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ASIAMS.NET |
ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women
(Updated
Wednesday, Jan 22, 2025, 06:38:55 AM)
veryone has an opinion on how Asian women are perceived by men. Reflecting those stereotypes across the gender line, we might assume that non-Asian women would see Asian women either as sexual threats (the exotic temptresses/sexual predators stereotype) or objects of pity and condescension (the passive victims of sexist cultures stereotype). Or, inside the halls of academe and of corporate America, perhaps as superhuman competitors for grades and promotions (the grinds-with-no-lives stereotype).
Friend or foe?
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In actual social encounters such preconceptions translate into a plethora of mostly subtle but detectible responses -- hostility, wariness or exaggerated solicitude. In extended dealings these attitudes might subject Asian women to excessive amounts of malicious gossip, campaigns of isolation, or an effort at taking under the wing or even outright domination.
These types of negative interactions are common enough that, in an effort to neutralize them, Asian American women seem to have evolved distinctive personal styles. Many AAF make a point of being unusually aggressive and outspoken in social interactions. Others flaunt their educational or economic status. Still others take a take-no-prisoners tack and play the ultra-feminine siren capable of punishing rival females by turning their mates into yo-yos. Some manage to adopt all these tactics and become alpha females against whom resistance is futile.
But of course not all interactions between Asian American women and non-Asian women are of the arms-length variety. At times these women also do relate to one another as best friends, sisters-, daughters- and mothers-in-law, collaborators, teachers, doctors, students, attorneys, fellow soccer moms. Each such relationship introduces aspects of Asian women that defy easy stereotypes but may nevertheless reveal the peculiar role they seem forced to accept in American society.
Not that all non-Asian women start with a negative impression of Asian women. We kick off the reader comments with a post from a woman with good reason to want to see warm relatioins between AF and non-Asian females.
We invite women of all perspectives to air their perceptions, concerns and observations on relations between Asian and non-Asian women.
This interactive article is closed to new input.
Discussions posted during the past year remain available for browsing.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
AF(21)-
Just wondering... Why do you seem to put all women of color in one category and all white in another? I get very bugged by this because not all girls that look white are american. Many are immigrants that grew up with similar values to Asians or other minority groups. My parents immigrated to Canada without even speaking english or french, so they are in the same situation as your parents (if they were not born here). They came with nothing at all just like a lot of Asian, Black and Hispanic people I know. I guess the reason why this bothers me is because I hang out with other "kids of immigrants" and we all have a common ground because of that- we don't look at which country we all came from. I grew up with strong family values and good grades and conduct were stressed. My parents used to say they suffer and work like animals so we can have a good life. Did you ever hear that from your parents? I don't think we are so different after all... I just wish people would stop the hate and the bickering. Alas, everyone has different personalities regardless of ethnicity!
Pucca (aka ^_^)
Wednesday, October 23, 2002 at 20:41:20 (PDT)
[216.221.32.75]
AF(21):
smart response!!:) You go girl!
Survivor fan's post demonstrate a low tactic. an immature assumption. It's not intelligent to make assumptions so quickly someone is narcissist and egoticist. What she comment about af(21) seem to fit exactly the stereotype about wf making a big fuss when an AF defends herself/back up her opinions.
just another AF
Wednesday, October 23, 2002 at 19:11:40 (PDT)
[61.11.245.6]
I saw the episode where Rob commented on Shii Ann's eating habits. Nowhere in that piece did he refer to Asians. He just said that Shii Ann's eating habits are disgusting.
To Survivor Fan,
YOu asked, "And why do Asian women have to act only one of two ways- Alpha, bitchy females or quiet and passive?"
Obciously, you don't know many Asian females. Don't project your stereotype on us and claim it to be the truth.
How dare you claim to know what the typical Asian female is like?
js
Wednesday, October 23, 2002 at 11:29:20 (PDT)
[63.199.243.141]
Where I work, all the Asian women only talk with or hang around with each other. They don't look at anyone else when they pass you in the hall, they don't talk to anyone else in the lunchroom. They completely isolate themselves from everyone else and make no attempts at making friends. And then Asian women get upset because they feel isolated at work? It makes no sense, I think they isolate themselves.
Some of the Asian women that I come across around town are very pleasant and easy going. But a lot are overdressed in designer clothes, noses in the air, acting as though they're better than everyone else. Who would want to be friends with someone like that?
WF
Wednesday, October 23, 2002 at 08:57:29 (PDT)
[207.183.117.60]
Hayley,
In your post, you accuse AF(21) of posting a personal attack on you. Then you post "Well guess what you may be superior, but your also colder, meaner and more self-centered."
How is that any different?
By the way, I don't think AF(21)'s post was a personal attack. If you read her post carefully, you'll see that there are no references to you.
Hooked on Phonics
Tuesday, October 22, 2002 at 19:43:58 (PDT)
[64.130.204.9]
If an Asian woman defends herself then she is seen as "attacking" and being "angry" or perhaps even "coldhearted". This doesn't really surprise me. I have heard some of my friends say the same scenario happends to them. For example, if someone says something rude and inappropriate to a Latina, or a Black female then they are seen as HOSTILE,Angry and BItchy. Women of color share this experience. If someone says something inappropriate and rude to a White female? Oh! Then all HELL MUST FREEZE OVER then because its just unacceptable HMPH!!! And the person who is seen as being completely out of line and just TERRIBLE. haha! kinda funny laced with choiced irony! lol! I can't help but laugh at it!
LOL
AF(21)
Tuesday, October 22, 2002 at 10:53:52 (PDT)
[64.12.97.14]
Hayley, I completely agree with your assessment of AF 21. You were making a generalization about the reality of competition in the world, and she turned it into something personal. "I was raised better than you, and you obviusly have self-esteem issues because you like to compete".
AF 21 is very very typical.
There is a difference between a healthy amount of self-esteem and self-respect, and a feeling of superiority, egotism and narcissism.
Survivor fan
Tuesday, October 22, 2002 at 09:05:32 (PDT)
[207.183.117.60]
Who says we as Asian females are either bitchy or passive? Most of the Asian females I know are strong leaders and can be strong, opinionated, without being bitchy. Most of the Asian females are strong and smart enough to know when to try to change someone else's opinion, and when to just listen and accept the differences. In this case, I believe Shi Ann was just voicing her opinion, and coming from an Asian female, it is percieved as bitchy and know it all from an unenlightened male (Rob).
As to the racist content of Rob's remarks, why couldn't he realize that different cultures eat different parts of an animal and find that acceptable? Was he born in a cave? Does he continue to live in a cave? Does he not know that in different cultures, in Asian American cultures, different norms exist? And how many times have we as Asian women been dismissed because of the fact that we are Asian? And how dare he bring up any type of sexual innuendo (ie the remark wondering if anyone would take her home?) When he says all those things in the same breath, he is insulting all Asian women and all Asian women should be offended.
Angry
Monday, October 21, 2002 at 20:40:08 (PDT)
[67.250.178.147]
I left a post earlier today but was short of time, now I would like to repost my feelings more clearly.
On a previous date I posted:
>>>..competition is a natural condition in life. We compete for our parents affections (if you have siblings). Compete to get into college, get a job and of course sports! How do you get along in the world without at least a little competition?<<<
and AF(21) posted:
>>>...I think the competition thing has to do with low self esteem issues that one has...Just because you have felt that you have to always compete with everything in life, does not mean that everyone feels the same way too.<<<
I was just posting in general terms and she chose to make her post a personal attack.
Hayley
Monday, October 21, 2002 at 19:14:24 (PDT)
[205.188.209.82]
Hey AF(21)sounds like you are competing with me...!! As in you think you are superior to me. Well guess what you may be superior, but your also colder, meaner and more self-centered.
Hayley
Monday, October 21, 2002 at 12:09:25 (PDT)
[152.163.189.205]
Survivor fan,
Oh yes. Of course you would state such things in your comment to defend why it was okay and not a big deal of the Asian woman being treated the way she was. This absolutely ALWAYS happens. White people have the same old lame tendancy to ask the dumb shallow questions and statements like,"What racist remarks? I wasn't aware of any racist remarks" and "I don't see what the problem is? She must have the problem?"
Survivor fan, you are very very TYPICAL.
AF(21)
Monday, October 21, 2002 at 10:40:43 (PDT)
[205.188.208.106]
"But when Rob called her disgusting and wondered aloud who would take her home, I felt personally offended by his racist remarks."
How were his remarks racist? The man is no angel, but he was grossed out by her eating habits- eating with her hands instead of utensils, eating all of the innards, which he isn't used to culturally, and her know-it-all attitude. She's been distancing herself from the tribe since she got there, instead of trying to be a part of the group.
And why do Asian women have to act only one of two ways- Alpha, bitchy females or quiet and passive? There is much in between! One can be confident, outgoing and pleasant without being an "Alpha" snobby female, and one can be quiet and humble without being passive.
Survivor fan
Monday, October 21, 2002 at 08:19:53 (PDT)
[207.183.117.60]
Angry,
I totally agree. I know exactly what your talking about. Its always like this in real life. I just wanted to smack that guy Rob. Of course everyone acted like it was not really a big deal. They didn't know what she was going through, and how that singling out feels as an Asian Woman.
Hayley,
I have never felt I had to compete for the love of my parents growing up as a child. I have always felt secure and equally loved by them. I have never felt the need of always having to compete. My parents raised us to feel very good about ourselves. I think the competition thing has to do with low self esteem issues that one has. People who have this usually have deep insecurities and are not happy with who they are. Maybe this is the way you were raised. I was not raised this way. I was raised to do well in academics and things like that. But with people? No. There is a big difference. Just because you have felt that you have to always compete with everything in life, does not mean that everyone feels the same way too.
AF(21)
Sunday, October 20, 2002 at 13:29:25 (PDT)
[64.12.96.45]
I saw how Shi Ann was treated on Survivor. As an Asian woman, it angered me. Yes, she's smarter than all of the other women. (But I agree that she should keep her mouth shut.) But when Rob called her disgusting and wondered aloud who would take her home, I felt personally offended by his racist remarks. We as Asian women are always singled out, always visible. If we are not the Alpha females, then we are percieved as weak and passive. If she was not voicing her opinion, then she would be percieved as the weakest person on the team and voted off. This happens in real life more times than I care to count.
Angry
Sunday, October 20, 2002 at 09:56:30 (PDT)
[67.250.178.56]
Thanks Joy, I think your personality is more or less like mine. I believe in live and let live. I have no right to tell others who to love or what to like. I do agree with you however about the motives behind IR. I was unfortunate to have met a WM who was married to a Thai woman a few years ago and what he said about her was disgusting. I believe that he married her because he wanted himself a little slave...I pray she has seen the light and left that jerk !!
Korean-Am woman, I understand what you mean by the history of white and black America, if you ever watched the movie or read the book "To Kill a Mockingbird" you can see how bad it was- all he did was help her out, and then convicted of rape !
(I hope you know the story so you know what I'm talking about!)
Of course there also have been many whites who fought against this kind of behavior. Like the white people who were killed during the civil rights crisis of the 60s.
You have to remember that we are all individual souls. We are responsible for what we do and if we do not want others to judge us for stupid reasons (like skin color, nationality etc) then we should extend the same courtesy and not judge others that way.
Wow, I sound like a preacher !! LOL
Hayley
Friday, October 18, 2002 at 09:36:07 (PDT)
[205.188.209.82]
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