Relations between Asian and Non-Asian Women
(Updated )

veryone has an opinion on how Asian women are perceived by men. Reflecting those stereotypes across the gender line, we might assume that non-Asian women would see Asian women either as sexual threats (the exotic temptresses/sexual predators stereotype) or objects of pity and condescension (the passive victims of sexist cultures stereotype). Or, inside the halls of academe and of corporate America, perhaps as superhuman competitors for grades and promotions (the grinds-with-no-lives stereotype).
Asian woman
Friend or foe?

     In actual social encounters such preconceptions translate into a plethora of mostly subtle but detectible responses -- hostility, wariness or exaggerated solicitude. In extended dealings these attitudes might subject Asian women to excessive amounts of malicious gossip, campaigns of isolation, or an effort at taking under the wing or even outright domination.
     These types of negative interactions are common enough that, in an effort to neutralize them, Asian American women seem to have evolved distinctive personal styles. Many AAF make a point of being unusually aggressive and outspoken in social interactions. Others flaunt their educational or economic status. Still others take a take-no-prisoners tack and play the ultra-feminine siren capable of punishing rival females by turning their mates into yo-yos. Some manage to adopt all these tactics and become alpha females against whom resistance is futile.
     But of course not all interactions between Asian American women and non-Asian women are of the arms-length variety. At times these women also do relate to one another as best friends, sisters-, daughters- and mothers-in-law, collaborators, teachers, doctors, students, attorneys, fellow soccer moms. Each such relationship introduces aspects of Asian women that defy easy stereotypes but may nevertheless reveal the peculiar role they seem forced to accept in American society.
     Not that all non-Asian women start with a negative impression of Asian women. We kick off the reader comments with a post from a woman with good reason to want to see warm relatioins between AF and non-Asian females.
     We invite women of all perspectives to air their perceptions, concerns and observations on relations between Asian and non-Asian women. From Cedar Rapids, IA, one may not see much hope for Asian female/white female relationships if this attitude prevails

Candidate questions opponent's abilities

By Cindy Hadish
The Gazette
Saturday, October 26, 2002, 10:05:30 AM

© 2002 The Gazette

An e-mail by Republican House candidate Karen Balderston attacks her opponent's ethnicity and questions India-born Swati Dandekar's ability to adequately represent Iowa viewpoints and values in the Legislature.

Balderston, the Republican candidate in House District 36, took note in a Sept. 29 e-mail -- forwarded anonymously to The Gazette -- that Dandekar, her Democratic opponent, is not a native-born American.

"While I was growing up in Iowa, learning and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, Swati was growing up in India, under the still-existent caste system. How can that prepare her for legislating in Iowa or any other part of our great United States?" Balderston wrote.

"I would rather have a native-born opponent; should I not win this election, I would still feel that we have a fellow citizen representing our district," she continued.

Asian female Hawkeye
   Tuesday, October 29, 2002 at 15:35:04 (PST)    [138.220.134.31]
Hi all-

Well I posted some questions here a while ago but no one really responded since some people like to be involved in catfights and such... I will not go back and look now but I just want to say a couple of things.

Asian and White girls (and any others!) here that chose to associate with their own nationality is ok, as long as they don't openly put down people they don't like in public without knowing who they are. That I think is the thing that has bothered me most from reading all these posts.

When you meet a few bad people from a certain culture you tend (in general here, no boundaries involved) to put everyone in the same box. Even I used to do it until I saw there are good/bad people everywhere no matter what and we have to learn to live with it in a multicultural society. (and I am sure some of you do very well, I am not trying to pass judgment)

Some people here are having petty fights and not talking about the REAL issues like WHY some asian and non-asian don't get along? Media factors? North American culture? How does one reach to a certain conclusion about a whole nationality? We have to look at the bigger picture here!

Have a nice day everyone-
Pucca
   Tuesday, October 29, 2002 at 12:42:27 (PST)    [207.162.58.10]
Haley, I'll miss you, I've enjoyed your posts. I think you've been perfectly open and pleasant.
WF
   Tuesday, October 29, 2002 at 08:51:12 (PST)    [207.183.117.60]
"I'm not a white girl. How dare you insult me like that! Ai-ya!"

And you call yourself "A nice AF"? God what is a mean AF like?? I am proud of who I am. There is nothing wrong with being a white female.

I agree with eastern-european girl's sentiments. You say that white women won't talk to asian women and snub them, but then you isolate yourselves into your own groups and call any asian that dates a white person "whitewashed" or a "sellout". Make up your mind.

"I thought maybe she woke up feeling fat or having a bad hair day and decided to target Asian women."

No, I'm perfectly thin and my hair is just fine, thank you. I wasn't targeting anyone, I was just stating my observations.

If this board is any indication of the real world then it seems that white women and asian women are at each other's throats, and that asian women hate white women with a passion. Maybe we'll never get along. Who cares?
Just avoid us if you don't like us.
WF
   Tuesday, October 29, 2002 at 08:47:56 (PST)    [207.183.117.60]
eastern-european girl,

"I don't think that's the case. People may get offended because they approach an Asian person with good intentions, but the Asian will not socialize with them simply because they are "White and thus deemed as someone unsuitable to deal with."

Just because that's your reality that doesn't make my statement any less valid.

"I see a double-sidedness on this from you guys: you want to be treated as equals....but I can definitely see it from the messages posted on this website and I think this is not a good attitude."

Don't assume based on a few messages here and there that all Asians are dying for White company or that they will or should accept any overture from the first well-meaning White who comes along. People should feel free to associate with whomever they please. If they happen to mix with other races, that's great. What I was getting at was why a White would get so angry at an Asian? Would they get just as angry at being snubbed by another White? I don't have a problem with Whites feeling superior, it's the reaction based on that supposed superiority. If Asians don't brown nose them or act humble in various situations, the heavens will come down on them. That's what I've seen. Just because you don't act that way towards Asians, that doesn't mean other Whites don't either.

"Personally, I only think that people shouldn't judge each other purely and solely on materialistic basis."

Agreed. It's a fact of life that there are social snobs across all races and even income levels. The reason why I brought it up the issue of class was that some people will associate only with people of a certain class. If an Asian snubs a White, the issue could be class not race.

"People CAN have nice and stylish clothes without buying the expensive designer brands!"

I agree that it doesn't take much money to look good. A stylish woman is not necessarily materialistic. Being materialistic is all relative anyway. If a person want to spend a lot of money, that's his or her prerogative. I'm not going to pass judgment as long as they're living within their means. I think it's rather easy for people with no money to decry ultra-consumerism or materialism. It's not as if poor people have a choice in the matter.

I said,
"God forbid an Asian woman should like herself, her body, and her hair etc. and drape it with nice clothes. Or is it something solely White women should enjoy?"

You said,
"No one is suggesting that."

How do you know WF wasn't suggesting that? It sounded like she was. I thought maybe she woke up feeling fat or having a bad hair day and decided to target Asian women.

"I don't know how you came to your conclusions but I think they're pretty far off."

I believe I'm on target. It doesn't apply to all Whites but just enough of them to lead me to my conclusion. I don't expect you to understand how I've reached my conclusions since you're White.
Asian and loving it
   Monday, October 28, 2002 at 23:24:32 (PST)    [151.199.57.249]
whatever:

My whole previous post was to that annoying "WF" person.

It seems you may have thought I was posting to you.

I didn't realize there was a person using "whatever" as their moniker. I didn't add a colon (:) after that, so you can tell I wasn't speaking to another person. :)

I'm not a white girl. How dare you insult me like that! Ai-ya!

Chill out, sister.
A nice AF
   Monday, October 28, 2002 at 15:47:42 (PST)    [208.48.177.5]
Hooked on Phonics, you asked:

< How is that any different?<<

yes, you are correct, there is no difference. I overreacted. I was sorry I did that and that is why I reposted.

>>By the way, I don't think AF(21)'s post was a personal attack...<<

She started it off with my name and then used the term "you".

Do not worry I will be out of here soon. I do not think anyone will be sad to see me go ! LOL :-)
Hayley
   Monday, October 28, 2002 at 09:58:42 (PST)    [64.12.97.14]
AF(21)
You said:

>>If an Asian woman defends herself then she is seen as "attacking" and being "angry" or perhaps even "coldhearted". <<

Can you please show me where I attacked you?

After your reply I am going to answer you and then get off this board. I thought this would be a mutal exchange between adult women. It seems to have become very childish. Maybe I am just too old for this !

Take care everyone.
Hayley
   Monday, October 28, 2002 at 09:35:11 (PST)    [64.12.97.14]
"Stop making it seem one-sided"
a nice AF (aka) really a white girl

Hellooo! i was being sarcastic thankyou.

whatever
   Monday, October 28, 2002 at 08:17:46 (PST)    [152.163.188.71]
"I don't think that's the case. People may get offended because they approach the Asian person with good intentions, but the Asian will not socialize with them simply because they are "White" and thus deemed as someone unsuitable to deal with."

Did anyone tell you that? And is this the experience with All Asian women?

"you don't like it, i.e. you claim that you could NEVER be friends with a WHITE person, that WHITES are trying to rob you of your native culture, that WHITES are acting as superior to everyone else when they try to approach YOU in a friendly and well-meaning way and when it is YOU GUYS who openly reject them and only socialize whithin your own nationality."

Generlizations...furthermore white and Asian are not nationalities.

"So what is good enough? If the Whites don't socialize with and close themselves off to Asians (without necessarily being discriminative or biased) they are labelled as racists who think that they are superior to everyone else just because they are white and others aren't."

If those whites who may not want to deal with Asians do not stick to themselves and perhaps socialize with other races such as blacks instead of sticking with their own kind? Similarly it would be nice if the Asians interact among themselves within their own groups. It would be nice for instance if the Vietnamese and Chinese got along. It is now happening more frequently, but used to be a rarity a few decades ago.

"I guess it's kind of hard to please you demanding Asian folks. Not to say that this has been my personal experience, actually it was quite the contrary and I have a lot of positive memories with my Asian friends (plus I make some new ones), but I can definitely see it from the messages posted on this website and I think this is not a good attitude."

Most of it is directed at White American females and not towards all whites from all over the world and definitely not towards East Europeans.
Asian Lady
   Sunday, October 27, 2002 at 14:43:33 (PST)    [138.220.134.31]

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