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LIVING WITH AN ASIAN AMERICAN WIFE

he male ideal of domestic bliss? An American home, a Chinese cook and a Japanese wife, says traditional Asian wisdom.
     Today's Asian American man would give the nod to the American home and maybe even to the Chinese cook, but would certainly reject the sexist notions embodied in the supposed merits of a Japanese wife -- unflagging devotion to the husband's comfort and pleasure. What self-respecting man wants to marry a servant instead of an equal partner?
     And yet Asian American men do seem to cherish fixed notions of the advantages of marrying an Asian American woman. "They're more willing to give and take and not turn every difference into a confrontation," goes one oft-cited reason. "They sacrifice for the future instead of giving in to every whim," goes another. "They devote more effort to raising kids," is yet another. Other qualities ascribed to Asian wives include patience, diligence, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, faithfulness and frugality.
     This glowing image of Asian womanhood may be one reason for the fact that 70% of even American-born Asian men marry Asian women.
     But now war stories have begun trickling in from the first big wave of second-generation Asian American marriages. Some evidence deep disillusionment with Asian American wives. "All they care about is money and status," grouse some young husbands. "They put their careers ahead of me and the kids," is another common gripe. Others complain, "They expect me to work all day, then do more than my share of the housework."
     Are Asian American wives living up to the high expectations? Or are they shattering those cherished notions about Asian wives?

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WHAT YOU SAY

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(Updated Tuesday, Apr 1, 2008, 04:51:10 PM)

Asian American women can be quite materialistic, but once you find one that has realistic values toward money and material comforts, it can be heaven. It's too bad that those gems are very few and far in between. Most of the FOB and also AA women who choose to retain their old-country's veiws toward wealth are VERY materialistic, and have no romance and spontaneity in their veins. Everything revolves around money. Also, I find that the more Americanized Asian American women make the best AA wives. This is coming from a culturally Americanized Korean male.
Tired of Superficial Women
   Thursday, November 22, 2001 at 00:21:09 (PST)
My mother is a Filipina and my Dad is white (English) but there's absolutely no way my Dad was attracted to her for possessing the qualities listed above (she proposed to him after 3 months, giving him an ultimatum!). She could not be more different to this Asian woman stereotype: she's gutsy, determined, will not be ill-treated by anybody - she definitely wears the trousers. And this description is also totally at odds with another Asian woman stereotype - the mother in law!
Fran
   Monday, November 19, 2001 at 13:10:47 (PST)
To: Soon single chinese american male. You're a puss. You don't have to work harder to prove yourself, you just married a bi**h. Most AA females are materialistic and all of their talk about independence is BS. They want independence from responsibilities while having freedom to access your bank account. They talk the talk but don't walk the walk.
Been there, Done that
   Thursday, November 08, 2001 at 16:05:08 (PST)
To Single Chinese American Male:

I, myself, is also a single chinese american. My wife recently left me because she was pursued by a partner at her big six accounting firm. I made good money working as a manager in a well known hi-tech company. She apparently told me that I can't provide what she needs. Hence she is filing for a divorce. She is from Hong Kong. So I think regardless of where they came from or whether they are Chinese American or not. Materialistic Asian females or males for that matter can be found everywhere. Even if they are from the mainland. So as a chinese american male, we need to work harder to prove ourselves in our ability.
Soon single chinese american male
   Friday, October 26, 2001 at 14:59:20 (PDT)
aa female,

rock on!
ptwindmill
   Friday, October 19, 2001 at 15:51:37 (PDT)
My wife is from Korea and has some of the old fashioned values that her mom has but is a fierce feminist artist type and major elitist.
I love her ballsy ness in a white macho world of Art to compete and she is a great mom to our daughter!

and by the way, whats so wrong about being a little materialistic just as a way to motivate + manipulate the man to make more money instead of being a lazy ass "its a Man's World..james brown " kind of dude.
Men need to nagged otherwise they are lazy mofoes in general with all the priviliges of being a Man. my motto is always, Sucker, git a JOB!
jookie dang dang jook seng doy
   Tuesday, October 16, 2001 at 12:41:32 (PDT)
It's unbelievable how so -called educated asian american men still buy into the stereotypes that asian woman make more dutiful wives. Get real! we are the products of our society and us liberated, educated asian american females have just as much goals and aspirations as you do. I shudder to think that all the energy and effort we spent earning our college degrees and working was just to buy time until some man marries us and allow us the privilege of being his dutiful wife and the doting mother of his kids.
aa female
   Tuesday, October 16, 2001 at 09:35:25 (PDT)
i dont know first hand on this matter (hmmmm) but i do believe that second generation females are more materialistic mostly due to the fact they live a multiculural life. i mean in the US the whole country ( im going to majorly generalise) is practically based on monetary gains and what it can buy to prove to their peers that they are able bodies who do not under any circumstances have a slightly miserable life.
not that people are unhappy 24/7 but u get my drift.

Me
   Tuesday, October 16, 2001 at 02:06:01 (PDT)
I live with a Chinese Wife. The term "passive aggressive" is the term when we fight. Sure she doesn't kick my butt. But a couple of weeks of dirty underwear and cold dinners will break any man
AC dropout
   Thursday, October 11, 2001 at 14:25:10 (PDT)
My wife emigrated from China to the US in her teen years, but is highly Americanized in her attitudes about politics, religion and such. Where she's more "Asian" is in how she views family loyalty, observance of cultural events, use of her native language where appropriate and eating her native cuisine at least half the time.

I've very much welcomed all aspects of her in our marriage because it's been a good learning experience for the both of us. I'm glad she doesn't act like the stereotype of the "submissive Asian wife" because she only questions my decisions and choices when there is good reason to do so. The fact that she has spoken up has helped us avoid some serious troubles, so I value her wisdom and guts tremendously.
Hank Lewis
   Thursday, October 11, 2001 at 10:52:50 (PDT)
Materialization, westernization, and whitening are definitely taking it's toll on the previously grounded young asian female. How sad they no longer recognize their inner beauty and charm that the asian woman once possessed.
What say you ???
Just a friend
   Wednesday, October 10, 2001 at 10:08:35 (PDT)
Depends on the generation you're talking about. I am married to a first-gen woman who immigrated at the age of 11. She is everything I expected in the rosiest scenario, and more! But I know some younger guys who married ABC girls (all in their 20s) who have some serious complaints. Some of those ABC girls make worse wives than many white women. It's like they're out to make up for whatever oppression they think were suffered by past generations of Asian women.

Married AM, 37
   Wednesday, October 10, 2001 at 10:21:16 (PDT)
I am unmarried Chinese American male.
I do not know if it is a trend, but my two brothers married Chinese Americans and I have several female Chinese American cousins. One thing I have found common to all the females is their materialism. I would characterize my brothers as also materialistic, but not to the extend of their wives and my cousins. I know several Mainland China females through the university and they are not as materialistic as ABC females.

Single Chinese American male
   Wednesday, October 10, 2001 at 01:33:29 (PDT)

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