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ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES
WHAT DO WF LIKE BEST ABOUT AM?
(Updated
Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 05:52:24 PM)
hen many people see a pretty white woman with a good-looking Asian man the question that pops into their heads is "Why's she with him?" more often than "Why's he with her?"
It's only natural. We've been told so often about the desirability of white women that we simply presume that an Asian man too would find a pretty white women desirable. But we are left to guess at her possible motives for being with him. Not that there aren't hundreds of thousands of handsome, charming and successful Asian men who, by all rights, should be attractive to women of any race. But we are all too aware that American society has built up many negative preconceptions about Asian men that would take extraordinary consideration, some special X factor, to overcome.
The many examples of famous AM/WF couples (Mr/Mrs Yo-Yo Ma, Ming Tsai, Scott Oki, Charles Wang etc), don't really help, merely reinforcing the common presumption that the AM must be wealthy and able to provide an exceptional degree of financial security, material comfort or social status. Another common suspicion is that he must be unusually charming, cultured or sexually gifted. Then there's the old standby -- that the woman must have some odd fixation on Asian men or Asian culture.
Of course intellectually we know better. Just as there are many independent-minded Asian men who see through blonde bimbo stereotypes to the real qualities of white women, there are white women who ignore stereotypes about Asian men. Which leads to the question: What's the real draw? Is it the black hair? educational level? smooth skin? cultural values? upslanting eyes? personality and character traits? Here's a chance for white women who love Asian men to set the record straight.
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WHAT YOU SAY
[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
After reading your voice, Another Voice, I could not help but stare at my monitor in disbelief.
I utterly and fervently disagree.
The “mensch” image that you despise is one of integrity and honor. The nice guy, the one that you ridicule, is a hardworking, respectable man of strong character that remains true to himself and sensitive to the needs of his loved ones.
I, for one, appreciate the well-groomed hairstyle, the ironed button-down shirt tucked neatly into a pair of pressed slacks, and a belt completing the ensemble. Sturdy shoes polished to a shine. It screams to me dependability, responsibility, and modesty.
I am enamored of the quiet mannerisms, the almost shy boyishness, and the intense focus on reaching life goals. It hints of refinement, education, the underlying deep respect he has for me, the way I can expect him to love me, and his ability to grab hold of the future and make it ours.
While I don’t deny the media’s part in playing down the amazing qualities of Asian men, one of the many things I have long admired in Asian cultures was that it is strong – strong enough to defy Westernization, strong enough to defy the media, strong enough to defy the world, if it wanted to.
If you choose to wear contacts, do it because you like the way you look in the mirror. If you choose to go to the gym, do it because it makes you feel great. If you feel the need to add to your wardrobe, how about a nice sweater of fine quality, rather than revamping your entire closet?
My point is, one has to remain true to himself. Despite what the media says, I am positive most women are only looking for a man that is sincere, trustworthy, and hardworking. We women catch a lot of crap regarding the “bad boy syndrome,” but I assure you, those of us that do wade through it eventually grow out of it.
Courting, love, and lovemaking (specifically in that order) are never games. I never want to date anyone who cannot truly be himself, and I never want to fall in love with anyone that has perpetuated a lie. Sex is an act that should only be undertaken by two people very much in love. It is a shame it has become so commonplace and “fun” for every Tom, Dick, and Henrietta with a penis and vagina.
Changing your image may work for some, if all you want is a woman that will love the image and not you.
I, sir, am no hypocrite. I simply know what I want, what I like, and what I will tolerate.
I want a man, not a boy.
Alexandra
dream.chaser@cox.net
Saturday, November 30, 2002 at 05:22:32 (PST)
[68.13.89.145]
LSD, another voice,
I agree with the statement about Jewish girls being more open too. I think this is because they are 'more ethnic' than anglo/non-jewish whites are. They know that they are white, but at the same time feel a disconnect to other white because of their history of alienation and discrimination from non-Jew whites. Some also denounce their "Jew-ness" and sell out, much like Asians, and some are very insular.
But as far as IR dating is concerned, I think that they are more willing, or at least less opposed to it (there's a subtle difference). On top of the reason already mentioned, this is probably due to the fact that many Jews live in urban centers (which is where many Asians happen to live too). Close contact will always breed these unions. That's what happened with the Irish and Chinese in Boston. Speaking of which, the Irish are also somewhat more open to IR than typical WASPs are, although they now have almost completely integrated themselves into the protectionist WASP mentality and are thus comparatively MUCH less willing to go IR than Jews are.
Just as some Asians have this protectionist attitude toward blacks and hispanics (ie. they don't want their kids to marry them, out of perceive lowering of social status), many whites would prefer to have their kids marry other jews, catholics or wasps. Some are more adamant about this than others.
Agreed.
Friday, November 29, 2002 at 20:49:35 (PST)
[128.253.186.46]
Dear "Come"(?) :P,
I am 22 years old and in university, but I have never been to Nepal or any other Buddhist country.
Alexandra
dream.chaser@cox.net
Friday, November 29, 2002 at 13:15:01 (PST)
[68.13.89.145]
"Being an Asian New Yorker, and from my experiences, JFs (Jewish) are the only WFs who would give Asian guys the time of day. Being educated, polite, and refined is something they like. Many Asian men do indeed fit the 'Mensch' profile, and thus we gain respect from them. This is type of respect is something I don't find in many White gentile girls and even Asian girls..."
Only partly true...speaking from personal experience...THere are a lot of open-minded white females, non-Jewish, who will give an Asian guy the time of day if he SEEMED worth the time. It's about marketing our image. A lot of the older Asian guys in NYC and around the country, working prof. or grad. students, fit the "nice guy" type, in other words, the plain Joe, not too exciting but dependable, who you settle for but not choose. (The younger Azn brothers more and more dress hiphop style, soup up their rides, and at least are starting to project a marketable image.)
It's the generic style of dress, the hair cut, the attitide, even the "generic," standard-English accent and the generic personality. It doesn't hurt to be attractive looking, but marketing yourself goes a longgg way too. This lack of coolness and flavor is not the fault of the media on a person-to-person interaction level, and this "attractiveness" factor matters just as much, if not more, as the media stereotypes in building obstacles for Asian guys.
You have to realize that in reality, the female always has control of the game; even though the males seem to be the agressor and the active agent int the whole process, it's the female who picks and chooses eager males and controls the pace and flow. As women are bombarded with offers (exageration to make a point), tt's the male who has to seem exciting, interesting, and attractive in order to catch a grl's attention. Being nice and all that, which helps a relationship, only comes afterwards as a woman gets to know you. This burden on the male happens as a rule in the "circle of life" (sounds lame doesn't it?). The male peacock has those beautiful feathers, not the female. The male deer with the biggest antlers wins the battle and gets the girl...Male flies are the colorful ones (green, blue, red flies), in order to attract the females.
Also, there are a lot of Asian grls with identity porblems...a lot...but there are also a lot of ASians grls who date non-Asian guys because they are getting the best guy...and you can't blame them for that...My points will offend many here...no doubt...but its the truth...and we can only improve the situation once we face it...So give the Azn female a break
My advice to Asian guys: get contacts, go to the gym, get a style for urself (Hip Hop or ALternative or prep...wutever...as long as you don't turn generic with brown khaki pants
and a tucked-in buttoned shirt...how often do I see 25^ guys do that as their leisure gig)
sex, love, and courting is a game...no matter what women and male idealists say otherwise...they're just being hypocrates
love is beautiful but you have to play the game to get it right
from an Asian guy
another voice
Thursday, November 28, 2002 at 11:59:18 (PST)
[68.9.169.159]
Alexandra,
Are you college age? I know an Alex who I can't imagine having dated a string of Asian guys (maybe though, she is really friendly and seem open-minded), but she is a total cutie. She visited Nepal and got into the Buddhism stuff there.
Come Again?
Wednesday, November 27, 2002 at 20:46:39 (PST)
[128.253.186.46]
T'K,
Is that a bad thing? ;)
Alexandra
dream.chaser@cox.net
Tuesday, November 26, 2002 at 16:06:06 (PST)
[68.13.89.145]
Alexandra:
"I am a single white female, but Theravadan Buddhist in philosophy."
Oh my goodness. A Dharma chic.
T'K Chang
t_k_chang@yahoo.com
Tuesday, November 26, 2002 at 00:12:58 (PST)
[207.167.97.239]
Green Jade: Oregon Senator David Wu (Demorat, Stanford law grad) w/blonde wife. I don't know her name.
1AM in Marin
Sunday, November 24, 2002 at 23:39:14 (PST)
[207.173.174.234]
Hello, everyone,
I am a single white female, but Theravadan Buddhist in philosophy. Of the men I have dated (not necessarily commited to), only one has been non-"Oriental" Asian (for lack of a better descriptor).
In addition to being attracted to the Asian appearance, I also find myself more comfortable in Asian culture, probably due to my chosen philosophy.
I have found that the Asian men in my experience have been very family-oriented, goal-oriented, and well-mannered. I rank my education, my success in life, and the well-being of my family as top priorities.
I need a man who has the same priorities I do. I need a man who treats me with gentleness and respect, a man that will be perfectly honest with me, fiercely protective of me and his children, and not afraid to push me and our children to become better, more successful people. I need faithfulness and loyalty.
While men of other races do possess some or all of these qualities, I've yet to meet one.
Alexandra
dream.chaser@cox.net
Saturday, November 23, 2002 at 13:24:36 (PST)
[68.13.89.145]
LSD,
I have to disagree with you, at least in my case -- I'm a native New Yorker of Protestant heritage, and I have great respect for intelligence, education, politeness, refinement, love of and commitment to family, etc. I respect men who hold these values whatever their ethnicity. I certainly don't respect Asian or other non-white men less, or consider them less worthy!
Because I look for those qualities in men, I find myself more often attracted to Asian men than other ethnicities. On the other hand, I've met Asian men who don't care for those values a bit (didn't date them, though!).
I disagree with YWF's statement, too; in my experience Asian men are much less arrogant, snobby, or cocky than white, black, or Hispanic men in general, although of course there are always the jerks who prove the exception.
Bunny
Tuesday, November 19, 2002 at 23:33:24 (PST)
[64.152.165.34]
I am a WF. When I was still single I dated guys from several different countries and I have been married for 4 years to a filipino. We get along better than I ever did with any American boyfriend I had.
My husband has a very strong sense of loyalty to his family and concern for people around him. When I am sick he will stay up the whole night wiping my brow! (Even if I dont want him to) How many Western guys have you met like that?
I think interraccial marriages are a big challenge, but it mainly boils down to male and female differences, just like with everyone else.
Also we are Christians so we have the same standards that we live by, regardless of what our cultures have trained us to be.
I love being married to a filipino and I think our kids have a big advantage because they will have a world perspective, rather than be stuck in a purely Western or purely Eastern mindset.
Tokwa
Tuesday, November 19, 2002 at 04:48:46 (PST)
[203.176.13.194]
Green Jade,
Ming Tsai and his wife are a good example ( as mentioned in this topics write up .) However the part about "...merely reinforcing the common presumption that the AM must be wealthy and able to provide an exceptional degree of financial security, material comfort or social status." is incorrect and unfair with regards to them, as Polly was with him in the earlier stages of his career, and throughout career gambles he has taken which could conceivably have really hurt his success - but fortunately didn't.
I am a huge Ming Tsai fan, and I am glad for an opportunity to speak about this, because it has been bugging me..
Ming Siggggghs
Monday, November 18, 2002 at 16:36:00 (PST)
[12.217.192.139]
Just curious and just for the fun of it, does anyone know of celebrity or famous AM/WF couples other than Bruce Lee and Linda ?
Green Jade
Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 19:10:24 (PST)
[24.42.210.246]
LSD, hey that reminds me of a saying by a jewish friend once. why does jewish women love chinese food? because "wonton" backwards is "not now."
:D
but i think you're excluding lots of girls out there if you're only fixated on that middle-class bourgeois type, remmeber what they say about variety is the spice of life.
villageidiot
Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 14:39:08 (PST)
[65.184.81.113]
Intermarta, don't get carried away by the number of positive responses you've received. You may not be a bad looking chick, according to those pictures, but any Azn man worth his MSG would need more than a cute photograph of a woman who likes cuteasianguys to be attracted. And when did Goldsea turn into amihotornot.com? I thought this forum was for the expression by white females of what they like best about Asian men? I'd like to see more intelligent discussions after I wipe the drool from some of these responses off my monitor.
Thomas
Friday, November 15, 2002 at 18:44:24 (PST)
[129.81.147.133]
Damn intermarta is hot. I bet you are swarmed by every single guy out there. That kinda sucks, too much competition. :(
JK
Friday, November 15, 2002 at 15:46:09 (PST)
[128.61.67.29]
'The only thing that I can say that bothers me about some Asian men is that some are arrogant, snobby, or cocky.' - Young White Female
This is a bunch of hogwash..to me it's what you call double standards on the WF's part.
Can I also say that most WF's are arrogant and cocky as well? Many of them don't even respect minority men and have this notion that they are less worthy...
Being an Asian New Yorker, and from my experiences, JFs (Jewish) are the only WFs who would give Asian guys the time of day. Being educated, polite, and refined is something they like. Many Asian men do indeed fit the 'Mensch' profile, and thus we gain respect from them. This is type of respect is something I don't find in many White gentile girls and even Asian girls...
LSD
Friday, November 15, 2002 at 11:16:07 (PST)
[66.212.81.229]
Hi Tigerlily, that's great, I'm very happy for you. :) That is also one of the things I like best about my boyfriend- his manners. He is polite, respectful of others, well spoken and tactful. I can't stand being around people with bad manners.
What kind of ceremony are you going to have? Are you also going to have a banquet?
young white female
Friday, November 15, 2002 at 11:06:44 (PST)
[207.183.118.60]
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