|
|
|
|
|
GOLDSEA |
ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
veryone has an opinion on how Asian women are perceived by men. Reflecting those stereotypes across the gender line, we might assume that non-Asian women would see Asian women either as sexual threats (the exotic temptresses/sexual predators stereotype) or objects of pity and condescension (the passive victims of sexist cultures stereotype). Or, inside the halls of academe and of corporate America, perhaps as superhuman competitors for grades and promotions (the grinds-with-no-lives stereotype).
Friend or foe?
|
In actual social encounters such preconceptions translate into a plethora of mostly subtle but detectible responses -- hostility, wariness or exaggerated solicitude. In extended dealings these attitudes might subject Asian women to excessive amounts of malicious gossip, campaigns of isolation, or an effort at taking under the wing or even outright domination.
These types of negative interactions are common enough that, in an effort to neutralize them, Asian American women seem to have evolved distinctive personal styles. Many AAF make a point of being unusually aggressive and outspoken in social interactions. Others flaunt their educational or economic status. Still others take a take-no-prisoners tack and play the ultra-feminine siren capable of punishing rival females by turning their mates into yo-yos. Some manage to adopt all these tactics and become alpha females against whom resistance is futile.
But of course not all interactions between Asian American women and non-Asian women are of the arms-length variety. At times these women also do relate to one another as best friends, sisters-, daughters- and mothers-in-law, collaborators, teachers, doctors, students, attorneys, fellow soccer moms. Each such relationship introduces aspects of Asian women that defy easy stereotypes but may nevertheless reveal the peculiar role they seem forced to accept in American society.
Not that all non-Asian women start with a negative impression of Asian women. We kick off the reader comments with a post from a woman with good reason to want to see warm relatioins between AF and non-Asian females.
We invite women of all perspectives to air their perceptions, concerns and observations on relations between Asian and non-Asian women.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
CONTACT US
|
ADVERTISING INFO
© 1996-2013 Asian Media Group Inc
No part of the contents of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission.
|
|
|
|
WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
To everyones different:
I am so sorry to hear that you are having trouble being friends with WF. There are bad apples in every culture. I am a WF and when I don't like someone it's because they said something bad to me or mistreated me in some way... but never because they were Asian. I have met some really sweet Asian girls... It's too bad I changed schools and lost contact with them... =(
Hopefully one day people will be able to look above the "color-barrier" and see a living soul underneath!
Lotus ^.^
Saturday, September 28, 2002 at 22:15:14 (PDT)
[216.221.32.199]
I agree with "everyones different". Of course, not all white women do this, just enough to cause problems for others. Actually, there are even some who have gone out of their way and really tried to make a sincere effort to prove they are not like those white women who do that, and still they get flack.
At the end of the day, I really don't care who dates who (unless she is going after a man I want) or even why. If you date for the wrong reasons, it's going to come back on you. Actually, I think it's kind of silly to be dating an Asian man and not want to be friends with an Asian woman. One day, that woman may very well have a little girl with that guy who might just chose to identify as an Asian American woman.
Joy
Saturday, September 28, 2002 at 02:57:20 (PDT)
[218.44.178.57]
AF (21),
I am a black female and, get ready for the cliche . . . one of my closest friends is Japanese. Actually, I have friends from all different walks of life. Thinking back, I have usually just assumed that personality clashes, not race was the reason why I didn't get along with someone.
My friend and I get a long really well because, well, we just do. We do talk about race issues (she brings them up mostly, I tend to be more mellow about it), but we don't worry about offending each other or wondering if the other person "gets it". When we disagree, we just agree to disagree.
I used to be afraid of what Asians and Asian Americans thought of me because I was paying too much attention to what the media said about Asian/Black relations. When I started getting to know other Asian American people, my perception changed.
Honestly, I cannot think of one bad experience I have had with an Asian or Asian American person.
Joy
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 23:05:56 (PDT)
[218.44.178.57]
wf-tx,
You look like you have a pretty good outlook on life. I tend to believe; however, that people tend to fight and argue because the issue is important to them (I, myself, don't raise a fuss unless something is really, really getting on my nerves). I also tend to believe that based on one's experiences with society, one person can have a completely different outlook on the measure of difficulty than another person. For some of us, that measure is purely theoretical, for others it is very real. In each of the situations you mentioned, I may be wearing a different pair of glasses from another person.
This is one of many takes I have on your questions to Ms.L:
"a minority woman growing up with many life advantages and experiencing deep prejudice...."
I would wonder, if the minority woman was growing up with many life advantages, exactly what kind of prejudice was she experiencing? It may not have been economic, but it could very well be psychological. (There have been studies done proving that racism can have profound impacts on one's emotional and psychological development) And where is the prejudice coming from? (other minorities or from whites?)
"a white women growing up with a drug-addicted mother and 4 younger siblings to care for....."
Exactly how did this happen? What is society doing to help her?
"a minority woman growing up in impoverished conditions....."
Same questions as the above. In my research, minority women get the most exposure for their social ills than white women, but they get less support.
"a white woman growing up with advantages but being labeled a racist simply because she is white"
I would wonder, in this society, how she obtained those advantages (for someone to succeed, someone else has to fail). Does this woman recognize she HAS priviledges? How does she utilize those advantages--to help herself? to help white women? or to help ALL women?
Sometimes our differences have a very real and profound impact on our lives. For some of us, it is more than a matter of "We're different-so what". For some of us, those differences translate into livelihood, stares, advantages, psychological (medical) problems. What I'd like to see is people realizing not that there are differences, but exactly how those differences play a role in the society and how we can make the playing ground a little more fare for those of us who are "too different".
Joy
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 20:37:36 (PDT)
[218.44.178.57]
AF(21)
"I think interracial relationships can work okay if there is respect for culture."
u'r right. it can- i think, like what other people have posted here- it's the people OUTSIDE of the relationship that can make people feel that their interracial relationship is wrong. that's sorta what i'm going thru now. my man is from the caribbean and i am of chinese heritage. we've only been going out for less than a year but he is an amazing person and we click like anything. my mum has met him not on purpose and i know that she does not think that being with a black man is in my "best interest".(but of course we dont talk about it) it really sucks. i don't want to put him thru such stupid discrimination.
anyway, what i wanted to say is that it is nice to hear that your bro and his fiancee are getting married. that's really nice and gives me hope for the world..
-------------------------------------
wf-tx:
i know what you mean in that women need to join together in this patriarchal world. i think where we disagree is based only on our backgrounds. i see my asian people in this country being disrespected/discriminated against and it is upsetting. The thing is that "minority" women in America have to deal with the white media stereotyping us and misrepresenting us. I'm sorry to use the word white, but when it comes to the institutions in this country, they certainly are.
so i guess what i am trying to say is that from our standpoints as asian women there is the issue of not only being a woman, but a "minority" woman.
the situations you've described are all difficult ones for women in general. we all have struggles you are totally right. but we can't take the Oprah stance on life and become one unified force. it would be nice, but we all have different issues we need to address.
ms.L
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 13:02:33 (PDT)
[155.38.50.114]
A woman who dates a man of a different race does not automatically become a member of that race, but because of her children she becomes tied to that race.
I will never be considered an Asian, that is fine with me, I am proud of who I am...and not just what I am.
Since I have respect for myself I have respect for all people. Unless they give me a reason to disrespect them!
Hayley
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 09:39:52 (PDT)
[64.12.97.14]
To everyones different:
Thank you very much for your kind words. (smile)
When I was a little girl I was very shy. I never had very many friends and wondered why. I felt very alone most of my childhood and this made me more shy and withdrawn.
Years later I would meet women who had once been my school mates. By that time I was more open.(To long a story to tell you how that happened! ) Anyway, I was curious as to find out why they did not like me. Most of the people said they liked me but thought I was a snob..because I never spoke to them. One woman who was African-am said that she thought I did not like HER because she was black ! (I remember thinking, she probably hates me because I'm white) Oh boy, my whole childhood nothing but bad memories because I was shy.
Could this be your problem? Do you smile at people, say hi?
Now when I am in a store or wherever and someone looks at me I smile and sometimes say hi. Maybe this is not your problem, but sometimes things are not what they seem.
Good Luck to you!
Hayley
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 09:32:12 (PDT)
[64.12.97.14]
Joy:
Thank you for your thoughts. You have raised some very interesting things to think about. And I completely agree that I don't understand what it is like to be an ethnic minority.
That's why I like to focus on how we can all help each other and create better understanding. I'm sure plenty of people don't care about that, but it is something I feel very passionate about - understanding and communication and peace between people regardless of labels.
Thanks again.
wf-tx
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 08:43:00 (PDT)
[66.90.196.153]
wf-tx,
Actually, it's a lot more complicated than just being human. Unfortunately, in this world, you are a white female label, label human. And with these labels come experiences and expectactions (or lack of). If you can follow my analogy, it's like the difference between walking in my shoes and buying a pair cheap knock offs. They will never feel like the original pair. They will never feel like MY pair. Dating an Asian man does not necessarily guarentee you will understand his experience or the experience of other Asian women. It means you are a white woman who is dating an Asian man.
Taking ownership for issues between races is not an easy thing. Still racism goes on against us minorities and the perpetrators do not take resposibility for their actions. They tell others to take responsibility (for what, exactly?). (This is not necessarily directed at you, it is more directed at the idea)
Joy
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 02:05:56 (PDT)
[218.44.178.57]
It is difficult to be friends with Caucasian females. Mainly because of the general attitude of:
"I will marry, sleep with the men in your culture and have his babies, but I will continue to be rude, arrogant and impolite to you. Because I can do that sort of thing. I am still above you and don't you forget it"
Now I am sure there are probably Caucasian females that do NOT fit into this category. These are the personalities that I have run into. I know there are probably people like this in every culture. I am even thinking that maybe this is how misconceptions come about. Because of misunderstandings and miscommunications, maybe this is why Caucasian females and other cultures of women sometimes seem so divided at times. I have read many of the posts and experiences of people such as Hannybunbun, Curious Girl, Hayley and Happy Clam. They seem to be extraordinary women who are genuinely down to earth, and really good women. This alone even proves that not all Caucasian females have negative attitude and look down on people. They are in relationships and in love with Asian men, they have children or would like children by the men, and are caring people. I think there are others out there as well who are probably good hearted nice women.
everyones different
Friday, September 27, 2002 at 00:26:07 (PDT)
[152.163.189.205]
Dearest Ms. L:
Actually, I do not profess that all experiences for all women are the same. I'm sure "minority" women face challenges that are unique.
For further clarification, what I am saying is this: my growth experience as a WOMAN is not less IMPORTANT or DIFFICULT than yours just because I am white or am from Texas.
I don't "dismiss" the DIFFERENCES....that would be ignorant.
I think your point is valid there.
However, it would be equally ignorant to assume that all white women in Texas, or any other area in the country for that matter, do not face ANY difficulties and that we have it easy.
You are most likely offended more by the term "difficult". What would you classify the more difficult struggle.....a minority woman growing up with many life advantages and experiencing deep prejudice....a white women growing up with a drug-addicted mother and 4 younger siblings to care for.....a minority woman growing up in impoverished conditions.....a white woman growing up with advantages but being labeled a racist simply because she is white?
Please tell me which situation is the worst...which one presents the greatest challenges to that woman's growth and development as a human being.
In the overall assessment...the "grand scheme" of things....does it really matter what the differences in the difficulties have been? Is there TRULY EVER a situation where the HUMAN spirit cannot overcome?
I personally subscribe to the belief that we classify our lives away and in so doing perform a great disservice to ourselves and others.
That is my whole point here. We're different - so what. That's not bad...it doesn't make us better....it just is. So...we can choose to improve our world and lives by embracing those differences and unique perspectives and bring some good to life instead of always fighting about it.
Thank you.
wf-tx
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 10:14:11 (PDT)
[66.90.196.172]
ms.L,
I completely agree. There are definite differences. Especially in what we non-white experience in life. It is not all bad experiences. But I think there is a big difference in what we deal with than Wfs. Most Wfs cannot understand that. They want to make it seem as though it is all in our heads or something. We know that is not the case.
Are there any non-white females on here that have Af friends? What has your experience been like? Pretty soon I will have a BF sister inlaw. We have been spending alot of time together talking. In one of our talks she express to me she thought a long time ago((before she met me)) AF dislike BF. I was shocked to find out. I find out that it was because she never met many AF and did not grow up around us. I am happy for my brother. She treats him really good. I think interracial relationships can work okay if there is respect for culture. If there is no respect? Then what a waste.
AF(21)
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 10:00:21 (PDT)
[205.188.208.106]
af-nyc
as to your "whatever"
wow....what an intelligent response.
good luck to you.
wf-tx
Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 09:36:38 (PDT)
[66.90.196.172]
NEWEST COMMENTS |
EARLIER COMMENTS
|