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BF Doubts About AM Boyfriends' Intentions

'm a BF dealing w/ AMs. I just felt like giving 2 cents about my experiences w/ the AM/BF situation:

The Bad:
I met this cute jpn guy at a friend's party (oh, as a sidenote, I should say that most of my friends are jpn....so I interact w/ a lot of AMs). We spoke for a long time & when he was leaving I gave my card....he was in a rush to catch a train, so I didn't get his info. I didn't hear from him for more than a month because he went to Jpn, but when he came back, we went out. From that time, we had started going out a lot; but from what I thought on a friendship only basis. Occassionally, he would make comments that made me think that maybe he was interested, but as instilled by common belief I thought "AMs don't go for BFs". So I would just ignored it. It wasn't until I saw him after returning from a 3wk trip to Japan that he came right out & said that he liked me so much, he missed me & that we should never be apart that long again. I was in shock....& I didn't believe him. I figured that: 1) This was some sort of joke or 2) He is looking to experiment. After a few more weeks of his trying to convince me that he was serious, we started dating. It was cool & I was soooo happy. To make a long story short, all of a sudden he stopped calling me & we stopped hanging out. Come to find out that he had went on a "Go-kon" (jpn singles thing where friends--usually about 5 girls, 5 guys-- get together w/ the idea to meet new ppl) & he met someone....jpn girl. I guess I was right to originally think that I was an experiment....but that's bad, because it has diminished the trust in AM/BF once again. Zannen ne~!

But, it's not a problem specific to inter-racial relationships...guys are just guys.

The Good:
Well, I'm back w/ another jpn guy. But this is another questionable case. This guy is another friend who I met through a party. I liked him from the first time I met him, but I'm not the type to make the first move....too shy(Chou hazukashii). Anyway, I'll try to keep this story to a minimum. We went out a few times & one time he just leans over & kisses me! Of course, I was happy, but a little stand-off'ish....I mean, I figured it was another experiment. But the relationship has been steadily increasing in terms of the amount of time that we spend together or talk to each other, future plans that are made (trips, activities, etc....this is a key because this guy does not make plans w/ anyone ahead of time!), etc. The only problem here seems to be that I don't really know what constitutes a relationship in jpn standards. In japanese, there are some terms: kajukare (casual bf) & kajukano (casual gf)....I'm just wondering if I'm kajukano or shirikano (serious gf). This is where the cultural difference come in because I don't know jpn dating style.

From the advice of my jpn girl friends, they just say enjoy the time & don't think too much. Things seems to be going in a good direction & hopefully will continue to do so.

I guess the point of me running on w/ my long story that probably doesn't mean sh*t to anyone it that these feelings & situations are not specific to inter-racial dating. They could be about any 2 people. Feelings are the same internationally & it's too bad that in a country w/ so many different cultures, people can't just let their feelings be the guide.
Nehra
Nehra21@hotmail.com Thursday, July 12, 2001 at 19:48:30 (PDT)


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