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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
veryone has an opinion on how Asian women are perceived by men. Reflecting those stereotypes across the gender line, we might assume that non-Asian women would see Asian women either as sexual threats (the exotic temptresses/sexual predators stereotype) or objects of pity and condescension (the passive victims of sexist cultures stereotype). Or, inside the halls of academe and of corporate America, perhaps as superhuman competitors for grades and promotions (the grinds-with-no-lives stereotype).
Friend or foe?
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In actual social encounters such preconceptions translate into a plethora of mostly subtle but detectible responses -- hostility, wariness or exaggerated solicitude. In extended dealings these attitudes might subject Asian women to excessive amounts of malicious gossip, campaigns of isolation, or an effort at taking under the wing or even outright domination.
These types of negative interactions are common enough that, in an effort to neutralize them, Asian American women seem to have evolved distinctive personal styles. Many AAF make a point of being unusually aggressive and outspoken in social interactions. Others flaunt their educational or economic status. Still others take a take-no-prisoners tack and play the ultra-feminine siren capable of punishing rival females by turning their mates into yo-yos. Some manage to adopt all these tactics and become alpha females against whom resistance is futile.
But of course not all interactions between Asian American women and non-Asian women are of the arms-length variety. At times these women also do relate to one another as best friends, sisters-, daughters- and mothers-in-law, collaborators, teachers, doctors, students, attorneys, fellow soccer moms. Each such relationship introduces aspects of Asian women that defy easy stereotypes but may nevertheless reveal the peculiar role they seem forced to accept in American society.
Not that all non-Asian women start with a negative impression of Asian women. We kick off the reader comments with a post from a woman with good reason to want to see warm relatioins between AF and non-Asian females.
We invite women of all perspectives to air their perceptions, concerns and observations on relations between Asian and non-Asian women.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Hayley,
Honestly, I don't think anything. If an African American man wants to be with an Asian or white woman, then that's who he wants to be with. Of course, there is no way to check the motivations behind every interracial relationship, but if that man outwardly codemns black women (or his own ethnicity) and turns around and dates a woman of another race/ethnicity for that reason, then I find that situation rather insulting (for all parties involved).
I date guys of all backgrounds. There is no PC motivation behind my dating patterns, it's just that I happen to like the guy because he is appealing to me. I guess I just assume that about most other couples.
Joy
Friday, October 18, 2002 at 02:46:34 (PDT)
[218.44.178.57]
Stop the racism
I am curious - if you are, in actuality ,a doctor - what would you do if a Korean person came to you as a patient? Is it not difficult to be a good doctor and truly follow your oath if you have feelings like " I have never in my life been exposed to two faced people like American Korean women! I am not the problem here - they are! We have no contact with Koreans in our community because of this...".
It seems to me that despite your experiences and as difficult as they clearly would have been, a blanket statement like that about a grouping of people seems somewhat inappropriate to a medical doctor who must first and foremost care enough about ALL people to abide by the number one oath " First do no harm".
Happy Clam
Thursday, October 17, 2002 at 19:30:15 (PDT)
[12.217.192.139]
Korean American woman,
Sounds like you live in an area infested by KKK. I've never seen so much hate towards korean americans at all.
blah
Thursday, October 17, 2002 at 11:16:13 (PDT)
[168.215.249.48]
"The same thing happened when African-Am's moved into suburbia about 40 so years ago, and the whites left. It was called white flight. I do not think that it had anything to do with dating."
Yes, it did. In the olden days when rumors spread about black men dating or having an affair with a white woman, lynching was the norm. Today, in a global economy, lynching is not longer acceptable...hence white flight is the answer. Whites with daughters flee first when black families with sons move in. This has happened in New Orleans. War cry among whites was.."Do you want your daughter to marry a black man?" Regarding Asian woman dating or marrying white men...I would have to say it would be very difficult to lynch an Asian woman...however, it has happened in this country. Go to Boise, Idaho and go to the Museum of Idaho history. Asian women were lynched for having dated white men...but very few in number compared to black men who were lynched for dating white women. Yet, proportion to the population at that time, the numbers perhaps are the same.
"Forgive me if I am wrong, but you seem so vehement about it."
Yes I am vehement about it not based on my experiences but based on American history.
"I was lucky though, his family is very supportive of me and the only one in my family who showed disapproval was my younger brother."
Yes, you are very lucky. Asian women marrying whites today is not as accepted as one might have you believe.
Korean American Woman
Thursday, October 17, 2002 at 10:38:22 (PDT)
[138.220.134.31]
AF(21) your last post is very interesting and is in stark contrast to Korean American Woman's. She states that White American women are concerned about loosing their men to Asians, and you say competition has nothing to do with it. I know you choose to keep your distance from White women, but I am unsure of your reasons why. Also, to Korean American woman, I have often heard African-Am women state that they were against black men with white women, and stated their contempt for those "sluts". Perhaps it is just in some peoples natures to feel this way?
Joy,
What do you think when you see an African-Am man with an Asian or white woman?
Also AF(21) competition is a natural condition in life. We compete for our parents affections (if you have siblings). Compete to get into college, get a job and of course sports! How do you get along in the world without at least a little competition?
Hayley
Thursday, October 17, 2002 at 10:32:34 (PDT)
[205.188.209.82]
Pride,
In order for there to be rivalry between WFs and AFs there would have to be some sort of competition. I do not feel the need to compete with anyone, and this includes WFs. Competition is childish and also unnecessary. I think when some WFs find that AFs have a hard time getting along with many of them, they chalk it up to "Shes just intimidated by me" or "She hates me" (when HATE absolutely has nothing to do with it)or "Shes obviously jealous or something perhaps just an angry AF"
Nope. Not ALWAYS the case.
AF(21)
Wednesday, October 16, 2002 at 10:14:54 (PDT)
[152.163.188.71]
Thank you for sharing your views Korean-American.
Please let me make some comments:
>>>fled Asian communities in California and created nearly all-white communities in Colorado so that their sons do not go out with an Asian woman. Lot of it is related to white men going out with an Asian woman.<<<
The same thing happened when African-Am's moved into suburbia about 40 so years ago, and the whites left. It was called white flight. I do not think that it had anything to do with dating.
I think perhaps you had a personal situation in this IR regard. Forgive me if I am wrong, but you seem so vehement about it. I would have felt the same way if there had been interference between my husband and me. I was lucky though, his family is very supportive of me and the only one in my family who showed disapproval was my younger brother. For the first few years of my marriage he was embarrassed to have an Asian brother-in-law..he was quite angry about it in fact. He is starting to come around.
Personally, I never worried about WM / AW being together. I think the only time it would bother me is if someone tried to take my man...but then the women's race wouldn't make a difference in that !!
Hayley
Wednesday, October 16, 2002 at 09:25:10 (PDT)
[205.188.209.82]
^_^,
Actually, no, it doesn't bother me at all. If someone doesn't want to get to know me just because of the way I look, it's their loss, not mine. Again, why would you want to waste your time on someone who refuses to talk to you? I figure my life must be awful boring to worry about what every Tom, Dick and Harry thinks about me and why.
Joy
Tuesday, October 15, 2002 at 19:09:57 (PDT)
[218.44.178.62]
Hayley:
Not targeted for violence. But, they do not want to be associated with white American women. I do not mean all of them, but a significant minority. Perhaps many faced racism themselves. Many probably tried to date white men but met disapproval from white women who felt that the asian women were "stealing" their men. Another form of disapproval is when the white mother in law may not be too happy with her daughter in law being Asian or of a different skin color (a chap named Eric Hammer wrote an interesting piece on the experience with his bigoted mother when he tried to date an Asian woman). Believe it or not whites have fled Asian communities in California and created nearly all-white communities in Colorado so that their sons do not go out with an Asian woman. Lot of it is related to white men going out with an Asian woman.
It may be blown out of proportions, and I do understand that race and skin color are an American obsession. However, it is there...Asian-white romantic relationships are not as accepted as one might think, and it cuts both ways. Hence I also agree with Stop the racism about here experience with Korean American women. Perhaps the Korean women who despise Stop the racism likely had bad experiences with white women while many of them were dating white men. Sad but true!
Korean American Woman
Tuesday, October 15, 2002 at 12:49:11 (PDT)
[138.220.134.31]
The second generation Korean community is less anti-other Asian, and generally more anti-black and anti-white. I do know of many Asian Americans whose parernts may hate other Asians, but the current younger generation hate white Americans and particularly white American females with a passion. Quite sad indeed!
Korean American woman
Where are you getting your assumptions?
I think all this rivary between AFs and WFs are way blown out of proportions.
Pride
Monday, October 14, 2002 at 19:14:45 (PDT)
[64.12.97.14]
To "stop the racism":
Look up the alpha theory, before you misuse it against an entire population of women.
check yourself
Monday, October 14, 2002 at 12:28:44 (PDT)
[208.48.177.3]
Joy:
>>...Are we missing out on something? Probably, but there are 6 billion people in this world, we're not missing out on much.<<
Exactly Joy ! The hell with them ! I feel the same, why waste time on the close minded. Life is to short for that.
Korean American woman:
>>...but the current younger generation hate white Americans and particularly white American females with a passion. Quite sad indeed! <<<
Just out of curiosity, why white women?
I would think since men are more apt to start fights and in a more violent way, that the men would be disliked more. So, why are women targeted by young Koreans?
Hayley
Monday, October 14, 2002 at 11:21:15 (PDT)
[64.12.97.14]
Smiley Face:
Definitely happens in the Washington DC subway. To some extent it also happens in San Francisco and LA, but a lot less. It happens a lot in other cities including Atlanta and Boston. However, I spent a few days in Vermont...did not see it there. Did not see it much in Seattle either. Whites in Seattle and Vermont are very progressive.
However, parts of the Denver suburbs are a different story. I do agree with the Korean American woman about Evergreen and Littleton. Many would not even sell houses to Asians there or for that matter even rent an apartment.
Regarding your response to Joy. I would say it is worrisome. If there are enough people like that, we could end up having major societal problems such as the ones we encounter in Littleton or Evergreen, CO. However, the global economy is forcing people to deal with each other, if not live next to each other. During my business trips to the Far East, I have encountered a lot of white American racists who would never hire even an Asian to do business in Asia...however, these racists have to directly deal with and go to dinner with and sit next to people of different color.
Asian Woman
Monday, October 14, 2002 at 10:55:35 (PDT)
[138.220.21.180]
Everyone needs to just relax esp Asian women! I am not racist however I can tell you the many times I have been called too white and not appropriate for my husband - by Asian (Korean women). I have never in my life been exposed to two faced people like American Korean women!
Stop the racism,
I think you should stop generalizing. Few Korean women you've had negative experiences don't make up or represent asian women or even Korean women.
Stop generalizing
Sunday, October 13, 2002 at 20:31:43 (PDT)
[152.163.189.205]
Asian Female-
Are you serious?? I am glad I don't live in the States! Where I live I never noticed this happening... I don't care who I sit next to, as long as I am sitting down when I am on the bus! lol ;)
Joy-
If someone tells you they don't like you because you are black it dosen't bother you?? It would bother me since the person put me in a huge bundle and refuses to just get to know who I am! Let me tell you this. In the past I have had horrible experiences with some very pushy black girls at my school. They were "above" everyone else, etc. Today my best friend is black and I love her like a sister! I would never be able to have this with her if I had put her in a category-- just because I had bad expeiences with others of her color in the past. I respect that people have a choice but it dosent mean I like it when people look at me and instantly hate me just because of the way I look!
And by the way, I am not trying to convert people to my way of thinking here... just stating my opinion and hoping it will challenge someone's mind! hehe...
^_^
Sunday, October 13, 2002 at 20:15:32 (PDT)
[216.221.33.242]
Stop the racism:
It actually works both ways. I have known Asian women married to white men where the white family is not too pleased with having her as an in-law. This is an issue came up again and again in the recent ABC Bachelor Show. I think it is a slutty show and not very representative of America...in any aspect except the racial attitudes that were expressed by the women (Asian or white) or by white women in the message boards..."he cannot take the black girl (actually she was Indian) home to his family in Missouri" was frequently mentioned. You seem to think that it permeates the Korean society. It does. Many Koreans do not like to marry outsiders, even other Asians...particularly they do not want their sons to marry non-Koreans. However, similar hate exists in parts of the United States...in places such as Parker, CO, Evergreen, CO or Eagle, ID...they would not sell homes to non-whites particularly Asians. They do not want Asians in their schools because they pull the grade curve upward. The Parker, CO congressman preaches anti-Asian hate...America belongs to true Americans only, the descendants of the pioneers, ie., white people only. There are white women who refer to Asian women married to good looking white men as sluts and whores.
While Koreans practice their ethnocentricism back in Korea, it must be noted that racism is learnt. Whites, especially the southern whites were racist first (and many southern whites have not gotten over it based on how they vote and their attitudes towards the confederate flag, and of course Bob Jones University which until recently forbade interracial dating and marriages and still consider children of mixed a race a "mistake and an abomination to God"). I think that Asian Americans have learnt fast. The second generation Korean community is less anti-other Asian, and generally more anti-black and anti-white. I do know of many Asian Americans whose parernts may hate other Asians, but the current younger generation hate white Americans and particularly white American females with a passion. Quite sad indeed!
Korean American woman
Sunday, October 13, 2002 at 13:25:11 (PDT)
[138.220.21.180]
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