AA MEN SEEK OUT NON-ASIAN WOMEN
(Updated .)

sian women are only interested in non-Asian men and don't give Asian men the time of day. That's the reason cited by many AA men for dating and marrying non-Asians. A minority of AA men say they simply find non-Asian women more physically attractive or more appealing in terms of personality, values and interests. Whatever the reasons, the rates at which young Asian men are dating and marrying non-Asian women are quickly approaching the rates at which Asian women are outdating and outmarrying (about 38%). Some Asian women are complaining that they aren't getting a fair shake because Asian men have been brainwashed by media standards of desirability.
     What are the real reasons for so many Asian men seeking out non-Asian women? How do Asian women really feel about this trend? Who benefits most from it? Will the trend continue? We want to hear your views.
Btutu@aol.com,

I'm sorry that you have had such negative experiences with Asian and Asian American men in the dating realm. What intrigues me about the situation is not the difference in perception necessarily caused by our gender but rather our age. At 24 years of age, I am clearly from a different generation than you and thus have grown up with an entirely separate set of experiences with regard to interpersonal relationships and being an Asian American.

My life has been markedly different from yours, my having grown up in the United States and being male being the two most obvious dissimilarities. I was raised in a home where my mother and father, immigrants from Taiwan, both contributed to our financial stability as a family, took the time to encourage my brother and I in our education, and split the unenviable task of disciplining us. My mother (or, for that matter, my female cousins while they lived with us) was never treated as a submissive, weak-willed slave by the family but rather as a strong and independant woman capable of holding her own views on politics, society, or whatever else she chose. She had as dominant a personality as any of the rest of us and was freely encouraged by my father to exercise her will and to be as strong as she could be.

While I offer my sympathies for your past experiences that may have left you bitter at the Asian male, I find blanket statements such as "Asian American men imitate their fathers, who learned from their fathers all the horrible and chauvanistic ways to treat a woman," or "They are full of false pride and cockiness...There is a total lack of respect for the Asian wife, mother, and female" to be rather offensive. I find many elements of your post relying upon sweeping generalizations of, at best, varying degrees of inaccuracy -- to assume that your personal experiences are applicable to everyone is unfair to Asian Americans of either gender. Blaming today's Asian Americans (particularly males) for the social injustices of the past because we are "reminders" of sorts of past relics is denying all of us a chance to forge ahead and create a new identity, be it on our own or together.

As an Asian American male growing up today, I date people whose experiences I best identify with. I grew up loving American baseball and the physical style of North American hockey, listening to heavy metal and laughing at Disney cartoons while recreating battles with G.I.Joe action figures. Rather than clutch some antiquated cultural principles, I became immersed in the wonders of growing up in my environment and allowed the best parts of my heritage to enrich my experience while learning from the mistakes of the past. My friends and girlfriends have all been people who have appreciated and shared in this, whether they were Caucasian, Asian American, Latin, Native American, African American. I don't gravitate to any particular race, but any girl who can tell me Ted Williams' career batting average will steal my heart forever. Dating in a particular race to maintain some kind of status quo that is invalid and unjust is, quite frankly, stupid and ignorant. I would hope that people demonstrate a better faith in the youth of today to see past things like this and to appreciate ourselves as human beings, not as colors.

I did find your conclusion to be strikingly brilliant in it's simplicity: "We married good people, not "non Asian" people. Don't worry about keeping the race pure or marrying pure. It's happiness that counts, not what your male seed will produce." Indeed it is happiness and not "race purity" that we should all pursue, and I congratulate you for finding yours. Please don't assume, however, that those of us that carry the "male seed" are any less passionate for or incapable of seeking out that same happiness.

J.C. Tsai jctsai12@hotmail.com    Tuesday, July 03, 2001 at 09:44:43 (PDT)
75% of Asian American women marry Asian American men so what's the big deal?
big deal?    Monday, July 02, 2001 at 22:07:41 (PDT)
btutu:

You sound like a bitter old woman. I can only judge a guy based on how he treats me. You sound so desperate, bashing your fellow Asian men. Yes, the older generation like your generation in your 40's and 50's may have had some bad experiences. But as a young woman in my early 20's, my Chinese boyfriend treats me like a Queen. He is very respectful and sweet to me. You are just a bitter old woman that have an axe to grind. Too bad. I have no compliants with how my boyfriend treats me. You can blame other people...but the bottom line is you are unattractive to Asian men, so a bitter Asian woman like you have to come and bashing your own men. How sad and pathetic.
KerryAnn    Sunday, July 01, 2001 at 13:05:24 (PDT)
I think many Asian guys are reading the handwriting on the wall. Many had given up hope (on Asian women). I really don't think Asian girls have any right to complain when they still got more play. We are just getting ours now.
Got play?    Sunday, July 01, 2001 at 11:47:52 (PDT)
Most of the Asian men dating out are not looking for revenge on AW/WM. They are only responding to what any sane person would do. Looking around, they would see fewer and fewer Asian gals for his dating pool. So, he is only catching the next fish available. All too often, Asian men in the past have by passed other non-Asian females who really seemed interested. This is just a game of survival. We are responding to our testosterone, hormones, whatever you call it. People are made to reproduce. And, we can do it regardless of race.
Getting too old already    Sunday, July 01, 2001 at 11:45:33 (PDT)
Asian American men imitate their fathers, who learned from their fathers all the horrible and chauvanistic ways to treat a woman. Asian American men make poor friends and are selfish lovers. They don't see Asian women as "people" but as their "mothers" whom their fathers mistreat, or "daughers" who don't get much respect at home. All favors are bestowed onto them, the "son", whose seed bears the family name. It is an incedious process that kills the female ego. By marrying an Asian male or an Asian American male, an Asian American woman only perpetuates the horrible cycle to a life of hell, where nothing good comes out of the relationship,where there is this incessant need to please the (very falsely placed) Asian male chauvanistic ego and the guilt for not achieving "his" goal.

If your statistics are true, then I believe that is why Asian American women don't like/date/marry Asian American men. Asian American men remind us of our fathers. We were ignored by our fathers. We were not as "good" as our brothers. We never received praises. We will be treated (or already have been treated) by the way Asian American men treat their mothers and sisters - poorly.

They can't help themselves because they only see what their dad has shown them, which was condoned by their mothers (helplessly). They don't see what they are doing. They are full of false pride and cockiness that was perpetuated by their mothers and fathers. There is a total lack of respect for the Asian "wife", "mother" and "female" on the part of the fathers and on their sons, and their sons, and so on.

Breaking the cycle by dating or marrying outside the Asian race allows Asian women or Asian American woman to survive. We can make male friends without this stigma attached; find lovers (who love us for or exoticness as well as for who we are), and marry men who treat wives, mothers, and daugthers with decency and respect. We feel appreciated,loved, and adored. We will live longer, look younger, feel stronger, and be better moms to our children, especially our sons. We will break the horrible cycle by showing our children how women should be treated at home and in society - as people - not as slaves to the male population. We will raise our children with equal status in the home. We will produce fair and loving children.

Racial purity means nothing if the female gendre is already "dead" for being female. And the only thing good about her are her eggs.

All those Chinese girls being exported to the United States are the luckiest girls in the world. They will know love, feel love and be able to give love. One man's trash is another's treasure. They will be treasured in this country by loving families. The cycle will break with them also. Unfortunately, the Chinese male species are left in China and coddled and spoiled for being "male." There is already a shortage of Chinese females in China for marriage. There is a shortage of Asian female all over Asia. Where will they find a pure mate? Some are importing them from the states and other Asian countries.

I can't offer a solution to the Asian American problem at home. But marrying outside the race is one of the solutions to breaking the horrible cycle of mental and physical abuse.

I have one brother and one sister. They all married outside the race. We married good people, not "non Asian" people. Don't worry about keeping the race pure or marrying pure. It's happiness that counts, not what your male seed will produce.

I am American born, grew up in Taiwan, came back to US, Wellesley College graduate (76). I am 48 years old and married to a Caucasion. I have two teenage girls. I have experienced only horrible relationships with Asian and Asian American men. The above statement was a conclusion from my personal experiences. btutu@aol.com    Saturday, June 30, 2001 at 21:10:53 (PDT)
I put all the blame on asian women - this trend with asian men is inevitable but not the fault of asian men. I wish my fellow asian females would give asian men more chance - the whole situation is a shame and quite pathetic.
bee bee    Saturday, June 30, 2001 at 14:20:27 (PDT)
I came to this country as a foreign student years ago. On the co-ed dorm's floor where I lived there were several white girls and 2 Asian American girls.

One of the things I noticed was that the white girls were actually a lot friendlier than these 2 Asian girls. The white girls gave me more attention by asking questions about myself like where I was from, why I chose this college, etc. They even helped me out with my English, invited me to go eat in the dining hall or see a movie in their room. I guess they liked my outgoing personality.

The 2 Asian girls, however, were too busy chasing white guys. One had a reputation of giving blowjobs to any white guy she found (she spit, I heard). At that time, I was so naive I didn't think anything wrong with them. Plus, I thought they were butt ugly.

So, I hanged out more with the white girls and started having a crush on some of them or their friends. During my college years, I dated at least 3 white girls. (not bad since me speaked no english)

I guess that's how I started to like white girls. I find them more independent, straighforward and fun. They're sexier and prettier. And the sex...olala!!! They're more willing to please. I totally prefer white girls over Asian. I'm hooked by the best stuff on earth!

Hooked    Saturday, June 30, 2001 at 02:56:21 (PDT)
hey asian sensation, I thought your comment was really interesting...

you said:
"As an Asian male, I am attracted to caucasian females. Though it may sound stereotypical, I do find white females to be prettier, taller, and bustier than Asian females."

"As racist as this may sound, I am angered by the fact that more Asian females date outside their race than males. Why are Asian men at such a disadvantage when it comes to dating women of other ethnic backgrounds?"

don't you see how you just answered your own question/statement? why are you angry at asian females who date outside their race...-for being just like you? same as you find white women more attractive, some asian women find white guys fine for some of the same reasons, they're (or they are thought to be) prettier (by western standards they have better facial features), they're more muscular, they're taller.

though I don't agree with asian females who think this way, I want to say that I don't agree with how asian men are congratulated for dating white women on this site, while anger is directed at asian women for dating outside their race, -its really the same thing.
CA female    Friday, June 29, 2001 at 14:23:42 (PDT)
Did you know that Japanese-Americans are fading out? Their populations are in declined as a result of interracial marriages and mixed-race children. The low birth rates among Japanese-Americans is also part of reason why they are disappearing in United States. What a shame! If they keep it up, there will be less Asians to date. I'm disappointed....

Seattle
Seattle    Friday, June 29, 2001 at 11:09:28 (PDT)
When Black men are successful, many choose to date and marry white females. When White men are successful, they date and marry white females. It should be no surprise some Asian men would choose to date and marry white females too. Why would this surprise anyone?

Clearly there is a difference in interracial dating and marriage. Some Non-Asian men date or marry Asian women BECAUSE of the negative stereotypes (submissive, passive). That is why you have a mail-order bride industry of Asia women and the men that prey on them. I don’t know what is worst. Not getting enough attention or getting attention for all the wrong reasons.

Some Asian women are in so much denial and arrogant that they actually believe they are God’s gift to all men. Some Asian women have such a bad attitude that they treat Asian men badly. Therefore, these Asian women should not complain when the men start looking elsewhere. It is only natural for Asian men to look for other Non-Asian women who will treat them nicely and with respect. Unfortunately, this group of arrogant Asian women also destroys the reputation of all Asian women in the eyes of some Asian men.

Non-Asian women date and marry Asian men by being open-minded enough to OVERCOME the negative stereotypes as perpetuated by the American media. It is no surprise that in America, with white females dominating the fashion magazines, the runways, the media, and any other symbol of beauty and desirability that some men of all races would prefer them. Surprisingly, even in Asia, some magazines will sell more just because the cover has a white female model and sell less when there is an Asian female on the cover.

As Asian men continue to move up the socio-economic ladder, this trend will continue to increase. Women of all races are seeing Asian men for who they really are as they interact together in the real world in colleges, businesses, professions, etc. As real interaction increases, any faulty perception based on negative stereotypes is dismissed by real world experience with Asian men.
Professional AM    Thursday, June 28, 2001 at 22:17:01 (PDT)
I wholeheartedly agree with Sabot's comments. With so many Asian women seeking interracial relationships and marriages, it's only a matter of time before their male counterparts seek interracial relationships as well. As racist as this may sound, I am angered by the fact that more Asian females date outside their race than males. Why are Asian men at such a disadvantage when it comes to dating women of other ethnic backgrounds?
As an Asian male, I am attracted to caucasian females. Though it may sound stereotypical, I do find white females to be prettier, taller, and bustier than Asian females. Nevertheless, I am continually frustrated by the fact that Asians are stereotyped as short, scrawny, nerdy, and androgynous beings.

Asian Sensation    Thursday, June 28, 2001 at 11:33:03 (PDT)
Outmarriage rate is just a single number, so it can't be all encompassing and certainly won't be a perfect indicator. But given that limitation, I don't think it's bad and certainly a low outmarriage rate would either be an indicator of segregation (either self or imposed) and/or racism.

I wonder if anybody has come up with a "racism index"? I imagine one could develop something like the human development index that the United Nations uses to rate countries.

A. C.    Wednesday, June 27, 2001 at 23:45:50 (PDT)
"A high outmarriage rate indicates a lower level of racism."
I hope that's true but I don't think that it's a good litmus test for racism. Racism is pretty complex.
Asian Unity    Wednesday, June 27, 2001 at 01:11:52 (PDT)
Let me start by saying that I'm an Asian Man, and damn proud of it. In fact, my pride bordered dangerously close to becoming a full blown superiority complex at times. But after a bit of help, I think I've finally got that under control :) Anyway, I've been around for a little while now and have had a number of relationships (to include a marriage and an engagement - neither of which worked out) with beautiful, intelligent, and downright desirable women. It just so happens that none of them were Asian. The irony of it all is this... I happen to find Asian women to be among of the most beautiful women on earth (what I wouldn't give for a date with Angela Perez Baraquio). But as the years rolled by, for the most part it seemed that the Asian women I knew didn't find me attractive. Or if they did, they didn't let on that this was the case. Instead I found myself being chased by White, Black, and Latina women. And, as I'm sure a lot of you out there can attest to, being called "fine" by members of the opposite sex will cause you to gravitate towards them, regardless of their race. Now to be honest, most of my adult life I've lived in communities that didn't have a large population of Asians, so that probably has something to do with it. But even back in college where Asians were everywhere, it was the non Asian women that took a noticable liking to me. Consequently, my dating pool consisted primarily of non Asian women. That being said, would I date an Asian woman given the opportunity? Damn straight I would; assuming she's a quality woman (I'll never date a woman on the basis of race alone). But until the day I find an Asian woman that takes an interest in me, I'll be perfectly happy dating outside my race.
Sabot, the equal opportunity dater sabot1967@yahoo.com    Tuesday, June 26, 2001 at 14:07:29 (PDT)

NEWEST COMMENTS | EARLIER COMMENTS