AM Seeking Out Non-Asian Women | Asian American Issues

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AA MEN SEEK OUT NON-ASIAN WOMEN
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:01:45 PM)

sian women are only interested in non-Asian men and don't give Asian men the time of day. That's the reason cited by many AA men for dating and marrying non-Asians. A minority of AA men say they simply find non-Asian women more physically attractive or more appealing in terms of personality, values and interests. Whatever the reasons, the rates at which young Asian men are dating and marrying non-Asian women are quickly approaching the rates at which Asian women are outdating and outmarrying (about 38%). Some Asian women are complaining that they aren't getting a fair shake because Asian men have been brainwashed by media standards of desirability.
What are the real reasons for so many Asian men seeking out non-Asian women? How do Asian women really feel about this trend? Who benefits most from it? Will the trend continue? We want to hear your views.

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. Vote and continue this and related discussions at the new Interactive Area. --Ed.]

Ka,
1).I LOVE kimchi, I make my own.2). We DON'T cook soul-food everyday. Don't want to get burned out on it. 3). As far as the K-pop, i personally like the Thai-pop, i can understand it after listening to it a few times. 4). I like the Thai videos, may not be able to understand all, but can follow story line.5). Who cares if there is a news story on t.v. As long as her family and yours aren't the people fighting. 6). As long as your children know daddy and mommy love them, and your families love them, that's all that matters. Society is known to dislike for anything.7). A husbands first priority is to his wife, what if your mama don't like the Korean gal you marry? Mamas are supposed to let go when their sons get married, if a mama meddles and interfere with her sons marriage, then she needs help. When you need "bedroom lovin'", where will you get it from? When you need your shoulders massaged after a hard days work, whose going to do it? Or when you want children, whose going to have them? There are just some things that a mama cant do. And if you feel mama is more important than your wife, DONT GET MARRIED. If you don't have a "backbone" about it now, when will you?
I actually loved tending to my AMIL, and made sure her son was well tended to.

"...it is far superior to date someone you are closer to." Dude, that's a statement you're using to justify your ignorance. Are you saying that inter-racials are inferior to the same-race marriages? You would think that if you married a person (any race) who had a strong identity of who they are, they would instill that in that child, along with his Korean identity.
qwertyuiop Sunday, May 19, 2002 at 08:48:00 (PDT)

I find a stark and fundamental difference between AM and AF who are in interracial relationships.

AM usually (not always) go through rounds of rejection by women of other races before finally settling with one who is open minded to date one. So, when he does find a non-AF to date/marry him, he has found himself a woman who really loves him and is with him regardless of the prevailing stereotypes and bad rap that Asian men get in the dating/mating game. Why would a non-AF want to be with an AM given all the negativity surrounding AM? Because the girl really loves the man and will be with him despite the hostility and mockery.

Now, with AF, it is a different story. They get hit on by men of other races all the time. AF don't need to work extra long and hard as AM do in searching for an interracial mate. The non-AM that date and marry w/ AF may not necessarily love her as person as more for her race and the sexual stereotypes.

Who disagrees? Feel free to tell me so!
been there done that Sunday, May 19, 2002 at 00:51:26 (PDT)

Another Corean Dude,

>>>What's up with all these PR chicks with babies at such early age? I'll stay clear of them if I were you unless you're just having fun, not marriage material dude.<<<

I'm with you on this one.

I once had a friend who was Japanese-American and he married a Mexican-American woman who already had a son before meeting and marrying my friend. Her son's biological dad is no longer in the picture for a long time already. My friend later married her and took in her son as his own. They also now have another son of their own. They were in love and the ending was happy.

But, in other cases, if the father of the child is still in contact with the kid, then he will also be in contact with the mom. There exists the possibility of an old flame being rekindled. What red blooded man would want that to happen? That is why I stay away from single moms.

Sometimes, single moms (of any race) will tend to be desperate and find any man who can be a good father. She may not even necessarily love the man, but just wants a father to support her child. In the back of the man's mind, the woman can always go back to her old fling or a more exciting man when she finds the current husband to be boring or not fulfilling her sexually. That is the sad part of relationships these days, and this is more so among the black and Latino communities.

In my Chinese culture, this type of thing is just not acceptable. I wouldn't mind dating or even marrying a woman who is not a virgin. But, if she already has a kid, I just can't see myself being with her and loving or trusting her 100%. This a manly thing and there is that fear factor in the back of our minds.

So, those of you who are dating single moms (of any race), you should be CAREFUL!!!

You deserve better, and not just to be a woman's caretaker or ATM machine. Find a woman who truly loves you as her first choice.
We can do better Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 22:49:54 (PDT)

In the dating game, a man always pursue the girl, at least in this society. But, nowadays, there are some girls who are assertive enough to let the guy know her feelings. However, usually, I notice these are the desperate girls after a hunk or hot jock.

Asian guys fight a lot of stereotypes, 10 times more than any other races men.

If you can find a non-AF girl to date you, go for it by all means! I did, and still going strong.
Never give up Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 21:03:42 (PDT)

One Korean Dude :
I would have to agree with Third Eye. Whatever floats you boat, man. There's a difference between finding someone attractive & being racist. Had you said something like, "Black women look like baboons" then I have to break you. It's a preference for White women. I can't be mad at that. It's the same for a woman that might not want a fat man. You don't hate fat people, you just don't want to hop in bed with one. They might be a great friend, but sexual attraction isn't there. Perhaps it my own ignorance, but I didn't get anything sinister from you post, however, I do feel that you need to get out more because that blanket statement was waaaaaaaaay off course.

~Blabber Mouth Has Left The Poll~
Sammi 81: Yeah I Changed My Name Again Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 16:44:40 (PDT)

ka,

I enjoy your input and consider your views balanced and fair-minded, and feel you've brought much to this forum. And of course, I accept that when we hit on certain subjects, it is next to impossible to beget a dynamic conclusion to satisfy all of 'em all of the time; myself guilty as charged. However, I would debate some of the points you made in your post to "Third Eye." In your opening paragraph example of a black woman more inclined to interact with others of her race due to a strong African American value structure, and her ability to want to seek out others of her race due to African American concerns, my follow-up question to your paradigm is whether you feel race or racism affects what is inside us?

In my view, I do not believe a good value structure can be exclusively attributed to culture. If a father instills in his son the tenet of accepting others as people first, then this is the guidance of any good father; not because the father adheres to a specific cultural ideology, but because this moral principle would be upheld universally by most good fathers. A good value system synonymous with an ethnicity or culture is to say that filial piety, for example, is an inherently Asian family trait that others would not appreciate. Confucian nevertheless, the virtue of this goodwill transcends all nationalities.

I also believe that if one is inclined to associate only with those he or she believes they can relate to at a cultural level usually demonstrates someone limited to groupthink. If a Korean American man feels his viewpoints would be more attuned to a Korean American woman, then this could suggest that the man has been limited to a culturally Korean environment in the U.S., bereft of marked exposure and interaction with other peoples. If his views have been shaped only by others of his cultural background, then we might say he has nothing fruitful to add in associating with other American women, but I sincerely doubt this is the case. The knowledge he might bring of Korean culture to other people would suggest the complete opposite.

To say that it is "far superior to date someone you are closer to" suggests normalcy in monocultural relationships and places virtue gratuitously in their corner. A Korean American woman is not a prerequisite for a Korean American man to share and discuss his views of the world, nor is it for a Korean American woman. Your questions concerning the crossroads intercultural couples may face only focus on the negativity in the differences without giving equal attention to the positives. Where you cite both the Korean American man and the black woman could encounter differences around the household, would it be any worse than the cultural predictability two people of the same background might find in each other? Trust me, same culture or not, it ain't gonna be margaritas on the beach in Barbados all the time.

Differences in intercultural unions are often underestimated as weaknesses, but in reality they are often the strengths. People sometimes misconstrue their personal and cultural self, and lead themselves to believe that if they associate with someone because of a shared cultural heritage, it will lead to a balance of views and standards. The roles of race and culture are not as essential in most strong relationships as is the individual.

Again, ka, my discussion is strictly limited to your Friday post. Let's hope that others raise their children with as much tolerance and understanding as you.

Cheers,

Ellery Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 13:57:27 (PDT)

Chinalove -

Yeah Asian marriages tend to last longer but what are your statistics on whether or not those are happy marriages.
Mr. Perspective Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 10:05:38 (PDT)

I'll try to shorten my story as much as possible, so please bear with me.
It's really late and I'm tired. I can't even believe I'm doing this at this late hour.
Although very much abridged in its content, this confession is going to be a good catharsis for me purging my soul of some of dark secrets I've been trying to hide for many many years.

Basically, the early indoctrination had been the following, particularly regarding my relationship with women;
1) my family belongs to an elite class. Have pride in your roots.
2) I must try my darnest to uphold the family/clan tradition of achieving great success and fame, particularly in field of education;
failing to do so would irrevocably embarass my illustrious ancestors and the whole clan.
3) marry a good Korean girl from same background when I grow up.
Don't even think about "tainting" my blood with a girl from lower class background.
He would disown me if I marry a such girl.
3) American girls(white) are only good for fun. They are not marriage material whatsoever.
My father didn't discourage me from dating white girls whole lot. However, he constantly reminded me that they are only good for wild fling. Get it out of your system before you get married, I was told.
If I marry a white woman, he would disown me.
4) white people are savages; they are barbaric and have no ethics.
Just look at what they had done to American Indians.
And they smell. Don't fall for their superficial friendliness.
It's not genuine. Don't trust white people or you'll get burned.
WASPs are to be avoided at all cost.
5) black people are violent, lazy and basically stupid.
6) Hispanics are same as blacks, only slightly better than blacks.
7) In order to overcome racism/discrimination, I have to work twice as hard as whites.
8) Try to emulate Jewish people. They are a great role model for other minority to follow.
However, many Jews are money-hungry, sneaky, cunning folks.
Overall though, they are a superior race.
9) go to church every sunday and be a good Christian! And eat well.
10) many many others

In the past decade though, I've been hearing some positive feedbacks from my father;
1)Some white girls make better wives than spoiled, hot-tempered Korean girls.
After all, women are all same. What?
However, when white females pass middle age, watch out, they get all wrinkled up, and become ghastly-looking, ugly.
Their beauty doesn't last long. Then whose beauty does?
I'll probably get fat and bald before that happens to them.
2) I should still marry a nice Korean girl - they are the best soulmate for me! - preferably from same background, however. Ugh...
(My father is still confident that I can meet such a girl after two failed attempts at that. Sad. I was even engaged to one...)
3) we should feel some sympathy for black people. They have suffered a great deal in this country. That's true.
Way more than we Asians have. Yep.
Some black people are very friendly, church-going nice folks. However, too many black people are still too ignorant and flat-out criminals.
Just look at LA riot, or the poor innocent hard-working Korean shopkeepers who get robbed/murdered by ruthless blacks in D.C. and New York every day.
I reluctantly have to agree with that...
4) Japanese girls could make good wives. How??? Then why not!
(Even though there is some undeniable animosity/enmity between the two nationalities, my father grew up in Japan, and have some soft spot for Japan and Japanese women. He almost married a Japanese schoolteacher! How weird considering how much he and his family suffered under Japanese discrimination.)
5) Asians shouldn't try to be all doctors, engineers or scientists. We need more lawyers.
More Asian politicians to stand up for us on political/human rights issues. Absolutely. He has become more social conscious.
(I've told him that we are producing more lawyers nowadays. After all, my younger sister's husband is a district attorney back in my hometown. The first AA DA in that county's history. He gave up a very lucrative personal practice to become a DA. He's striving to be a judge someday.)
6)some white men married to Korean women are excellent husbands. Didn't you know it, dad?
They are outstanding people.
This is quite a turnaround. He basically despised/denounced such union, feeling humiliated somewhat.
7) White men are gentlemen. Whoa! But don't trust them too much. (*wink wink*)
8)many others although not as many as in the past...

Old habits die hard. However, I can see my parents' views evolving, especially my father's.
Regarding racial stereotypes, he has clearly started to see people more as individuals than as a group.
After all, he's an American citizen, and has lived in this country for a quarter of century.
He knows many people from all walks of life/races.
Reared in a very conservative, Confucianist society it's hard for him to change certain fixed values/viewpoints, you know.
He's been a Christian all his life. And a highly-educated white-collar worker whether you believe it or not.
But it's difficult...
However, regarding my marriage I can still see him dearly holding onto that elitist attitude; as a filial duty I like to obey his wishes.
And I can understand his reasons/motives. I mean, my grandparents owned 7 slaves.
My father was serviced/revered by the slaves attending to his every need when he was growing up.
He was emotionally and socially conditoned to scorn and have a contempt for the vast majority of Korean population.
Well, my older brother; he married this wonderful woman from a commoner class against my father's will, you know.
A brave man! I admire him deeply. Personally I thought she was too good for him. And it has turned out to be that way.
My brother met my sister-in-law in college and madly fell in love.
To this day, my father is somewhat miffed/bitter about that.
He doesn't consider my brother's 3 children as legitimate. How tragic...
As a result, my father expects me to carry on the clan tradition, and preserve the pure "nobility" blood.
I'm the only hope of the family. Wow...

Well, TRUST ME; I have held somewhat VASTLY DIFFERENT views of races, women, genders, social classes, wealth, etc. from those of my father's even early on.
Truthfully. I was a little rebel to be honest with you...

I mean this great country of ours was basically built by descendants of European peasants for one thing. And of slaves...
Those snobbish Brits can kiss our you-know-what. Who's better now?
Regression towards the average...??

But, I love and respect my parents dearly. In the end, I don't want to disappoint them especially in marriage department if I can help it.
After all, I wouldn't be what I am today if it wasn't for their sacrifice and guidance...
It's getting harder and harder though.
I get bombarded by all these outstanding women who are just great great, terrific persons.
I'll eventually fall in love with one of them and want to get married.
If I'm lucky.
Oh well...
Lately though, I can feel less and less resistance coming from my parents no matter whom I might marry.
Isn't that wonderful?

Okay, so...It wasn't all that bad, was it?
I feel like an idiot now...

Once again, numerous gruesome and delightful details/anecdotes have been omitted in order to protect the innocent. HaHa.
Yep, I know all of you think I'm nuts by now.
I do know my shortcomings...
I assure you that the vast majority of Korean American people in this country are unprejudiced, good people.

In spite of all its apparent flaws and hypocritical stands I still think my family is a wonderful bunch.
And they're willing to adapt. Just give us more time.
Most of all we are damn proud to be called Americans.

So it goes...

One Korean Man Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 04:02:56 (PDT)

Also ka,

That whole schpiel(???) about all these interracial hardships are fears of people afraid to live their own lives by their own standards not by their parents or culture and communities standards.

It is cool for one to keep ones culture but it also cool to experience other cultures as well. You know what I mean???

Third Eye Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 02:00:35 (PDT)

ka,

I dig what you are saying. I understand that very well. But people go through those issues with the same race as themselves. I never said that korean dude had to love black women. I asked a simple question as far as him ever finding at least 2 attractive. I never said he should marry or even have a relationship with black women.(I think you have gotten me confused with other users on this site.) I never asked him about marrying anyone. I just said he should think about what is on the inside. You have obviously assumed that I am just referring about black women. I am referring about all women.

I think and honestly feel that having preferences, is a limitation.
Third Eye Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 01:44:18 (PDT)

Now let me tell you about my family background; to this day I haven't told most of these stories even to my closest circle of friends...

Koreans are not all same as you know. Neither is any other ethnic/racial group for that matter.

But, my family is even more exclusive and different from an average Korean family. Why?

I come from a highly-regarded family of old-guard nobility class. Although very small in number and rather short in history compared to many other clans of Korean nobility class, PER CAPITA my ancestors had been one of the most productive and overly-achieving groups throughout Korean history, particularly in the last 800 years. At least by old Korean standards.
Their modern day descendants continue to be some of the most highly respected and successful people in Korea. And yes, by today's standards.

Well, almost 75-80% of present day Koreans claim to be descendants coming from various clans of ancient noblemen. It may be even 90%. Not a single man or woman seems to have been descended from lower caste classes. But that's not true at all. The actual demographic percentage of those descended from "pure" nobility class should be 7% or less. I'm talking about 100% "pure" descendants of ancient nobility households in strictest sense; both of your parents must be from noblemen. And you cannot be descended from any bastard children that the male noblemen might have had with their concubines. There are quite a number of people coming from this latter background even though outwardly they might appear to be legitimate.

From the government records/documents obtained and census taken periodically throughout Yi Dynasty which lasted well over 400 years - the very last dynasty on Korean peninsula - it's been shown that the percentage of nobility class in Korea had been consistently in the 5-10% range. Merchant/trader/technician class around 12-15%; peasants around 70-75%; slaves around 7-10%.

When the Japanese imperialists basically took control over Korea in the late 19th Century, they forced the Yi Dynasty to abolish the centuries old caste system. And it was officially abolished in 1870s, I think. After the breakdown of social barriers, although gradual in progress, many slaves were freed and the commoners (who were basically peasants) and merchant class sought out their fortunes elsewhere leaving their ancestral homes. They often became very successful in their entrepreneurship and other economic sectors. Many of these successful peasant class then faked their way into nobility claim by forging various clan registers and documents. The clan registers are vital in proving your nobility origins. Sometimes they flat out bought their way into nobility lineage by taking advantage of many poverty-striken members of nobility class; by rule, the noblemen were not allowed to be farmers, merchants, technicians, traders, craftsmen, physicians, etc. The only way a member of nobility could obtain fame and fortune(and wealth) was by passing civil service examination, and becoming goverment officials. Many many failed these exams. Thereby, a large number of nobility class lived in dire poverty. The wealthy merchants then paid the dirt poor segment of nobility class to give up their birth rights/clan registers to them. Who cares about being a high class nobleman in only a name when you are starving to death, right? Better get some money and buy a bagful of rice than clinging onto useless papers/documents.
BTW, these clan registers are the set of genealogical tables/documents which record the genealogy of legitimate male-born child of noblemen(and the name of their legitimate wives and their forefathers) from one generation to the next. Only the nobility class kept these records. So if you're not on this official clan register/or don't have one of these clan registers, you belong to lower caste classes. You don't have the special privileges.

Already in the latter part of Yi Dynasty when the country was crumbling under various civil unrests and economic meltdowns, this kind of act had been committed by some members of affluent merchant/trader class - buying into falsified nobility class. But it became very prevalent in early 20th century and later on. Being perceived/accepted as a member of nobility - although fake - and possessing a clan register was very important to many Korean's psyches. It boosted their self-worth/esteem, and helped legitimize their status in society.

Virtually everyone in Korea today and those Korean descendants abroad will respond upon inquiry that they are indeed descended from one of nobility families/clans. They will often cite the name of famous kings/princes/highly-esteemed government officials/scholars/generals, etc. Many will be disappointed, however, should thorough investigation be taken and disprove their claims. But who even cares now, right? It's better to remain like this, whether good or bad, that everbody feels equal to one another. Everybody is perceived to be a member of superior group. Everybody has an ancestor or two who did something significant in Korean history. It empowers them, and gives a sense of pride. But mostly, who really cares where you're coming from? There no longer exists the caste system. It's been abolished for more than a century. It's more important to go to a good college and get a good job, right? It seems like no Korean is even interested in talking about this kind of stuff. Well, my parents care, and they often talk about it...

One Korean Man Friday, May 17, 2002 at 21:10:46 (PDT)

Third eye
You are correct, whatever floats my boat. And I'm NOT into black women. I just wanted to correct my fellow Corean brother. Since he's from North Carolina maybe he not up to speed on Corean American/ black relationship.
Probably out of all Asian groups we Corean Americans are most against accepting blacks into our families. I think this has to do with alot of terrible experiences we had to endure from blacks. We all know what I'm talking about.
Anyway, to each is own, don't hate cuz I'm not into blacks.

Chinese black man
Spare us the irrelevant history lesson, what does 400 Chinese male laborers have to do with millions of Asian American men in America or BILLIONS around the world?
Another Corean Dude Friday, May 17, 2002 at 20:29:54 (PDT)

Okay, to everyone who posted after me from the other day--

I'm going to be brutally honest and will go extra miles by revealing some of my family's - and my own - darkest secrets for the whole world to see. The fact that this is an internet site albeit being an extremely informative and a bit controversial(I wish I've found this site sooner!) give me the courage and audacity to do so. I bet some from my own fellow Korean brotherhood will even find my confessions revolting, condescending, and degrading to a large extent. However, I believe only through this kind of honesty and self-examination, all the underlying misconceptions, prejudice, and ignorance - subtle or blatant - can be openly discussed and eventually corrected upon. So fasten your seat belt, folks. And keep that hate mail/post keep coming, if you would.
I feel enlightened and somewhat empowered from interaction on this forum.

Since this is going to be rather a long monologue I'll divide it into 3 parts or so.

Yes, I do find "some" black women quite attractive - mostly those in entertainment/modeling/fashion or similar business. Then again, they are not purely black, or are they?(What is "black" anyway in this day and age? And what is "black beauty"?) The fact is that an overwhelming number of attractive black celebrity females in this country are actually from biracial background/or have some white ancestors somewhere along the line. For those blacks of either genders who have accomplished anything significant or noteworthy in other genres, particularly in academia excluding sports, the percentage and degree of having white ancestors is much much higher. That's an indisputable fact. Call me a racist/bigot/pseudoscientist/ignorant pig/Nazi or whatever. It seems like for blacks to achieve and succeed in this country, it was an advantage to have significant percentage of white blood in them. And it continues to be so.

Then again there is a very few 100% pure black African individual in this country, right? After 400 plus years of intermarrying/miscegenation, from DNA/bloodtype tests, et al, it's been shown that on the average black population in this country has become 20% white. Yes, almost a quarter of "black" genes in "black" people are genetically descended from white European ancestors. Do you still hate those whiteys?
Whether you like it or not(for black people), black and white people are blood cousins.

Okay; I sidetracked a little bit. Back to my points...

Those "some" black females I feel physically attractive to happen to have many Caucasian features. And I believe those many many beautiful and intelligent black females that I might feel compatible enough with - or vice versa - to marry in terms of education, socioeconomic background, and temperament/personality, etc., will have even a higher degree of Caucasianesque qualities in them...

But, you know what? I saw some dark-skinned Ethiopian women in the past, and I think they are just FINE! One was quite stunning IMHO. No wonder King Solomon fell head over heel in love with the queen of Sheba. (Yes, I know the kingdom of Sheba was not exactly located in present-day Ethiopia.) I ain't no King Solomon. I ain't even his lowest slave.

But, in final analysis as some Korean dude stated, the differences in culture and obstacles that I'll have to overcome to marry a woman of African ancestry is so humongous that I can't fathom such a union even in my dream.

So there I said it...

You really need to read about my family background in order to understand some of my deeply-rooted hypocrisy, narrow-mindedness and bigotry.
One Korean Man Friday, May 17, 2002 at 19:39:57 (PDT)

I am an Asian woman. In my opinion, the reason why "Asian Men" is not considered sexy or desirable is not because of their physical appearance but because of their attitude. I work in a company on the same floor where in there is a lot of Asian men and I still have waiting until now to get at least a "smile" from anyone of these guys. Somebody told me that maybe these men are "shy". Then if that is the case, there is no more Asian race, for nobody would be married and have children, if anybody has any initiave to make the first move. I want to have an Asian boyfriend, but for some bizarre reason it is so difficult. In the past, I even made the first move, because if I don't, I might miss out. But, what happens is that it always backfires. Meanwhile with, man of other nationalities, I always got hit on constantly (especially with Latin and Black man). Can somebody, who is an asian male, explain this to me???
Asian Woman Friday, May 17, 2002 at 16:18:00 (PDT)

ka,

I couldn't agree more. This idea was illustared best to me during a very mundane situation. I was visiting my older brother and the both of us had been cruising up and down the beach in his new car (BMW M3 Coupe). As with all new sports car owners he decided to get a car wash. When we dropped off the car, we noticed a young Asian couple getting out of their new Saab. We were both struck by how attractive the Asian girl was and as we waited for our car to get done we noticed how loving they were as a couple. When they spoke to the car wash attendent I didn't notice even a hint of an accent so I assumed they were more or less born and raised here. But in thier romantic playfulness in the waiting area, they spoke to each other in thier own Asian language.
I would only be speculating as to which Asian language and really it wasn't important. What was important is that they understood each other. I heard the girl speak something and the guy sort of chuckled, then he spoke something which made her smile. He then said something which made her kiss him on his neck and bite his ear. After a minute or two I realized that I was completely stairing and I think they noticed as well and kinda stopped with the romantic play. I felt somewhat bad that I had intruded on thier moment and sent thier guards up. I stole another quick glance and saw that the girl was now just content to put her head on her boyfriends shoulder and listen to him as he was saying something very softly. She closed her eyes and smiled again. By that time our car was done and my brother and I were off.
Later that evening after dinner My brother and I spoke about the future sipping jack and cokes on his patio. My brother was now 31 and was getting to that time in life when ones mind turns to marriage and starting a family. We had had a few drinks and I became rather gregarious with our conversations. The subject at some point turned to race and culture in relation to marriage. I was surprised to hear from my brother, a man who had dated a rainbow of different women, that he wanted to settle down with a nice Pakistani Muslim woman. I threw out the pros and cons of limiting ones self to a specific group of women even if they were your own. He countered by telling me that he wanted someone who shared the same template. "Template?", I said. Someone who understood where his inner monologue was coming from. Someone who would understand his personality which was born partly from his cultural identity.
"Rememeber that Asian couple at the carwash." he said. "You saw what they shared with each other. She may have felt the same emotion for a random white guy, but could she express herself to him as she did with her Asian boyfriend. And could a white boyfriend even appreciate her for all of her subtle traits as her Asian boyfriend . I'm not saying that love is not possible but all things being equal they could not share so much as what you saw today...." He said, "Humor is the first casualty of translation, would what she said to him if translated in English make someone laugh....maybe...maybe not."
My brothers reasoning has always been inescapable and I had realized that he had been watching them as closely as myself. Probably even closer. I'm still not sure if making a pure connection with someone is always dependent upon cultural similarity...but all things being equal, maybe sharing a template has certain advantges.
Seaman Friday, May 17, 2002 at 13:01:37 (PDT)

chinalove,

Where do you get your information from that states AM/NAF couples will not last as long as AM/AF couples? I would be interested in where you got this information, or is this your observation/opinion? Thanks.
DD Friday, May 17, 2002 at 12:34:54 (PDT)

"One thing I can say is what they want from a non-Af are not only just looks, but also interests. I know that some Af hate that a lot."

This is very true. My boyfriend is an AM who used to date AFs, but he chose to date me (a WF) because he said he is more suited to dating a white woman because of his temperament. He said that a lot of AFs are brought up to be bitchy and materialistic, and demanding of presents. We are very happy together.
me Friday, May 17, 2002 at 11:35:05 (PDT)

Chinalova:

I'd have to disgree with you that Asian men "tend" to date outside their race.
I'd say the majority of Asian men date Asian women.

Unless you mean "I don't know if there is a real reason why Asian men LIKE to date outside their race".

I'd like to know which cities reflect your view.
A. Friday, May 17, 2002 at 10:34:27 (PDT)

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