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WHAT DO WF LIKE BEST ABOUT AM?
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 04:51:56 PM)

hen many people see a pretty white woman with a good-looking Asian man the question that pops into their heads is "Why's she with him?" more often than "Why's he with her?"
     It's only natural. We've been told so often about the desirability of white women that we simply presume that an Asian man too would find a pretty white women desirable. But we are left to guess at her possible motives for being with him. Not that there aren't hundreds of thousands of handsome, charming and successful Asian men who, by all rights, should be attractive to women of any race. But we are all too aware that American society has built up many negative preconceptions about Asian men that would take extraordinary consideration, some special X factor, to overcome.
     The many examples of famous AM/WF couples (Mr/Mrs Yo-Yo Ma, Ming Tsai, Scott Oki, Charles Wang etc), don't really help, merely reinforcing the common presumption that the AM must be wealthy and able to provide an exceptional degree of financial security, material comfort or social status. Another common suspicion is that he must be unusually charming, cultured or sexually gifted. Then there's the old standby -- that the woman must have some odd fixation on Asian men or Asian culture.
     Of course intellectually we know better. Just as there are many independent-minded Asian men who see through blonde bimbo stereotypes to the real qualities of white women, there are white women who ignore stereotypes about Asian men. Which leads to the question: What's the real draw? Is it the black hair? educational level? smooth skin? cultural values? upslanting eyes? personality and character traits? Here's a chance for white women who love Asian men to set the record straight.

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
Great to hear that you've found your future wife. :)

To answer your question, it's all about supply and demand.

You won't find too many AM/WF or WM/AF relationships in the bigger cities (like L.A and NYC) because they have a bigger Asian population.

Men living in the big cities like myself have more of a pool of Asian women to choose from. Whereas if you were an AM in a small say, Midwestern town....your choices for finding an Asian woman are smaller.
Rick
   Tuesday, December 24, 2002 at 08:03:31 (PST)    [64.130.204.9]
To: S.A.M.

First of all, if your ăhomeboysä turn into your immediate competition when you approach a woman, are they really your friends? I really donât want to come across dissing your friends, but I really believe that friends compliment one another and help one another to realize our potential. If you consider them as friends, I think you should talk to them about this. The world is tough enough with people you donât know trying to take you down; your friends should be the ones helping you up.

Second, if a woman sees you with your friends who are supportive of you instead of being competitive with you, she will realize you earned respect from your friends. She may not know why they respect you yet, but she will know they respect you for some reason. And she will problably want to know why. That is a whole lot better than having a woman seeing your friends competing with you, basically showing her that your friends do not care about your best interest. While she will not know why, she will know there may be reasons your friends are not respecting you.

Third, there are people with the mentality of status quo. Iâm not accusing your ăhomeboysä of this; itâs up to you to decide whether they are this way or not. As long as you donât have what they donât have, then theyâre your friend and theyâre happy. But once you try to reach for the stars, they cut you down. Why? Because if you try, you might just succeed. And if you succeed, well, then you have something that they don't. I had ăfriendsä like that before. We all have. Many people will claim to be your best friend, but when the rubber hits the road, youâre on your own. Itâs the person that doesnât say anything about being your friend ö but when the going get tough, heâs there next to you, standing by your side, ready and willing to fight your plight ö that's your real friend.

Finally, hereâs the litmus test. If one of your ăhomeboysä has a fine girlfriend, and she drank too much one night, and she is alone with you at your place, and she was coming on to you, will you be loyal to your ăhomeboy?ä If you will be loyal, then you darn well deserve them to be loyal to you.
Repost
   Tuesday, December 24, 2002 at 03:41:51 (PST)    [66.92.1.200]
I am a hispanic/caucasian female who has been married to my Laotian husband for five years . I was brought up in a town where there were not many hispanics but more asians who especially stuck together in groups. My best friends all through high school were asian females . I was a very shy and quiet person and when it came down to friends I was accepted by the asian kids. I learned alot of things from my best friend of eight years ;who was very sweet and patient when it came to showing me how to cook delicious food and many of her lady like etiquette rubbed off on me . I love being part of an asian family. My husband is a really good man and he works really hard . We have two beautiful multi-racial kids who we cherish. Race is really not a big deal but I just have to say that my husband ;for being from a strict family where men are men and women are women, he treats me like a queen . I love him so much.
FarEast sweetheart
KhamsVW@aol.com    Monday, December 23, 2002 at 20:35:55 (PST)    [198.81.26.239]
RycherX,

Ooooohhhhh! Oh,Rycher! What a man! What a man you are!
AF laughing her head off
   Monday, December 23, 2002 at 20:22:05 (PST)    [207.222.242.8]
I am asian. To be exact - Kalmyk. I had no problem with dating russian women, who, by american standards, are "white". BUT, once I came to the USA I've been having a real problem getting a 'white' chick even to look at me. I even tried to flirt with the girl who wasn't not attractive at all. I got no response. What's going on with america???
Oleg

* Perhaps they think you want a green card?? Where are the Kalmyks from?

This girl is special. She's nice and kind, got a great personality and great career. She's got that long silky black hair, beautiful smiles and sparkling brown eyes! she treats me better than my own mother..
forget white girls, I'm marrying this one :)
seatown

Seatown,
It's all good that you prefer Asian girls but why is it neccessary to dis white chicks? This section is about AM/WF relationship scrub.
Counter Puncher
   Monday, December 23, 2002 at 19:07:00 (PST)    [152.163.189.170]
SAM,

'It may sound shallow but perhaps in another sense these AM hunks probably are the only types who have the balls to even approach a fine WF. '

It's true, however, from my experiences it is easier to approach a WF than a AF. WFs are more receptive towards men who have looks, talent and charm. In my unique situation, I really don't know what AFs want from us. The whole interracial interaction lessen the conflicts between the sexes.

Did u know that many WFs who like Asian Men see them as a prize or a commodity? Nothing wrong with the Trophy Boyfriend mentality!

Despite the fact that many people see AMs as being unworthy towards any race of women except their own, I've seen more AMs with WFs than any other minority men with WFs. I have also seen more AMs than WMs with Latinas and even BFs.

The media is is farce and it constantly denigrates us because we have defied the negative stereotyping and false labeling! People in this country need a reality check!
LSD
   Monday, December 23, 2002 at 09:08:35 (PST)    [66.212.81.229]
seems like in the States where the asian population is small, there are more AM dating or married to WF.
I grew up in Utah, and half of my asian guy friends are married to White girls, including my younger brother. His Irish-American wife would not let him out of her sight.
then I moved to Seattle for work and then to LA, I see less AM/WF couples. Mostly AM/AF becasue of bigger asian population??
then again, in Seattle and california, I see more couples who are AF/WM, but just a few AM/WF like one of my co-worker.
As for me, I had a few girlfriends in my lifetime and only one of them is white (in Utah), the rest asians. I found myself more attractive to asian ladies as I'm currently dating one now in San Jose. This girl is special. She's nice and kind, got a great personality and great career. She's got that long silky black hair, beautiful smiles and sparkling brown eyes! she treats me better than my own mother..
forget white girls, I'm marrying this one :)
seatown
   Monday, December 23, 2002 at 07:53:50 (PST)    [12.13.11.75]
I am asian. To be exact - Kalmyk. I had no problem with dating russian women, who, by american standards, are "white". BUT, once I came to the USA I've been having a real problem getting a 'white' chick even to look at me. I even tried to flirt with the girl who wasn't not attractive at all. I got no response. What's going on with america???
Oleg
neo@endofdays.net    Sunday, December 22, 2002 at 21:17:55 (PST)    [68.81.19.109]
Young White Female:

Sorry it took me so long to respond, I had forgotten to check the board here for awhile :) Anyway thank you. We both attend the same church so we are going to have a Christian ceremony, but I will talk to his mom to see if she wants us to add any of their traditions in the ceromony. We have about a year to plan. We'll have a banquet although I am not sure what kind considering my family really only eats chicken, and his family have a much better range of food that they enjoy, something I wish I had :( Thank you again for your congrats and sorry that i am so late replying.
Tigerlily
   Sunday, December 22, 2002 at 20:05:16 (PST)    [64.12.96.6]
"The usual Asian guys who date white women: tall, good-looking, muscular, dresses nice, good personality...Itz the truth."

I have to agree with this point. Almost all the AM/WF I've witnessed were good looking WF with the good looking AM type you mentioned. I think WF are a bit pickier when it comes to men. That is, I just cannot picture a pretty WF dating or even being with a dorky AM. It may sound shallow but perhaps in another sense these AM hunks probably are the only types who have the balls to even approach a fine WF. And the WF will enter into an interracial thing if she feels the guy is worth it to her. Make sense?
That said, I must confess that when I see such a fine WF with a brother, the first thing that usually crosses my mind is, ok, she digs AMs now what are my chances of getting with her? I know it sounds horrid but I've also noticed that even some of my so called homeboys are guilty of the same vile thoughts. As they have demonstrated in the past when I have a date who happens to be a WF or sometimes when just getting to break the ice with a brand new WF, my first competition may very well be with another brother. I'm sure this is much more common than we'd like to even discuss amongst each other. I hate breaking the ice first and then have to fend off all the hyenas from my kill. It's like the law of the jungle.
S.A.M.
   Friday, December 20, 2002 at 18:49:04 (PST)    [64.12.96.232]
Reality--not Fantasy,

I agree with everything you say except complimenting hot women as an opening line. Ya see, when you compliment these women you'll be acting like the 499 other guys who she sees everyday and who gives her compliments. You wanna separate yourself your them. You also typed:

"If you have to talk to 100 attractive women to get used to the idea of talking to them, do that. Otherwise, how can you BE YOURSELF when youâre so weak at the knees you canât walk over and meet her and your voice is so tremulous, you canât engage in a normal conversation?"

TRUE, TRUE! Two thumbs up!
lordt78
   Friday, December 20, 2002 at 10:33:57 (PST)    [140.212.205.40]
RycherX,

If you're cheating on your girlfriend, why not just dump her so you don't waste her time nor yours?

What? Too chicken to do so?
RycherX's a poser
   Thursday, December 19, 2002 at 15:43:27 (PST)    [208.48.177.5]
The Cold Truth. Learn it.
(In response to recent posts about Jerks vs. Nice Guys)
This post doesnât refer to any type of racial interaction, just interaction in general between the sexes.

Scenario 1:
Nice Guy walks up to good-looking girl. "uh, excuse me, uh uh, but I uh, when are you free? oh, not this week? how about next week? oh, I uh, think youâre pretty· sorry, I hope I didnât offend you·ä Is that your idea of charming? I think youâll agree with me that it isnât. Rejection: 100% (unless she ALREADY likes him).

Scenario 2:
Jerk walks up to same girl, ăHi sweetie, look, I think youâre really hot and youâve got a terrific body, why donât we go out sometime?ä Is that your idea of an asshole? I agree. Rejection: 90% (unless she ALREADY likes him).

Overall score: Jerk wins.

Nice-guy mentality:
ăOh, sheâs so pretty. I couldnât possibly talk to her. Sheâs better than me· sheâs too good for me. What if she rejects me? What if her parents donât like me? Oh, what will other people think of me? Maybe somehow other women will know I got rejected and somehow through some psychic hot-girls network, theyâll all automatically know Iâm unacceptable and Iâll be alone forever and ever!ä
Resultant behavior:
Stares at her uncomfortably for 2 weeks and then finally talks to her, with language similar to that described in Scenario 1. He gets rejected and is now discouraged from ever doing that again. If he doesnât know her that well, he gets extra negative points for treating her like a piece of meat on top of having no confidence.

Jerk mentality:
ăWhoa, look at that hot babe, letâs go talk to her.ä
Resultant behavior:
Without hesitation, gets in her face, pays no attention to where she is or where sheâs going and uses language similar to scenario 2. He gets rejected 90% of the time, but still continues trying until he gets one.

Overall score: Jerk wins.

Confused? Ready for the alternative?

Scenario 3:
A friend of mine said every time he saw a hot-looking woman, he wanted to meet her, but he felt his heart shrink and his chest tighten. I told him fine, tell her just that. Well, next thing you know, next fine girl he sees, he walks up to her and says, "Excuse me... I just really wanted to meet you... but it's just every time I talk to a beautiful woman, I feel my heart shrinking and my chest tighten and I don't know what to say."

Well, she was TREMENDOUSLY flattered, to say the least. They had a nice convo, and she offered her number without him even asking for it. How many times have women had guys walk up to them like that? Almost never. Because they're either jerks who treat them like meat or spineless nice-guys who will do her chores, feed her dog, do her homework, kiss her feet, and move their ENTIRE schedule around just to be with her for 5 minutes.

Now, I'm not saying don't be nice or don't be generous. That's all fine AFTER the guy has established she's attracted to him. Do all that stuff before, and heâs viewed as a pathetic LOSER (unless sheâs ALREADY interested).

Maybe it's not that women of ANY race like bad boys; maybe it's because they want someone who radiates strength, even if he's a jerk. When given the choice between an asshole who respects himself and a spineless nice guy, hell, they're going to choose the asshole. The alternative is to be confident, sincere, and charming. This is actually the hardest thing for most guys, but itâs doable. If you have to talk to 100 attractive women to get used to the idea of talking to them, do that. Otherwise, how can you BE YOURSELF when youâre so weak at the knees you canât walk over and meet her and your voice is so tremulous, you canât engage in a normal conversation?

P.S. If you donât believe me, have one of your female friends read this post, someone who you KNOW really well, like a best friend or someone you know who will be completely honest with you. Have her read and sheâll agree with me. And NOT someone who acts contradictory to what they say (i.e. says she values intelligence, but STILL dates dumb jerks ·although she still may agree with me). And NOT a devilâs advocate-type (i.e. someone who always looks for what doesnât fit exactly 100% to what they believe and then criticizes). And NOT a shallow girl who cares ONLY about looks or money anyway.
Reality--not Fantasy
   Thursday, December 19, 2002 at 14:11:29 (PST)    [68.5.212.12]
RycherX, sounds like you should dump your asian girlfriend and date a WF, if that's what you really want.
2 cents
   Thursday, December 19, 2002 at 10:47:02 (PST)    [207.183.117.61]
"I'm living proof against that label. I'm not that smart, my wife's not that deep, she's hot, and so am I."

hey, living proof of woody allen's "annie hall" where alvy asks how does the couple stay happy together and they reply "I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say"..."And I'm exactly the same way."
villageidiot
   Wednesday, December 18, 2002 at 19:40:22 (PST)    [65.184.81.113]
Yeah, I have a strong WF thing going.
I am currently with an asian female who treats me very well, however, I catch myself staring at WF.
I've cheated on her many times with WF.
It's a lust thing.
Unfortunately for me, the WF fetish is too strong no matter how special my asian girl is.
RycherX
   Wednesday, December 18, 2002 at 13:51:47 (PST)    [199.46.199.231]
Hot AM, you make a good point. While it may be true that the WFs that date or marry AMs tend to be more mature and intelligent, the basic fact is that what attracts people to each other in the first place is pure physical attraction. Either you're sexually attracted to someone or you're not. Then once you date them you get to know them personally and appreciate them as a total human being. My boyfriend (AM) was attracted to me (WF) physically and I was very attracted to him as well. I think he's incredibly sexy and he thinks the same of me. He takes great care of his body and always looks great. I think images of Asian men in the media are beginning to change- I've seen some very sexy Asian men in movies and on TV, even in magazine ads.
Bella
   Wednesday, December 18, 2002 at 09:08:40 (PST)    [207.183.117.61]
Hello, is there any white women who are interested in Chinese men in Austin, TX? I'm new to this place, and just saw this site, and thought to make some friends here.
am4wf
tom10000@hotmail.com    Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 20:52:52 (PST)    [24.242.134.198]
As an AM who is now married to a WF I'm happy to see some attention to this issue. I've noticed that some of the comments regarding WF who date AM classify them as being at a "higher" level of maturity or intelligence. Though this generalization may have some merit, it infers that a woman would be primarily attracted to the mind or culture of the AM. Can we (AM in America) ever shed society's image of us as not sexy?

Maybe I'm living proof against that label. I'm not that smart, my wife's not that deep, she's hot, and so am I. ;-}
Hot AM
ballbanger71@yahoo.com    Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 13:37:25 (PST)    [167.88.192.30]

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