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GOLDSEA | ASIAMS.NET | ASIAN AMERICAN ISSUES

LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE
(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 04:51:11 PM)

he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
     Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
     And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
     This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
     But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
     Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?

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WHAT YOU SAY

[This page is closed to new input. --Ed.]
what's wrong with you people?

i'm sure some of you only date white or asian or black or latino or mixed! will is entitled to his preference.

i'm sure some of you don't like chevy's and prefer mercedes! well, that's his preference. i see nothing wrong with that!

so what if the guy doesn't want to buy a hyundai with a mercedes emblem slapped on it (or vice-versa)! it's his choice!

and brad (i think it's you), being white, what are YOU doing in an asian website? do you not like your OWN women?!

people have their own preferences! some people prefer one thing over another. i don't see anything wrong with that. that's human nature.

some people like polka dots and some people like stripes. i mean, in a way, i can see his point. would you want a shirt that was composed of half polka dots and half stripes?
alice
   Tuesday, March 04, 2003 at 13:38:27 (PST)    [209.246.100.64]
Will, you obviously have little knowledge of 'hybrids', you show very little thought process on anything in relation to race and culture, I'm white, which means I'm Haida/Irish/Welsh, which I guess means all my thoughts are pretty much laid out by my forefathers...? you are an insecure little fella, which speaks from the top of your swollen head (which is much worse than a sore thumb). Please surround yourself with mindful friends, and they will guide you to the proper knowledge you so desperately need.
brad
   Monday, March 03, 2003 at 10:09:34 (PST)    [64.114.7.253]
Will, just to better understand your concerns and where you're coming from, what's your ethnic background? What's the real reason for your time spent on this site and your racial research?

It seems there's only 3 options. You are a:

1. self-hating "mixed" race?

2. racist Caucasian. Which I don't think is the case, given that you acknowledge a preference for full-blooded Asians. ("I'd rather be with someone who's full-blooded. What do I mean by full-blooded? Both parents and grandparents and great grandparents are of the same race. Asian last name. You can trace your PATERNAL lineage back to a town/village in Asia.")

3. racist Asian. Yet you're ambiguous in your opinion about Lisa See - you make the point that this Chinese-White lineage looks Swedish, "Asian and Chinese they're not!" - so are you opposed to mixed races based on physical appearances?
You're concerned with and oppose this mixing of bloods. But are you trying to maintain "purity" of the asian or white blood? (excuse this polarized comparison, as we all know the differences between asians and "whites" is more of a gradient....russians are considered both east european and asian) or are you just trying to come to terms with being mixed yourself?? You have some interest in mixed bloods, and there's a note of self-consciousness in your line, "All you have to do is take a look at "hybrids." 95% of the time, they stick out like sore thumbs."

I don't mean to outright suggest you have some hidden personal agenda. I'm just not getting your motivation for your position.

PEACE!
inquirer
   Sunday, March 02, 2003 at 16:34:25 (PST)    [12.231.240.154]
to will,

all this information that you seem to get your crap from is from a white dominated society, so there will be bias. Dont you know that most books published in the U.S. are biased in some way (every race will be biased in some way in how they perceive their "race")? so, no, i wont go look in Websters to look for crap. get a clue. you have no idea what you are talking about. YOU should be the one to get an education before you blab some crap on this forum. I've done my homework, its about time you do the same. don't bother writing back until you know what you're talking about.

[talk to the hand]

to chosun,

you seem to agree with me on my argument, but the example of the korean issue wasnt about culture, it was about "race", and it was only an example. i could have just as easily used another geographical region. so just chill out.
Masta RASE
   Saturday, March 01, 2003 at 10:07:57 (PST)    [157.252.163.222]
Dear White Boy Brad:

There is no need for blood tests and the like. All you have to do is take a look at "hybrids." 95% of the time, they stick out like sore thumbs.
Will
   Thursday, February 27, 2003 at 15:48:59 (PST)    [209.246.110.96]
Damn, dudes! Do some reading!

To "Colored, but what color?":

Her name is Lisa See. Her great grandfather was Chinese. Her great grandmother was White. Yes, I READ her book. It's called "On Gold Mountain". Take a look at the pictures from her book. That "Chinese" family looks Swedish! Asian and Chinese they aren't!

To "Masta RASE":

Get a brain! And while you're at it, get an education! In case you didn't know, there are three races: Caucasoid, Mongoloid, and Negroid. Guess which is which? If you're not familiar with the definitions of the terms I just introduced to you, I suggest you pick up a copy of Webster's Dictionary. These are available at your local public library (it's FREE for you to peruse).
Will
   Thursday, February 27, 2003 at 15:43:03 (PST)    [209.246.110.96]
To Masta

Get your facts correct before you even start any argument. Koreans are homogenous based on culture. In reality their is no pure race in this world. Koreans are language and culturally homogenous race. Only minority groups are American serviceman and Chinese resturant owners living in Korea. Culturally, language, race. Koreans are different from Chinese. Koreans never said we are racially homogenous. Get your facts correct before you argue.

Chosun race.
Chosun
mypussycats@hotmail.com    Wednesday, February 26, 2003 at 23:14:32 (PST)    [211.56.75.2]
I find Will's comment funny. Sunday, I was watching a special on PBS about race in United States. I heard a woman talk about how her great grandfather had to deal with racism. Now, check this out... Her last name is "See". So I think that it's some (as you say) full-blooded Chinese woman, right. I turn around & it's some RED-HEADED GREEN-EYED WHITE WOMAN!!! If I were walking down the street I be like, "Op, she's White". If you're in a club & you hit on a girl, are you gonna ask her about her family tree?
I MEAN, COME ON... LET'S BE REAL

P.S. You hook up with a "full-blooded" Asian, Black, Hispanic, White (I don't know what race you are) & have children, you would be bringing a weird person into this world.
Colored, but what color?
   Tuesday, February 25, 2003 at 23:39:27 (PST)    [65.57.59.30]
my wife intends to be herself. She works hard, as I, she helps care for the children, as I, and as we're both busy, we always order food. Yet, the real question it seems is did I marry her for the "cherished notions". Honestly, I married her because she was a great companion. We both share a love for God, She loves action movies, doesn't care for Romance Movies, and best of all she loves Kung-Fu. Everything that counts to me, counts to her. I'm not sure the "cherished notions" fit at all.
mike
   Tuesday, February 25, 2003 at 09:48:51 (PST)    [216.164.158.47]
Will, you are an idiot. what kind of racist textbook did you get this crap from? no, there is no such thing as a "pure" race. its a myth. no matter how much anyone would like to think, every single "race" is somehow the result of several "races" mixing or diverging.
To give you a real lecture on anthropology, humans migrated as a single population (ie they looked the same), presumably from africa. as the populations split up into different geographical areas, natural selection allowed for people of certain genetic predispositions to fare better and procreate. this eventually led people in different parts of the world to look different. for example, Africans had dark skin because they had more melanin to protect them against UV rays. Europeans lived in a cooler climate with less sun(UV) exposure, therefore they were less prone to having as much melanin. Now, the people in the region mated with each other over and over again and ended up having similar genetic makeup. but this was only the result of the lack of technology. people at the time didnt have the means of modern transportation. and couldnt travel to other parts of the world. tehre was no global economy in the past. therefore, isolation resulted in this "inbreeding' of sorts, and these different populations that we call "races" are the result. But now we do have the capability to travel all over the world and see the different people, and yet many people still cannot get over this close mindedness.

Also, You derive your delusions-whoops i mean conclusions of "purity" from current geopolitical structures. You have to know that countries borders change all the time. i mean, russia used to be the USSR, now there are countless numbers of countries there, each with its own sort of "race", presumably. China had several borders during the different dynasties, some of which included korea. so to say that all koreans are pure koreans is pure bull.

as for your statement "You can't force me to be attracted to something that I find weird", by which you mean people of other races, I totally agree. I would assume that this tendency to keep with ones own "race" is based on primitive animal behavior, where you had the best chance of passing on your genes if you mated with someone with the most compatible genes, and the most obvious method of determining compatibility was by observing their physical features. basically, if they looked like you, their genes must be similar to yours. so dont worry, if monkeys do it, it must be good enough for you.
Masta RASE
   Monday, February 24, 2003 at 22:39:47 (PST)    [157.252.163.222]
B.E. Verins,

We may be of the same species, but we are FUNDAMENTALLY different. How? Simple, I recommend that everyone here look at bone marrow research. Thousands of HAPAS and others of mixed/hybrid races are having trouble finding bone marrow donors. And the ones that need bone marrow infusions are having a HELL of a time finding the "right mix"...so to speak.

Chu,

Sources? Barnes & Nobles or your Anthropoloy 101 class in college, brother. Sources are literally all over the place.
Will
   Monday, February 24, 2003 at 21:18:53 (PST)    [209.246.107.135]
Will, you know what I find unattractive, someone with a bizarre outlook as you have. You do research and blood tests on every person you have intention of dating? or more simply attracted to? I presume you are a teenager, because adults go a bit deeper in thought about others, scary my friend, real scary.
brad
   Monday, February 24, 2003 at 11:29:45 (PST)    [64.114.7.253]
"If you study history and anthropology, pure races exist ALL OVER the place. Pure races exist in Africa, Europe AND Asia."

Purity is an illusion. We are all of the same species
B.E.Verins
   Sunday, February 23, 2003 at 17:38:56 (PST)    [4.33.82.200]
of course, the term "hybrid" for this is completely innaccurate.

Hybrid is reserved for mixing of genetic material from two different SPECIES. Last I heard, Asians were Homo Sapiens too
B.E.Verins
beverins@aol.com    Sunday, February 23, 2003 at 17:38:14 (PST)    [4.33.82.200]
Will,

I do not study anthropology as much as I should. Could you please give me some sources about pure races?

By the way, the only people that should be concerned with pure breeding are dog owners.

Cyn gives the best advice here.
ChuChu
   Sunday, February 23, 2003 at 11:24:06 (PST)    [216.250.163.149]
No, I do agree with Metus.

If you study history and anthropology, pure races exist ALL OVER the place. Pure races exist in Africa, Europe AND Asia.

I would also have to agree that I don't find hybrids/HAPAS/mixed people attractive. I mean, sure, some are attractive, but they're just not my cup of tea, know what I mean? I'd rather be with someone who's full-blooded. What do I mean by full-blooded? Both parents and grandparents and great grandparents are of the same race. Asian last name. You can trace your PATERNAL lineage back to a town/village in Asia. Anything other than that, me, personally, I would have zero interest in them. Sorry. But, that's the way that things are. You can't force me to be attracted to something that I find weird.
Will
   Friday, February 21, 2003 at 15:58:17 (PST)    [64.152.173.111]
Re Race and politics:

The Right Wing feels that race mixing is "bad" because they think that some races are "superior" to others.

Or they don't like it because they want to know that their descendents will look like them, and there's a better chance of that happening if their children marry others of similar bloodlines.

The Left Wing has always been liberal about the notion of race-mixing, but they've also encouraged "identity politics".

Ironically, it's this notion that you have to "identify" with your national/racial roots that is causing anguish among some mixed-blood people--MUCH more anguish then they get from racist Right-Wingers.

I say this: Stop listening to the Right-Wingers and stop listening to the Left-Wingers, and just listen to your own heart. You don't need labels and affirmations from outsiders and their limited/limiting agendas.
Cyn
   Friday, February 21, 2003 at 14:35:45 (PST)    [66.81.127.245]
What really does is mean to be part of a certain race, do what everyone else does? follow all the same rules? marry only into your race? Sounds ok, but's it's also ok to not. If all you have going for you is the certain 'race' you are and that is most important to you, you probably have some serious insecurities. What does is really mean to be Chinese, American, Bulgarian, Serbian... blah blah blah... humans are the same everywhere, no matter what the particular race may be.
bob
bhopwood@topproducer.com    Thursday, February 20, 2003 at 13:21:57 (PST)    [64.114.7.253]
Don't quite know why, but both women and men everywhere become more self centered as they become more affluent. Look at marriages in Japan. The birth rate is incredibly low because neither is willing to sacrifice their "dolce vita" for someone else. So it's not surprising that as wealth increases, marriages among Asian Americans have become less "give" and more "take".
marginal man
   Wednesday, February 19, 2003 at 23:14:28 (PST)    [66.81.161.166]

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