AM Seeking Out Non-Asian Women | Asian American Issues

AA MEN SEEK OUT NON-ASIAN WOMEN
(Updated )

sian women are only interested in non-Asian men and don't give Asian men the time of day. That's the reason cited by many AA men for dating and marrying non-Asians. A minority of AA men say they simply find non-Asian women more physically attractive or more appealing in terms of personality, values and interests. Whatever the reasons, the rates at which young Asian men are dating and marrying non-Asian women are quickly approaching the rates at which Asian women are outdating and outmarrying (about 38%). Some Asian women are complaining that they aren't getting a fair shake because Asian men have been brainwashed by media standards of desirability.
What are the real reasons for so many Asian men seeking out non-Asian women? How do Asian women really feel about this trend? Who benefits most from it? Will the trend continue? We want to hear your views.
hey eoptions@pacbell.net,

you couldn't say it better. Images of Asian Americans you see on TV are created by white men. In reality, asian americans are just as good or better than white people.
junkie Thursday, July 19, 2001 at 10:54:07 (PDT)

Allow me to speak from experience. i am a 23-y-o AF married to a 23-y-o ABH (American-born Hispanic) for a little over a year. I've previously dated 2 AM, 2 WM and a Hispanic. My AM peers usually find me unattractive (i look mature for my age). No surprise, those 2 AM whom i dated were 10 years older at minimum. Mutually, I am unattracted to their immaturity. I find rejection from most AM peers but acceptance from others, which trancends the ease and confidence in me dating non-AM. So, you see, it's more of fateful, and not by choice for me to NOT date an AM. However, I have many AF peers who have strong preference to AM, but most of them have once admitted that LOVE comes first - then race. There are Asian hypocrites out there, of course, but I believe it was the AM who are cynical about rejection from AF.
Jukoh Thursday, July 19, 2001 at 09:49:27 (PDT)

Maybe it's not the Asian men who are seeking out non-Asian women. I'd like to suggest it's the other way around. I'm a WF who would definitely date an attractive AM over an attractive WM anyday. Why? Because I've had experiences that left me with good impressions of the AM, and I find the WM/WF so common.. I mean, isn't variety the spice of life? I've noticed that AM/WF is not as common as AF/WM, but that probably has more to do with AM's not approaching the WF! Women in general are used to having guys coming up to them, so rarely do we go up to guys. Sure the AM might say "but I don't know if this cute non-Asian girl is into AM". Well ask and find out! You might be pleasantly surprised.
WF who loves AM Wednesday, July 18, 2001 at 20:00:04 (PDT)

Hey Japanese American,

What's your beef with Latinos and Arabs providing you are for real? You do sound real -I have to admit. You make it sound like we are a bunch of jerks -especially with regards to our treatment of women. What you said applies to Latinos and Arabs in their respective countries, not in the U.S. for the most part. You did not even make a distinction. What the hell did these people do to you? No wonder I as a Latino feel most comfy with Chinese people. You personally are a dolt because I know many cool Japanese people, although I have to admit that I do not feel as much of a bond with them as with Chinese, Vietnamese and Korean people. Humfff!
What do you think about that, hah? I am just kidding you know -Japanese people are cool even thought that particular guy sounds like he doesn’t get out much. You know, there are other people you can make friends with besides whites and Japanese people. Are you one of those recently confused and frustrated Republicans? Hahaha.

Latino to energytraderus Wednesday, July 18, 2001 at 19:38:45 (PDT)

as a Japanese American guy who grew up in a upper middle class suburb in CA, was never aware of the degree of self-hatred among other "asians", particularly Chinese Americans. Perhaps Chinese american women need to learn to think for themselves and realize that white stereotypes of asian guys are pure propaganda created by "white" men. Also Chinese American women who believe that "asian" guys are "domineering", whatever that means, might look to other cultures, particularly Hispanic and Arab cultures to see truly deplorable and barbaric treatment of women.
energytraderus eoptions@pacbell.net Wednesday, July 18, 2001 at 13:27:02 (PDT)

What Asian women are complaining of Asian men not giving them a "fair shake" and outdating? I haven't really seen this so called trend so I don't think the "problem" really exists.

However, if this is a trend so what? Asian women are no position to complain about it. Perhaps Asian men are getting sick and tired of waiting for some Asian women to grow up and stop acting as if being some cracker's porno-dream-come-true is something to be flattered over and arrogantly pat themselves on the back for it. Leave them to their shrinks and move on, boys. If you wait for them to stop blaming entire cultures, civilizations, and the male gender before they realize that perhaps a lot of their problems are mainly their responsibility, you'll all be lonely geezers.

Perhaps, part of the problem is so many Asian men prefer Asian women instead of keeping themselves open to other non-asian women. Look at some of the posters on this board, for example. Limiting your dating/mating choices to Asian females reduces competition and lessens incentive for Asian women to go with Asian men in the first place. The Asian chump is going to always be there waiting so why worry or bother? In a well-known American movie, the main character comments, "You can't respect someone who kisses your ass." It just doesn't work excluding other nice women and fawning over Asian women. It gets you nothing and is counterproductive. It certainly doesn't get Asian men respect. Stop reinforcing a losing strategy. If some of you guys honestly feel you've been treated unfairly by Asian women, then forget them and allow yourself to find a women who will treat you right. Our eyes may be "small" but we're not blind. Of course, that means you need to take the initiative but then again a rewarding, loving relationship with a good women is not going to just drop in your lap or magically appear.

Asian Hauptmann Tuesday, July 17, 2001 at 14:12:00 (PDT)

They're just playa hatas. I mean come on -- now that it's our turn to play, you're all up in arms over it? Gimme a break. I still love Asian girls, but if I get the change to jock a cute non-Asian chick, then more power to me. We've had to put up with crap from AA women who date non-Asians for YEARS. All's fair in the game of love. I'm out.
Playa Tuesday, July 17, 2001 at 12:16:34 (PDT)

What comes around , goes around.
It's only fair since so many AFs are marrying non-AMs.

I used to like AFs but that was destroyed by them. Crushed by AFs one too many times to count.

WF-lover Tuesday, July 17, 2001 at 09:50:34 (PDT)

You know what I find confusing. Dont most Asian women want us to go after Non-Asian females. Dont they always lecture Asian men on "...oh.you should be more assertive...hit on the White girls, black girls, hispanic girls...etc.."

I remember once I was in this club with a few friends, one of which was this Asian girl, who once told me she wanted to only date White guys. She noticed quite a few Non-Asian women approach me to dance with me..such is not a phenomenon..at least not with me. When she noticed I always came back to her, she says to me, "Why dont you just hook up with one of those White girls?? I would if I was you." I thought to myself, "I'm not dancing with you cause I like you... I dont. But it's purely out of politeness." After all i came with her. Besides, how many real girlfriends one meets in a nightclub where conversation and lighting is so dim.

The ironic thing is I know that Asian girl was into me, physically anyhow.

QUESTION: What exactly do Asian females think when they see Asian males with non-Asian females???

Most Asian males like myself, would much rather go after asian females. We just find them more attractive. I always thought it was natural to prefer your own kind. I was in Beijing and Shanghai once and saw so many beautiful women (tall & busty - NY Chinatown is just no comparison..no offense, I couldnt believe my eyes. I just happen to prefer taller and shapely women.

Most of us, can get some White or Black chick if we tried, especially if she receives below average attention from men in general. But why?? From what I see, that's what Asian women seem to go after, those White males who dont receive attention from White females. Of course that's not always true, but it really seems so..Asian women with Dorky White men..seems so common. Why???

It's quite bizarre to see this forum, where Asian women are actually complaining. ARENT YOU GRATEFUL???? :-)
Some Asian Guy in NYC Monday, July 16, 2001 at 21:03:21 (PDT)

Where do i begin to justify this AA men dating and eventually marrying non-Asian women... AA guys are sick of the female counterpart dating non-Asian men. Why should I give you a fair shake after all the vanilla shake you've had. Do you have any reasonable explaination other than, "He's really nice!". I'm getting tired and bored of the same ole s***... I see it and hear it from people all the time. Who can't be nice if they wanted to. It's not hard to be nice ladies, especially the ugly ones most AA female date. You wonder why I stare at you funny, they are some ugly asian guys out there for you if that is your preference. Don't you have some reason left to think things over
I still don't date non-Asian women at the moment. Who's to say that i won't or ever will. Like I said earlier, anyone can be nice. At this rate, maybe i will start dating non-Asian women. It won't be the same because of the different culture that I have but atleast she'll go to a Red Sox game with me, maybe she'll even become an "Ichiro" fan, but I'll be holding off on it for a while longer, it was just a thought.
I've heard it all before. Monday, July 16, 2001 at 16:22:45 (PDT)

i don't know why Asian women think that Asian men are not giving them a chance. To me, as an Asian man, i consider Asian women the most beautiful and desirable. Their personality is also very appealing. Don't worry about some Asian men that date nonAsian women. There are plenty of Asian men that are still crazily in love with Asian women.
Asian women are the best!!
Asian guy with faith in Asian women AndyS1123@aol.com Friday, July 13, 2001 at 14:02:22 (PDT)

What the f***???!!!!
I thought that "AA Men Seek out Non-Asian Women" was a case of dyslexia but you guys were serious.

The numbers are so paltry anyways so try "AA Women Seek out Non-Asian Men" and I'll believe you.
observer Monday, July 09, 2001 at 19:27:22 (PDT)

you people are making too much out of some sociopath's harping of us asian guys. the truth is, once their ignorant minds are set upon something, ie. reasons for outmarrying and putting down asian guys, they'll use any means to justify those views. in case anybody hasn't noticed, those old stereotypes about asian men are entirely westernized and completely marginalized if existed at all in asia a long time ago. and here's something new: even if those behaviors existed, THEY'RE PERPETUATED BY WOMEN! since women's support network in the home is away from men, how can men be the predominate influence on a girl's upbringing? the mother and other females indoctrinate the females.

and please STOP the AF outmarriage messages, i believe there're other messageboards for those kinds of things!

mack
another frustrated asian guy Thursday, July 05, 2001 at 23:13:12 (PDT)

To btutu@aol.com

Having exchanged words with btutu@aol.com, I've come to realize what a fraud she is.

Her education consisted some liberal arts degree in Chinese studies. The ironic thing is that despite her claims of being fully assimilated and a true American, she still earns her living off of Asians and Asia. She claimed to have done some translation work for her mayor in Cincinnati with their sister city. She also claims to have founded two business. One business is an import/export business dealing Asia; the other is some plastics recycler, again dealing with Asia.

I can never understand those Asians that tell the other Asians how American they are, but in the end, they still can't survive in society without using their Asian connections or making money off of other Asians. I mean, if Ms. Tu was so American and so fully assimilated as she keeps telling me, then surely she should make her path in a field where she does not have to use her "Asianess" as an edge; she should compete just like any other white female that she dreams to be. She should be making her mark in law, politics, military, investment banking, the media. Industries where there are few Asians and you must succeed based on your own talent, not because of a connection to your birthland.

In short, Ms. Tu is the worst kind of Asian there can be. Those who leech off of other Asians in monetary terms, who make money off of Asia and Asians, but at the same time bash Asian and proclaim herself a true American...
Ryan J. Shih rshih@lvnworth.com Thursday, July 05, 2001 at 07:33:36 (PDT)

BTUTU,
I sympatize with you and your experiences but it seems that your views were dated and one sided. I think its unfair that youve stereotyped Asian-Asian American men by your bad experiences. The behavior of asian men that you have indicated may have been the case when you were dating but its now the 2000's.
I am the youngest of 5 siblings with 3 older sisters I was born in Hong Kong with parents both from China. Unless I've been asleep all these years, I have never seen my father treat my mother or my sisters any different than my brother or myself. My mother was as equal as my father. I still open the door for ladies and treat women as ladies. Maybe this is an isolated situation but then, so may be yours.

As for the Asian/Caucasion thing I've dated with both in the past and do not regret it nor look down on any females who do the same, its just a matter of preference.
As I grew older, I realized whats important to ME which is who I am "ASIAN". I want to be able to share with my children, their holidays traditions and culture as well as the American life. If this can be taught by a caucasian mother, then thats fine and there are such people out there, I know of a few who can teach many chinese a thing or two as well as hold a conversation in chinese.

I am glad that you finally found happiness in your life.
DCinNY Wednesday, July 04, 2001 at 11:42:09 (PDT)

I really don¡¦t think it is a problem of more Asian man seeking non-Asian women because they are brainwashed or whatever. I consider out-marrying as a phenomenon triggered by higher level of confidence in chasing what an individual desires, as well as the fading of stereotypical frameworks attached to interracial marriages. There is nothing good or bad about it, just a new trend. Indeed, some of us Asian females may find white guys more attractive for various reasons, and vice versa. There is no point judging the validity of individual¡¦s personal preferences.

There is one thing, however, that I do not agree. It seems as if an individual here is suggesting that white males are the ¡§salvation¡¨ toward Asian female¡¦s misery regarding being brought up in an extremely male dominated society.

¡§Breaking the cycle by dating or marrying outside the Asian race allows Asian women or Asian American woman to survive¡¨.
Is this so? Think about it, how pathetic is it to run away from one¡¦s helplessness, which might have been generated by a comparatively minute amount of the Asian male population, and pointing fingers to the rest of the Asian male population, criticizing them for deeds they might not have commit? As an Asian female, I happen to not find the evil traits about Asian males and moreover, I prefer them over white dudes.

If the person described above is so fond of Americans¡¦ way of treating people, then she must be familiar with the fact that a person is innocent until proven guilty.

As supported by the constitution, it is fine to express your opinion in the public. Yet please be rational and think critically before you say things, or else it just make you sound¡K.uncivilized.

Snowberry Tuesday, July 03, 2001 at 23:40:14 (PDT)

Btutu@aol.com,

I don't normally slam other people for posting their opinions. This is the home of the free after all. However, in your case I have to make an exception. Lady, I have seen some sad rationalizations for low self esteem on this site, but I've got to hand it to you. Your's beat them all hands down. Your posting has got to be the most pathetic example of self loathing that I have ever had the displeasure of reading. And the worst part of it is, you blame an entire race of people for the fact that you had a lousy childhood. Wait a second. I take that back. The saddest part of this whole scenario is you have children!!! Anyone, regardless of race, who made the mistake of reading your posting has got to feel sorry for them. To be raised by a mother that's instilling such a sense of racial inferiority in them... they're doomed to be losers!!! Does your husband know what kind of values you're instilling in them?!? If he's got two brain cells connected by a synapse, he'll keep you away from them or risk doing irreparable damage to their self esteem (break the cycle as you like to say).

By the way, don't blame the rest of us because the only Asian men you could attract were losers. I suggest you look in the mirror before you start pointing fingers.
Sabot with no patience for whiners sabot1967@yahoo.com Tuesday, July 03, 2001 at 17:13:44 (PDT)

Last I checked this topic was about why AM date non-AF, not why AF date non-AM.

AM Tuesday, July 03, 2001 at 16:53:45 (PDT)

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