etc. If there are any issues between the races, it's because people have a very hard time pointing the focus at themselves. If we understood better that we all, as women, go through the same issues, then maybe we would try to relate to each other instead of bickering so much. We could instead learn from each other. There are so many beautiful, empowering things we can share and do together as female energies!
p.s. I have experienced bias from both sides as a "white" woman dating an "Asian" man and in the end, my opinion of the people who have such attitudes is limited to them....not spread to their whole race on their behalf.
wf-tx
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 15:32:40 (PDT)
[66.90.196.5]
WF,
Hannybunbun had nothing to do with putting an end to that discussion. I already had stated way before that we are not jealous and could care less about the 'looks'. At least, ((I)) could care less.
Eastern European Canadienne girl,Grow up little girl, WF:
All of you. Just because someone chooses not to befriend White people they are accused of being racist. You are always so quick to use that as an excuse. If someone does not agree with you on something, then they are seen as wrong. Whatever. Someone is not interested, and you have to then say something to criticize them. Eastern Europe girl says I'm paranoid, because I don't care for WFs. How convenient. So, I don't like eel roll, gee whizz. I bet the eel roll lovers think I'm paranoid. Bummer. Oh well then, guess its too bad. Yea, I am on this forum. I think some non-WFs are really cool. Just like AznGirl_Pho said, this is not a poll for and about WFs only. Did you know that there are other females on this earth and on this forum besides you? Come out of your tunnel visions for 2 seconds. Then you would see. People have their own choices. Just like some AM choose to date WFs, that is their choice. Some choose to date non-WF. Its their choice. Some AF like WF. And some like me, just don't. Freedom of choice. Thats what I like about America. You can be friends with whomever you want. Some people can't take it and use it as rejection. Don't take it as rejection just because some AF son't like you WF. Some AF do like you. Those of us that don't are not bad, because its our own choice. I am not on this forum for WF. As Ive said, there are other women on here besides WF.
FOP,
Well. So what are you doing here now? Your comment are always ignorant and whitewash anyway. I don't care what AM date whomever. Or whatever you feel about whomever. I am not even here to discuss my feelings on WF with an AM so why don't you just go back to the gender and divide someplace and do some more bashing on AFs. That seems to really get you off quite a bit you skank. This is for AF and NONAF. I didn't see anything about AM being on here. Go bash us on gender and divide. Your very good at that.
AF(21)
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 13:20:35 (PDT)
[198.211.49.98]
AznGurl_PHO and other parties that related to my posting,
I would just like to clarify my posting again for those that may not have read it fully nor may comprehend things in the simplistic terms I put them in.
I stated in my posting that I actually do understand how being around someone of the same culture or race can be more comforting and comfortable at times. I also stated that I personally would be interested to hear the issues of the cultural differences that may be keeping AF and other race from perhaps being closer...I mention white because I am Caucasian , but other races also for that point.
I also stated I would like to hear stories of people who do have positive friendships with Asian females. I have plenty. I think that we can learn from forums rather than to bash and pull hair about who's prettier..my point being made there in my former posting.
You did enlighten me to your own personal opinion and experience that you prefer to hang out with non white females because you have your own set of friends you have known since grade school.
This is exploration of a subject for learning and opinion..you stated yours, no where did I say anything aobut this forum only being for WF's nor did I say there was anything wrong with people being more comfortable just being friends with their own race. Nothing wrong that is, unless racism and prejudice are involved, then that thinking has to be further explored. And if someone is racist, it would be nice to share the stories of why and what it would take to change those views. Please reread my posting before letting personal bitterness cloud the real conversations. You are arguing with yourself as you ended up agreeing with my entire posting by posting yours.
Hannybunbun
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 12:49:26 (PDT)
[66.44.90.42]
AF (21) hates white females with a passion. However, I must say this much for white females. When the Affirmitive Action benefited them, they were all for it. However, when it benefits the blacks and hispanics they are against it. Thus, the majority of the plaintiffs in the cases to overturn AA are white females...this is true at the University of Michigan, University of Georgia and the University of Texas.
Black Female
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 11:15:14 (PDT)
[138.220.67.127]
khgfaksl
Deng Ai himself along with Ai Ya and a few others is a bigger whitewashed sellout than any AF I have ever seen or heard of. He constants backs whites at the expense of Hispanics, blacks and Asians.
WF says "I have WF friends that I would trust with my life."
That is because...you are white. Now if you have non-white female friends that you would trust with your life, it is a different story. My experience is that most WFs tend to be tolerant of lighter skinned AFs (such as light skinned females from India) or lighter skinned Hispanics than their darker skinned counterparts.
Thai Girl
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 11:11:17 (PDT)
[138.220.67.127]
It is fairly obvious that the majority of the women posting here are young.
I am a WF married to an AM and had a child last year.
Since that time I have become friends with many other mothers of
biracial children. We are not concerned who is more attractive and all that other useless crap. We only care about our children. We are married to the men we love - too bad if other people don't like it. I think you will find the true measure of a woman by how she treats others, whether it is in the real world or the cyber world.
Hayley
Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 10:13:10 (PDT)
[152.163.189.205]
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